


A single moment

by bettyH20



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Forced Marriage, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:41:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 145,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27996936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bettyH20/pseuds/bettyH20
Summary: When a tumoil breaks out in front of the hotel the night after the cricket match, Sidney runs without hesitation to help.He is able to prevent the kidnapping of his ward, but panics about Charlotte Heywood, unconscious from the fight, that he makes an apparent mistake.How will his behavior affect the rest of his life and the life of the woman whom he carries in his arms to his hotel room without thinking?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 1388
Kudos: 1305





	1. good intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story starts after the cricket match and goes in a different direction. Some of the chapters here were among the first I ever wrote about these two, and I really hope you enjoy the story. Have fun reading and I would be very happy about your comments.

"Is there a particular reason why you drink so unrestrained, Parker."

Sidney grimaced, but put his full glass of whiskey back on the table. He'd really had a few and maybe it would be better if he stopped. Taking a deep breath, he met Babington's questioning look, but did not answer.

There was no reason ... at least not one he wanted to admit. He was simply in a very bad mood without wanting to ask himself exactly what bothered him so much.

A loud laugh from a table farther back in the corner made his eyes wander over there.James Stringer and the rest of the workers seemed pretty pleased with themselves, even if they ended up losing the game.

He hated to admit it, but Miss Heywood had impressed him with her determination at the chricket match today.She had been good, even if Mr. Stringer had made it easy for her. But her courage to stand up for Tom, her self-confidence to be able to play along and her happy laugh when she hit the ball and ran past him was something special.

The only thing that annoyed Sidney was her flirting with Stringer - not just during the game, but before and after. The smile on her face she had given this guy had surely not only caught his attention, and he wondered if she was really interested in the man or if she was just being kind to him. He himself had hardly ever been on the receiving end of her kindness or genuine smile except for a single afternoon by the river.

Her apparent disdain for him and her constant insults wore him down - he just couldn't shake it off.

So when all the men had gone to the Crown Hotel after the game to have a drink together - the gentlemen on their victory in cricket and the workers on insulting Tom Parker - he had started to drink one glass of burning whiskey after another to stop his unwanted thoughts. But he hadn't succeeded until now.

Sidney was still thinking about what he might have said to her on the beach - after the game. She had smiled at him there, if a little cautiously and carefully. He wanted to thank her for standing up for Tom. He also knew that he would have wanted to say something nice if Georgiana hadn't suddenly shown up. Charlotte's little smile had disappeared immediately, the two young women had hurried off in the direction of town and left him standing alone in the sand.

The way Georgiana had looked at him and the way Charlotte had put her hand on her friend's arm soothingly had brought his anger back. The anger at the conspiracy between the two - the anger at being blamed for something that was not true, but also that Miss Heywood would believe the lies about him.

He didn't deserve that ...

"Excuse me, Babington," Sidney now said to his oldest friend and stood up, shaking his head. “I'm not a good company tonight.I'll go outside to get some fresh air and light a smoke."

Even though he could feel the alcohol in his body, he walked upright when he went to the door. Ignoring his friends' calls, he opened the door and took a deep breath in relief.

In the early dusk, Sidney's gaze wandered to Trafalger House. He hoped Tom and Mary hadn't quarreled, even though the look on his sister-in-law's face had been really angry. Tomorrow he would go and see if everything was alright, and he urgently needs to talk to Tom about the workers' salaries.

Slowly his gaze wandered over the many windows of the house, most of which were not illuminated.For a moment, Sidney wondered where she would be. The ubiquitous Miss Heywood, who made him angrier than no one else could - not even Tom. Would she be in her room already?He didn't know which of the three guest rooms she occupied in his brother's house, but none of the lights were on.In his mind's eye there was a picture of her sitting on the windowsill reading a book, but he had no idea why he was even imagining her.What did it matter?

Frustrated with himself, he shook his head, searched in his pocket for a smoke, and lit it.Relieved, he took a deep drag and felt the smoke burn his throat.Sidney was staring calmly at the sky when he heard loud screams and shouts.

" _What do you want from us?_ " The voice sounded absolutely frightened, and worried Sidney turned in the direction of the noise.It seemed to come from the narrow street next to the hotel, the entrance of which was blocked by a large carriage." _Let go of her immediately ..., ouch ..."._

Something heavy fell on the ground, maybe a wooden box, a man swore and he heard the tearing of fabric. He began to move after hastily crushing the cigar with his foot. The sounds and the noises made all the hair stand on end on his body.

" _You are hurting me ..."._

Again he heard the screaming voice and his heart began to race.Now Sidney started to run, scared of what to expect. He didn't know what it was about, but he recognized the voice.

It was Miss Heywood.

~

Charlotte had never been so scared in her life.

Since Georgiana had known her Guardian would be attending the cricket match, they had set the time to meet Otis for 6:00 p.m.They had assumed the gentlemen would then sit and have a drink at the Crown Hotel, which would give them plenty of time to meet with Otis. It would be late, of course, but not too dark for them to take a short walk.

But everything had turned out very differently from what they had planned.

She and Georgiana had waited in the alley next to the hotel, but Otis hadn't appeared, instead three tall men had suddenly got out of a black carriage.Without warning, they had grabbed Georgiana to drag her into the carriage while Charlotte tried to hold her.

"What do you want from us?" Fearful, Charlotte clung to Georgiana's hand, who was completely shocked."Let go of her immediately ...".

One of the men turned to her angrily and roughly grabbed her upper arms.Without meaning to, she screamed - it was the first time in her life that someone had purposely hurt her.

"Ouch ...," she cried, startled, because the man's fingers dug painfully into her skin. She fought furiously as the guy pushed her backwards. When she lost her balance, Charlotte bumped into one of the scaffolding on which the workers' tools were stored and a heavy wooden box fell to the ground. The man swore at the sound and looked around hastily before reaching for her again.

"You are hurting me ...".

"We should take you with us too, little bird," grunted the man in a lustful voice and Charlotte went cold. "You have really nice curves, I'm sure you would be a fiery handful in bed." When he reached for her face and leaned closer, smiling, Charlotte tried with all her might to push him away from her.

Just out of the corner of her eye she noticed that a tall, dark figure was running around the carriage and was relieved to see that the man - whoever it was - was coming to help them.

With more strength she tried to free herself from the guy who was holding her, but he reached into her hair and pulled hard.She screamed again, this time in pain. She kicked the man in the shin, wild with fear, but it only made him laugh in amusement.

Charlotte fought as best she could but had no chance. The rascal raised his hand, and just as the blow hit her cheek painfully and she fell backwards to the ground, she heard a familiar, dark voice calling her name.

The picture that greeted him when Sidney had rounded the big carriage in front of the narrow alley was terrifying.

Two men were dragging Georgiana inside the carriage while another had roughly grabbed Miss Heywood by the arms. His first impulse was to knock the man down, but Georgiana fearfully called his name. With quick steps he had reached his ward.

"Let her go, now ..." he called dangerously, but without success. So he raised his fist while Georgiana tried to climb back out of the carriage.

With a direct slap in the face of one of them, he managed to get the men to let go of her.To shield her he lifted Georgiana from inside the carriage, pulled her behind his back and felt her hold on to him.

The fear of what might have happened to her outweighed his confusion about what she wanted here at this hour.He had to get her to safety, right now.

He looked around searchingly and was relieved to see that Crowe and Babington had apparently also heard the turmoil and had followed him when they suddenly came running around the carriage too. Hastily, Sidney shoved his crying ward into the arms of Crowe, who looked quite surprised.

"Bring her to Mary and stay with her ...".Sidney didn't pay attention to whether Crowe had understood him - he heard Miss Heywood scream again, this time in pain, and he went mad.

He ran, but was not fast enough and had to watch helplessly as the man who had grabbed her earlier slapped her in the face.

"Miss Heywood ...," her name escaped his mouth without him noticing.

When she fell to the ground, his own fist hit the man, but he ignored how he fell to the ground too.

His focus was entirely on Miss Heywood, he saw nothing else around kneeling next to her apparently lifeless form. He could see a red mark on her cheek where the man hit her. In a panic, he leaned over her head to hear if she was breathing, and when her breath touched his cheek, he slipped his arms under her unconscious body and lifted her up.

She was light in his arms, he held her tight and when her head sank against his shoulder he heard her whimper softly.Without thinking, he walked to the entrance of the hotel. His only thought was to get her out of here - behind the walls of a house and into a warm, safe room.

Only when he tried to open the door with his back did he hear a voice calling for him.

"Mr.Parker ..., “ It was James Stringer, and he sounded slightly angry.“Where are you taking her?I think ...".

Sidney wouldn't let him finish - he didn't want to know what the man was going to say.

"I don't care what you think ...," he growled, pushed the door open and carried the unconscious Charlotte with hasty, long strides up the stairs to his room.

"Miss Heywood ...". Carefully, Sidney had placed her in his bed, but she still hadn't regained consciousness. He gently cupped her cheek in his hand, slowly sliding his thumb over her pale skin, wondering what to do.

"You shouldn't have brought her here, Sidney."

It was Babington who came through the door with a worried frown and then stopped. God, had Sidney lost his mind? "What are you doing there? You put her in your bed?"

But Sidney didn't seem to be listening to him at all, as he got up and dipped a linen cloth into a bowl of water.

"She's not conscious," he muttered to himself, bringing the cold rag to her and running it over her forehead. "I don't know if she hit her head when she fell to the ground or if the slap in the face was that hard."

"Sidney, she can't stay here ...," Babington tried again to put some sense into his friend, but again he didn't seem to be listening.

"Can you bring Dr. Fuchs here, please? He has to look at her. Why doesn't she wake up?"

Charlotte was breathing evenly and calmly, but she didn't move. Sidney stroked her reddened cheek with the wet cloth, hot anger burning inside him.

“What about the men? Don't tell me they're gone.” His eyes glowed black as he turned to Babington, but he didn't notice the concern on his friend's face.

"The workers called the sheriff and said they would look after them until they got here." Babington watched worriedly as Sidney sat on the edge of the bed and continued to rub the damp cloth over Miss Heywood's pale face.

"He punched her in the face, that bastard." Sidney's voice was rough and tense - his anger could be heard clearly.

“Still, you shouldn't have brought her here.You endanger her reputation."Babington had heard the talk down in the street, the whispering among the workers.

Her reputation? That was the last thing Sidney thought of at the moment. His mind spun, his heart raced, and he tried to hide the fact that his fingers were trembling. Why had they both been in the side street of the hotel?What did they want there and what did the men want from Georgiana - because it was clear that they were only after Miss Lambe.

It occurred to him that he had to check on his ward, but he trusted Crowe and Mary to take care of her. The main question that tormented him was - why didn't Charlotte wake up?

"Miss Heywood, can you hear me?" He put his hand on her cheek again, while he pressed the now warm cloth to her forehead.But he couldn't bring himself to get up to dip it back into the cool water.He didn't want to let her out of his sight.

"Miss Heywood ...," he whispered, leaned even more over her and winced when the door to his room slammed open. 

It was Mary who stormed through the door and looked around in alarm, and she was accompanied by Mr. Stringer.

"Sidney, what are you doing?"

Mary hurried to the bed, urging her brother-in-law to stand and step back, but she heard Mr. Stringer's hissing breath anyway.

"He shouldn't have brought her here." Mr. Stringer was furious and pointed accusingly at Sidney.He was still standing at the foot of his own bed and hadn't taken his eyes off Charlotte yet. “You just picked her up and carried her into your hotel room. Have you even thought about what that looked like?People talk ...".

Now Sidney turned around with a confused expression, the sudden crowd in his room bothered him and for some reason he would rather have continued to take care of Miss Heywood himself.

"What else should I have done?" He asked angrily, putting his hands on his hips.“The man hit her in the face and she was passed out.Should I have left her on the ground?"

Sidney's voice had gotten louder, and Charlotte groaned softly. Immediately he turned and stepped back to the end of his bed.

"Miss Heywood?"

Mary looked up at the low voice of his brother-in-law and saw something in his eyes that she had never seen before.He seemed genuinely and sincerely concerned, and actually scared.

"Sidney, Gentlemen, please leave the room," she said sternly."It is really inappropriate that you are all here."

Mr. Stringer and Lord Babington immediately left the room without a word, only Sidney hesitated.This was his room, and he found it hard to just leave, especially because Charlotte still hadn't opened her eyes.

"Sidney ... go," said Mary, turning to face him.“I take care of her, but this whole situation is very inappropriate.So please wait outside, or best of all, check out Miss Lambe - she's with Tom."

It took a few moments before Sidney finally gave in and turned away from Miss Heywood's pale, motionless face. In front of the door he had to close his eyes for a moment, because his heart was beating fast and hard in his chest. He didn't want to admit that he worried about her, but he felt strangely responsible for her.

"You shouldn't have done that," he heard Mr. Stringer's voice from the stairs and looked up."It gives the impression that Miss Heywood has been in your room a number of times before, which makes a very bad image of her - of both of you."

Snorting, Sidney folded his hands behind his back and straightened up.

"This is utter nonsense," he said angrily and with furrowed eyebrows."All I wanted was to help Miss Heywood."

The annoyed and almost scornful look Mr. Stringer gave him made Sidney feel angry. With his jaw clenched, he passed the man and stormed down the stairs.As Mary said, he had to check on Georgiana - he was her guardian. But above all, he wanted to know why the two women had been there at all.

A group of people had formed outside the hotel - workers, visitors of the town, and a few residents - who watched him walked down the street towards Trafalger House.

Sidney didn't understand what was so bad about his actions.All he had in mind was Miss Heywood's welfare.

He saw no fault in it, but he was slowly feeling very uncomfortable when he finally reached his brother's house.


	2. Disagreement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely speechless and so grateful for all of your comments. I thank you all so much for that.  
> It is so nice to meet you all again here and to share with you what has been in my head for months. I am glad that you enjoyed the beginning and I hope you like how it goes on. Have fun while reading ...

Sidney heard the rattle of teacups as soon as he stepped into the hall of Trafalger House and frowned. Tom, Mrs. Griffiths and Georgiana were waiting for him in the drawing room, sitting by the warm fire with a cup of tea.

"Sidney," Tom called, getting up as he entered the room."What does all this drama mean?"

Slowly Sidney approached Georgiana, who looked at him haughty.

"I'd like to know that too," he said, making it sound like a question."I would also like to know why Georgiana and Miss Heywood were out unaccompanied at that time, and I would like to know what you two were doing outside the hotel?" With each sentence, his voice grew darker and his face angrier, and everyone in the room seemed to shrink a little. Mrs. Griffiths was the first to answer, but her words only made Sidney furious.

“Miss Heywood came over and asked if Georgiana would like to accompany her on a short evening walk. They both promised me not to go far.” Mrs. Griffiths looked very frightened and wiped her eyes while Georgiana glared at her.When Sidney turned to her, his face petrified, she lifted her chin defiantly.

"We were just walking. It is not our fault that we were attacked," she snapped and took a sip of her tea.The gesture brought Sidney’s blood to a boil, remembering that Charlotte was lying in a bed unconscious from being slapped in the face while Georgiana was drinking tea.

"Two young women out for a walk around this time are inconsiderate, and don't tell me that you passed the hotel by accident." Sidney took a step forward, his whole body tense."The men clearly wanted you, and you weren't in front of the hotel, but in the alley next to it, where nobody goes for a walk, so don't lie to me."

Georgiana was silent for a moment, but she couldn't suppress her anger at Sidney and got up angrily.

"It's all your fault," she exclaimed, not realizing that she was saying something she shouldn't be saying. "If you hadn't suddenly shown up here playing chricket, we wouldn't have had to postpone the time. Then I could have met Otis in the afternoon, and then these other guys would certainly not have shown up."

Sidney stood there frozen, trying to understand what she had just said. So it was all planned?Was she really talking about meeting Otis Molyneux?

"What do you mean with _we_?" He asked quietly, clearly trying to stay calm. "And are you sure you mean to tell me that you tried again to meet Mr. Molyneux behind my back?"

Georgiana blushed when she realized she had said too much, but didn't want to back away from him either. So she looked at him with her head up and a sneering look.

“Charlotte said she couldn't stand the fact that you wanted to destroy our happiness because of your cruelty and your prejudice and she made a plan so that we could see each other. The afternoon of the cricket match was perfect, but then you had to come back here."

Sidney breathed in sharply, beside himself with anger.So she had betrayed him again? Because of his cruelty and his prejudices?His body began to shake from the tension, but the anger raced through him with full force. Nobody managed to enrage him like Charlotte Heywood.

Without a word, he turned on his heels and almost ran out of the house. He paid no attention to Tom, who called out to him that he wanted to leave for London but that it would soon be too late and that he needed Sidney's help. He only had one place to go now.

~

The first thing she noticed was the scent. It smelled nice but strange, and Charlotte couldn't quite tell what it was.So she opened her eyes to find Mary right next to her.

"What happened?" She asked softly as she pressed a hand against her aching head.She saw Mary sitting next to her on the edge of a bed, her face worried, but did not recognize the room or the bed in which she was lying."Where am I?"

Mary gently pressed a damp cloth against her forehead as she smiled at her reassuringly, but uncertainly.

"Sidney carried you here because you passed out," She said in explanation and sighed as Charlotte raised her eyebrows questioningly."This is his hotel room and he put you in his bed."

Charlotte quickly sat up, frightened, but immediately regretted the rapid movement.She felt dizzy and terribly hot, but ignored it and looked at the bed she was lying in.

This was Mr. Parker's bed? Then it was his scent that surrounded her and made her heart race? Hastily, she pushed the thought away. The only reason this man made her heart beat faster was because of anger, and certainly not because he smelled good.

"I don't think I should be here," she said uncertainly.When she tried to get up, however, she felt dizzy again, which is why she sank back on the unfamiliar smelling pillow.

"No, I suppose not," Mary agreed. She hardly dared to look around in her brother-in-law's room.It was just insanely inappropriate. “But Sidney just acted without thinking about decency. Do you remember anything that happened next to the hotel tonight?"

Suddenly the memories came back and Charlotte's eyes widened in shock.Of course, she remembered - that she and Georgiana waited for Otis and then had been ambushed by the men from the black carriage.

“Where's Georgiana? Is she all right?” The concern for her friend was clearly audible in her question, which is why Mary answered her quickly.

“She is fine, she is at Trafalger House with Tom. Sidney must have noticed something was wrong and came running around the corner just in time to help Georgiana. But he wasn't quick enough to keep you from being beaten and you passed out.” Again Mary carefully pressed a damp cloth against Charlotte's cheek, which made her remember the blow.“The workers managed to arrest the men, so hopefully it will soon be clear what they wanted from Miss Lambe. But what were you two doing there at that hour?"

Charlotte flushed deeply.Everything had been planned quite differently. Startled, she realized that Mr. Parker was likely to be asking the same question.What should she tell him?That she found his decision to ban Georgiana from meeting Otis horribly cruel, which is why she had acted in secret against him?

It would only make him mad at her again, but what did that matter?

At that very moment, as she was thinking about Sidney’s reaction, the door to his room was thrown open and he himself stormed over the threshold.He closed the door with a loud bang before stopping right in front of the bed.

“You acted behind my back? Again? And in this way?"

To Charlotte's astonishment, he didn't look angry, he really looked hurt, but his voice was dark with anger, so she just focused on that.

“I didn't do anything behind your back at all. I just helped my friend exchange letters with the man she clearly loves and who loves her,” she said with her chin up, even if the fact that she was still half lying in his bed was a bit embarrassing. "I don't see anything wrong with that, Mr. Parker."

He stared at her in disbelief, ignoring Mary, who had stood up and tried to get his attention.

"You ... you don't see anything wrong with that?" He growled breathlessly and stepped closer while Charlotte sat up.“I've made it absolutely clear that I don't want Georgiana to be in contact with Mr. Molyneux. Sending letters to him behind my back and arranging secret meetings is totally outrageous and unacceptable."

He looked definitely angry now. 

He still only wore the light waistcoat over his white shirt and the light trousers, but one could see how tense his body was, as his muscles were working under the material. He would have looked ominous, but the exceptionally bright colors of his clothes softened that fact a little. Still, Charlotte's heart beat loudly in her chest, also because she tried to get up again. 

"Sidney, you should really get out of this room and wait with Tom until we come home," said Mary urgently, but neither Sidney nor Charlotte listened to her.

“You just can't stand that Georgiana could be happy.She loves a man who doesn't seem appropriate to you just because of the color of his skin, otherwise I see no reason why you should refuse him." Charlotte could see his face getting darker, how his visible muscles twitched with tension but she didn't want to back down from him."Apparently the thought of love is unbearable for you, for the sole reason that you are hard and cold inside."

"Charlotte ...," Mary sounded shocked, staring back and forth between her and her brother in law, but Charlotte didn't take her gaze from Sidney.

"Love ...? You know nothing about love ...," he said quietly, obviously trying to hide the fact that she had hit him."I'm sorry that you think of me like that, but you shouldn't assume you know anything about me."

His voice was like a dark growl, and Charlotte felt a shiver slide down her spine. Confused by her body's reaction and angry at the suddenly hurt and sad expression on his face, she straightened her shoulders.

"I know enough," she contradicted him quietly."Otis is ....".

"Mr. Molyneux is a bloody gambler," Sidney yelled loudly, interrupting her.“He owes a lot of money to some of the darkest characters in London and has bragged about Georgiana's fortune in front of one of the most disgusting men in town. The rogues were probably here to take her to one of the whore houses in London to sell her."

At the horrified gasps from Charlotte and Mary, Sidney paused, but he was far too upset.Her constant accusations, her assumptions about him and her opinion that he was cold and hard did something to his heart that made him lose all restraint. "The only reason he wants to marry her so badly is her money, otherwise he could court her properly and wait until she is older. God knows that the color of his skin or his origin has nothing to do with my opinion of him."

"Georgiana said something else ...," replied Charlotte, visibly unsettled by his words.

"Of course ...," Sidney snorted and took a step back."She said whateveryou wanted to hear in your naivety so that you would ally with her against me and she would get what she desired."

His words stung. Charlotte suspected he was right, just as she realized that Georgiana must have told him about her involvement in the plan.

“Have you even thought once what could have happened if I hadn't come by?If I hadn't heard you scream?” Even though Sidney saw that he had hurt her with his words, he couldn't stop. He was far too disappointed.

He had heard her scream? Was that why he ran around the carriage? To help her? Charlotte shrugged off the questions and focused on something simpler.

"Who were the men?" She asked, softly and ashamed.She hadn't considered what could have happened.London suddenly seemed threatening to her and she had to admit that she had underestimated the dangers of the big town.

“I suspect the rogues of Mr. Molyneux's creditors. If they had succeeded in their abduction and something had happened to Georgiana, it would have been on your head, I hope you understand that."

The accusation weighed heavily and brought tears to Charlotte's eyes. But also tears of anger.

"If you had just been honest about your reasons for Otis' rejection, then I would not have secretly made contact between Georgiana and him.But you always have to remain completely mysterious and unfathomable.How is anyone supposed to understand your actions?"

There, so she had actually admitted it. It was really her idea to make the contact. The thought made Sidney feel a little betrayed. He had hoped Georgiana had talked her into it, it would have been less painful somehow.

"Instead of accusing me of the worst prejudice, you could have simply respected my disapproval, but something like that does not occur to you," he ran a hand over his face angrily.His gaze brushed against Mary's, who was obviously watching them both carefully and his brow furrowed.He had completely forgotten that she was here.

"The way you respect the slaves on the sugar plantations, with whom you earn your money?" Charlotte said the words quietly and immediately regretted them, but what Georgiana and Otis had said about him wouldn't get out of her head.She hadn't thought he was such a man ...

"For god's sake ...," Sidney growled and got so close that Charlotte had to stop herself from stepping back.“Don't you dare accuse me of these things again.I withdrew from the sugar trade the moment I heard about the conditions on the plantations.I helped Georgiana's father free his slaves and together with him I have built plantations where the workers are treated decently and adequately paid. I will _not_ let you insult me further ...".

"Sidney ...," reassuringly Mary grabbed his arm and steered him away from Charlotte.Of course she understood his anger, but the way the two of them talked to each other was very confusing and really inappropriate."Leave now, I hope nobody heard the two of you, let alone that someone saw you come back here.I'll walk back home with Charlotte as unobtrusively as possible."

Sidney was breathing hard and clenched his fists. This woman drove him completely insane and he was ashamed of losing control like that.

"Forgive me, Mary," he said with a dark voice. "I'm going to leave for London right now to look for Mr. Molyneux. I need to know who he told about Georgiana.” He wanted to leave without looking at Charlotte, but her low voice made him stop.

"I can give you the address I sent the letters to," she said quietly, kneading her hands. She was pale and looked exhausted, and Sidney immediately felt guilty for yelling at her after what had happened to her that evening.

He just nodded without saying anything and watched Charlotte look around in his room. She found a pen and paper on the desk under one of the windows and hastily wrote something on it. Stiffly and with a furrow on her forehead, she stepped up to hand him the paper.Sidney was careful not to touch her when he took it and then left the room with a nod.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Charlotte let out a deep breath and slumped her shoulders.She felt bad and knew that she had done Mr. Parker wrong.

"I don't know exactly what happened between the two of you, Charlotte, but what you blame him for really hurt him." Mary looked worried, if not angry. “Sidney had had a difficult time in Antigua at the beginning, also because of the slavery there. He was horrified, but he never really talked about what he had seen there over the years."

Charlotte kneaded again her hands nervously.She really had only listened to what Georgiana and Otis had told her without questioning it. How could she have been so wrong?

"I'm sorry Mary, I sure didn't mean to offend him," Charlotte looked at the floor, ashamed.“He just makes me so angry, and I believed Georgiana. I didn't expect that she wouldn't tell me the truth."

"I know you don't mean it badly, but Sidney is a good person and he was really very worried about you." Mary took Charlotte's hands."Now let's go home, I just hope there won't be a scandal."

While she opened the door, Charlotte turned around briefly.His room was very neat, but she would have expected that. There were several letters on the desk, a book on the table in front of the fireplace and a coat hung on the cupboard. She didn't know why she felt the need to look around the room, but before she stepped over the threshold, she took a deep breath.

On the way to Trafalger House, Mary realized that her hope for no scandal was in vain.There were still several people standing in front of the hotel, looking curiously at Charlotte as they left the building.

Mary feared the worst, while Charlotte didn't notice anything because she was deep in thought.Thoughts on Mr. Sidney Parker ... 

~ 

It wasn't until halfway to London that Sidney had calmed down enough that he could pull Charlotte's note out of his pocket.He was annoyed not only with her, but also with himself, because he let her provoke him again until he lost his temper.

Reluctant he opened the folded piece of paper and looked at her curving, neat handwriting.She had courage, he had to give her that, because despite their argument she still offered to help him. On the note there was an address "Honey Lane" and something else - "Son's of Africa".He didn't know what to do with it, but assumed it was important since she had written it down.

It would be quite late by the time he got to London, so he closed his eyes with a sigh. He knew he was a lousy guardian for Georgiana, but he had only wanted to protect her by not saying anything about Otis' gambling. Now he would have to find out who was behind this kidnapping attempted and would have to do everything to ensure her safety.

His eyes again focused on the note in his hand and her curved handwriting. Cold and hard - that was how she had called him.If only it were the truth, if only he were cold inside. Then his life would have been a lot easier and more pleasant.

But it wasn't the truth, which is why the thoughts of Charlotte bothered him all the way to London.


	3. Rumors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, I hope you like it ...

Quickly, Charlotte disappeared through her room door and leaned against it from the inside.Her walk on the beach that morning ended in disaster and she took a deep breath to keep from crying.

She had stayed inside the house for two days and rested for Mary's sake, but this morning she couldn't take it any longer and went to the beach.It was early morning, which is why she had only met few people. At first she had ignored the looks that had been cast at her, but on the way back from the sea she had taken the path through the town and past the terraces. The men on the construction site had all stopped working, when she had walked by and watched them. Some had started whispering, and one had even shouted something to her.

" _Are you bored now that your Mr. Parker is in London ...?"_

Charlotte hadn't understood what the man meant, but the other workers had all laughed.The worst, however, was when she had stopped in front of the hatmaker's shop.In the shop window there was a beautiful bonnet with a dark red ribbon, but when the owner of the shop, a slightly older lady, had seen her, she had taken the bonnet out of the window. Charlotte had raised her eyebrows in confusion and had continued to stand there because she did not understand the behavior of the always friendly woman.

Mrs. Hatwich had finally come out the door with her hands waving and practically chased her away."Get away from here, you little mistress," she had shouted angrily."Don't you think about coming into my shop, I'm going to sell nothing to a slutty and fallen girl."

After that, Charlotte had walked quickly towards Trafalger House to hide in her room. The accusations made her cheeks flush, her heart raced, and now, in the safety of her room, her tears began to fall.

A slutty and fallen girl?

She could hardly believe that she was called like that and pure fear crept down her back.How could that have happened?The worker's words came back to her mind and suddenly anger flooded her.The man had spoken of Mr. Parker.Did it have something to do with the fact that he had carried her to his hotel room? It had to be like that. Did the people of Sanditon think she was Mr. Parker's mistress?Shame and embarrassment made her cheeks burn at the thought.For the first time she regretted coming here to Sanditon from the bottom of her heart.

Slowly she went to her bed and sank down on it. How should she face Mary or Tom?She hoped they wouldn't believe the rumors. Then a thought occurred to her that made her heart stop for a moment.What would it be like if Mr. Parker returned here himself?

He had been in London since the incident outside the hotel. Charlotte didn't know what he was doing there or when she would see him again, but she assumed that he would get more than angry when he heard about the rumors. She was afraid he would blame her and yell at her again.

Still, she was well aware that she had to apologize to him for a few things. That she had to admit that she had accused him of the worst prejudice for no reason, but right now she had no idea how to even look him in the face.

Charlotte stared at the ceiling for a long time while she listened to the morning noises from inside the house.

~

"Calm down, Arthur," Tom pleaded, rolling his eyes slightly."I'm sure you're exaggerating."

"No, I don't. I assure you that I heard the workers talk about it." Completely breathless, Arthur had stormed into Trafalger House and Tom's study. On his walk he took on Dr. Fuchs' advice every morning, he had heard disturbing conversations about his brother and the poor Miss Heywood. Immediately he had ran up to Tom to tell him about it, but he obviously didn't want to believe him. "They talked about Sidney and Miss Heywood having an inappropriate relationship."

At these words, Mary, who was sitting in the drawing room with Baby James, closed her eyes. Her worst fears came true, knowing that such rumors were unstoppable.

When she heard a sharp breath from the door, she looked up and saw Charlotte standing there, pale and with wide eyes. Immediately Mary got up and walked over to her to pull her into a gentle hug.

"Come on in my dear and have a cup of tea," she said, leading Charlotte to a deep armchair."You look terribly pale."

Charlotte sat down without resistance.She absently picked up a cup when one of the servants handed her a letter. He said it was left for her this morning and she recognized Georgiana's writing.

_Meet me at the pavilion where we last met Otis.We have to talk, GL._

Sighing, Charlotte put the sheet of paper on the table. She didn't really feel like leaving the house again and seeing Georgiana. But she didn't want to be rude either. Georgiana was her only friend, even if she was still upset about her behavior. After all, she had obviously lied to her to get her on her side, and Charlotte had fallen for it.

"Is that from Georgiana?" Mary asked gently as she scanned the letter inconspicuously."You haven't spoken to her since that evening ... well, since the night after the Chricket match, have you?"

"No," Charlotte looked up and tried to smile.She didn't want Mary to worry, after all, despite everything, she had noticed that she and Tom had argued terribly over something.It had been about money - she believed the workers' wages, but hadn't quite understood what a necklace had to do with it.“She wants to meet with me, but I don't necessarily want to go out the door again. The curious looks this morning were enough for me."

Mary sighed and reached across the table."I'm so sorry, dear. I wish Sidney was here.The workers are angry with Tom, which is why it is seething anyway and you know how much people love to pounce on rumors.Hopefully it will pass as soon as they get their pay."

Charlotte considered telling Mary about her encounter with Mrs. Hatwich, but hesitated.Maybe she should just get in a carriage tomorrow morning and go home to Willingden, and that would be all over. Rumors have never made it to Willingden, which is why she was sure the chatter would just fall silent. Right?

She carefully took a sip from her cup. The hot tea helped at least warm her inside, but the conversation from the study, which she could still hear, made her freeze anyway.

"I can not believe that. We don't need that kind of talk. Just imagine what happens when it becomes known in London that young women are staying in the hotel rooms of unmarried men in Sanditon?” Tom sounded horrified and very worried, but not about Charlotte's reputation, but about the reputation of his town.

"That would be scandalous indeed, brother," Arthur chuckled, but grew serious when Tom groaned in agony. “What if they just get married? That would stop the rumors. Soon it is Sunday, the first announcement could be made immediately."

"What do you mean by _they_?" Shouted Tom angrily."Sidney can hardly marry Miss Heywood, that would be completely ridiculous."

Charlotte couldn't understand Arthur's answer. Everything in her head was spinning and she was left feeling lost.It was her life that the two of them talked about, but she didn't seem to be involved at all.

"Oh Tom ...," Mary muttered, but got up and put James in his cradle.With quick steps she went into her husband's study to prevent the two of them from speaking further.

“Would you both like to accompany us to tea? Charlotte and I just had a pot brought in,” she said, not very subtly, raising her eyebrows.But Tom did not understand what she was saying and paced anxiously up and down in front of his model of the town.

"This is all a disaster," he moaned, but then suddenly stopped."But you're right, Arthur, Miss Heywood just has to get married." Suddenly he beamed with relief and raised his hands in the air in front of him.

“That would make the rumors go away. But of course not Sidney, that would connect us too much with this story,” Tom frowned thoughtfully, while Mary looked at him completely horrified.“How about Mr. Robinson?He is a decent worker and can still achieve something."

"Are you completely out of your mind, Tom Parker?" Angry, Mary took a step closer to her husband. “Charlotte is a guest in our house. How can you talk about her like that while she sits a room away and can hear every horrible word from you?"

Charlotte had also got up unnoticed, but remained standing in the door to the study.Now she cleared her throat softly, albeit with red cheeks and clenched fists.When everyone looked at her, she took a deep breath.

"I beg your pardon ... I certainly didn't mean to be such a burden on the Parker family. I ask to be allowed to return home tomorrow, that will also stop the rumors."

Tom looked at her in relief for a moment before he seemed to think of something.Shaking his head, he went to the side table and poured himself a glass of wine, even though it was before noon.

“It won't do any good, Miss Heywood. The rumors probably wouldn't reach Willinden, but here in Sanditon it would only get worse.” He took a slow sip before putting a hand on his hip and looking at Charlotte first, then Mary.

“It doesn't help, she'll have to get married. If she doesn't want Mr. Robinson, I'm sure we could get Mr. Stringer to agree to a marriage too, maybe with a little financial support."

In the silence that followed that hideous speech, Sidney's deep voice suddenly rang out. He had entered the house and the study unnoticed.

“Who has to get married?" he asked confused. "And why do you want to bribe Mr. Stringer to agree to it with money that you don't have at all?"

He stood right behind Charlotte and made her flinch. Mary sighed in relief, however, while Arthur giggled, enjoying the spectacle. Tom emptied his glass and turned away in frustration.

"Sidney, thank heavens you're here ...," said Mary gratefully."You have to bring some meaning to your brother, he is acting absolutely rude."

A sideways glance at Charlotte made Sidney frown in concern. It seemed like she was pale and about to faint again, while her cheeks were glowing. But before he could ask if she was all right, Tom began to scold.

“I'm not rude, I'm realistic. She can't marry Sidney, so the alternatives would be Mr. Robinson or Mr. Stringer.She can choose one of them, but that's her only option. The rumors could ruin everything I have built here and there is no way we can allow that."

A cold feeling crept into Sidney’s stomach.When he'd ridden through the streets, he'd met more glances than most of the times when he got here.He had felt uncomfortable but didn't understand it, but now he was suspicious. Still, he looked at Tom questioningly, as if there was some other explanation for all of this confusion.

"What are you talking about, Tom," he said, rougher than intended."Who has to get married?" He heard a sob next to him that made his heart sink and knew the answer before Tom spoke.

"Miss Heywood, of course," he called out angrily."Because of her and Miss Lambes' indecent behavior you had to carry her to your hotel room and now the whole town is talking about nothing else. We need to get her married before the rumors reach London, otherwise Sanditon will be ruined."

Charlotte couldn't take it any longer.She felt Sindey next to her, which was uncomfortable enough, but Tom's words were so offensive that she felt choked with shame.So she turned around without saying a word and ran down the hall, just thinking about her bonnet and her Spencer, which was in the entrance area.Then she ran outside and down the street.She didn't want to go to the beach, there were far too many people there now, so she took the cliff path towards the river.

When she reached the forest and plunged into the protective darkness, she let her tears fall and stopped.She didn't want to get married, neither Mr. Stringer nor Mr. Robinson. Not because she didn't like the two gentlemen, but because she didn't love them. Also, the way Tom had spoken about it was beyond humiliating and she felt hurt.

She wanted to go home.Obviously her father was right and she should have been more careful.All the lies, confusions and rumors overwhelmed her and she no longer knew what to do.

To distract herself, Charlotte walked slowly down the path and then reached the pavilion. It was actually a beautiful place, but it was where it all started.Here Georgiana had met Otis and drawn her into the whole unfortunate story.

"The town is full of rumors about you and my disgusting guardian," Georgiana suddenly laughed from behind her and Charlotte whirled around.“It's unbelievable what these people come up with just to have something to talk about. As if you and Sidney had anything to do with each other, that's so ridiculous."

Tom had already said that a connection between her and Sidney was ridiculous and for some reason these words stung Charlotte's heart.She got angry and frowned.

"Ridiculous ...," she snorted and stepped up to Georgiana.“Do you know what we did with all this secrecy?My reputation is as good as ruined, I am not allowed to go home because Tom is afraid for his town and now he wants to marry me off to someone."

Georgiana laughed again, but then she noticed that Charlotte was not joking and slowly she came closer to grab her hands, which were frozen and trembling.

"I don't understand ... I just heard the talk." Georgiana said softly and worriedly.Mrs. Griffiths had wanted to forbid her from seeing Charlotte, so she had said that she would take Crocket for a walk to steal away.

“Mr. Parker carried me into his hotel room because I was passed out. If only we hadn't arranged this meeting with Otis. We just shouldn't have gone into town so late.” Charlotte almost cried, pulled away from Georgiana and wrapped her arms around herself.

"If Sidney had just allowed me to see Otis, we wouldn't have had to secretly sort out this meeting," Georgiana replied, clearly defiant."You said yourself that he was cruel, and now he has thrown you into bad luck too."

Charlotte looked up but said nothing.It was her own fault.She shouldn't have been so blinded by Georgiana's suffering and false truths, then she would never have let her anger with Mr. Parker seduce her to act like that.She wouldn't have left the house that evening and nothing would have happened to either of them. But it was too late now.At this moment, the Parker brothers were likely to be debating with whom and when she should get married, in order to alleviate the inconvenience.

With a low sob, Charlotte asked Georgiana to give her some time alone. She walked slowly back down the narrow path into the forest to the clearing with the blue flowers.Shivering, she again wrapped her arms around herself because she was so cold.

How could it all have gone so terribly wrong? 

~ 

"What's going on here, Tom?"

Sidney had looked worried after Charlotte as she ran out of the house. Did he hear correctly that Tom wanted to marry her off to one of his workers?He had clearly heard Mr. Stringer's name, which for some reason he definitely didn't like.

“What were you thinking when you carried her into your room? You have no idea what you caused," Tom moaned without answering his question and Sidndy frowned in disbelief.

"She was lying on the ground, unconscious. Should I have just left her there?" He snapped to defend himself, even though he was aware that he had probably made a mistake."What is this all about exactly?"

Tom was too busy pacing nervously, which is why Sidney looked at Mary.

"Apparently rumors about you and Charlotte have spread around town," replied Mary with a pained expression on her face."People talk about her ... well, as a fallen girl and your ... your mistress."

Sidney's muscles stiffened and the cold crept down his spine. That was utter nonsense, but now he understood the looks and the whispers as he rode into town.

“I told her that she had to get married as soon as possible. I am sure one of the two workers would be willing to do so. It'll stop the rumors and save Sanditon from scandal.” Tom sounded satisfied, as if all problems were solved.When he saw the expression on Sidney's face with which he was looking at him, he took half a step back. It was pure anger and disbelief....

"You did what?" Sidney growled the question under his breath. "Have you even thought about how she must be feeling or are you just thinking about your town?"

“It's not my fault that she was so careless and snuck out of the house at such a late hour.If she and Miss Lambe hadn't betrayed you, none of this would have happened.” Tom pouted and sat down behind his desk.

"She is our guest, so we are responsible for her ...," Mary began to say, but was interrupted by Sidney.

" _I_ carried her into my room - so it's hardly her fault," he growled angrily. He had a strong need to defend Charlotte, even if he didn't know where it was coming from. "You can't just force her to marry anyone just because she becomes uncomfortable for you."

Tom's snort made him wince, but the next sentence was out of his mouth before he could think about it any further. He just said it and as soon as it was said he was suddenly very calm.

"If someone should marry her, it would be me."

Tom jumped up in horror and stepped around his desk to walk towards him. "You can't do that, Sidney, that's absolutely ridiculous," he exclaimed, ignoring Mary, who was glaring at him."You cannot bind yourself to her, you ..., you ...".

Sidney straightened up and folded his hands behind his back. He was still wearing his coat, just took off his hat and looked Tom straight in the face.

"Why not? You wanted her to get married and I am the reason the rumors started in the first place. It would be the only right thing to do, Tom.” His voice was dark and a little hoarse while his heart was racing. “It's my fault, not hers.So I'll go and ask Miss Heywood for her hand."

Although he never intended to get married, he knew it was really the right thing to do. Even though he didn't want it, his heart rumbled in his chest, but he pushed it away.

It was his duty as a gentleman to ask her for her hand in marriage, nothing more. It had absolutely nothing to do with his heart.


	4. To take care and protect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, you are all so incredibly nice, what would I do without your encouraging comments 😊. I thank you all ....

Slowly, almost hesitantly, Sidney followed the narrow footpath through the woods until he reached the old pavilion down by the river. Before he had left the house, Mary had told him that Charlotte had probably gone there to meet Georgiana.His sister-in-law had squeezed his hand and hugged him briefly amid the endless wailing of Tom.

In fact, he was exhausted, having spent the past few days trying to find out who was responsible for Georgiana's attempted kidnapping. He had only found Mr. Molyneux on the basis of Charlotte's leads. But Otis had denied that he had anything to do with the events in Sanditon. However, after some pressure from Sidney, he had admitted that he owed money to certain men.

The carelessness of Otis had made Sidney angry and he almost knocked him to the ground. In the end, Sidney had reluctantly paid some kind of ransom to get an assurance from a certain Mr. Beecroft that Georgiana would be left alone. But none of that was important now. He had no intention of telling Georgiana - or anyone - what he'd found out. There was no reason to burden or worry her about it.

So he focused on what was ahead of him. All the way he thought about what to say to Charlotte.After the argument they had before he went to London, it wasn't even sure that she would speak to him at all. He had yelled at her pretty badly at the time. Her sobbing at Tom's words before she ran away also told him that the whole sitiation was very stressful for her, which was understandable.He wondered how she would react to his offer, but he stubbornly ignored the turmoil inside of him.

Neither did he want to think about what life with Miss Heywood would be like. So far she had only made him angry, insulted him, and piled accusations on him. But he also remembered that she had smiled at him sometimes - on rare, peaceful encounters between them.

When the forest cleared, he stopped and looked around searching.He hadn't been here in ages.It was actually very beautiful here - very romantic, and for a brief moment he thought about having the pavilion restored. Shaking his head, Sidney cleared his mind - there were far more important things to think about.

"What do you want here?"

Georgiana's cold voice made him wince slightly and Sidney turned his head in the direction of the noise.She stood behind him, her eyebrows raised and her face angry, while she rested her hands on her sides.

"Georgiana, I hope you are well?" Sidney asked in a friendly and calm voice. He didn't really want to deal with her right now. It would be a wasted effort, since she didn't believe a word he said anyway.As expected, she just snorted condescendingly, so he went on with a tight smile on his face - which wasn't actually a smile at all.

"I'm looking for Miss Heywood ...," he tried to say it as casually as possible, but couldn't quite hide a harsh undertone.

"I'm sure she doesn't feel like talking to you of all people," Georgiana snapped immediately at his words."You plunged her into total misery, so just leave her alone."

Taking a deep breath, Sidney tried not to lose his composure. He had wanted none of this, nor was it entirely his fault.Georgiana herself had her part in it, after all, it was her secret meeting with Otis that had led to all of this.

"Enough, Georgiana," he said quietly and through clenched teeth.“I never wanted to harm her, and if you two hadn't betrayed me and followed this insane plan, none of this would have happened.All I'm trying to do now is the right and decent thing, so please tell me where I can find Miss Heywood."

The longer he talked, the louder his voice had gotten and the angry expression on his face told Georgiana that it was better to stop now.So she stepped aside and pointed to a narrow path that led back into the woods on the other side of the pavilion.

"She's at the clearing," she said, still angry and reluctant, and watched Sidney’s features brighten up briefly.

"Where all the blue flowers grow?" He asked with a frown, remembering the place where he had often been with his mother as a child.

"Yes ...," Georgiana answered slowly and looked at him, but Sidney already turned away and walked down the path without another word, having to bend down a little because he was too tall to walk under the branches of the big trees.

The way was not long, and soon he saw Charlotte picking the last flowers that had not yet faded.Over the exceptional brown dress that she was wearing today, she had pulled a white Spencer. She had hung her bonnet over her arm and the wind was blowing through her long, brown curls.

Sidney allowed himself to look at her for a moment.

There was something wild about her, something completely natural and pure, and the thought struck him that it was not the first time that he had noticed this about her.But she was also stubborn and prejudiced, offensive and headstrong, but none of that seemed important now. She hadn't seen him yet and with a sigh he straightened to his full height. Of course he knew she didn't like him in the least - she had made it all too clear. She lied to him, mocked him in the street, and openly insulted him at the cricket. Just the thought that she'd come up with this plan against him made him angry again, but he forced it away.

It would be of no use to think about it further, he had been doing it endlessly for the past few days ...

While slowly walking towards her, taking a deep breath, he took off his hat. To steel himself, he tensed his shoulders, which made him look broader and maybe even a little threatening.

Charlotte looked up when she heard a rustle and froze.She had only recently dried her tears as she concentrated on picking the most beautiful flowers.She had thought about everything that had happened that morning, but came to no conclusion.She didn't know what to do and that alone made her angry.

To see him here now was the last thing she wanted, as the icy cold feeling crept into her body again.

But Sidney walked slowly towards her, tall and dark, while he was obviously watching her, which made her feel uncomfortable. Was he here to tell her who she would ultimately have to marry?

In order not to show him her feelings, she looked away from him and turned around slightly to continue looking for flowers that had not yet faded.Just as she bent down, she felt him stop right behind her and sigh softly.

"Miss Heywood ...".Her reaction to the sight of him destroyed all hopes of having this conversation properly and he felt quite helpless. But it had to be done, they had to talk to each other, so he cleared his throat and started again.

“I want to apologize for my brother's behavior.What he said - the way he said it was beyond offensive, but I assure you it was not his intention. Tom is ... well ... he mostly only sees Sanditon, you should have learned that by now.” He sounded really ashamed and a little angry.Charlotte assumed he had argued with Tom and she straightened up before slowly turning to face him.She lifted her chin defiantly, looked straight into his eyes, and stared at him with a petrified expression.

Sidney sighed again in frustration, took a small step closer to her and kneaded his hands behind his back.He returned her gaze, clenched his teeth so hard that the muscles in his jaw twitched, then forced himself to continue.

"Miss Heywood ... I also want to sincerely apologize for my ... my own behavior the night after the cricket.I shouldn't have carried you into my room, but I certainly had no harm in my mind.I ...," Sidney took a deep breath and briefly averted his eyes from her.How was he supposed to explain to her what he had been thinking then?

“My only excuse is that I was concerned, but I am still sorry. In no way did I want to provoke rumors like the ones that are obviously going around the town now.” He said honestly and quietly, which made Charlotte frown.

Concerned? Because of her? She hated herself for the warmth, which crept down her back at his presence, so she crossed her arms in front of her, her picked flowers in her hand.

“You do not have to apologize, Mr. Parker.We shouldn't have been there at all, I can see that now.But surely you should have thought about it better than put me in this position.” The slight reproach was clear, even if she couldn't blame him entirely. Now that all of this had happened, she could barely understand her own reckless behavior.

Sidney swallowed, bowed his head and didn't look at her.She was right, he should have thought about it better.But then he hadn't been able to.

"You lay unconscious on the ground after I saw the guy hit you," he said in a dark voice and clenched his teeth again. He had been in a few tough fights and fought boxing matches himself, but he had never hit a woman. He couldn't understand how one could be capable of such a thing. "I didn't thought about what I was doing then, I just acted," he confessed and for the first time her expression softened a little, if a little surprised.

“I never thanked you for helping me ..., us.Who knows what else would have happened. And I'm sorry ... to have acted behind your back, I mean.” Feeling guilty, Charlotte thought about the argument they'd had in his hotel room. _She_ had set this whole situation up, it had been her plan, and her cheeks turned a little red.

They were silent for a moment and looked at each other, but Sidney finally had to say why he had come here.So he cleared his throat again and ran his hand briefly through his hair before tensing it again behind his back around the brim of his hat.

“The rumors and talk that sparked my behavior was never my intention.But I have endangered your reputation."

Ashamed, Charlotte turned away.All the talk about her in town annoyed her, and now her cheeks were flushing with anger.

“The reputation of the town is more important to your brother. It shouldn't bother you ...," She muttered hurt, but broke off when Sidney interrupted her and her heart stopped beating.

"Please ... Miss Heywood. All I can do is offer you my hand in marriage to protect you with my name.I may not have a flawless reputation, but nobody will dare to speak badly of you or your family, I swear to you."

Sidney had to swallow as his voice grew rougher.Strangely, his heart was racing and his whole body was tense - with fear of what she would say and whether she would accept his proposal.

Never did he thought he would ever get into such a situation and he was mad at himself for it. He didn't want to get married, certainly not for such a reason, but he was a gentleman and would take responsibility for his mistakes. No matter how much it bothered him.

Charlotte looked shocked and taken by surprise and didn't answer. She had absolutely no idea what to say, and her voice wouldn‘t have worked either. Did she actually correctly understand what he had said? Since she just stared at him in silence, he kept speaking quickly while staring at a point somewhere above her head.

"I'm not ... overly wealthy, but I'm able to offer you a comfortable life." When Charlotte's eyes narrowed after this statement and she opened her mouth angrily to say something, Sidney took a step towards her and raised his hand to keep her from speaking.

“I know that wealth has nothing to do with your choice of a man, you made that clear at Lady Denham's terrible luncheon. But I also know all too well that I am not the man who you would ever want to marry. So ...,“ frustrated as his voice faltered, Sidney let out an audible breath and then searched her eyes to continue speaking. “I didn't mean it offensive, I ... I want to do the right thing, Miss Heywood. Your reputation is undeniably ruined, so ... so you must get married. If there is someone you would rather marry than me, then ... then say so, otherwise ... ".

This conversation was more difficult than he expected, and Sidney was slowly losing patience with himself.

Shaking her head and with deep red cheeks, Charlotte looked at her feet.Did he actually offer her marriage?Earlier in Tom's study it had sounded like she had nothing to say about that, but now this gruff man was standing in front of her, stumbling over his own words in an enchanting way that made her heart race.

"There is nobody else ...," she whispered softly and blushed even more.“Thank you for your offer, Mr. Parker, but you don't have to do this. I can just go back to Willingden, no one there will ever hear of the rumors."

Charlotte didn't know what she wanted.She didn't want to just go back to Willingden and stay there forever, with a damaged reputation and a constant fear of dishonoring her family.But did she really want to marry this man who had been so rude to her and so hard on Georgiana?She knew that he could be different too, had seen it on the beach or by the river for brief moments and then she had thought that they could at least form a kind of friendship. But a marriage?

"Yes, I have to, Miss Heywood," said Sidney seriously and urgently."It is my fault that you are in this position, and I can save you from it - you and your whole family."

Her blushing cheeks were very distracting, so he closed his eyes for a moment.Although the offer to marry her arose out of a desire to protect her and make up for his mistake, Sidney had no idea how he would bear it if she refused him. He would probably never recover from it ...

Still, he had to ask her why he stepped closer to her and hesitantly reached for her hand.

When his warm fingers closed around her cold hand, Charlotte shivered. They had never touched before except when they danced at that terrible first ball, but then she had been wearing gloves. To feel his skin on hers was strangely beautiful and suddenly Charlotte became very calm.She looked up, only now noticed how close he was standing in front of her and met his eyes with hers.

"Miss Heywood ...," Sidney whispered hoarsely.Her little hand was tiny in his, but he fully concentrated on the feel of it while his heart pounded in his chest."Allow me to protect you ..., please, ... marry me and become my wife ...".

It was all he got out.He didn't know why the moment was so bothering him, why his whole body was tense and why he felt like he was going to die of heat. Or at least he didn't allow himself to think about it any further. He waited for her answer, saw how the furrow on her forehead deepened as she thought about his question and watched how various emotions ran over her face.

Despite the knowledge that he did not ask her to marry him out of love, his words were gentle and tender and Charlotte felt a tingling sensation all over her body.Did she want to marry him?

She could never have imagined marrying a man like him.He was impolite, brooding and sometimes even rude, but somehow also mysterious and ..., she couldn't name it, there was something about him ...

But what would a life with him be like? Would they live together?Where? And how? Would he want to sleep in one bed with her? Worse, would he claim his rights as her husband?There were too many questions to which she had no answers and which confused her.

She looked up uncertainly, but when she saw the look on his face, her breath caught.He was nervous, his lower lip pulled between his teeth and visibly trying to breathe calmly.His eyes were darker, looking directly into hers, while she could now feel his thumb gently brushing the back of her hand.Without conscious decision, Charlotte heard her own voice as she answered him with a single word.

"Yes ...".

She gasped when she realized what she had said. She had just accepted his hand in marriage. So she would become his wife. She would be Mr. Sidney Parker's wife.

"You ...," Sidney’s voice was barely audible, but he couldn't hold back the smile that spread across his face.Did she actually say yes?He suddenly realized that this meant he was really going to get married, and he felt strange at the thought.

He looked very different when he smiled ..., it changed his apparently always tense facial features and made his dark eyes sparkle. Charlotte immediately scolded herself for the thought, but she smiled back.For a moment time seemed to stand still, but then he broke eye contact and looked at her bandaged hands.Sidney hadn't noticed that he was stroking her and let go of her hand in shock. But losing the contact confused him and he cleared his throat, embarrassed.

“I will write to your father.The first bans should be read this Sunday to get the whole thing done,” he said with a firm expression and Charlotte could see his body tense up again."Do you think ..., do you think that he wants to know the truth or should I ..., well ... ."

He broke off again uncertainly.The annoyance that he couldn't seem to be able to say a coherent sentence made him clench his fists, but Charlotte seemed to understand him anyway.

"Oh ..., my parents.What should they think of me?” She whispered and turned pale.Startled, she looked up at Sidney, who was looking at her with a worried frown.

“You don't have to tell them the truth if you prefer.I can just ask permission to marry you and tell him that ..., well, that we ... fell in love and don't want to wait."

Shaking her head, Charlotte turned away a little. That they fell in love? Oh god, why did her legs get weak at these words?

“No ... I don't want to lie to Papa. He would notice anyway that it is not real."

As she looked at the ground, she didn't notice Sidney’s face contorted with tension.She didn't notice either that he was swallowing hard to calm himself, but her words inadvertently cut through his body.It wasn't real ... - of course she was right.

"Well ... then I'll write the truth to him and explain the situation. We ..., we should get married here in Sanditon as soon as possible, three weeks from now. I will warmly invite your family."

Charlotte nodded, a sad look on her face.

“I don't think they will come.It's our family's first wedding, and I ... I always thought I'd get married in Willingden," she still didn't look at him.It pained her knowing that her parents would be disappointed in her."Thanks anyway.I will also write to my sister ..., Alison.”

Neither of them knew what to say anymore, which is why they both remained silent.Sidney looked nervously over his shoulder to see Georgiana slowly making the way through the wood towards them. He was almost relieved that he was no longer alone with Charlotte, so he took several steps back.

“So I will go and get everything done. I guess you're alright with a small wedding?We could go to the old chapel, it's a little out of the town. Since it will be midsummer ball day anyway, it is enough if we announce the wedding in the evening so that we don't have to invite anyone."

Charlotte nodded, grateful that the whole thing wasn't going to be a big spectacle.She almost expected Tom to make a big event out of it.She was also grateful to him for taking over the preparations.

"Yes, and ... thank you ..., Mr. Parker."

Sidney opened his mouth, but closed it again.Then he nodded, avoiding her gaze, and looked nervously at his feet.Behind him he heard Georgiana, looked at her briefly over his shoulder and took another step back from Charlotte.

"Erm ... should I accompany you both back to town?" He asked when he hesitantly turned to Charlotte again and noticed the slightly confused expression on her face.“It's late afternoon and ... well, you're a little pale.A cup of tea would surely do you good."

Charlotte met his eyes, surprised at his concern, but she didn't know what to say. She wanted some time alone to think about the fact that she was getting married soon, so she cleared her throat and shook her head.

"Thank you, Mr. Parker, but I think I'd like to stay here a while longer."

"As you wish." Sidney nodded again, bowed slightly to her and put his hat back on his head.It was strange to leave her here now, but he couldn't force her to go back with him either.

"Miss Heywood ...," he mumbled softly, looking at her with his narrow, crooked smile and bowing again before turning and walking quickly down the path in the opposite direction.

Charlotte looked after him uncertainly.Maybe she should have gone back with him after all.Because now she felt strangely alone, but he walked so fast that all she saw was his black coat disappearing between the trees.

"What did he want from you?" asked Georgiana, as soon as she was close enough.She looked angrily after Sidney, who hadn't even said goodbye to her, but then turned her attention to Charlotte.

"He ... he asked me to be his wife." She just whispered and didn't look at Georgiana, who snorted contemptuously.

“The man is really unbearable. How dare he insult you like that?” She hissed, looking in the direction her dreadful guardian had gone and then turned back to Charlotte with an evil smile on her face."What did you answer?Did you tell him that he did enough to you?"

Charlotte looked up, her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes wide and uncertain, and she was breathing heavily.But when she answered her voice was firm, if very low.

"I said yes."

Georgiana laughed softly, but then realized that Charlotte was serious. That was the last thing she expected and she felt strangely betrayed by her friend.

"What?" She asked a little gruffly and took a step back."That's a joke, is not it?Have you gone completely crazy?"

Charlotte had no answer to that.All she knew was that she had felt better when he was here with her. 

~ 

Sidney’s feet carried him straight to the Crown Hotel, where he dropped into one of the back chairs and ordered a bottle of whiskey.Only after he had emptied the second glass in one sip did he lean back and close his eyes for a momen.

He was going to get married.And none other than Miss Charlotte Heywood.

In three weeks.

The thought reminded him that he had some work to do and that he shouldn't be sitting here getting drunk.But he couldn't bring himself to get up either, but poured himself again and took another long swig of the burning, bad alcohol.

The cruelty of fate that had brought him into this situation almost made him laugh.Not only had he sworn to himself never to ask a woman for her hand again after being shamefully passed over by his former fiancé many years ago - no, he had now asked a woman for her hand who felt nothing for him and who seemed to touch something inside him that he wanted absolutely to ignore.

He didn't _want_ to feel anything, didn't want to feel disappointed, since this engagement had gone completely without tenderness or even a single kiss.

Again he emptied his glass and poured himself more, while he was beating himself inside for even thinking of such a thing.It was completely ridiculous ...

After emptying the fifth glass he got up and went upstairs to his room, but took the whiskey with him.He had to write to Charlotte's father and then order the bans from Reverend Hankins, set the date for the wedding and share the news with his family. It would probably be better to stop drinking, but on the last step of the stairs he caught himself taking a long swig straight from the bottle.

But in his room he forced himself to send a note to Mary and Tom first so that they know about their engagement when Charlotte returned from the river and that she would be spared the embarrassment of sharing the news herself. Then he sent a note to Reverent Hankins, to which he added a generous donation because of the urgency of the matter.

It was only when he finally sat down to write to Charlotte's father that he poured himself another generous glass before he began to write. It was difficult to write to someone he didn't know at all and hardly knew about.So he contented himself with the facts and tried to be as honest as possible.

It wasn't easy, because who would want to tell your future father-in-law that his daughter's reputation was ruined by you in negligence, but in return you want to marry her even though she and you did not love each other.

When he was finally done he sank back in the chair, emptied the whiskey straight from the bottle and closed his eyes in agony.

What a mess his life was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wedding bells are ringing soon ... 😉


	5. To get married

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for reading this story and I wish you all a Merry Christmas. Take care and stay healthy

Charlotte was awake long before dawn, staring at the ceiling.

She never expected to experience this special day in life this way, and the feeling of betrayal brought tears to her eyes. As she had expected, no one from her family had come to be here today.Although she knew it was her own fault, it hurt and she rummaged around on her bedside table for her father's letter.

_My dear daughter,_

_the letter from Mr. Sidney Parker that reached me today made me angry and sad at the same time.I shouldn't have allowed you to visit this seaside resort. I never expected anything like this to happen to you, but rest assured, I know it's not your fault._

_Mr. Parker has assured me that it was entirely his fault, and while I am very angry with the man who has been so ruthless with your reputation, he seems to have some decency in marrying you. I see no point in rejecting his proposal to you as it is obviously too late to stop the rumors in any other way. But don't worry, little Charlotte, I made an arrangement with him so that you would be fine - it is the least that this man owes you._

_As I replied to him, I am also writing to you - your mother and siblings do not need to know anything about the scandalous circumstances of your wedding.It would only make your mother even more sad than she is anyway, because you will get married so soon and not at home and with us, plus a man she does not know._

_But she also refused to travel to Sanditon, which is hardly possible due to the work at the time.I hope you understand our decision ....._

As always when she read her father's words, her stomach contracted painfully, so she put the letter down again.She had written to her parents, too, but to follow her father's story she had told them how happy she was to marry Mr. Parker.She had not received a reply from her mother to this letter, which had hurt her very much.She hadn't even told her sister Alison about any of this because she wanted to respect her father's wishes.

Charlotte got up slowly and went to the window.The day only woke up, the first workers could be seen down in the street and the sea that she could see from her window was calm and peaceful, but she found no rest in the sight.The joy she had felt here in the town at the beginning had given way to an oppressive melancholy that she simply could not shake off. Although the rumors and insults had subsided since the first bans had been read in the church, Charlotte could still feel the curious glances of the residents on her.It had gotten worse again after Sidney had left town two weeks ago to do business in London.

Therefore, Charlotte avoided the other residents of Sanditon, no longer spoke to the workers on the construction site and was only out on the beach in the early hours of the mornig.Mr. Stringer had been visibly surprised by her engagement to Mr. Parker, which had further confused Charlotte.She didn't understand why the man she'd always considered a friend suddenly looked at her so dismissively, and it hadn't improved her mood.

To cheer her up, Mary had offered to have a wedding dress made for her, but Charlotte refused.She didn't want a new dress, mainly because she couldn‘t pay for it herself.She didn‘t feel like she was really getting married either, so it just seemed wrong. Since Sidney had left, she hadn't heard a word from him, and they had hardly spoken to each other during the time he had been here.

She had to admit that she couldn't fully blame him for that.For some reason Georgiana had clung to her, commenting on every encounter between her and Sidney with snappy remarks. It had gone so far that Charlotte had argued violently with her, but Georgiana had defended herself by saying that she only wanted to protect Charlotte.And since Georgiana was as good as her only friend here, she'd given in, even if their friendship had gotten a little cool.

When there was a soft knock on Charlotte's door, she wrapped a large scarf around her shoulders and opened it carefully.It was Mary who, despite the early hour, stood in front of the door, decently dressed, holding a large package in her arms.

"Good morning, my dear," she said softly, smiling warmly at Charlotte."I thought you were already awake."

Despite everything, Charlotte smiled and let Mary in, who carefully laid her burden on the bed.Then she turned to her and reached out her hands to squeeze Charlotte's upper arms.It was such a calming gesture that she closed her eyes for a moment.

“Did you at least get a little sleep?You are very pale."

Charlotte smiled reassuringly, pulled away from Mary and sat on her mattress.“I'm fine Mary, thank you for asking.You don't have to worry about me."

To lighten the mood of her young friend - who was also today's bride - Mary clapped her hands and opened the package she had brought.

"Come on, today is your wedding day after all," she said, happier than either of them felt.“I have a few things for you. I know it's hard for you today because your family isn't here, so I'll take on this role. You will bathe, we will dress you nicely and I will stay with you all the time."

Charlotte really had to smile and grabbed Mary's hand.She was so grateful for her new sister-in-law's friendship, especially since Tom was very upset about this wedding.

"Thank you Mary ...," Charlotte whispered softly and the two women shared a brief look.

"This arrived for you yesterday, but I was instructed not to give it until this morning," Mary slowly pulled a piece of cream-colored fabric out of the package, and it was only on second glance that Charlotte realized it was a dress.

“I know you said you didn't want a new dress, but ... well, Sidney asked for it.Apparently he wanted to make you happy and had this sent here for you."

Completely surprised Charlotte got up and together with Mary she revealed the contents of the package.It was a simple but elegant cream colored dress with a blue lace ribbon under the breast.In addition, there was a deep blue Spencer in the package, consisting of the finest velvet and a new bonnet.

The garments were beautiful and matched Charlotte perfectly.She couldn't believe he'd bought these things for her. She would never have expected anything like that, least of all from him.

“What does that mean, Mary?He certainly didn't have to buy me anything ... ".Embarrassed and uncertain, Charlotte stroked the Spencer's velvet.She didn't understand this man - he was an absolutely unsolvable conundrum.

"You know it is not uncommon for the groom to pay for the bride's dress," explained Mary as she neatly hung the garments on Charlotte's closet.“Sidney is a gentleman, always eager to make things right.He is also proud and honorable ... I think there is a need for him, despite the circumstances of your wedding, to at least adhere to decent customs."

Sighing, Charlotte rubbed her face. Again she had to admit that she had misjudged him, and slowly she began to suspect that she was wrong in every assumption she made about him.But how could she get to know him better if he was never here?It seemed to her that he didn't want her to know him better at all.

Still sitting on the bed, she reached for a piece of cloth that came out from under the now empty package. It was a very thin, fine linen fabric with a lot of lace and she wondered what it was when Mary approached with a frown.

"This is something I wanted to give you," she said softly, peeling the paper off the bed and reveals two nightgowns like Charlotte had never seen before.“When I got married, I got the same from my mother. It's a kind of nightgown that you can wear for your husband when you're alone with him."

Charlotte stared at the garment with bright red cheeks and didn't know what to say.Of course she knew what should normally happen between married couples, but her marriage to Sidney was ... it was different.Was it not?

Until now she had always managed to ignore the subject, but now it hit her cold. Would he want to share the bed with her tonight? Would he insist the consummation of the marriage? She could feel her cheeks burn with shame and she could barely breathe. Noticing it, Mary sat down next to her, meaning that she put the garment down and grabbed her hands.

"Charlotte, I'm sure Sidney won't ask anything from you that you don't want to give," her voice sounded reassuring, but Charlotte still had difficulty concentrating on her.“Nevertheless, I have the hope that this sham marriage may eventually turn into a real marriage, hence my gift.As long as you don't feel comfortable with it, you certainly don't have to wear it. Just keep it until maybe the day comes when you want to show yourself off to him like that."

Mary had always felt that something was hidden between her brother-in-law and her young houseguest.The air seemed to crackle every time they met, even if they argued most of the time.She hoped they could both find a way to see a chance in this forced marriage to open up and find trust in the other, which is why she had given Charlotte the seductive nightgowns as a gift.

But Charlotte looked nervously back at the thin fabric that was now lying on her bed.She couldn't imagine facing anyone in a garment like this, let alone Sidney, and yet a tingling sensation ran over her skin.

Slowly the noises from the house were getting louder, heavy footsteps could be heard on the stairs and then there was another knock on Charlotte's door.

"This is your bath - the morning bath for the bride," said Mary with a wink and stood up.

In no time Charlotte was bathed, had breakfast, and was sitting on a chair in front of the mirror while Mary's maid pinned her hair around her head.She hated the feel of the needles on her scalp, but said nothing.The hairstyle was beautiful, and since she was getting married today she would have to endure the needles.

She would have to be at the chapel in an hour to meet with Sidney.After that, the Parkers would have lunch together at Trafalger House, which would probably last into the afternoon, and then they would all prepare for the midsummer ball.Tom had originally wanted to combine the ball with the regatta in order to keep the London beau monde here in Sanditon for two days, but the time for organizing this had been far too short.Tom had not gone to London after the cricket match as intended to promote the event, but had stayed in Sanditon in the mess with the Charlotte and Sidney rumors.So they had set the date for the regatta at two weeks after the ball and wanted to use the midsummer ball to spread the date.

All of this made Tom angry.For the first time Charlotte had the feeling that he found her disturbing here in his house. He was also still absolutely against a wedding between her and his brother and continued to call the relationship ridiculous. So Charlotte wasn't sure how to deal with him and had tried to avoid him, which was very difficult.But maybe that would be different after today. Since she did not know exactly where she would spend that night and all the next nights or where she would live in the future, she had packed a bag on Mary's advice.

Who knew what Sidney had in mind, but the thought of being alone with him tonight frightened her. To her relief, she didn't have much time to think about it when Mary entered her room to help her into her dress.

"You look so pretty, my dear," she said with tears in her eyes.“Tom is waiting downstairs with the carriage, and Miss Lambe has also arrived to go with us. I'm sure Sidney will be waiting for you."

Charlotte nervously stroked the fine fabric of her skirt and looked at herself in the mirror.It was a very beautiful dress, she had to admit, but her cheeks were far too pale. She didn't look or feel like a radiant bride. She looked scared and nervous, which reflected her inner feelings.

“You don't have to be nervous, dear. Sidney is not a bad man, he will be good to you. You must not lose your trust in yourself," Mary smiled encouragingly at her before reaching out to her young friend."You can do this, so smile and lift your head."

Laughing, the two went into the hallway.Charlotte was so grateful to have Mary by her side on this strange day that she gently squeezed her hand. Georgiana was waiting in the drawing room with a disgruntled Tom, but she looked just as unhappy herself. When Mary and Charlotte got closer, still laughing, she raised her eyebrows.

"You look pretty, Charlotte, even if that isn't exactly a real wedding dress," she said in her typical haughty manner.She still didn't understand why Charlotte wanted to marry Sidney in the first place, but tried not to show her displeasure about it too much.So she smiled at Charlotte, who returned it gratefully, but then the smile faded on Charlotte's face as Tom got up.

"It's not a real wedding dress because it's not a real wedding either," he grumbled, grabbing his hat.“Let's go before we are late for this ridiculous event. Sidney is in a bad mood anyway, we shouldn't keep him waiting on his sham wedding day." Mary looked annoyed at her husband. She didn't understand Tom's anger, even if she suspected the reason for it.

Not a real wedding ...

Of course, Tom was right, but the words stung Charlotte's heart nonetheless. She followed slowly outside and got into the waiting carriage without saying anything. Even Georgiana was silent, but sat down next to her and intertwined her arm with hers. The oppressive silence was hard to bear, and each of them was glad when they reached the chapel where Sidney was already waiting.

Tom had said Sidney was in a bad mood, which of course was understandable. How should she face him? The man who felt obliged to marry her because something stupid had ruined her own reputation? 

~ 

"Why are you nervous?" Crowe asked incomprehensibly as he watched Sidney tugged on his waistcoat again."You said you were only marrying Miss Heywood to protect her reputation, so you have little reason for your atypical fidgeting."

The dark look Sidney gave him hardly impressed him. Lord Babington chuckled softly, at which Sidney snorted.They were the only three people in the chapel, apart from Reverend Hankins, who was waiting for the bride outside the door.Sidney stood at the altar, Babington next to him and Crowe sat in the front bench.

“Regardless of the reason I get married - I still get married.I'll be allowed to be nervous if I bind myself to a woman who obviously doesn't want me."

The last two weeks had been tough. He had been ashamed of the correspondence between himself and Charlotte's father, and although he understood Mr. Heywood's anger, he had felt offended.Still, it had also shown him how much Charlotte was loved by her family, which had also made him feel guilty.

It was he who had put her in this position, and he deserved every insult in her father's letters.That was also the reason why he had wanted to commission a dress for Charlotte.It was supposed to be a token of apology, and it was a common expense for the bridegroom.

The groom - he didn't feel that way, especially since he had hardly spoken to his fiancée.They had reverted to the cautious, more aloof attitudes they had when they first met, but Sidney thought that was probably for the best. What good would it do to pretend otherwise?

In spite of all this, he had taken a lot of time to choose the dress and its accessories and had imagined her in the garments. There was something intimate about doing such a thing, and it had somehow made his heart rumble strangely.

The rest of the time he had done a lot of business so he could send Tom enough money to pay his workers.At the same time he had been promoting the Midsummer Ball and felt exhausted from too many social events. Lord Babington had supported him in this, which earned him Sidney’s eternal gratitude.

Then one evening he had told his two friends that he had offered his hand to Miss Heywood and that they would get married. Both had insisted on accompanying him, which is why they were here today.

"I still find it absurd that you want to do that, even if it's very amusing to us outsiders," Crowe grinned, causing Sidney to groan in frustration.

"I'm glad that I'm adding to your amusement," he growled, now staring at the door.How did Charlotte have to feel about all of this? Maybe he should have written her after all, then he wouldn't be so completely clueless now.But he had trusted Mary to take care of her and assumed that she would not have wanted to hear from him anyway.

He had silenced most of the rumors in Sanditon when he first announced his engagement to Charlotte.Still, he had heard whispers that had given him the certainty that he had made the right decision. So here he was today, in a new black waistcoat and a vest the same color as her dress, to make Miss Charlotte Heywood to Mrs. Sidney Parker.He was annoyed that the thought quickened his heart, which only increased his nervousness.

"Have you spoken to Tom yet?" Babington asked to change the subject.Not many of London's upper class would come to the ball today, even if he and Sidney did their best to spread the word.

"Yes, and as expected, he wasn't satisfied," Sidney replied absently.“He accused me of not doing enough to make the ball attractive and complained about not going to London himself. According to him, my engagement is to blame for this fact, since he was unable to leave Sanditon because of it, although in his opinion the whole thing is ridiculous anyway."

Babington laughed again when the noises of carriage wheels could be heard from outside.

"Perhaps you should have let him write a letter to Charlotte's father explaining his failure as host and in charge of Miss Heywood," grinned Babington, since Sidney had let him read all of Mr. Heywood's letters. "Maybe then he would not find everything so nonsensical and recognize the seriousness of this matter."

Sidney's laughter stopped when the chapel doors opened.First came the Reverend, then Tom, with Diana and Arthur.They had asked Sidney for a carriage so they wouldn't have to walk the long way, which he'd granted them. The two of them beamed at him now, in contrast to Tom. Georgiana, who followed alone and glared at him, also looked angry and dismissive. But Sidney paid no attention to her as his eyes were on Charlotte, who was standing next to Mary in the chapel door.

She was his bride, no matter which way they got here. It made his body shiver that she wore the dress he had bought for her. It looked pretty on her, the blue Spencer nestled against her curves and for a moment he let his gaze slide over her.But then his eyes met hers and he saw her nervousness and fear. It hurt him and reminded him that she didn't want to marry him in the least.

Sighing and far less optimistic, he straightened his shoulders and looked at her as she walked slowly towards him. She avoided his eyes but looked at a point somewhere over his shoulder. It was only when Mary put her icy hand in his that she looked up at him.

It was the warmth of his hand that soothed Charlotte a bit. All the way to the altar she had felt as if she was suffocating.Suddenly this wedding was so real, all of a sudden she realized that she was really going to be Mr. Parker's wife and it all terrified her.

But now, when she looked into his dark eyes and felt his warm skin against hers, her heartbeat calmed down.He looked calm and secure, like a rock that everything ricocheted off and she held on to him. Sidney felt Charlotte cling to his hand and returned the pressure.

The ceremony was like a fog for both of them, everything was fast and yet slow. While Charlotte's voice had been very low and a little shaky, Sidney had spoken his vows clearly and in a dark voice. They had looked at each other, even if they both had deep frowns. But in the end Reverend Hankins declared them husband and wife.Fortunately, no one seemed expecting a kiss, and there wasn't one. 

As much as Charlotte had feared it, she felt cheated of this intimacy. She was also disappointed that Sidney didn't even lead her out of the chapel by his arm, but only because he didn't get the chance.

"Are we done now?" Asked Tom, as soon as Reverend Hankins stepped outwards."I'm sure we have more important things to do."

Sidney, still looking at Charlotte, turned his head sharply in the direction of his brother at this words. He looked like he was about to hit him, but then held back.

"Seriously Tom?No congratulations, no kind words, nothing?” One could hear how tense and upset Sidney was and Charlotte wondered if this wedding really meant something to him. Or maybe he just found the way Tom was acting rude.

"For what?For a marriage of convenience that none of those present wanted?” Tom snorted, obviously not thrilled that his brother was now married.

At first there was silence, Sidney stared at his brother with narrowed eyes, but Charlotte stepped back from him.Before he could reply, Arthur and Diana rushed over to greet his new wife as a member of the Parkerfamily, and Sidney could see her blush.

"Who would have thought your trip here to Sanditon would end this way, dear Charlotte," laughed Arthur."Anyway, I'm happy to welcome you as a sister, aren't we Diana?"

"Oh, but of course," Diana cheered, too, and while both of them wrapped their arms with Charlottes, she let her new brother-in-law and her new sister-in-law lead her out of the chapel without resistance. She felt completely overwhelmed by the situation and offended by Tom. She also felt ashamed why she had stepped back from Sidney and now left without looking at him. How was she supposed to endure all this?

Confused, but also grateful for the kindness of his younger siblings, Sidney watched her go. What would his life be like from today?A marriage was really about sharing life with the other. So while he was in London, he asked Sally, their maid, to make the room next to his in Bedford Place habitable, without saying for whom, of course.In the hotel he had booked a larger room than usual so that he could spend the next few days there with her.

But apart from the vows they hadn't exchanged a word with each other and the fearful look in her eyes made Sidney wonder whether she was afraid of him.

“Come on Sidney, Lord Babington, Mr. Crowe, we have a lot to talk about. Let's have lunch and then go to my study, gentlemen.” Impatient and with raised eyebrows, Tom was already standing at the door of the chapel and went outside with Babington and Crowe, who followed him amused.Only Mary, Georgiana and Sidney stayed in the chapel, and while Mary was sadly silent, Georgiana eyed her guardian mockingly.

"What a romantic ceremony," she said sarcastically.“I'm sure every young woman wants something like this for her wedding - without her own family, without flowers and with new family members who are absolutely dismissive. And above all, every woman wants a husband who doesn't even kiss her at the altar or slip a ring over her finger. Charlotte must be so happy."

Sidney watched her walk slowly down the hall to the door and had to agree to her every word. It was definitely not what he'd imagined his wedding to be. Apparently, no matter how hard he tried, he found it impossible to get anything right when it came to his new wife.

When he exhaled audibly, he shared a look with Mary, but neither of them said anything. Tom called them from outside, a carriage was leaving the forecourt of the chapel and when Sidney stepped outside, he noticed that Charlotte had already left with Arthur, Diana and Georgiana. 

Strangely disappointed, Sidney searched his pocket for a smoke to calm himself down. This wasn't a really good start to a life together, so it could only get better. 

At least that's what he hoped for ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas ...


	6. Midsummer Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a wonderful holy night.
> 
> I want to apologize if I have dissapointed you with this story. I think a forced marriage brings many difficulties that cannot be overcome quickly, especially when both parties assume that the other actually does not want the marriage.
> 
> I'm also sorry to say that it will take a while to get better, even though I promise happier times will come. I would be relieved if you would stay with me and keep reading this story, but if you don't then I can understand.
> 
> When it comes to Tom - I think he's the only reason the two of them can't be together in the series, and so I just can't stand him.
> 
> I'm almost at the end of this story with writing, so I know what's coming and I hope to share it with you - just as I hope you like it. I am grateful for all of your comments.
> 
> Stay healthy and enjoy the holidays.

"Sidney is waiting for you in the parlor, my dear," said Mary, who was already wearing her coat when Charlotte came down the stairs.

A while ago she had excused herself to go to her room, grateful for a few moments alone. Sidney had asked her several times during lunch if she was all right, but otherwise they hadn't had much time to talk to each other. 

After arriving at Trafalger House, he had dragged Tom into the study, visibly angry, but no one had heard what they were talking about. However, Tom was unusually quiet during the meal, so that the whole thing was actually a reasonably pleasant thing. Mainly because of Arthur, Lord Babington, and Mr. Crowe for keeping the conversation going. After lunch she had sat with Mary and Georgiana and even laughed a little, but she was still far too confused. Alone in her room, she had been staring out the window, and although she had known it was time for the ball, she had waited a long time to go downstairs, until she could no longer prevent it.

At the thought that Sidney was now waiting for her, her heart began to pound wildly. The whole day seemed so unreal, so utterly absurd, and she would have liked to at least talk to him for a moment. After all, they would have to talk to each other at some point.

When she entered the parlor she saw him standing by the window.He had his arms crossed behind his back and was staring outside, but turned to her when he heard her footsteps.

"Mr. Parker ...," Charlotte said softly in greeting. The crooked, little smile on Sidney’s face surprised her and she answered it shyly.

"Mrs.Parker ...," Sidney muttered as he bowed slightly.She blushed, which he admittedly liked, but he didn't want her to be uncomfortable. "It's a strange and pretty tough day, isn't it?"

Charlotte was surprised at the unfamiliar name and the gentle way in which he pronounced it. She stepped closer to him hesitantly as she played with the fabric of her dress.

"Yes, it is." Tough, yes, that was the right thing to say. Maybe they should have got married somewhere all by themselves - she was sure that it might have been different then. Because no sooner they were alone in the quiet house than she felt much less insecure. His presence was reassuring, which is why Charlotte raised her eyes to his. "I want to thank you for the dress, that really wouldn't have been necessary."

To see how Sidney let his eyes slide over her figure for a tiny moment while he smiled gently made everything in her tingle.There was an expression on his face that she had never seen before, and she couldn't place it exactly.

"It's been my pleasure," he assured her quietly."I hope you like it? I wanted you to at least have a new dress since you were obliged to marry me.” He meant it in jest to cheer her up a little, and Charlotte actually smiled.

“Like I said, thank you. It is really nice. I think it will be fine for tonight, will it not?” Her uncertainty was clearly audible and Sidney was upset that she felt this way. But how could she not be uncertain after that horrible day, Tom's completely unworthy behavior and his own helplessness in getting it right. But at least now he knew what he wanted to say.

"Of course, it fits you very well," he smiled at her and saw the lovely blush on her cheeks again. "Would you like ... would you like to walk with me? To the ball?"

Surprised by his question, Charlotte nodded.Fresh air would surely do her good before they had to face the people of Sanditon and announce their marriage.

"Yes, I would like that very much," she answered him quietly.Since she wasn't wearing the blue Spencer over her dress, she quickly slipped into a warm coat. A short time later they were strolling side by side, but without touching, along the streets that led to the town's ballroom.

"I would like to apologize again to you for Tom's behavior," Sidney said after a while in silence.“He's ... well, obviously not very happy about our marriage, but I still don't understand why it bothers him so much. Although he is the oldest of us - basically the head of the family, I can hardly handle his condescension towards you and I will not accept it either. I ... I clearly asked him not to offend you any further, otherwise ... well."  
The anger in his voice was audible and now she knew for a fact that the conversation between the two was about her earlier. So Charlotte looked at her feet as she walked beside him. She was grateful to him that he obviously defended her, but she contradicted him nonetheless.

“You don't have to apologize for him. I'm sure your brother isn't really noticing what he's saying. ... he's just worried about his Sanditon." She didn't want the brothers arguing about her, she had already wreaked havoc enough. But Sidney snorted and looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"What does his Sanditon have to do with us? He made the day pretty uncomfortabl, only because it doesn't go according to his wishes," he said angrily. "This wedding ceremony was certainly not what I had in mind. Neither did I expect to spend half the day talking about business and arguing about stupid chandeliers."

Curious and surprised by his words, Charlotte wondered how he had actually imagined the day, but didn't dare to ask. Despite the disappointment she haf felt, she'd been relieved when Arthur and Diana had simply pulled her into their carriage. It had nothing to do with a happy wedding at all, but how on earth could they have happily left church together? They both knew that they hardly knew each other and that this marriage had a purpose, so it didn't really matter. Still, she wished it had been different

"I suppose the ball will be about business too, isn't it?" She asked, sticking to harmless topics.By now she was sure that she would spend the night in her room at Trafalger House and not with him in whatever form, and she was both, relieved and sad about it. They hadn't spoken a word about the night, and she didn't think Sidney would want to share a room with her.

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Sidney sounded unenthusiastic. Not only did he hate such events, but also the polite talk and flattery."The absolute desire is to attract more visitors to Sanditon, and an evening like today is ideal for that. I apologize for probably having to leave you alone now and then, but I'll have to help Tom."

Ahead of them they could already see the brightly lit windows of the assembly rooms, and both felt disappointed that their walk was ending. It had been surprisingly nice to just be the two of them and talk about what was happening. Their eyes met, each thinking the other would want to say something, but they didn't.

Before they could go up the stairs, they heard a throat clearing behind them and turned around at the same time.In the light of the lanterns that had been lit outside the assembly rooms, James Stringer stood behind them, clearly not dressed to attend a ball.

"I wanted to congratulate to both of you," he said stiffly, but at least smiled briefly at Charlotte. "I heard you got married today." When his eyes fixed on Sidney, they grew much colder and the two men stared at each other for a moment.

"Thank you, Mr. Stringer," Sidney replied with a short nod.In contrast to the incomprehensible reaction from Tom, he understood Stringer's anger - he'd always suspected that the foreman had his eyes on Charlotte."You won't be attending the ball?"

“No, I helped my father finish a stone border in the terrace room. Besides, there is hardly my place in there.” Originally he had intended to attend the ball because he was hoping to get a dance with Miss Heywood.But Miss Heywood was Mrs. Parker now, so there was no point in attending. 

"I hope you can enjoy the ball though, Miss." Stringer looked directly at Charlotte and couldn't help but name her with the wrong address.He knew that this marriage was not a marriage of love, it was only to save Charlotte's reputation.He was sorry for her, but there was nothing to be done about it.

"Thank you, Mr. Stringer," Charlotte smiled and hadn't noticed the wrong address, because she was simply distracted by all the thoughts in her head. "Also for your congratulations."

However, who had noticed the wrong name was Sidney, and it bothered him. He forced himself not to say or do anything, but only until Stringer had said goodbye and he was alone with Charlotte again.

"Did you pack your belongings at Travalger House?" He asked rougher than intended, as if to remind her that she belonged to him now. It was a stupid thought, but he couldn't shake it off. "I'll send someone to pick up your bag and have it brought to the Crown Hotel." Sidney hadn't meant to startle her with his question, but he knew he had.She looked at him with wide eyes and turned pale.He immediately regretted his gruff manner and was annoyed with himself, but Stringer had made him angry for some reason.

"Oh ... erm, y ... yes, of course," stuttered Charlotte, hearing only her own heartbeat.Was he actually expecting more from this night?Of course, she knew what was involved in a wedding, even if she had absolutely no knowledge of the actual act.But he hadn't even kissed her, hadn't touched anything except her hand and now he wanted her to come into his room? Maybe even in his bed?

"You don't have to ...," Sidney began, trying to reassure her.Though he had to tense all his muscles to hide his reaction to the thought of sleeping in the same room as her, he had no intention of touching her in any way.   
But he was interrupted because someone was calling his name from the front door of the ballroom.

"Parker ... ," it was Crowe, and he sounded pretty drunk.Lord Babington stood beside him, clearly trying to hold back his friend, but to no avail. "Why do you need so long to get here? You owe us a drink."

Confused, Charlotte turned away, hadn't noticed what he was trying to say to her, and was feeling rather strange. So she winced when she felt his hand on her elbow.Although the touch was only light and gentle, it made her tingle, and that startled her. It actually felt nice, which confused her terribly, but by the way she reacted, his hand immediately disappeared.

In tense silence they climbed the stairs without looking at each other.It hurt Sidney that she winced at his touch, after all it was just a harmless gesture. He didn't have much time to think about it though as they reached the entrance to the assembly rooms.

"The young married couple, how beautiful ...," Crowe laughed as he spread his arms in greeting. “How are Madame Elise's poor girls in London supposed to deal with the handsome Mr. Parker being married now?It's really a shame."  
Obviously the man was really very drunk and his speech was slightly slurred, but Charlotte froze at his words. Her eyes found Sidney, who stared at his friend with an angry face, while Crowe only giggled.

Of course Charlotte understood what Crowe was suggesting. She might have come from a small village, but she knew very well what types of houses there were for men in bigger towns. Was Sidney a guest in such houses too?Was that the kind of affection he expected from a woman? Didn't he believe in love at all?

Sidney felt her gaze on him, but didn't want to look in her direction. He wanted to knock Crowe down because the comment made him so madly angry that his fists clenched.

"Keep your drunken mouth shut, Crowe, or I'll make you do it," he growled menacingly as he took a step towards the man.  
Babington seemed to notice that he was about to lose control of himself and pushed Crowe through the front door while he cursed angrily. But Sidney didn't follow, but stood motionless and tense. He finally had to turn his gaze to Charlotte, but the look on her face made him feel bad. What kind of opinion she had to have of him.

Without saying anything, Charlotte walked past him, but continued to look at him. She saw the muscle in his jaw twitch and knew he was angry. Was he angry because Crowe's comment was wrong or was he angry because she heard it?

The ballroom was full when they finally entered, and as soon as Charlotte and Sidney approached they felt many curious eyes on them.Sidney stepped closer to his wife, but was careful not to touch her.

"We should make the announcement right now, then hopefully the curious glances will stop," he muttered in a really protective voice, while bowing his head to her.Charlotte could feel the warmth of his body against hers and scolded herself for judging him again.   
Up until now he had been a young, unmarried man - it was hardly any of her business what he had done in his life so far. But still the thought of him with other women bothered her, and that was confusing. 

She looked up at him, and just like in the chapel, she felt calmer when she looked into his eyes.

"Yes, you are right," she tried to smile at him and was surprised when he returned the smile.However, his brow furrowed, which indicated that he was also a little confused. Just as he turned to the crowd to attract the attention of the people, Tom's loud voice rang out and with a laugh Charlotte noticed how Sidney groaned loudly and in frustration.

"Good evening, ... good evening," called Tom, beaming towards the guests present.“I'd like to welcome everyone to our midsummer ball here in Sanditon.Let me take the opportunity to announce today's wedding of my dear brother Sidney and the former Miss Charlotte Heywood and I ask you all to raise your glasses to the happiness of both of them.” After a short cheer and a few shouted congratulations, Tom waved to the musicians and announced the next dance. "I wish us all a lot of fun on this beautiful evening."

Nobody seemed to notice that Tom had not introduced his sister-in-law as Mrs. Parker, but had used her maiden name. Sidney watched him angrily and had to keep himself from growling when Tom, as always, frantically approached him.

"Sidney, you have to come," said Tom and just nodded to Charlotte. “There is a gentleman who might want to open a pharmacy here. You have to talk to him."

Sidney hadn't actually planned to leave her immediately after they arrived, but had wanted to ask Charlotte for a dance. It was their wedding day, and if he did without all the other typical things of that special day, at least he wanted that.

"We just got here," he said and was about to take Charlotte's hand, but was able to stop in time. 

Charlotte did not notice his suppressed movement and didn't want to be a burden for him either. Since she had already spotted Mary and Georgiana, she looked at him with a short smile.  
"I will join Mary and not keep you from business commitments." With that she bowed slightly and left him without catching his disappointed look.  
Frustrated, Sidney followed Tom, wishing the evening was already over.

"So, you got married today, Mrs. Parker." As soon as Charlotte reached Mary, the voice of Lady Denham rang out behind her."We have waited for an invitation since the announcement, but received none."

She had thought she could find some peace with Mary and clear her mind, but she obviously wasn't. When Charlotte turned she saw Lady Denham, Esther and Clara behind her and took a deep breath.

"We didn't want a big wedding, only the Parker family was there, Lady Denham," she replied in a firm voice.The older woman hissed and raised her eyebrows, but Esther prevented her from saying anything again.

“In any case, I wish you all the luck. I'm afraid you'll need it.“ It shouldn't sound rude, which is why Esther smiled.She looked sad and since Tom had said something about an argument between Lady Denham and Edward Denham, Charlotte nodded gratefully to her.

"She will certainly need luck ...," Clara whispered to Esther with a wicked laugh when Lady Denham spoke to Mary. “Men like Sidney Parker or Edward Denham have seen a lot of the world.They know what they want and need a woman who can give them what they desire."

It was clear that these words were addressed to Esther, but they left Charlotte cold.She had no knowledge what a man like Sidney Parker wanted and was sure that she would never be able to give him anything he might ask of her in this matter.

Esther seemed equally taken with Clara's words and glared at her, but when Lady Denham turned back to her, she forced a smile. Something must have happened between all of them, but no one wanted to ask what it was.

"Now only you are left without a suitor, Miss Lambe," apparently Lady Denham was not in a good mood today as she was now choosing her next victim. “Your friend Charlotte here changed her mind about marriage for love very soon after the handsome Mr. Parker crossed her path. What about you? Haven't you found anyone who caught your eye?"

Charlotte felt ashamed and did not want to talk about her own marriage, so she turned away. She was sure Georgiana would respond with a snappy remark, but didn't feel like listening any further.  
In the crowd, her eyes found Sidney, her husband, who was standing at one of the tables, talking to several gentlemen.He smiled friendly every now and then, which brightened his somber features and Charlotte had to admit that he really was quite handsome.

He was tall and broad-shouldered, much better built than Tom or Mr. Crowe, who were lankier. Sidney was much more muscular, which was clearly visible. Immediately the image of him appeared in her head - how he had escaped from the waves, naked and without anything that could hide his form from her eyes and Charlotte blushed.

As she watched him, he turned his head and found her gaze.He smiled, barely visible, whereupon Charlotte's heart leaped with joy. It was a completely new feeling for her, especially after the bad day and she wondered what kind of man he actually was. But Georgiana's voice pierced all of her swirling thoughts, and Charlotte quickly turned away from him.

“Don't say you suddenly changed your mind about my terrible guardian. A few weeks ago you were calling him cruel, selfish and harsh, and now you can hardly take your eyes off him.” Of course Georgiana had noticed her friend's stare and was concerned about what it meant. She felt like she was losing her allie to her guardian and was furious about it. She also felt disappointed that Charlotte was a lot less enthusiastic about spending time with her.  
That was why she defiantly ignored Charlotte's apparent confusion.

"I think ... I think we may have misjudged him," Charlotte said quietly."He didn't _had_ to marry me, but he did it to protect me. It’s very kind of him. Everyone is trying to make this day awful and I have to admit that the moments I spent with him were what I felt most comfortable with today."

Georgiana snorted, raised her eyebrows, and watched Charlotte closely. What had caused this change of heart in her friend?

"Please don't tell me that you fell in love with him," she suddenly mumbled, which sounded more like a hiss.“That would be completely wrong, Charlotte, you can't trust him. Say that it is not true."

Startled, Charlotte's eyes widened. That was nonsense, wasn't it?She would never fall in love with such a brooding and unapproachable man as Sidney was. But did she even know who he really was?  
"What? Of course not, I know next to nothing about him,” she said quickly, but quietly so that no one could hear her. "I'm just saying that he's not quite as hideous as we have made him."

"Oh really?What do you think where you will sleep tonight?Do you really think he won't insist on a wedding night?Did you talk to him about it?Or did he assure you not to ask anything of you until you are ready to give it?” Although Georgiana could see how scary her words were to Charlotte, she couldn't stop. She felt hurt and abandoned, also because she hadn't heard a word from Otis, and Charlotte had refused to send him another secret letter from her. So her own pain kept her on a blister without realizing what she was doing.

But Georgiana's words caused fear and nervousness to flood Charlotte's body once again. She hadn't even been able to speak to her mother about what exactly was going on in the marriage bed since her mother was not here. She could hardly ask Mary or anyone else, and her own insecurity and inexperience made matters worse.  
Still, she couldn't help but search for Sidney in the crowd again. He was now standing at one of the refreshment tables at the far end of the room with Lord Babington. To her astonishment, she saw him slowly walking towards her with two glasses of wine in hand and felt a kind of horror mixed with a strange sense of joy.

Before he reached them, Arthur, who had finally arrived with Diana, asked Georgiana for a dance, and with a contemptuous look at Sidney, she accepted his offer.Only then did Charlotte notice that Lady Denham and Clara had taken their seats on velvet armchairs in one of the alcoves while Mary had gone to see Diana. Only Esther was still standing behind her and now stepped up to her.

"Miss Lambe doesn't seem very pleased about your wedding to her guardian," she said a little mockingly, but smiled slightly at Charlotte. "All this talk about marriage is really exhausting."

“I saw you with Lord Babington on the beach in a open carriage the other day.He seems to be a very nice man,” Charlotte tried desperately to find a topic other than her own wedding, but could see that she had hit a sore point with Esther.

"Yes, he probably is," answered Esther and thoughtfully looked at the said man who was walking towards them with Sidney. "But I am hardly suitable for him."

Charlotte wanted to ask her what she meant, but at that moment the two gentlemen reached them. Lord Babington, who had no wine with him, bowed to Esther with a half-shy, half-teasing smile.

"Would you do me the honor of dancing with me, Miss Denham?" Babington held out his hand pleadingly, which Esther took after a noticeable hesitation. Something was between the two of them, which was most clearly seen when Esther couldn't hide a blush.

"Would you like a glass of wine?" Sindey smiled slightly uncertainly as he held one of the glasses out to Charlotte. He had finally been able to break away from Tom and was determined to ask her to dance now, but she had looked so pale that he had decided to bring her some refreshment first.

"Gladly, thank you very much," Charlotte muttered.His crooked smile made her heart leap again, and she gratefully took a sip of wine. It was really hard for her to deal with all of the day's events and she didn't understand her body's reactions at all.

"I wanted also ask you to ..., to dance with me," Sidney had already emptied his glass.He couldn't quite say why, but he felt nervous tonight.It was his wedding day and somehow his heart wouldn't stop rumbling in his chest. "I thought ...".

A commotion at the entrance to the ballroom made them all turn around. Edward Denham stormed onto the dance floor, visibly drunk, while pushing two servants away.

"Esther," he called out loud before his eyes found her."Esther please, you mustn't accept his proposal.You can't believe all the lies about me, please. We'll be together, I promised you ... ".

A horrified gasp went through the crowd, and weeping, Esther threw her hands over her face.Ashamed, she backed away, while Lord Babington immediately stood in front of her.

"You should get out of here, Edward," he said aloud, but Edward hissed at him.

"Don't you dare touch her, she's mine ..., she is my property." Edward raised his arm as if to hit Lord Babington, but at that moment Sidney grabbed him. At the same time Charlotte pulled the weeping Esther away from the curious eyes in an adjoining room.

"You useless fool ...," Suddenly Lady Denham stood between all the people and pointed accusingly at Edward with her finger. "You told enough lies to get my inheritance, but you won't get it. You won't drag Esther in the mud with you either. Mr. Parker, please get these scum out of town immediately. He can live his sinful life in London, but certainly not here."

Sidney obeyed the request, but not without first looking around for Charlotte. Angry at being interrupted with her again, he dragged Edward, who was raging, out of the ballroom into the darkness of the night.

~

"Here, you should have a drink, Esther." Concerned, Charlotte held out a glass of wine to the crying woman.The whole time Esther hadn't let go of her hand, she sobbed in shame, but finally drank.

"My whole life has been a lie." The low voice of Esther made Charlotte kneel in front of her to understand her better."I thought he would love me, but he just wanted to own me. He tried to betray us all, but my aunt caught him looking for her will with Clara. She sent him away while Clara pretended he'd forced her to do it. But that's not true, the two have ... they ...".

Charlotte was silent. What should she have said? She just squeezed Esther's cold hand gently, wishing to simply offer her support.

“Lord Babington asked me to marry him, do you know that? After the cricket match ...,“ Esther looked up with tearful eyes."I haven't given him an answer yet, but I said the question alone would be ridiculous."

"But why?"Charlotte asked incredulously and softly. “Lord Babington really seems to like you. He's raved about you all the time since he met you.And I can see that you are not as cold towards him as you pretend to be."

Esther wiped her face but had a cynical twinkle in her eyes.

"Neither are you to your husband, even if you deny it," she said, making Charlotte blush deeply. "I don't want to be married to Lord Babington just because he feels pity for me and thinks he must protect me in a fit of chivalry." Esther took the insult from her words by squeezing Charlotte's hands tightly, but just as she was about to continue, a voice came from the entrance of the room.

"I assure you, Miss Denham, that was by no means the reason for my proposal." Babington came slowly closer, visibly taken by the events of the evening. Esther got up and turned away from him, but he didn't seem to want to be refused by her.

Quietly so as not to disturb the two, Charlotte slipped out of the room and ran straight into Sidney. Obviously the two men had made sure that Lord Denham left Sanditon in that night and had returned together.   
When she stumbled, Sidney caught her gently in his arms, but stepped back immediately when Charlotte froze.

"Forgive me ...," he whispered roughly and lowered his head. He understood that she was nervous, but her reaction to his every touch made him angry and caused his defenses to close around him. So he stiffened and clenched his teeth, even if his eyes still looked sad.

But Charlotte again didn't notice because she wasn't looking at him. The feeling of his body against hers took her breath away, but she didn't understand his withdrawal.It seemed as if he didn't want to touch her at all, rather he seemed to shrink away from her, which really hurt her.  
Was she really that undesirable to him? Of course, her body was much curvier than Clara or Esther's.She didn't have the elegance that women in London were likely to have, or whatever Sidney was probably used to after what Mr. Crowe had said.  
He wouldn't like her appearance, she was sure of that, which only increased her uncertainty. Hurt, she cleared her throat and took the fabric of her dress in her fists.She hated feeling this way, but couldn't deny the painful pull all over her body either.

"I have ordered a carriage for us," Sidney began slowly when Charlotte said nothing.He had thought about offering to accompany her back to her room at his brother's house, but that would look suspicious and might just spark new rumors."The day was exhausting enough, I think it's appropriate for us to retire."

"Sure ..., of course," unable to form a coherent sentence, Charlotte blushed and pushed past him without another word to say goodbye to Mary.

Pretty soon she followed Sidney, wrapped in her coat, outside where a black carriage was waiting. In the darkness of the night she watched him, watched the movements of his strong, elegant body and felt lost. So, when he opened the door, she quickly got in without waiting for him to offer her his hand to help. Since she avoided his gaze, she again did not notice that Sidney's expression had darkened and his body had tensed. 

During the entire journey she stared out the window into the nightly Sanditon so as not to have to look at him. She was very aware of his closeness and his body, she felt the warmth that emanated from him and suddenly she almost wished he would ask her into his bed. At least that might relieve the tension that so obviously existed between them.

Very different things were going on in Sidney's head, however. He suspected that she was actually afraid of him. The stab he felt when he realized she probably expected that he would demand more of her once they were in his room was hard. Was her opinion of him really that bad?

The carriage stopped in front of the hotel and Sidney got out. He politely held out his hand to her, which she took hesitantly, but immediately let go as soon as her feet touched the ground. She was pale again, like most of the day, and again didn't dare look at him.

Increasingly angry, he led her to the comfortable room where he had had her bag brought.Without touching her, he first let her step over the threshold and then walked as far away from her as possible with quick steps.Her rejection triggered something in him that he didn't understand, but still he tried to speak to her calmly and considerately.

"As I tried to say before we went into the ballroom, you have no reason to be afraid of me," despite his good intentions, his voice was darker than normal, so it sounded more like a growl. He cleared his throat as he poured himself a drink, but the undertone just didn't go away.“I'm not a man who would ever impose himself on a woman, so you don't need to worry about that. I won't touch you or expect anything from you."

Offended by his harsh tone, Charlotte stopped at the door. Speechless, she watched as he tensely emptied his glass of whiskey in one sip and immediately poured himself a new one. Under no circumstances did she want him to assume that she thought he would want to share the bed with her, so she straightened up.

“I haven't thought about anything of what you suggest, which is why I'm not worried at all. It's not like this is a real marriage, is it?” Defiantly, she lifted her chin and glared at him.She purposely repeated the words Tom had used in the chapel and watched with satisfaction as Sidney stiffened uncomfortably.

"You're right, it's not," he answered quietly, and if Charlotte had paid more attention to him she would have heard he sounded hurt. “But it would have looked strange if we didn't spend the night in the same room. The bed is yours, I'll stay here by the fire."

With that, he turned away, to Charlotte's utter relief because she could no longer hold back her tears. Now it was absolutely clear - it _was_ the most terrible wedding day ever. 

Without another word, she took off her coat, loosened the needles from her hair, and slipped off her shoes. She didn't want to undress herself, not in the same room with him, so she crawled under the covers of the large bed, still in her beautiful dress. Completely hidden from his eyes, she curled up in a ball, while tears of disappointment, embarrassment, and anger ran down her cheeks. Why was everything going so infinitely wrong?

Her soft sobs stabbed each time like a knife in Sidney’s heart and he cursed himself for his inability to talk to this woman properly. He hadn't believed a word of what she had just said - her actions and her face clearly showed something completely different.

Of course he should have thought that she would be afraid of what he could possibly expect of her.But it had never occurred to him to approach her in any way, which is why he hadn't brought it up. His original plan to bring her to London tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow at the latest, so that they could slowly get to know each other better - away from all the obligations and rumors in Sanditon - now hardly seemed possible.He had thought this was the right way to at least develop some kind of relationship with her, just as she might slowly could have trusted him that way.

He couldn't deny that she somehow fascinated him and that he found her at least physically attractive and sensual.  
But as he sat in an uncomfortable chair in front of the fireplace with another glass of whiskey, he closed himself off to all these thoughts and feelings. She obviously didn't want a relationship with him and he would have to accept that. Nor would she have to live with him if she didn't want to.  
And if she didn't want any of that, he wouldn't want it either - at least that's what he told himself.

He sat there all night forbidding himself to even look in her direction. Even when he heard that she was asleep, he didn't move. 

At dawn, before she could wake up, he quietly left the room to go swimming in his cove. The fact that he was now married to a woman who loathed him and had winced every time he touched her, hurt him deeply.  
But when he emerged exhausted from the sea after what felt like hours, he had convinced himself that he had to burden her with his presence as little as possible. He would give her time and then ask her how and where she wanted to live. The reason he had married her in the first place was to make sure she was all right - that was the most important thing.

Everything he wanted was secondary - he would have to live with what he got.


	7. The chandeliers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You are all so incredibly kind and encouraging. Thank you all very much for your comments ❤️.  
> I hope you had a nice holiday, stay healthy and enjoy reading.

Slowly, Charlotte walked the way back from the cliffs into town, noticing anyone and nothing around her. The long walk that forenoon hadn't calmed her troubled thoughts. She just couldn't forget how she woke up alone in his hotel room the morning after their wedding, only to find a message from Sidney that made her feel deeply sad and lonely.

_I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I wanted to protect you with this marriage, not scare you.   
I will go and speak to Mary so you can return to your room at Trafalger House. I will stay here in Sanditon as well for a while, but without any expectations of you._ _In time we will surely find a way to come to an arrangement that is comfortable for both of us._

_Until then, I won't bother you, but if you need anything, please let me know._

_S._

That was a few days ago and she knew every word of his note by heart. She had read it over and over again, tracing his elegant and lively handwriting with her finger, although she still did not quite understand what he meant by his words. Did he really think she was afraid of him? And how did he imagine what their future life should look like?   
All these questions hovered over her like a dark cloud, while she felt as if she had been robbed of something very special as a newly married woman.

As he had written, Charlotte lived as before in her old room in Tom and Mary's house, while Sidney slept in another guest room one floor up and as far away from her as possible.For everyone else, it probably looked like they'd moved into his brother's house together until they could find a home when the truth was far from this.

They saw each other very seldom, and then only briefly. On these rare occasions, however, he would always ask her, quietly and kindly, if she was all right or if she needed anything. But he never stayed long when they were in the same room, always apologizing immediately to leave her alone.   
Now and then Charlotte secretly listened to his voice, as he mostly buried himself in Tom's study during the day to clear up the mess of papers and bills there. Tom was relieved that Sidney had finally given in and helped him with Sanditon's concerns, but Sidney was in a bad mood and upset most of the time, so the brothers had many heated debates.

In order not to burden Sidney with her presence either, which he so obviously avoided, she hardly entered the study. She helped with the preparations for the regatta, which was soon to take place, but otherwise kept herself busy with the children or took long and slow walks on the beach and along the cliffs to distract herself.   
She also started again spending more time with Georgiana, who hadn't neglected to tell her she was stupid for expecting more from Sidney. It hurt her, and yet Georgiana was obviously right. Nonetheless, she'd told her that if Georgiana didn't stop ranting about Sidney, she wouldn't come back, and for the moment she respected her wish.

When she was alone, she played over and over through the events of their wedding day and its terrible ending and still did not understand what exactly had happened between the moment when they had smiled at each other in the drawing room of Trafalger House and the moment they had entered his hotel room.   
He had seemed so angry after he had to catch her in front of the adjoining room during the ball, but she just couldn't understand why. She wondered what she had done wrong, but couldn't find an answer.

To Charlotte's surprise, she had received a letter from Esther the day after the ball, in which she had told her about her engagement to Lord Babington and thanked her for her help that terrible evening. She was really happy for her, even if it made her a little sad.   
It was for this reason that Lord Babington had stayed in Sanditon to be with Esther and to arrange his wedding to her. Of course, Sidney had used that opportunity to escape the daily dinners with her and his family. He ate with Lord Babington at the Crown Hotel, never had breakfast and was always out for lunch. The meetings between Sindey and Lord Babington were referred as work meetings by Tom, but Charlotte knew that Sidney simply didn't want to be in her presence.

It was as if they just continued to live as strangers, married on paper and for society, but who otherwise wanted nothing to do with each other. In fact, it was even worse than before the wedding, since they had talked to one another at least now and then at that time.

The whole situation was painful and hurtful for Charlotte, even if she just couldn't bring herself to explain why. After all, she shouldn't really care because she hadn't really wanted to marry him. No, actually she should be happy about the fact that he wasn't forcing her to live with him.

But she wasn't.

On the contrary, she missed him in a strange way, which is why she couldn't prevent her heart skipping as she stepped through the front door of Trafalgar House. The first thing she heard was Sidney's dark voice, sending a shiver down her spine.

"... because I know exactly that we talked about this, Tom." He said apparently angry, and since the two brothers were standing in the living room of the house, she could hear them both very well.

"Yes we have. I remember your concerns about the high spending," Tom replied, now slightly annoyed."But I also remember you saying that London society needs something luxury and something special, that's why I decided on the chandeliers."

Undecided what to do, Charlotte went to the breakfast room, where she found a worried Mary. Charlotte sat down silently on the sofa next to her and smiled as her sister-in-law took her hand. Mary had welcomed her back into her household sadly, but with loving friendliness, and it was clear that the two women were very happy to have each other as support.

"The chandeliers?" Sidney called now in a hoarse voice, and Charlotte turned in the direction he had to be.“You have ordered several? Have you gone mad?"

Suddenly Tom appeared in the room with long strides, but turned to his brother at the table, who followed him a little more slowly and with a visibly tense body.

"There are three of them, and you will see that the entrance hall of the terraces will look wonderful with it," he enthusiastically raised his arms to the ceiling, as if the imposing light dispensers were hanging here."Just wonderful ...".

Sidney rolled his eyes angrily and put one hand against the door frame. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a white dress and he knew immediately that it was Charlotte. Distracted by this fact for a moment, he stopped paying attention to Tom as the muscles in his body twitched.

Probably never in his life had he been as tense as he had been in the past couple of days. He had barely been able to sleep properly since his wedding night, which he'd spent in that damn armchair.   
Her reaction to him that awful evening had struck him more than he wanted to admit. Even if he had tried to ignore all of that, he soon had to realize that he was not very successful with it. Again and again he saw her frightened face in front of his eyes and each time felt a pain because of her bad opinion of him.   
To calm his body and his mind, he went swimming in the sea every morning, careful to make it to the beach before Charlotte, who he could mostly see from a distance on his way back.

He avoided her, tried everything in order not to meet her, but kept turning around because he believed he could sense her presence behind him. Until now he hadn't had the courage to ask her how she had imagined her life and where she wanted to live. He knew he was going to buy her a house wherever she wanted to settle - to give her her own household and home - but was afraid to hear where that would be.   
Perhaps she would want to return to Willingden, which would inevitably mean that they would hardly see each other. He needed a little more time to maybe get over the disappointment in his heart, just as he wanted to give her the opportunity to put her fear of him under control.

In the last few days he had kept his promise to himself to unsettle her as little as possible with his presence, although it was really difficult for him to be honest. Even now he only nodded briefly to acknowledge her. She returned his gaze and bit her lip nervously, causing him quickly to look away from her again.

"Come on ..., come on," Tom called at that moment, making Sidney growl in annoyance."Mary, Miss Heywood, let's go, we have to hurry."

Charlotte had been watching Sidney the whole time and had seen him flinch when Tom addressed her.He had opened his mouth furiously, but Tom hastily pushed him out the door and kept shouting that they had to hurry.   
Neither she nor Mary knew where to go, but they both got up to follow Tom. Since it was clear that she and Sidney were not getting on really well, Tom had become a little kinder to her and Charlotte didn't want to do anything to cause his anger again. After all, she lived in his house and she wanted to be friendly.

Sidney was still standing in the hallway, and as she walked past him, their eyes met for a moment. The muscle in his jaw twitched and he looked so dark that Charlotte wondered what was bothering him so much.It couldn't be the name Tom had used to address her, so it had to be the chandeliers - or was he just annoyed that he hadn't been able to avoid her today?

Confused about the purpose of this walk and confused by the intensity of Sidney’s gaze, Charlotte hastily got her bonnet and coat and followed Mary outside. Tom was already waiting impatiently, but when Charlotte came outside alone, he stormed past her again into the house.

Frozen, Sidney stood in the semidark hallway, trying not to overreact. But had his brother really just called his wife _Miss Heywood_?   
His anger threatened to boil over and he took a deep breath. While they didn't exactly live as a married couple, it was as blatant an insult to Charlotte as it was to him.

"Sidney ...". Tom's loud voice made him look up, and at the demanding tone he sighed angrily.But his brother just waved his hand impatiently. "Are you coming?" He exclaimed as if it were a given that Sidney would go wherever he wanted him to go.Tom didn't wait for an answer either, but stormed outside to lead the two women down the street.

Charlotte hesitated, but not wanting to walk with Sidney, she accepted Tom's arm. But she looked over her shoulder as the front door of Trafalger House rattled and saw Sidney follow alone with raised eyebrows and a sullen face.

"Where are we going anyway, Tom?" Asked Mary finally, but then they stopped in front of the new terrace.

"To look at the new chandeliers, of course, Mary," laughed Tom, putting his hands on his hips. He seemed perfectly pleased with himself, but then discovered Lady Denham and greeted her effusively. "Welcome, Lady Denham, ... welcome ...".

Sighing, Charlotte turned away and looked around. She had nowhere to see Sidney and wondered if he had even followed them here.

"How are you, Mrs. Charlotte Parker," came Lady Denham's voice suddenly next to her, and Charlotte turned nervously.

"Very well, Lady Denham ...," she replied a little too quickly, hoping the old lady would leave her alone.

"I haven't seen you and your new husband since your wedding, but apparently he likes to spend his evenings in the taproom of the Crown Hotel, as you can hear." Lady Denham's voice was sharp and Charlotte flushed.

"He tries hard to support his brother to make this town a success. It is therefore also necessary to attend business meetings," she tried to find a reasonable answer, but the raised eyebrows and the attentive gaze of the woman showed that it wasn't very believable.

Looking around for a way out of the situation, Charlotte saw old Mr. Stringer.He was still limping a little from his injury, but he carried a heavy box under his arm and headed for the door to the entrance hall of the terraces.

"Please excuse me for a moment, Lady Denham," said Charlotte, curtsied politely and then walked up to Mr. Stringer. Anything was better than talking to this woman.

"Mr. Stringer,” she called, seeing the man look at her confused."You shouldn't be carrying so heavily, your leg still doesn't seem to be completely healed." Old Stringer snorted and walked on, but Charlotte followed.

"The work has to be done, Miss," he said, forgetting just like Tom that she was married."Not everyone can stand around important, otherwise this building will never be finished."

The man threw a sullen look at his son, who was standing with Tom, and then went through the door into the inside of the building.

"You should take it slow, Mr. Stringer, remember what Dr. Fuchs had said,“ scolded Charlotte and followed him through the wide entrance.But as soon as she was inside she stopped in astonishment.

The three chandeliers on the high ceiling were breathtakingly beautiful. She took several steps in admiration into the center of the room while her eyes wandered.

"Yeah, just look at it, it turned out to be impressive," said Old Stringer proudly, pointing to the carved stone figures on the wall. "I have made the figures, you see?"

"They are really beautiful," Charlotte muttered in awe, slowly turning in circles.

"Mr. Parker, can I have a word?"

Sidney heard James Stringer quietly trying to get Tom's attention, but didn't take his eyes off Charlotte.She spoke to Stringer's father and followed him straight into the new building. Wondering what they were doing here now and what Tom had brought them all here for, he stepped closer to his brother and raised his eyebrows when he heard Stringer say.

"... I've already said it bevore, but I'll say it again, Mr. Parker. I'm not sure whether the ceiling construction can really support the weight of the three heavy chandeliers."

Sidney looked worriedly at the building Charlotte had just disappeared into. Had he just heard right?

"Mr. Stringer. I've calculated the load on the ceiling structure, so don't worry.” Tom sounded annoyed and waved his hand away, but Stringer insisted on speaking to him.

“Yes, I also calculated the weight. But originally we planned with one chandelier, not three, and my calculation says that the ceiling cannot hold three."

They weren't serious, right?Sidney stepped forward, his face in complete disbelief.

“What does he mean by that, Tom?” He asked in a dark voice. "That's not the truth, is it? Who decided to hang these chandeliers when the weight is too high?"

Tom just snorted and waved his hand again, but James turned to Sidney. “I reported my concerns last week. But your brother didn't want to hear about it and had someone come from London to hang up the chandeliers this early morning.”   
James sounded unsure, but he looked completely shocked when he heard a strange crack. Like wooden beams that broke apart ...

Sidney was immediately panicked. He had absolutely no knowledge what the strange cracking meant, but there was only one thought left in his head - inside this building was Charlotte, and it wasn't safe there.

Without paying attention that both Tom and Mr. Stringer looked at him confused, his feet moved with quick steps towards the door to the terraces. The deafening rumble that suddenly emitted from the building made his heart stop and he began to run.

"Charlotte ...".

Sidney screamed, and his own voice shrilled in his ears. He didn't even notice he was losing his hat, but ran as fast as he could through the wooden door when the first blocks of stone fell from the ceiling of the entrance hall. The damn ceiling really collapsed, which was almost incomprehensible to him. How could that have happened?

As soon as he had looked around, he was horrified to find that Charlotte was standing directly under one of the dangerously wobbling chandeliers and had clasped her hands over her mouth.   
At the door stood a completely confused-looking Mr. Stringer, whom Sidney only pushed out of the building on an impulse. His focus was entirely on Charlotte, and he barely registered himself shouting her name again.

"Charlotte ...".

The dust from the falling stones stung her eyes, but she turned to the sound of the voice.Was that Sidney?

It was clearly his deep, dark voice, but he sounded completely panicked. The rumble of the falling stones and the breaking of the wood was loud in her ears, causing her to lose her orientation, but suddenly she was grabbed by two strong hands.

Without thinking, Sidney had run towards her. He had to get her out of here, the fear that something might happen to her paralyzed his thoughts, but he just forced himself to act.

As soon as he reached her, he grabbed her blindly and dragged her with him towards the front door.But then the first chandelier fell, shards of glass splashed around them from the shattering lamps and to protect her, he pressed her flat against the next wall with his body and shielded her.

She was downright tiny compared to him and had her eyes closed. With his arms to the left and right of her head, she was completely enclosed in his body, which made Charlotte feel completely safe. Without thinking about it, she pressed her head against him, just below his chin, trying to calm her breathing.

She couldn't understand what was happening here, she only knew that he had come to protect her.The warmth that rushed through her at that thought was overwhelming.   
The hard, tense muscles of his body pressed against her softer shapes, the strength that he so obviously possessed impressed her and made her press herself even closer against him.

Sidney, though, could only think of getting her out of here. He felt her quick breath hit his skin under his tie, making him shudder. He couldn't resist looking down at her for a moment, without moving an inch away from her.   
To see how she pressed herself against him and had probably unconsciously clasped her hands around his coat, did something strange to his heart. But he ignored every feeling that seeped through his body and only focused on one thing. To get her to safety.

Concerned, he looked at the front door, then at the ceiling. The stones there seemed to be firm, so he pulled away from Charlotte, put his arm around her and dragged her with him to finally get her out of this building.

The moment they stumbled into daylight, Tom, James Stringer and Fred Robinson grabbed them and pulled them away from the entrance from which a cloud of dust came.   
But Sidney was unable to let go of Charlotte. He barely heard his brother's screams and James' worried questions to Charlotte whether she was all right. His own blood rushed in his ears, he only felt her trembling body against his and finally stopped to turn her to face him.

"Are you all right?"

Sidney had to know if she was hurt, if she was fine and didn't even notice how tight he was clutching her shoulders.But she just looked at him without answering - with huge eyes and a face covered in dust.

"Charlotte ...," Sidney called in panic, why didn't she answer?"Are you hurt?"

What happened? Charlotte was confused, scared, and yet perfectly calm. For the sole reason that he hadn't let go of her once. The firm grip of his hands stabilized her and gave her an absolute feeling of security.

Only when she noticed his eyes staring worriedly into hers and heard his panicked voice say her name did she feel the tension that emanated from his body and felt his quick breath on her face. Was he really afraid for her?

"I'm fine," she mumbled softly and began to cough as her throat was scratchy from the dust and dirt.

Cursing and suddenly full of anger, Sidney looked around and only now noticed Tom right next to him. A little further on stood Mary with a pale, completely frightened face, but Babington and Esther were with her.Unfortunately also Lady Denham, who looked quite angry and scolded to herself.But none of that mattered to Sidney, he only heard Charlottes pressed cough.

"Get Doctor Fuchs to come to Trafalger House," he growled in the direction of his brother without waiting for an answer.

In a single movement, he bent down slightly, put an arm under Charlotte's knee, and picked her up.She was still coughing, but drew in a startled breath as he pressed her to his body.   
At first Sidney was afraid she would shrink back from him again, but she didn't. Instead, she gratefully let him carry her back to his brother's house. She could have walked well enough on her own, but there was something comforting about being so close to him.

Had he carried her like this in his arms after she and Gerorgiana were ambushed outside the Crown Hotel?   
Did his hands also feel so hot on her body back then, even through her many layers of clothing?   
Was she also able to feel the movements of his muscles back then?   
She couldn't remember ...

"Take her upstairs, Sidney, Mr. Robinson will be right back with the doctor." That was Mary, who suddenly appeared next to Sidney and opened the door for him. He just nodded, still panicked, and carried Charlotte up the stairs.

It was the first time he went to her room, but he hardly paid any attention.He only saw the bed but hesitated to put her down. He didn't want to let go of her, enjoying her weight in his arms and her soft body on his, which caused a hot burn inside of him.   
But since Mary was already pulling the sheets aside, he had no choice. So he laid her gently on the mattress, but stayed bent over her.

"Charlotte ...," he muttered hoarsely, as his throat burned from the dust as well. Only now did he realize that he had been using her first name the whole time ... it felt strangely nice to call her that."Are you hurt? Are you in pain?"

Charlotte opened her mouth to answer him, but was prevented from doing so. Because at that very moment, Dr. Fuchs entered the room and asked what had happened to her.

Compulsively, Charlotte had to keep herself from reaching and holding him as Sidney reluctantly pulled away from her. His face disappeared over hers, she heard Mary ask him to leave the room and tried to sit up, but Dr. Fuchs pushed her back onto the bed.

"So, mein liebes Fräulein, tell me what happened to you," said the doctor kindly and began to examine her while Charlotte's thoughts turned in circles.

Her heart was still racing, but not with fear, but because Sidney had been so close to her.She also still felt his warmth and his arms around her body. And heard him hoarsely say her name ...

Georgiana's words came to her mind when she asked if she had fallen in love with Sidney. Of course that was nonsense, but in any case Charlotte had to admit that she felt something for her husband, even if she couldn't exactly say what it was.

~

"Mr.Parker, explain to me now what just happened here."

Lady Denham stood furiously in Tom's study and put her hands on her hips when Sidney came down the stairs, still breathing heavily and tense.

"Lady Denham, I ... I don't know how that could happen." Troubled, Tom stammered while nervously pacing up and down in front of the model of his town.

"I entrusted you with my money, and what did you do with it?" Accusingly, Lady Denham pointed her finger at Tom, who had turned pale and stopped.“A pile of dust and dirt, nothing more.I should never have invested in your crazy ideas."

Soothingly, Tom approached the old lady, his face pleading.

“Please, Lady Denham.We ... we will rebuild it, more beautiful and better than before.You should have seen the entrance hall with the chandeliers. It looked breathtaking and we will restore it in exactly the same way."

"Breathtaking?" Snorted Lady Denham.“Everything collapsed.I will certainly never enter one of the buildings you have built, you infuriating man."

She turned around disparagingly while Tom ran after her. It was downright embarrassing to watch. But then Lady Denham stopped and turned angrily.

“I want my money back, Mr. Parker, as quickly as possible. And don't think I'll even pay a penny for the rebuilding."

With that, the old lady rushed out of the room, gave Sidney, who was standing tense at the door, only an angry look, and left Trafalger House with the doors slamming. Completely horrified, Tom stood frozen for a moment before he saw his brother.

“Sidney, thank God. We have to do everything we can to put this back in order. I'm sure you know how, right?” He sounded completely convinced his brother would help and didn't even notice the anger on his face.

"Is Mr. Stringer right?" It was only a growl that Sidney escaped, but he was so angry he couldn't do anything else. "Did he tell you before that the weight of the chandeliers is too much?"

Tom looked at him in confusion before waving his hand dismissively.

"Nonsense, the man just disagreed because the idea came from me. I am sure the workers made a mistake.I calculated the weight, everything should have worked."

Sidney took a step forward, unable to hold back.

"But it didn't," he exclaimed in suppressed panic. “The ceiling collapsed right above her.Did you even think once what could have happened to her?"

Suddenly he was overwhelmed by fear when the thought occurred to him that Charlotte might have died today.   
Startled, he turned away so as not to show the turmoil inside of him. The intensity of his own fear surprised him, he felt as if he could barely breathe while his heart was racing. Desperately he tried to convince himself that he was just worried, nothing more - but knew that was not true.

It seemed to take a moment for Tom to understand what Sidney was talking about.He had completely forgotten that someone could have been injured, he only thought of his building.

"Who are you talking about? Do you mean Miss Heywood?" He asked and did not notice how his brother's hands closed into fists. "Nothing happened to her, and if she hadn't just walked into the building, you wouldn't have had to follow her at all."

The re-use of Charlotte's maiden name was too much. Sidney exploded and couldn't control his voice.

" _Mrs. Parker_ ..., her name is Mrs. Charlotte Parker," he yelled in anger, staring at his brother.He didn't know why that fact was so important to him, but it was important. "She is up there in her room and is being met by Dr. Fuchs examines. She could easily have been killed by one of the falling stones."

Surprised by his brother's outburst, Tom backed away.What had gotten into him to yell at him like that?

"Calm down, Sidney, please," he said, offended and with furrowed eyebrows."I can understand that you are concerned, but there is no need to talk to me like that."

“I don't _want_ to calm down. You put her in danger, but of course you think everyone else is to blame."

Tom didn't understand what was wrong with Sidney and got angry at being treated like that by him. After all, he was the older brother.

“None of this is my fault, and I certainly didn't want any of this either. You're acting completely out of control, as if it were your real wife to whom something could have happened. It's not like she's really close to you, is it? Remember this marriage is just a sham and stop treating me - your own brother - like that.”   
Tom spoke out loud, which made Sidney even angrier.The words Tom said, or rather what he implied by them, hit him deep inside and Sidney couldn't handle them. He knew she had only married him for a reason, but he'd never been as scared as he was for Charlotte in this damned building. He felt like she was the person who was actually closest to him, but didn't want to admit it.

"Of course we didn't get married out of love, but out of necessity to protect her - it doesn't mean anything," he cried out angrily, also to remind himself of this fact. "But that doesn't mean I want anything to happen to her. For God's sake ..., I'm responsible for her after all."

Breathless and suddenly exhausted, Sidney leaned his hands against the mantelpiece and hung his head. The screaming didn't improve the painful scratching in his throat, and he swallowed hard. The feelings that flooded him overwhelmed him and he felt an urgent need to leave this house and preferably this town.

"Dr. Fuchs just left,” came Mary's hesitant voice from the door, and Sidney turned to her. She looked very worried, and fear crept up his spine again.

"I'm afraid he heard you talk, just like ... like everyone in this house," she said, looking back and forth between her own husband and Sidney. "I asked him to maintain secrecy and he agreed."

Sidney frowned for a moment until he realized what he and Tom had just been talking about - his loveless marriage to Charlotte. He pushed the thought away as his concern for her regained control.

"How is she doing?Did he say if she is hurt?” It hurt himself to speak now, but he just ignored it.

“Charlotte is fine, she just inhaled too much dust, just like you. She should spare her voice and drink a lot of tea.” Mary stepped closer and gently stroked her brother-in-law's arm. "She was lucky that you helped her out of there. Dr. Fuchs advised her to stay in bed for a few days so that her body and head could rest."   
It was obvious that Sidney was very concerned, but his words about the marriage between him and Charlotte still echoed in Mary's ears. She eyed him carefully to see what was going on inside him, but when Sidney turned away and clenched his teeth, she sighed softly and looked at Tom.

"How did this all happen?Why did this ceiling collapse?” She asked desperately."What are we going to do now?"

Tom didn't know the answer and looked at Sidney for help as usual. Frustrated, he snorted, went to the desk and looked over the papers he had sorted.

“Your finances are miserable, Tom.So if Lady Denham really wants her money back, then you have a serious problem.” Sighing, he turned to look at Tom, who just stared at his model of this damn town.

"The insurance should cover the damage, at least I hope so, but we have to postpone the regatta so that London society doesn't come here and find only a destroyed building."

Mary rubbed her arms worriedly, but Tom had turned sharply to Sidney.

"Well ... I think ... I don't think the insurance will pay ...," he muttered, turning pale.

“Why not, I went through the insurance documents with you before you took out the policy.Such damage is included. Well ... at least if it wasn't intentional."

Sidney watched Tom closely and an uncomfortable feeling overcame him.Something was wrong ...

"The ... the insurance expenses were way too high, Sidney," Tom began to whine and nervously kneaded his hands."There were always other requirements that were more important ...".

Sidney looked at his brother in disbelief and again he had to tense his whole body so as not to grab him.

"You ... what?" He hissed through clenched teeth.All anger was back and it was getting too much.“You didn't take out the insurance? Are you completely insane?"

"Sidney, you need to understand ... the construction of the building seemed to be more important to me," pleaded Tom, and when Sidney didn't answer, he continued.“You're right, we're postponing the regatta and rebuilding the entrance hall. I'll get Mr. Stringer to start immediately.I'm sure you will be able to reassure Lady Denham, and ... well."

He stopped uncertainly because, as Sidney had said, his own finances were miserable.But how could he say he needed his brother's help?

But Sidney understood it that way too. He tensed up so as not to scream, and Mary's presence alone stopped him in the end. Taking a deep breath, he folded his hands behind his back and looked Tom openly in the face.

“You want me to pay for it, don't you? That is what you were about to say, didn't you?I'm supposed to speak to Lady Denham and pay for the repairs. What else Tom?" Sidney's voice was dark and tense, but also a little sarcastic. "How do you think I should find the money for this?"

Mary sobbed.She loved Tom, but he was unbearable in some ways and she fully understood Sidney’s anger.

“We are a family, Sidney.We have to stand together - we are Parkers... and now we need your help.” Tom stepped up to Sidney, knowing full well that his brother would do what he wanted of him. Despite his rough manner, Sidney cared about his family, and Tom knew he wouldn't let him down.

The brief silence in the study was almost deafening, until Sidney exhaled audibly.

"I'll leave for London at once," he said quietly."Mr. Stringer should write me what he needs, I will order it."

When Tom's face brightened and he patted his shoulder happily, Sidney turned away. "You will have to speak to Lady Denham alone, however."

He paused in front of Mary, hugged her as he always did, and asked her a favor in a low voice. "Would you take care of Charlotte for me, please? She should really rest and stay in bed."

When Mary nodded, he took long strides out of the study. At the foot of the stairs he stopped - he knew he couldn't go without seeing her one last time.   
At the same time, however, the desire to take her with him was so strong that he feared his own actions. She had to rest, the long journey in a carriage would be far too exhausting for her, even if he knew that she was a lot stronger than most other women.

Still, he went slowly upstairs to her room, but when he reached the door he hesitated again. It took him some time before he managed to knock softly on her door.   
But there was no answer.   
Sidney knocked again, while his heart was already contracting painfully. Was she angry because she heard his words? Wouldn't she even invite him in so he could say goodbye to her? 

After the third unanswered knock, he barely managed not to hit the door hard with his fist. Defeated and disappointed, he stepped back, closed his eyes for a moment, and then practically ran down the stairs. Shortly afterwards the front door could be heard, it slammed shut with a loud noise.

"Hasn't he even said goodbye to Charlotte now?" Confused, Mary went into the hallway but Sidney had obviously left. She had been sure that she had heard him go up the stairs, but the time was far too short for him to speak to Charlotte.

"Why should he? He's hardly obliged to do it, and we have far more important things to do now,” came Tom's nagging voice from the study. “This marriage was a mistake, I said that from the start. It's ridiculous, did you hear him talk to me earlier? He yelled at me ... ".

Frustrated, Tom sat down at his desk, where he couldn't find anything.Everything was way too neat and he sighed.

Mary looked at him in disbelief and anger before shaking her head.“She almost got hurt today. His concern is completely understandable, after all ... ”.  
Tom interrupted her with a hiss, whereupon Mary finally lost patience with him.

"I haven't really figured out where your real grudge against your brother's marriage came from, but if you don't want to ruin your own marriage then you should stop your terrible behavior. Otherwise you'll soon find yourself alone in this house without me and your children." With that she left the study and stormed up the stairs.

Angry, Sidney left the house and went straight to the stables where his horse was housed. He had to get out of here, he needed distance to be able to think clearly again. The events of that day were simply too much, which is why he gave up the carriage to clear his thoughts on a sharp ride.

A short time later he was riding along the coast, out of Sanditon and towards London.The wind tore at his coat, it was cool and windy, but he could still feel her warm breath on his neck.

Sidney felt like he was going crazy and he had to put a lot of distance between himself and Charlotte.This time she hadn't been scared when he touched her, even if she had been surprised. It seemed more to him that she was trying to hold him as he left her room after Dr. Fuchs had arrived.   
But why hadn't she opened the door when he knocked? Her renewed rejection hit him hard and he knew he had to stay away from her.

She got way too close to him, and that was definitely not good for him.


	8. Aftereffects of the disaster

His true but hurtful words, which he had shouted so loudly that they could be heard throughout the whole house, still echoed in Charlotte's ears. Frustrated, she tried to press her pillow against her ears so as not to hear his voice anymore, but to no avail.

_Of course we didn't get married out of love, but out of necessity to protect her - it doesn't mean anything_.

Yes, of course that was true.  
But still she had forgotten it for a moment when he had pressed her so frightened against the wall in the collapsing entrance hall.When he had lifted her into his arms to carry her here and when he had bent over her in her bed with worry.  
For a moment she had thought she really meant something to him, but obviously she was wrong. Because she also could still hear the door slam when he left without saying goodbye to her, and it felt like a blow that hit her body.

He just left ... without a word.

As now, she had pressed a pillow over her head back then so as not to hear more of what the man said in an angry voice who had had to marry her. It hurt way too much, but the door slamming had been so loud that she could still hear it.

Despite the pounding of her own heartbeat at her thoughts of Sidney, she could hear the children in the hall as Mary led them to breakfast. Down in the street she heard a carriage go by, and if she listened carefully, she could even hear the hammering of the workers.  
But she didn't want to get up. She felt angry, disappointed, and hurt, but she also felt something else - something that she had been suppressing until now. Maybe she just had to finally accept that she was sad?

Sad because her husband didn't want her and left her here alone in Sanditon. It also made her sad that she had to lie to her family.Just last week she had forced herself to write to them and tell them about her beautiful wedding. Yesterday her mother replied with a short letter in which she had written that she was glad about her daughter's happiness, but that she was disappointed not to have been a part of it. Her happiness ... if only it were so.

Sighing, Charlotte turned on her back and stared at the ceiling.  
She hardly recognized herself because she had never been so uprooted and felt so insecure about her own opinion and strength.  
She didn't want to feel like that, which is why she hit her fists on the mattress and finally got up. Suddenly angry that she had withdrawn so much into herself, she decided that she had to change that.  
Her father had always said that you had to believe in yourself to achieve the things you wanted. Although she didn't really know what she wanted about Sidney, she knew she wanted to be useful and needed.

She had to stop being sad and disappointed - she had to start being herself again.

With a deep breath she left her room, and as soon as she went downstairs, she was greeted happily by Jenny and Alicia, who waved to her from the table. Smiling, Charlotte walked closer, sat next to Henry and had to help him eat his toast immediately.

"Good morning, Charlotte," Mary smiled kindly, but watched her young sister-in-law carefully. “You haven't been to the beach this morning? The children have already missed you."

Charlotte looked up uncertain.Perhaps she should talk to Mary about what had happened so far in order to better understand things?

“Unfortunately I slept a little too long today. I think I'll take a walk later. Otherwise I will miss the fresh air all day,” she replied, frowning. “Maybe you want to join me?"

"Oh, mom, please, can we go?" Jenny looked pleadingly at her mother, who immediately smiled and nodded.

"Sure, that would be nice in this weather." Mary looked at Charlotte. She wanted to talk to her anyway and that would be the perfect opportunity.  
But just as they had finished their breakfast there was a knock on the door and Lady Denham, followed by Esther and Lord Babington, stormed through the door.

"Where is that terrible Mr. Parker?" She called in the hallway, whereupon Esther groaned softly.

"Please aunt, can we politely say hello first?" Since her engagement to Lord Babington, and since she was out of Edward's presence, she was a lot friendlier and even happier. When she saw Mary and Charlotte in the drawing room, she came up to them with an annoyed look at her aunt to apologize.

"Please excuse our early intrusion, but my aunt had no rest this morning."

At the noises Tom stormed out of the study to greet the guests in his normal, exuberant way.

"Lady Denham, Lord Babington, what a pleasure to see you here this morning," he called with a beaming smile and beckoned the guests into the drawing room. "Please come in and enjoy a cup of tea with us."

"I don't want a cup of tea, Mr. Parker," scolded Lady Denham, but went into the parlor anyway."I want to know where my money is that I gave you as an investmen."

Esther rolled her eyes, which made Charlotte and Lord Babington chuckle before they all guiltily bowed their heads. Tom stood nervously in the middle of the room, rubbing his hands together before raising his eyebrows and clearing his throat.

“Your money, Lady Denham? Didn't you see that new labor materials and stones being brought here? You will see that the damage on the terraces will be repaired shortly ... ”.

Lady Denham snorted and interrupted Tom.“I walked past your building today and it looks awful. It's an eyesore and if I don't get my money back I'll ruin you, Tom Parker."

Tom said nothing, shocked. How dare this woman speak of his building like that?  
Since no one else said anything, Charlotte stepped forward. Despite everything, she loved this town, this family, and she couldn't bear to see Tom's - and Sidney's - work being so degraded.

"Forgive me, Lady Denham, but you would make a mistake if you withdrew your investments now." Her voice was only low, but Lady Denham abruptly turned to her. She looked her up and down, but before the woman could verbally abuse her, Charlotte spoke again. “The building is really impressive, I saw the entrance hall with the chandeliers before the accident happened. The faster it is restored, the faster you can earn money with it."

Lady Denham came slowly towards her, but Charlotte did not back away.She certainly wasn't afraid of this woman.

"Oh, you think so, don't you? And who, if I may ask, is going to pay for the rebuilding? I will definitely not do it."

Finally Tom seemed to have found his voice again, as he audibly cleared his throat and stepped between Lady Denham and Charlotte. “I've taken care of everything, Lady Denham. My dear brother Sidney is in London to order the new materials on my behalf, of course in consultation with Mr. Stringer.You don't need to worry about it, Lady Denham, everything is settled.” Tom sounded proud while Charlotte frowned in surprise.

Yesterday she had seen the huge stones that had been brought here by barge.So that was why he went to London?To help his family and to order the building materials on Tom's behalf?  
But how could Tom pay for all of this? After all, she had heard over and over again how the brothers discussed the fact that Tom's finances were so bad.

To hide her confusion, she took a few steps to one side, but then caught a curious look from Lord Babington.He watched her and Charlotte smiled because she liked the man, but felt a little uncomfortable.

“Why did he leave you here, Mrs. Parker?I would think that he would like to have you with him so soon after your wedding?"

It took Charlotte a while to realize that Lady Denham was talking to her.Her tone was condescending, as was the expression on her face and Charlotte had to suppress a shudder.

"Um ... forgive me," She stuttered nervously, not knowing what to say.  
But she wasn't going to be humiliated, not here, not again. She was done being insulted, so she straightened up and proudly lifted her chin. “I don't know why it should be of any interest to you, Lady Denham, but Sidney has had to get out of town quickly and obviously has a lot to do in London. I would just be in the way, so it makes more sense for me to help Mary with the children here."  
To keep her voice from shaking, she clenched her hands into fists. She looked Lady Denham openly in the face until she nodded and turned away.

"So, well, well ...," mumbled the old lady and finally sat down at the table. Mary asked for tea when Tom and Esther sat down too, only Lord Babington and Charlotte remained standing.

"Still, I am not convinced to leave my money in your hands," snorted Lady Denham, still reluctantly, and gave Tom a challenging look.

“You must trust me, Lady Denham.Something must have been installed incorrectly, that is the only explanation for this accident. This time, I'll be meticulous about the correct construction, believe me.” The accusation Tom made was incredible. Mary looked angry but said nothing, and Charlotte remained silent too.

“Ha, trust you? How am I supposed to trust you? You are a miserable businessman and an utterly chaotic person. You have already promised me so many things that unfortunately never happened.Instead of a beautiful building that would highlight my investment, we now have an eyesore in the town."

When Tom started to moan about how unfairly he was being treated here, Charlotte thought about what Lady Denham had just said and a thought occurred to her.She cleared her throat softly as she bravely took a step forward.

"Lady Denham, may I make a suggestion?" Tom looked reluctant, but Lady Denham nodded to her, which is why Charlotte continued to speak.   
“You just said your investment should be highlighted and you are absolutely right. Anyone who comes here from London or elsewhere should know that there is a special patron of the town who cares about its success.”  
Although Lady Denham had raised her eyebrows with skepticism, Charlotte could see that she was listening attentively, so she went on talking with more enthusiasm.   
“I saw a couple of stone sculptures in the entrance hall, before the ceiling collapsed, that old Mr. Stringer had made. They were really very impressive and beautiful, but how about if he made a sculpture of you instead of lifeless figures?"

A sharp inhalation from Tom made Charlotte look up at him startled and she saw that his face was already all red. He probably felt offended because he thought the town was his. Charlotte had to suppress a roll of her eyes, but smiled reassuringly and continued to speak.

“It would certainly be impressive if a stone sculpture of the main investor in town - so one of you Lady Denham, and of the visionary and constructor - so one of you, Mr. Parker, watched over the entrance hall of the terrace building forever. Also, you could sign a contract with the Parker family, Lady Denham, stating that if your investment ..., lets say in five years? ... isn't financially viable, you want your money paid back in installments. That would buy Mr. Parker a little more time ... ".   
Charlotte looked questioningly at Lord Babington, who nodded in agreement. It was a good suggestion, even if Tom saw it very differently from what was clearly visible on his face.

"I'm not making any more contracts with him ...," scolded Lady Denham and looked at Tom, obviously unwilling to give in.But Charlotte nodded and made another suggestion, even if she blushed.

"Then sign a contract with Sidney," she said in a firm voice, avoiding looking at anyone. "He is ... as far as I've heard ... a good businessman, and he keeps his word. Just like Tom, of course," she added hastily, not wanting to offend Tom.“You don't _want_ to trust Mr. Parker, but he is the constructor of this town. Sidney will always support his brother in this, so he will surely make an arrangement with you that is acceptable to you if you so wish, Lady Denham."

When Charlotte looked up, she noticed the curious expression and the amused grin on the older lady's face, but didn't react to it. But Lord Babington supported her suggestion, whereupon Lady Denham nodded.

"I'll have a suitable contract drawn up. Sidney will surely agree to it." Babington was impressed by Charlotte's business knowledge and her courage to assert herself against Tom, which is why he gladly offered his help.It brought him a grateful look from Charlotte, who was apparently still thinking.  
And so it was, a new thought formed in her brain and her face lit up. Esther smiled, slightly amused, but motioned her to a chair next to her.

“Maybe it would also be good to give the building a name, something that people remember.We could also name the regatta after that so that the event is linked to the building and thus has a connection with each other."

Now Tom seemed to be thrilled again too, as he excitedly came closer.

"I have also often thought about naming it ...," he began and then proudly put a hand on his chest. “To give the building a name, I mean. It is not uncommon for such outstanding buildings to be named after their constructor."

Lady Denham snorted and took a sip of her tea. Obviously she didn't like naming the terraces after Tom and Charlotte feared that she had made the situation even worse with her suggestion when Esther suddenly came to her aid.

“With all due respect, the name ‚ _Tom Parker terraces‘_ will not leave much of an impression.It should be something more mysterious. Something like ‚ _Lady Margaret's house_ ‘ or ‚ _Margaret's terraces_ ‘. The regatta could also be called ‚ _Lady Margaret of Sanditon Regatta_ ‘. That wouldn't be as intrusive as using the name Parker or Denham. Everyone would wonder who _Margaret_ is anyway."

Lady Denham seemed pleased while Tom pouted. Charlotte hadn't known Lady Denham's first name, but Esther's idea was brilliant.

“I think that's an excellent suggestion. London society likes such things, I am sure they will be delighted.” With a warm smile, Lord Babington looked at Esther, who replied it with a raised head.“We just have to think about how we should make the ‚ _Lady Margaret of Sanditon Regatta_ ‘ known. We have to find a way to establish Sanditon as a vacation spot for the beau monde."

“We need an invitation to a London ball where all the important personalities are present.I've already written to Sidney about it, but I haven't received an answer yet.” Still with little enthusiasm, Tom looked at Lord Babington, as if he could shake an invitation to a ball up his sleeves.

For a moment there was silence until Esther looked up at her fiancé, a questioning look on her face.

"Why don't we hold our own ball?" She asked, whereupon everyone looked at her.“Not here in Sanditon, but in a place that London society already knows. Didn't you say that there used to be balls on your family's estate?"

Lord Babington's expression darkened for a moment, but then he seemed to force himself to smile. Esther looked concerned, but then Babington nodded. “You are right, my dear. Our family estate has a good name in society. Would you like to hold a ball there?"

"Well ... it would be a possibility.Do you think the society would accept an invitation from you?” Questioning and still a little worried, Esther held out her hand to Lord Babington, who took it with a smile.It was nice to see that Esther had actually opened up to her fiancé as she seemed much more relaxed.

"You could make some kind of ... I don't know ... kind of engagement celebration out of this," Charlotte mused, frowning.“Your wedding was set for a date two weeks before the new date for the regatta, wasn't it? That’s still almost two months. So you could announce your engagement now - maybe in three weeks at the ball and promote the two events in Sanditon."

"Oh, what a nice idea," laughed Mary, who had watched the whole conversation in silence so far.She could clearly see that Tom didn't like any of this at all as the reins were being taken out of his hands, so she tried to calm him down. “Isn't it Tom? I am sure it will work to promote our beautiful Sanditon to the London society at such an event."

Tom nodded, but was otherwise silent. However, who seemed enthusiastic was Lady Denham, who had leaned back and followed the whole conversation with an amused expression on her face.

“Oh, isn't the house very big?How about if we made it two days so that guests can stay there.Nobody will feel like riding all the way back to London after a ball,” Lord Babington had to laugh at Esther's joy at the whole thing.  
A ball had now become a two-day event. But he was glad to see her so happy and intended to support her with everything.

“Then we organize a hunt the next morning so that the gentlemen at least have something pleasant from this event. But after a hearty breakfast it's over."

"I didn't know you were a hunter, Lord Babington," grinned Esther. "If the gentlemen manage to get up so early after a ball to take part in a hunt, then they should treat themselves to the pleasure." Babington laughed and looked at his fiancée, who gave him a cocky wink.

"The ladies are of course invited to come with us," he smiled and then turned to Charlotte.“You come from a rural area, don't you? I'm sure you were taught to hunt. Since Sidney is unfortunately not very talented in this, it might be really useful if you would accompany him."

Charlotte's smile immediately faded from her face. She blushed but lowered her eyes to the floor.She didn't know what to answer and cleared her throat. But she was absolutely sure that Sidney wouldn't be happy if he had to take her on a hunt.  
"You are right, Lord Babington, my father taught me to hunt as a child," she finally replied. "However, I only ever shot rabbits, so I would hardly be of much help."

She avoided saying Sidney’s name, but smiled bravely.She knew that her husband's friend was watching her attentively and met his eyes. He nodded and smiled too, but said nothing more. Instead, Lady Denham's voice rang out, sharp as always.

“Did you see Mr. Parker?That's how fast you can get a decent plan up and running that will lead to more success than all of your crazy ideas. And now you should hurry up so that ' _Margaret's terraces'_ has a beautiful entrance hall again as soon as possible so that my sculpture can be set up there."

With these words she walked past Tom with her head held high and left the house. Everyone who stayed behind laughed, including Mary.Only Tom snorted angrily and raised his head offended.

“Well ... Mr. Parker.You still have the satisfaction that the sculpture of her head will stand next to yours in the entrance hall. So she'll be annoyed with you forever while you grin at her," said Esther, amused and a bit teasing, and stood up.  
Together with Lord Babington, she followed her aunt, but not without asking Charlotte to call on her soon to discuss further details of these two days with her.

"I don't seem to have much more to say here ..." said Tom with an annoyed look at Charlotte.“I'm going to London for a few days soon. Sidney has not replied to my last two letters, I have to see what he's been up to all the time. Also, I have to order a new chandelier because he refuses to do it. So you'll excuse me, I'll go into my study."

As soon as Tom left the room, Mary started laughing again. Charlotte couldn't resist giggling either, although she looked a little worried too.  
Still, she couldn't deny that it felt good to have finally done something helpful again, just as it felt good to assert herself against Tom.

“Come on, my dear. Let's get the children and go to the beach. Tom will certainly calm down soon, but we might leave the house to him for a while."

"I'm a little worried about you, my dear," Mary began carefully after the two of them had walked a good distance along the beach in silence. The children ran across the sand in front of them and laughed, so the two had time to talk. Charlotte looked up, surprised at Mary's words.

"I'm fine Mary, you don't have to worry about me," she said, ashamed, as she felt Mary tighten her grip on her arm.

"But I do, and I am very aware that Tom has played a large part in making you feel uncomfortable in our house now." Mary sounded very dejected, looked at her children who were collecting shells and sighed.“I tried to speak to him, but he doesn't listen to me. He's so absorbed in his town that he doesn't notice anything else.”  
Smiling, Mary turned back to Charlotte and nudged her lightly with her shoulder. “For my part, I definitely think it's very nice to have you here with us. I really enjoy having someone with whom I can talk about so many things and our children love you very much. After all you devote a lot of your time to them."

Mary hesitated, but then slowly continued. That part was the real reason she wanted to speak to Charlotte, but she understood the subject was sensitive.   
“Although I don't quite understand what exactly has happened between you and Sidney since you were married. Before the midsummer ball, he seemed very ... well, ... satisfied with having married you, so I was very surprised when he asked me the next morning if you could move back into your room in our house. I actually thought that he had planned to take you to London with him."

Charlotte had listened with a frown but hadn't answered directly. The thought that he might have wanted to take her to London with him was nice and made her heart leap strangely, but then she remembered that that obviously couldn't have been his intention.  
Because after all he had gone to London without her.

"If I'm honest, I don't understand any of this myself, Mary," said Charlotte finally with a slightly embarrassed smile.“As soon as we had left the ball, he seemed angry about something, but he hardly spoke to me.Did ... did he say something before he left for London?"

"He asked me to take care of you," Mary could see Charlotte's brow furrow at her words as if she didn't believe her. "Sidney was completely beside himself after he left you in your room with Dr. Fuchs.I've never seen him so worried, except when you continued to lie unconscious in his own bed the night after the cricket match and you didn't want to wake up even though he had pressed a damp cloth against your cheek.I think he was really scared for you."

Charlotte snorted, her face angry. That was hardly the truth, otherwise he would be here himself, wouldn't he?

"I don't think so," she said, and Mary could clearly hear her disappointment at this. "He left Sanditon without saying goodbye and since then I haven't heard a word from him - so I know very well how he regards me."

Mary stopped and forced Charlotte to do the same.She turned her gently so she could look at her and met her eyes caring.

"Charlotte ..., I don't want to interfere, but ..., Sidney ... well, he suffered a lot in his younger years." The gentle way Mary spoke about him showed how much she liked her brother-in-law, and Charlotte's heart pounded loudly in her ears.  
Although she didn't want to admit it, she really wanted to know something about him and understand why he was so desperate to keep everyone around him at a distance.  
“He can be very hard to read because he hides what he feels. Letting someone in is difficult for him, but he has a good heart.I understand that you are angry with him at the moment, but I also see that you are not indifferent to him."

Blushing, Charlotte turned away but said nothing to deny the fact. She was angry, but she longed for him to come back - to Sanditon and to her.  
Smiling softly, Mary squeezed her hand again and the two went on to catch up with the children, who were now full of wet sand.

“I'm sure Sidney will be back in the next few days. You should definitely talk to each other and finally get to know each other better. Besides, it looks like we will all soon be making a little journey to Lord Babington's estate, right?"  
When Henry called for his mother, Mary broke away from her and ran to her children, but Charlotte was frozen in thought. 

He would surely be here soon - and then she would ask him what she had done wrong.

—- ~ —-

"You look exhausted."

Although Sidney had heard the front door open one floor below and the footsteps on the stairs and in the hallway in front of his study, he was surprised to hear the voice of Babington. He looked up with a frown, only to see his friend giving him an odd look from the door.

"Babington, sorry, I was ..., I didn't notice you." With an apologetic expression on his face, Sidney stood up and offered Babington a chair in front of the fireplace."Would you like a drink?"

Babington nodded and sat down, but still watched Sidney closely.   
When he got here, his friend had been sitting in his chair, lost in thought, staring at the desk in front of him. Babington wondered what - or who - he was thinking about.  
He had also noticed the cracked knuckles on Sidney's hands, which indicated that he had taken part in an illegal boxing match - which Sindey often did and the outcome of which he and Crowe liked to bet, but it was also a sign that Sidney's temperamet was boiling and he didn't know where to put his energy.

“Are you okay, Sidney?You do really look exhausted.” When Babington repeated his assumption, Sidney snorted.

"I ran from one bank to another, but nobody wants to lend Tom a pound." He came back with two glasses and handed one to Babington. Sidney sighed and sank onto the sofa across from him before continuing. “For this reason I took out a loan in my name and offered my business as a guarantee.So if something goes wrong again, I lose everything. In addition, I've sold more of my stored goods than ever before, and all of it just because of Tom's recklessness and to be able to pay for the rebuilding."

With an ironic grin, Sidney raised his glass and toasted Babington, who returned the gesture. They both drank, with Sidney taking a much larger gulp.

"I swear I cursed myself more than once for coming back from Antigua in the first place," Sidney muttered darkly.  
He really wasn't in a good mood. Babington was silent for a moment, drank again, then set his glass on a small table next to his chair.

"The work is going well," he began slowly, but Sidney seemed to be listening, so he continued."In the almost two weeks since you left Sanditon, the rubble of the collapsed ceiling has been completely cleared and Mr. Stringer started the rebuilding." Sidney nodded.Since Tom sent him letters almost every day, he knew about everything.

"I hear that Lady Denham has calmed down?" He said with a small grin. After all, Babington would soon be related to this woman.“Who would have thought that she was just vain and wanted to have her name mentioned. Tom didn't sound very enthusiastic when he wrote to me about it, but apparently he didn't have much choice."

Thoughtfully, Babington opened his mouth to find the right words.  
"It was your wife's suggestion ...," he said cautiously, concerned about Sidney's reaction.  
He could clearly remember the panic on his friend's face when he had rescued his wife from the collapsing building, but he had been here in London for almost two weeks now and had simply left her in the care of his brother and sister-in-law. It seemed strange, even for a marriage of convenience.

Sidney didn't say anything, but his eyes darkened and his body tensed.  
He had tried to put Charlotte out of his mind since he was here, but found it was impossible. To relieve his frustration and anger over the whole situation with her and to keep himself from riding back to Sanditon to drag her into a carriage and kidnapping her to London with him, he had looked for a boxing match several times, but he had not had much success with it.  
Still, his blood boiled in his veins and the desire to have her near him was overwhelming. The only thing that had helped was work.

“The stone statues and the naming of the building with the same name as the regatta," clarified Babington. "The name itself was Esther's suggestion. Tom reddened with anger, but when Lady Denham was enthusiastic, he could hardly say anything against it."

At the thought of Tom's angry face Sidney laughed. He could well imagine Charlotte holding up against him, and strangely enough, he felt a sense of pride.

“The contract you sent me will have made her pleased too. Five years ... it's a delay for repaying her investment and gives us a little time, but it will still be hard to achieve Sanditon's success by then. But I still don't understand why I have to sign this contract and not Tom. I have nothing to do with that." He looked questioningly at Babington, who had a strange expression on his face.

"That was your wife's idea too," replied Babington, watching Sidndy's brow furrow.“Lady Denham is really angry with Tom, who accuses the workers of the misfortune. Charlotte told her if she doesn't trust Tom, then she should trust you, after all you would be a respected businessman and a man of honor."

At these words Sidney's heart began to race while his whole body froze. Why should she say something like that?

"I can hardly believe that," he muttered, staring at the glass in his hand and then drinking the burning liquid in one gulp. The memory of the day of his wedding came back and, like every time, a knot formed inside him.

"How so? Why do you think she doesn't speak well of you? After all, she's your wife, isn't she?” Babington slowly leaned forward on his chair to watch his friend's reaction. He didn't understand what was going on between these two. "On the other hand, you just left her in Sanditon as if she didn't belong to you, which might have harmed her good opinion of you."

Sidney snorted and got up to refill. He looked visibly angry and tense and Babington waited to see if he would say something.

"Her good opinion of me ...".When Sidney sat down again, his voice was just a dark growl and his face was tense. The telltale muscle in his jaw twitched, but Babington remained silent. He knew him - if he waited long enough he would speak.

"She was terrified ... in the carriage on the way to the hotel on the evening of our wedding," Sidney spoke quietly, sounding so dejected and hurt that Babington grimaced in concern. “She was startled and winced every time I touched her at the ball. Her fingers were ice cold when I offered her my hand as she got out of the carriage. She was frozen ... as if she was afraid that I would rip her clothes off her body."  
The longer he spoke, the angrier his voice got. He still couldn't understand how she could have expected such behavior from him.  
“So much for her good opinion of me. She accused me of the worst kinds of prejudice, claimed that I made my fortune in Antigua by slavery. She thought I was going to impose myself on her against her will, which is even worse than anything, so stop talking to me about her _good opinion._ I have absolutely no idea what I did to deserve all these accusations."

Again he emptied his glass in one gulp and grimaced as the spicy alcohol burned his throat. Breathing hard, he stared at his hands, unwilling to look at his friend.

"Then ... then you haven't ...?" Babington asked the question hesitantly. He understood Sidney's anger because the allegations Charlotte had made against him were really painful. Still it had been their wedding night, which is why .. well ...

"Of course not." Sidney snapped and finally looked up. The look on his face was utter incomprehension, as if it were an insult to even think about it. “That was never my intention, even if she wasn't completely afraid of me. I told her I wouldn't touch her and sat in an armchair all night. She has since returned to her room at Trafalgar House. We haven't spoken much since then, except ... well, when that damn ceiling collapsed."

To give him time to calm down, Babington took a sip of his drink himself.He thought back to the day of the accident and couldn't help but say what was in his head.

"You were scared ... for her, I mean," he stated slowly, while Sidney snorted again in frustration.“You were completely in a panic and ran into the building without thinking. Tom was beside himself, as was Mary, while the workers just stood there in shock."

Sidney breathed in audibly. He could hardly deny that he was afraid for Charlotte because that was obviously the truth.  
Since then he had woken up more than once in the middle of the night because in his dreams the chandelier fell on her every time before he could reach her.  
Shrugging, he turned his empty glass in his hands, knowing full well that Babington was watching him.

"Yes, I was scared ...," he said quietly. "She is my wife ... whether she wants it or not."

Sighing, Babington got up to refill them both. It was slowly getting dark outside, so there was nothing against just getting drunk.

“You should go back to Sanditon. People start talking. Also, you all have to go on a journey soon, and I'm sure Charlotte would like to clear some things up with you before that, as she seems very unhappy."

Sidney gratefully took the offered glass and raised his eyebrows as if to ask Babington to continue. Of course, Charlotte would be unhappy because she didn't want to be married to him, but there was nothing he could do about that.

“As I wrote you, Esther and I will get married in just under two months. Lady Denham wants the wedding at Sanditon House, which is wonderful, but Esther - supported by Charlotte - thought it would be a good idea to have some kind of engagement celebration on my estate. If I invite the London society, they will come, especially since _Crossfield Manor_ has a good reputation as a hunting ground.We want to make two days out of it, the house is big enough to offer anyone who wants a room and we will hold a small ball in the evening. We can spread the word of the regatta there very well. During these two days everyone will be talking about Sanditon, also because our wedding will take place there. I am sure it will work great."

Sidney sat up in amazement. It was an enormous effort just to spread the name Sanditon among the high society of London. Though he had to admit it was a brilliant plan.

"Are you sure? You hate your estate and now you want to invite the whole horde of London over there for two whole days?"

Babington leaned back laughing. “I grew fond of Sanditon, as well as Esther, even if she would never admit it.Besides, I have to show her Crossfield anyway, and it's easier when you, Crowe and a bunch of other people are there too so I don't have too much time to think."

Sidney said nothing for a moment, overwhelmed by his friend's kindness. “Thank you, Babers. For doing all of this ... ".

Half a bottle of whiskey later, Babington left happily drunk while Sidney was still sitting on the sofa. Although he still had a number of important things to do, he was well aware that he would have to return to Sanditon sooner or later, because it couldn't go on as it was now. Otherwise he would go mad.

But how was he going to prove to Charlotte that he wasn't the monster she thought he was?  
And why on earth did it even matter to him what she thought he was?

But it was important to him what she thought about him, he could no longer deny that, as well as the fact that he had to speak to her as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all a good start into the new year 2021.  
> Stay healthy and enjoy the time with your families


	9. Arriving at Crossfield Manor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank you all for your comments and your kind wishes. Happy 2021 to all of you.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter ...

The whole time Charlotte had waited to see if Sidney would come back to Sanditon before they all left for Lord Babington's estate, but he did not arrive.   
With each passing day she got angrier, mostly because she was engulfed in disappointment and not sure how to deal with the feeling.

She had tried to talk to Georgiana about Sidney at a desperate moment, but that hadn't gone very well.   
Georgiana was furious with her guardian for accusing him of maliciously forbidding her from contacting Otis. She could not find a good word in him and had answered every sentence Charlotte said about him with a snort. It was exhausting and annoying, which is why Charlotte slowly lost her patience with her friend. She just didn't understand her defiant behavior.

What Charlotte didn't understand either was Tom's mood.   
After a few days of sulking, he was suddenly excited to travel to Lord Babington's estate, but after his stay in London he was almost desperate for the journey to start, but at the same time somewhat angry.   
Somehow Charlotte had the feeling that he was angry at her, because when he got back he had been a little unwilling to see her. Shortly after his return, he and Mary had had a terrible argument, and while Mary had tried to hide it, Charlotte knew it was about her.

Even though she was now part of the Parker family, she felt stranger than ever. She didn't want to be the reason why Tom and Mary were arguing, she didn't want to be in the way and would have loved to go home.   
But she couldn't just do that, because Willingden was no longer her home.

Out of the desire to be as useful as possible, she had met with Esther often, to help organize the days at Lord Babington's estate as well as to help organize their wedding.   
She enjoyed the time with her, got to know Esther better and better and developed a pleasant friendship with her. Esther had a relaxing way of naming things as they were, she didn't judge or question things, and often made Charlotte laugh.

Sometimes she could even persuade Esther to go for a walk with her, and on those occasions she noticed the townspeople watching them both curiously. It was Esther's way of dealing with those looks that reassured Charlotte and encouraged her not to be intimidated by these people.

Still, her whole situation bothered Charlotte and stirred up her anger at Sidney.   
And then finally came a letter from her mother. She hadn't heard from her family since the letter in which they had so formally congratulated her, and it had been a great burden on her.

But now her mother had invited her home - for a visit, as she wrote - and Charlotte had replied immediately. She saw no point in asking Sidney's permission - it didn't seem like he cared what she was doing.   
So she wrote that after the two days at Lord Babington's estate she would come to Willingden, for which she had to ask Mary about a carriage.

"I don't think a stagecoach leaves Lord Babington's estate, does it?" She was more than uncomfortable having to ask for something like this, but she had no other option.

"I'm sure Sidney will arrange a carriage for this journey," replied Mary, but frowned as Charlotte blushed and looked at the floor. “You wrote to him that you wanted to visit your parents, didn't you? Normally he should accompany you there."

The anger grew again in Charlotte and she raised her head defiantly.

“Why should I write to him? He hasn't cared what I'm doing for three weeks now, so he won't care whether I'm here in Sanditon or in Willingden either.” Her brow furrowed in annoyance when Mary looked at her sympathetically, so she continued. “I also strongly doubt that he would accompany me there, what should he want there? I can also just write to my parents to send me their own carriage to pick me up."

Mary got up and put a reassuring hand on Charlotte's arm.   
She understood her sister-in-law's anger because she was rather dissatisfied with Sidney herself. Tom had said that he had hardly seen him when he himself went to London, since he had always attended urgent business meetings. But his behavior towards Charlotte was really unworthy.

“No need, my dear. I will speak to Tom so that we can travel to Lord Babington's _Crossfield Manor_ in two carriages, and then you can take one of them to Willingden from there. That's sure no problem,” she said gently, squeezing Charlotte's hands. “I'll just say that the second carriage is for him so he doesn't have to sit with us ladies. Georgiana will accompany us and her tongue is as sharp as a knife."

Charlotte had to laugh gratefully, but the expression on her face was very sad. So Mary hugged her tightly.

“You must not despair. I know Sidney seems very rude at the moment and that he is very dismissive to you, but I'm sure there is a reason for his long absence."

"Of course ...," Charlotte muttered, forcing a smile, but doubted it. She was married to a hurtful, cold brute that, despite his rudeness, had somehow crept into her heart.

“Come on, let's go to the seamstress and pick up our dresses for the ball. Tom intends to arrive at Lord Babington's already tomorrow evening to discuss a few things with Lord Babington for the next two days. So we have to leave around noon tomorrow to arrive at the infamous _Crossfield Manor_ before dusk."

Charlotte smiled, not wanting to be rude, and put her arm around Mary's as they walked down the street to the seamstress. 

But the cold lump in her stomach remained - she felt lonely no matter what she did about it.

—— ~ ——

“When are we finally there?” Georgiana scolded and looked out of the carriage window again. "This jolting is exhausting, if I had known that the roads are so bad here, I would have refused to come with you."

Charlotte rolled her eyes in annoyance, which made Mary hide her laugh behind her hand. Tom, on the other hand, sighed but did not lift his head from his book on architecture.

In the end, they had gone only in one carriage, because Tom had refused to have the second Parker carriage harnessed.He had decided that Charlotte had to travel back to Sanditon before she could continue on to Willingden.   
When Tom added that it was actually not his job to make the wishes of his brother's wife possible, since it was none of his business, Charlotte had remained silent. She had blushed and had to clench her hands, but she had accepted the longer route.

“My dear, I doubt that the roads in Antigua are much more pleasant to drive than here in England. Of course they are not as good here as they are near Sanditon, of course not, but as far as I know we'll be there soon.”   
Tom looked at Georgiana with a big smile, obviously trying to hold back. Georgiana had been scolding since she got in and Tom already wished he had agreed to the second carriage.   
He also wished he had not complied with Sidney's request to take Georgiana into his care until they reached Lord Babington's estate. But Sidney had written that he would allow Georgiana a journey without Mrs. Griffiths to do her a favor.

In order not to have to participate in the conversation, Charlotte leaned over to the window and looked outside. The landscape here was beautiful, they were just leaving a dense forest, which turned into a wide green pasture, at the end of which there was a huge, almost castle-like manor house.   
The building was certainly one and a half times the size of Sanditon House and was surrounded by stables and farm buildings.

After only a few moments, the carriage rolled through a wide gate over a gravel path that led directly into the yard in front of the house.

To Charlotte's annoyance, she saw not only Lord Babington but also Sidney standing in front of the building.   
In dark clothes and with his hands clasped behind his back, he stood stiffly and looked at the carriage in which she was sitting, and Charlotte hastily pulled her head back.

Again she felt the anger that was easier to focus on than the wild beating of her heart at the sight of him or the strange fluttering in her stomach.

Sidney exhaled audibly and looked briefly at the ground in front of him before he looked back at the carriage.

When he got here - without Charlotte and straight from London - Babington had been seriously upset with him. Sidney hadn't even known that Charlotte would arrive tonight with Mary, Tom and Georgiana, which is why Babington had snorted in frustration.

"The way you behave towards her is totally unacceptable, you know that, right?" He had scolded and Sidney could do nothing but tense his shoulders and listen.   
Because everything his friend had said was true. He was being really rude to Charlotte, but this time it really wasn't his fault. It was due to his search for money that kept him in London. During his brief visit, Tom had again complained that the workers' wages for the extra work in the entrance hall could not be paid. And even though Sidney had been angry about it, he had tried to find the money that was needed.

"You know that you have to share your room with her, don't you?"   
While they continued to look at the carriage, who was slowly approaching, Babington turned to him questioningly. But Sdney didn't answer, just returned his friend's gaze with raised eyebrows.

“First of all, it would look strange if the two of you were in different rooms - and God knows there are enough rumors about you. And secondly, Tom wrote me that he had invited some special guests, so I have to keep a few rooms free."

Sidney turned uncomfortably as his fingers clench behind his back. He wanted to ask what kind of guests Tom had invited, but decided against it, as the carriage stopped in the courtyard of the huge house.

So he would share a room with her.   
Would she shrink from him again, like after their wedding? Or rather, how would she even react to him after they hadn't exchanged a word for more then three weeks?   
Sighing, he straightened and stepped forward to open the carriage door to just find out.

"Sidney ..., wonderful, wonderful, you are already here," shouted Tom, as soon as he had seen him and stumbled out of the carriage first. "I tell you these are going to be great days."

Next came Mary, who hugged him as always, but gave him a slightly unsatisfied look.

"It's good to see you, Mary," Sidney muttered in greeting, but avoided her gaze, knowing that Mary was criticizing his behavior towards Charlotte.

"Can you at least give me a hand?" Annoyed, Georgiana held out her hand to him so that he could help her out of the carriage. "We've been sitting in there for hours, my bones are stiff and it's terribly cold."

Sidney helped her with a tense smile. "Please forgive me for my carelessness." He sounded sarcastic, got a withering look from Georgiana and turned back to the open carriage.

She was sitting in the back corner and hadn't moved yet, but when he held out his hand to her, she raised her head. Their eyes met for a moment before Charlotte turned away from him again.   
Obviously unwilling, she slid across the bench, stood up and leaned through the door, but ignored his helping hand. Without looking at him, she got out of the carriage, clearly angry.

"Mr. Parker ...,” she said plainly and in a tight voice as she smoothed the fabric of her dress.   
It made Sidney flinch, as it made all too clear how strange they were. Still, he had to admit that he admired her strength, because when she faced him, she proudly lifted her head to his. She was so much shorter than he was, but her forehead was furrowed and her eyes sparkled defiantly.

"Charlotte ...".

The way he said her name only made Charlotte more angry, but she wasn't going to break eye contact first. So she stared at him, unaware that Lord Babington had already led the others into the building.   
In the end it was Sidney who lowered his gaze with a sigh. This was going to be harder than he'd thought, but he couldn't even blame her. To get it over with, he turned around slightly and pointed with his hand at the large front door.

“May I accompany you inside? I'm sure you're exhausted from the journey.” His voice was so dark it sounded almost hoarse, which is why he cleared his throat. "I'll show you our room so you can freshen up a little before dinner."   
Secretly he was angry with Babington for simply leaving him here with his wife. But on the other hand it would be of no use to avoid the situation any longer.

When Charlotte just nodded, he led her slowly into the huge building. Without touching her, he directed her to the room that had been assigned to him on his arrival this afternoon.

The whole way there were only two words in Charlotte's head.   
_Our room._  
Did he actually say _our room_? But of course, it would look strange if they didn't share a room. Her head started to hurt and she wished the two days were over. Then she would go home, where maybe she could finally relax a little and think about how her life should go on.

Sidney stopped in front of a door at the end of a dark corridor on the second floor. Still without saying anything, he opened the door to the room, but let Charlotte go first.When she passed him with an indefinable look, his face twisted into his typical, tight smile, which she didn't return.   
Instead, Charlotte looked around nervously. The room was large, had a wide bed and a sofa on the opposite wall, a fireplace and a side door that appeared to lead into a dressing room.It was more elegantly furnished than her room in Trafalger House, the blankets on the bed looked comfortable, but all she could think about was how to sleep with him here.

As if reading her mind, Sidney cleared his throat at this moment.

"You don't need to worry ...," he said softly. He had stopped right at the door and watched her, which is why he had seen her breathing accelerate.   
He wanted to assure her that he expected nothing from her and that he would not get close to her, but at his words Charlotte turned and looked at him with angry eyes.

"What should I worry about?" She hissed dismissively, but the blush on her cheeks betrayed her thoughts."You haven't cared much for me for the past few weeks, Mr. Parker. I doubt that will suddenly change now - no matter in which way."

Sidney sighed. She was angry with him, that much was certain, but he didn't want to argue. Nevertheless, as always, he reigned defensively against her criticism and gritted his teeth.

"Like I said - you don't have to worry," he said with a harsh undertone. “I'll sleep on the sofa and give you time in the evening to prepare for bed. I will also get up in the morning before dusk to let you have the room."   
Before she turned away again, he saw something like sadness and disappointment on her face.   
And suddenly he realized how awful she must feel.

She was far from home, had to marry without her parents and siblings - a man she obviously didn't really like. Maybe she was actually scared of him, but she definitely despised him.   
Of course she had every reason to, since he had left her alone in Sanditon at every opportunity.   
Sidney felt guilty, especially since he knew that she had never wanted to get married for anything other than love. Suddenly he felt the need to talk to her and ask how she was doing.

"Would ... erm ... would you like to take a walk with me? I could show you the estate, it's really very nice."

The low murmur of his dark voice made Charlotte close her eyes for a moment. She didn't want her heart to skip a beat at his request. She didn't want her whole body to tingle and she definitely didn't want to feel the urge to scream yes.

But she did ...

Despite the anger and disappointment she felt about him, she would like to spend some time with him. So she slowly turned in his direction, her brow still furrowed, and looked at him.

"Yes ... thank you. Fresh air certainly wouldn't hurt me after sitting in the carriage for so long." She smiled slightly and very shyly and could immediately see how Sidney's expression changed.   
He seemed relieved and nodded, turned to the door and opened it again, less than 5 minutes after they entered the room.

A short time later they were walking side by side along a narrow gravel path that led through a beautiful garden. Rose bushes lined the path and the many different colors shone in the evening sun.   
They hadn't spoken or looked at each other until now, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable either.It was companionable and reminded them both of the afternoon with the kids by the river and the walk on the beach that followed.Back then, there had been something special between the two of them for a few hours, something that had given them both a quiet feeling of togetherness.   
But Charlotte knew she had ruined that with her allegations and misguided support for Georgiana. She regretted the words she had said to him on the street and in his hotel room after he had carried her there, but also didn't know how to apologize for them.

Right now she just wanted to enjoy the peace with him and let herself be impressed by the beautiful estate.When she hesitantly stopped at a fork in the road and turned to the huge house, Sidney noticed her astonishment.   
The glow in her eyes was pretty and for a moment he thought how nice it would be to see that on her more often.

"It's a very imposing estate with a long history, but Babington hates being here," he said, only to finally break the silence without addressing their own situation. It worked because Charlotte turned to him curiously.

"Why?" She frowned again, causing the small furrow to appear on her forehead.   
They strolled slowly on, and while Charlotte buried her hands in her coat, Sidney folded his behind his back.

“His mother died when he was very young, and his father barely waited through the year of mourning to remarry. Babington didn’t get along very well with the whole situation and with his stepmother, which also clouded his relationship with his father,” Sidney began to tell, happy to share something with her.   
“He left the estate as soon as he was old enough and stayed in London after completing his studies. He wasn't here when his father died, so his stepmother was furious that he inherited everything anyway. It was all very difficult for him and everything here reminds him of that."

Charlotte listened attentively but watched her own shoes the whole time.   
"You have known him for a long time, haven't you?" Only now did she look up and realize that he was watching her out of the corner of his eye

"We went to the same boarding school as children," Sidney answered openly to her question.“He is one of my oldest friends, even during my time in Antigua we stayed in touch. He's a good guy and I'm very grateful to him for his help."

Not knowing what to answer, Charlotte was silent. There were many things she would like to ask him, but she didn't dare. He probably wouldn't answer anyway.

"Georgiana is very unhappy," so she said after a while, trying to find a topic to talk about. “She hates having to stay with Mrs. Griffiths while you ignore her and feels isolated in Sanditon. She is very angry with you for not allowing her to get in touch with Otis, especially after what happened the night after the chricket match."

She heard Sidney sigh and looked up at him. He was staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched and his shoulders tensed.She hadn't meant to upset him and she immediately regretted mentioning Georgiana.   
But Sidney surprised her by turning his head in her direction and looking at her regretfully.

"I know," he said with a small smile. “But it's better if she's angry at me than really wondering why she should be kidnapped. It would only make her sad and I'm afraid that her spirit could then be broken."

What he said surprised and confused Charlotte. It didn't sound as unfeeling as she always thought he was.   
It sounded more like he was really worried about his ward. Just as she was about to ask what he meant by that - why she should be kidnapped - he cleared his throat.

"I ... erm," Sidney broke off, tried to collect himself and started over.“I beg your forgiveness ..., for not getting back to Sanditon earlier. It was wrong to leave Georgiana - and especially you - alone for so long."  
Charlotte suddenly had the feeling that she was dizzy. His voice was so dark and velvety, and she could no longer deny herself how nice it was to go for a walk with him and talk to him.   
"I hope you have been fine the last few weeks?" 

"Oh, of course I was fine after you left without saying goodbye to me and I didn't hear a word from you afterwards," the disappointment and anger in her voice was clearly audible, though she tried to hide it. But she gave him a challenging look, unwilling to let her insecurity again prevent her from saying what she was thinking.   
Sidney hesitated, his expression guilty and confused, but he didn't turn away from her. 

"I had knocked on your door, several times. I wanted to say goodbye, even thought about taking you with me, but you didn't let me in."   
When her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly with a tight breath, Sidney realized that she might not have heard him then.   
"I didn't know what to write to you, because ... well, I thought you were ... angry."

"I hadn't heard you," whispered Charlotte, ashamed. Maybe the last few weeks would have been different if she hadn't put that stupid pillow over her ears. "I am sorry ...".

"No, it wasn't your fault. I should have come back earlier," Sidney interrupted softly, a regretful little smile on his face. “But when Tom came to London he told me that he ... well, that he couldn't pay the workers again because he had put all the money I had already lent him into his stupid chandeliers. So in addition to the cost of the insurance and the building materials for the rebuilding, I also had to find the money to pay for the workers' wages, which was quite difficult.”   
While it might not be right to share these things with her, he felt he at least owed her honesty. A quick glance at her showed him that she was surprised, but she listened carefully.   
“I've spent the past few weeks selling more goods in my warehouses than I intended, and I also had to sell some of my own shares in profitable companies to get the money. The workers in Sanditon do a good job, it is absolutely not all right not to pay them on time."

Charlotte stopped, completely confused. She couldn't believe what he had just said.

"You ... what?" She whispered a little hoarsely. Sidney turned to her with raised eyebrows and stopped, too, but a few steps away from her. “You lent him money? Are _you_ paying for the insurance and the rebuilding? I ... I always thought ... Tom keeps complaining that he has to take care of everything himself. He said that he did order all these things and that you would only act on his behalf - and that very reluctantly. I did not expect that you would put your own money into making the town a success."

Offended, Sidney began to walk away from her with a snort. She and her constant assumptions. Everything she seemed to think of him was negative, and the thought gnawed at him.

"It's not exactly a topic that needs to be discussed over dinner or during breakfast," he said, perhaps a little harder than intended.“He's my brother - of course I want him to be successful and I want to support him. However, it is different to be financially tied to him, since he has absolutely no understanding of money."

To catch up with him, Charlotte started running until she could get him to stop by standing in front of him.

"Please forgive me, Mr. Parker, I didn't mean to offend you."   
Charlotte had turned pale because she was terribly ashamed. She had been so angry with him for the past few weeks for not returning to Sanditon and apparently not wanting to spend time with her. But in doing so, he had done his best to help his brother.   
She felt miserable and ashamed because her desire for her husband's attention now seemed so selfish.

Something completely different was going on in Sidney’s head. That she called him _Mr. Parker_ again made him froze. It bothered him so much that he could hear his clenched teeth grinding.

"Would you please stop calling me Mr. Parker?" He asked softly, but in a very dark voice. "I'm your husband, so you should at least call me by my first name."

The shiver that ran down her spine at the sound of his voice only stopped in Charlotte's toes.   
It was the first time that he referred to himself as her husband in her presence - the first time that he even addressed their marriage, and it made something special inside of her.   
With these strange feelings going through her body, Charlotte thought again about whether Georgiana was right about her question. Was that love? She had thought about it so often since Mary said she was not indifferent to him. But then she'd kept reminding herself how hurtful, cold, and unfeeling he was.   
However, now she felt as she looked at him - looked into his dark eyes - how she was practically drawn to him, how her heart was racing with affection and her cheeks were flushing under his gaze.   
What exactly was it that she felt for him?

All of her allegations against him had ultimately been false and she realized that he wasn't a bad man at all. She had only tried to convince herself that fact, but he was the exact opposite of it. But this realization wouldn't change anything about their relationship because he was most definitely not in love with her.

With all these thoughts she forgot to answer him and just stared at him with wide eyes. This led Sidney to misunderstand her reaction. He assumed she was horrified at the thought of calling him by his first name, which really hurt him.

Hissing softly, he stepped past her to continue down the gravel path when Charlotte finally found her voice.

"I'll try ...," she muttered uncertainly, as the intimacy of calling him by his first name made her shiver.

Sidney paused, half past her, and turned his head to look at her.   
Her flushed cheeks were doing something strange to his body, which he immediately ignored. It was probably the first time a man had offered her this confidentiality, but he didn't want to feel so special about it.

Nodding, he accepted her answer and let her go first so they strolled through the garden side by side again.

They were both silent for a while, lost in their own thoughts, but Charlotte knew that she still had to inform him of her travel plans.   
She glanced at him furtively and watched him walk slowly beside her - his head bowed, his arms crossed behind his back. It gave her a pang that he always seemed so distant and guarded - she never had the feeling that he would let her look behind his high protective walls.

"I ..., for the first time since ..., erm, since our wedding ... I received last week a letter from my mother," she began cautiously and looked away as his head turned in her direction. "She invited me home to see me again after such a long time."

Sidney's brow furrowed questioningly. _Home_ ... - by that she had to mean Willingden. Of course, after all, he hadn't done anything to make her feel at home anywhere else.   
His jaw tightened, but he still looked at her and said nothing, which made Charlotte nervous. She felt his dark eyes on her face, but refused to look at him.

"I thanked her and accepted her invitation," she said firmly, but clenched her hands into fists. “The day after tomorrow I will travel back to Sanditon with Mary and Tom and then go straight to Willingden. I don't know how long I'll be staying, but I look forward to seeing my family again."   
When she finished she had to take a deep breath. She didn't know how he would react, but didn't thought he cared in any way what she was doing.

But she was wrong, because Sidney’s thoughts were whirling. So she wanted to go to Willingden alone?   
It hurt him that she hadn't even asked if he wanted to accompany her, even if he didn't know how he would have answered.   
He was also aware that she was not asking his permission - she just seemed to assume that they would continue to live their lives apart. But why should she think otherwise? Surely he hadn't given her any reason to believe he would stay around her, but it bothered him nonetheless.   
In order not to show it, he focused on something else.

"It is a detour to travel back to Sanditon first," was all he said, trying to control his voice.

"I'm aware of that, but Tom didn't want to come here in two carriages, so he decided I had to come back to Sanditon with them first," Charlotte explained and heard him snort in frustration.

"This is an enormous burden for you, as it unnecessarily lengthens the journey," he replied angrily, and was furious why she hadn't spoken to him about it beforehand.   
Besides, it bothered him more than he wanted to admit that she would travel alone. But before he could put the many thoughts in his head together into one sentence, Charlotte spoke hastily.

“I don't mind, I certainly don't want to make any trouble or be a burden. I just want to visit my family."

Sidney was silent then. The question of whether she thought she was a burden to him, however, remained on his mind.   
Despite everything, he decided to ask Babington for a carriage that would take Charlotte directly from here to Willingden. He would pay for the driver and the horses, the most important thing was that she was safe.

By now they were back at the entrance of the great building and they both knew they had to prepare for dinner. Sidney left Charlotte their room and said goodbye to her in the hallway, maybe to find a drink before dinner.   
He felt like he needed one.

So he stood by the window in the drawing room with a glass of whiskey and wondered if he should offer to accompany her on the journey to her parents. At the same time, Charlotte was getting dressed for dinner, wondering if she should have asked him if she could show him her home.

Both thought the other would say no, which is why they both felt strangely disappointed. Soon, however, both had to realize that the thought - or rather the wish - would not leave their heads again.


	10. realizations

Charlotte didn't dare to move when she heard Sidney enter the room.

The evening had started with them all meeting in the drawing room. So far it's only been Lord Babington, Mr. Crowe, Sidney, Tom and Mary, Georgiana and her, making them a very small gathering. But it also allowed them to talk comfortably until they were seated at the table.   
Sidney had to sit between Charlotte and Georgiana, which hadn't been particularly comfortable for him. But the worst thing was that Tom had sat across from him.   
Although the dinner itself had been very pleasant, Sidney had grown more and more surly. Because Tom had spoken almost continuously. At some point Mary had asked him to at least let Sidney eat in peace as he had bombarded him with questions.   
With every sentence and every request from Tom, Charlotte had noticed how Sidney had become stiffer and more angry. As he had sat next to her, the tension in his large body had been palpable.

“We have to try to invite as many people as possible to Sanditon for the regatta. You have to talk to everyone you know, Sidney.” Tom had looked at him almost pleadingly, and Sidney had sighed.

"You shouldn't forget that we're here on Lord Babington's and Miss Denham's invitation," he had replied through gritted teeth. "They will announce their engagement tomorrow, that should be in the foreground."

Confused at first, Tom had nodded until he realized that it would be bad to anger Lord Babington. So, he had quickly put on a big smile and had started talking to Babington about the hunt the morning after next.

All the while during this short conversation, Charlotte had noticed a strange pull on her leg and had looked down. She had been surprised to see Sidney's finger grabbing the fabric of her dress.   
The muslin must have touched his leg and he had thoughtlessly rubbed it between his fingers, apparently without having noticed. Because after a few moments he had let go of the fabric and had placed his hand back on the table.

But the touch stayed in Charlotte's head, she just couldn't forget it.   
Together with Mary and Georgiana, she had retired for the night earlier than the men and had gone into the room she would share with him. It was the second time she'd have to sleep in the same room as him, and her heart had started racing at the thought.   
Even if he only would sleep on the sofa, he would hear her breathing and see her sleeping form - if he even wanted to look at her.

She quickly had took off her dress and had slipped into a long, thick nightgown. Then she carefully had placed her clothes over one of the chairs before hastily crawling under the covers to pull the blankets up to her nose. Without finding sleep, she had lain there until she had heard his footsteps outside the door.

Now she tried to breathe calmly, while Sidney obviously stood briefly in the middle of the room. He actually seemed to be looking at her as a tingling sensation crept up her back, but then he sighed and walked slowly to the sofa.

Something about her tiny figure in the large bed triggered an unknown feeling in Sidney that he could not describe.   
He didn't _want_ to feel like that either, since he was sure it would only get him into trouble. So he turned away from her and began to undress himself.   
But when his gaze fell on the chair on which her clothes were lying, he couldn't help but smile.She had her dress draped so neatly over all other items of clothing, probably to hide her stockings and her stays.

He laid his waistcoat and vest over the other chair just as neatly, pulled his tie from his neck with relief, but kept his breeches and shirt on. As soon as he sat down on the sofa to take off his boots, he knew it was going to be a bad night, because the sofa was really terribly hard. It was definitely not made to sleep on, but he had no choice.

Trying not to wake her, Sidney lay down, closed his eyes, and wished he hadn't offered her the bed so freely.   
After just a few minutes he was looking for a more comfortable position, but couldn't find one. To distract himself, he started thinking, which also turned out to be a bad idea.   
But he thought about how strange it was to be in this room with her. Knowing that she was probably only wearing a nightgown and sleeping a few feet away from him.   
How the next few days would go and what would happen afterwards.   
All of that kept him awake. There were just too many strange thoughts in his head, but at least he was relieved that she wasn't crying in fear of him this time.

After what felt like hours, her even breaths, however, had a calming effect on him, which is why he finally relaxed enough to be able to fall asleep.

~

As promised, Sidney tried to get up early in the morning, but although he had woken up at dawn it was a little difficult for him to move. His muscles were tense, his back ached, and even though he wanted to be quiet, he couldn't quite suppress a painful hissing.   
As he slowly straightened up and pressed a hand against his lower back, a faint, if compassionate, laugh came from the bed that made him look up in shock. At the sight that awaited him, his heart began to beat faster while he felt ashamed at the same time.   
Why was she already awake anyway?

Still with the covers up to her chin, Charlotte looked at him.   
She must have turned around during the night as her face was now in his direction. He didn't know how long she had been awake, but she looked wonderfully sleepy. In a single moment he absorbed all of her, even if only her wild curls and tired eyes could be seen.   
Nevertheless, he could now see her shape under the sheets more precisely in the dim light than at night, so he quickly averted his gaze. He was annoyed that he hadn't managed to keep his promise to her. After all, he actually wanted to leave the room before she woke up.

But despite all that and the pain in his back, he smiled and raised an eyebrow as he tried to sit up straight.

"Good morning ... I hope you slept well?" he mumbled softly, finally got up completely and ran a hand through his hair. 

„Good morning ..., are ... are you all right?“ Her voice sounded tired and soft, but her eyes were worried now and Sidney suddenly felt the urge to leave the room as soon as possible.

“Of course ...., I'll change next door and then go downstairs. But you can take your time, it's still very early."   
He was very uncomfortable that she had noticed how tense he was after that night and didn't give her the chance to answer before he turned away.   
He'd slept in far worse positions, but he'd always been drunk there.Apparently that mattered ...

As fast as he could he left the room through the side door and closed it behind him with a soft click. He would have loved to swim in the sea to relax his body - and to calm his mind, but there wasn't even a river here.   
So Sidney was grateful for the bowl of warm water that had been placed in the next room so that he could at least wash himself.

Charlotte looked after him with an amused smile on her face.   
She had been awake for a while, watching his face in the dim morning light. He had looked peaceful and beautiful until he woke up and his features were painfully twisted.   
Of course she felt guilty that he suffered, but she couldn't hide her soft laugh.

In those early hours of the morning, Charlotte had accepted what she had known deep in her heart for some time - she had fallen in love with her husband.   
And although she knew that this realization changed little about her situation, she felt relieved and full of confidence.

Just looking at him was enough to make her heart race. She would have loved to touch him, would have liked to know how his now enchantingly disheveled curls would feel on her fingers or whether his beard was scratchy or soft. She was amazed that his stubble looked so much thicker this morning than it did at dinner last night.   
It had been special to watch him sleep and it had felt very intimate. To see his large body spread out over the narrow sofa had made her smile, although she really felt sorry for him because it had looked really uncomfortable.

The bed was wonderfully soft and while she listened to the noises he made in the next room, she rolled onto her back.   
Sighing softly, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He had only worn his shirt and breeches, with no vest or tie. The visible skin of his neck reminded her of what his bare chest looked like, and for a moment she allowed herself to remember the sight of him.   
But just to think of how he had stepped naked out of the water made her cheeks blush, which is why she pushed the thoughts away. Instead, she focused on the presence.

Strangely enough, she was looking forward to the day, especially the ball that evening. Would he take her for another walk before the guests arrived?   
She would have loved to talk to him a little more alone, because she had the feeling that they had finally come a little closer. Excited by this prospect, Charlotte stood up full of anticipation as soon as she heard Sidney's footsteps in the hallway.

But she had hardly left their room, when she realized that her wish would not be granted as Sidney was completely absorbed by Tom. Together with Lord Babington the gentlemen spent the whole morning in the study to talk about the development of Sanditon.

So Charlotte tried to get Georgiana to take a walk after breakfast, but she was not very enthusiastic about the prospect.

"I'm not going to leave this room until this ball tonight, and then only because Sidney makes me do it," she said miserably and threw herself on the sofa that was in her room. “I can't believe you stayed in the same room with him all night. How did you even get to sleep?"

Charlotte made a face in annoyance, but tried to stay calm. She didn't want a fight with Georgiana, although her demeanor really wasn't very friendly.

“Stop making him look like a devil all the time. He's your guardian, of course you have different opinions, because there's always friction with something like that, but he's not a bad person."   
Georgianas continued disdain for Sidney angered Charlotte, so she couldn't help but contradict her. At her words, Georgiana got up with a snort, obviously angry.

"Different opinions?" She hissed and stared at Charlotte.“We don't just disagree. As it is, he says what I have to do and I am not allowed to have any opinion about it. He forbids me to see the only person I want to see and since that unfortunate kidnapping attempt he has seen potential dangers for me everywhere. He's like a ..., a ..., a prison guard who locks me up."

"That's not true," said Charlotte. The way Georgiana talked about him made her angry in a strange way and she felt like she had to defend him. "He's not locking you up, he's worried about you."

"Worried." Georgiana asked incredulous. “I don't think he's capable of that at all. He is hard and cold, has turned his insides to stone and closed himself up so that no one can even get near to his heart. You should know best, or do you think he worried about you when he was in London and left you with his family?"

Hurt and confused, Charlotte was silent for a moment.   
It was true, he had just left her with Mary and Tom and probably hardly thought of her, but something else occupied her mind. What did Georgiana mean by her words? That he had turned his inside to stone and closed himself off to other people?   
It was true because it always seemed like Sidney wanted to hide himself, his _real_ self, from the world. But why?

Mary had talked about how he had suffered in his younger years and when she first met him she had talked about bruises from the past. But Charlotte had never dared to ask what it was about.   
And even now she didn't ask. She didn't know if Georgiana was telling her the truth anyway, since she had also lied about his connection with slavery.

"I think you should talk to him instead of accusing him of all sorts of things," she said instead, getting up. "I know you're hurt, but he told me he was sorry for the way he treated you - and me too. He wanted to return to Sanditon earlier, but was held in London on business. Maybe there is a very good reason why he wants to keep you away from Otis?"   
The angry look that met her made it clear that Georgiana disagreed with her and that it was better now to end this conversation.   
“I'll go downstairs. I think most of the guests will be arriving soon and I would like to ask if I can help with anything. If you want, you can accompany me." Charlotte looked at her friend questioningly, but Georgiana just rolled her eyes and turned away. 

"No, thank you," she snorted and pretended to concentrate on a book.

Sighing, Charlotte slowly left the comfortable room that Lord Babington had arranged for Georgiana. She was sad that Georgiana was so downcast, but at the same time she couldn't understand her persistent resentment against the whole world.

In front of the house she heard the rumble of a carriage and Charlotte wondered who was just arriving. However, that question was quickly answered when she entered the parlor of this huge house.   
Because as soon as she came through the door, she heard the sharp voice of Lady Denham.

"Ah, the young Mrs. Parker," she greeted her with raised eyebrows. “It seems like you are actually in the same place as your husband. Apparently he didn't manage to avoid you here."

As always, Lady Denham's words stung.She had made such remarks since her marriage with Sidney, but Charlotte still refused to be offended by the woman. So she smiled stubbornly when she greeted her warmly.

"Lady Denham, I hope your journey was pleasant?" Unconsciously, Charlotte's fingers played nervously with the fabric of her dress.   
Mary, who had also come to greet Lady Denham, noticed it and stepped closer to her side, as if to offer her support.

“Of course it was pleasant. The good Clara and I had the carriage to ourselves. I hear you didn't come with your husband, but with his brother? I have to say that this is odd."   
Over the past few weeks or months, Lady Denham had pointed out again and again that she and Sidney were rarely seen together, which was unusual for a young married couple. Even now she raised her eyebrows in curiosity at Charlotte, who didn't know what to answer.   
Just as Mary was about to say something, probably something to support Charlotte, they heard heavy footsteps come through the door. 

Without turning around, Charlotte knew who it was, and then she heard Sidney’s deep voice right behind her.

"Lady Denham, what a pleasure to greet you," despite his relatively kind words, his expression was harsh.   
Of course he had heard what the old lady said to Charlotte and he was seething with anger. Especially since Charlotte hadn't looked like she had been exposed to such accusations for the first time, and the thought stung Sidney's heart.   
After all, it was his fault because he had left her alone.

"I had a lot of business appointments in London to attend to, so it was safer and surely more comfortable for Charlotte to stay in Sanditon with Mary and Georgiana," he said quietly but clearly as he stepped so close to Charlotte's side that his arm touched hers.   
"I didn't make it back to Sanditon earlier to accompany her here, because I had a lot of conversations and negotiations about the terrace building, which is in everyone's interest here, isn't it?"

Lady Denham narrowed her eyes and looked back and forth between him and Charlotte.   
It was only when Esther entered the salon to greet them all and to invite them into the dining room that she turned away from the couple with a snort. Esther had already arrived before breakfast and had made the acquaintance of the housekeeping staff after Lord Babington had introduced her as the new landlady.

"Most of the guests will not arrive until this afternoon, so we will eat together now and then receive them in the garden." Esther explained to her aunt as she led her out of the room.   
She secretly looked at Charlotte and rolled her eyes with a small smile, which made Charlotte feel a little better.

For a brief moment she looked up at Sidney, who was also looking at her, but she didn't have time to say anything or thank him. Because Mary took her arm reassuringly to accompany her into the dining room.

"This woman just keeps getting worse, sometimes she's really unbearable," Mary grumbled softly, stroking Charlotte's arm soothingly. “Apparently she found a pleasure in insulting you. I'm really terribly sorry, my dear."

Still seething with anger, Sidney had to take a few steady breaths, but he listened with concern as Mary's words confirmed his suspicions that it was not the first time Charlotte had heard references to her marriage to him.   
In deep thought he followed the ladies to the dining room and was not sure what the strange cramp in his stomach meant.

~

Later, Sidney waited at the foot of the stairs and looked in the direction of the first floor.   
Charlotte had wanted to get her coat because her dress was very thin and a cool wind was blowing here in the garden at _Crossfield Manor._   
When she slowly appeared at the landing and saw him, she paused for a moment. Obviously she hadn't expected that he would wait for her. She walked slowly down the stairs in her dark red coat and the bonnet he had bought her for their wedding.   
The muscle in Sidney’s cheek twitched as he clenched his teeth too tightly without knowing why.

Charlotte noticed it and wondered if there was something wrong with her appearance. She knew her clothes weren't in the London style, but until now that hadn't been important to her.   
Now, however, she realized that she would appear as his wife today, in front of his London acquaintances, and suddenly it occurred to her that he might be dissatisfied with how she looked.

But when she reached the bottom of the stairs, he gave her a slight smile and offered her his arm. It was the first time he had done this because he had rarely touched her until now.

It hadn't been a conscious decision when he held out his arm to her, but even so, Sidney now waited nervously for her to take it.   
He saw her cheeks flush and her breathing quicken as she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow, causing him to take his eyes off her. The feel of her little hand on his arm puzzled him.   
It felt nice and intimate.

She hadn't flinched like the last time he had offered her his hand. Probably because it was daytime and he was leading her into the garden instead of a hotel room on their wedding night.   
But Sidney didn't want to think about that unfortunate evening, so he just focused on her current nearness.   
Having her body so close to his made him feel utterly confused, but he also couldn't move an inch from her as he led her into the garden.

"I'm afraid the garden won't be as quiet and pleasant today as it was yesterday when we were walking together," he said softly, noticing very clearly how her body was shuddering.   
  
Charlotte felt ashamed because she couldn't suppress her reaction to him. She wanted to get away from him, but at the same time she wanted to get closer and instead unconsciously tightened her grip on his arm. She didn't know what to answer as she walked down the long corridor beside him.   
However, when he sighed as soon as they stepped outside, where some of the guests were already, she laughed brightly and looked up at him.

"I would really prefer to be here alone with you again than with all these people."   
The words came out of his mouth faster than he could think about, and it surprised them both. Charlotte's smile faded and her cheeks colored as their eyes met.   
She was just opening her mouth without knowing what to say when they were interrupted.

"At last, Sidney. Where have you been?" Tom called immediately when he saw him. "Now it is finally beginning, we mustn't waste time mentioning the Sanditon Reagatta."

"Calm down, Tom," Sidney said annoyed, still thinking about the conversation between him and Charlotte.   
  
She made him nervous, a feeling he rarely knew about himself and which really worried him.   
Besides, his brother's thirst for action was exhausting and he was nowhere near as enthusiastic about the many conversations as Tom might suspect.   
Absently, he put his free hand over Charlotte's fingers in the crook of his elbow, which to his surprise were already cold. She wasn't wearing gloves, so he started rubbing them without really thinking about it.

But his actions made it almost impossible for Charlotte to hide her shudders.   
His hand was warm and huge on hers, and although she knew he was probably touching her thoughtlessly, the feeling of it sent a chill down her spine.   
Only for a tiny moment she wondered if he might someday be able to feel something for her too. If she apologized to him for her accusations and he would get to know her better, but then Tom spoke.

"Where does this sudden closeness between you two come from?" He asked skeptically and pointedly looked at Sidney's arm. "Just one night in a shared room is unlikely to have changed things that much, or am I mistaken?"

Charlotte blushed and automatically backed away, startled.   
Her movement, however, caused Sidney to withdraw his hand and lower his arm at the same time, causing her hand to fall from his elbow.   
Suddenly completely insecure again, Charlotte took another step away from Sidney without noticing how his jaw muscles tightened and his eyes got a hurt expression.

"It's about keeping up appearances, Tom," he growled as he felt Charlotte's warmth leave him. Again she shrank from him, which he simply couldn't handle.   
He hadn't wanted to let her hand slip off his arm, but his own actions had frightened him so much that he had lost her grip. At the same time he didn't want to admit to himself that her withdraw from him hurt him, which only made him angry.   
"Since most of the people here know that we are married, we should at least pretend that we actually are."

Tense and annoyed, Sidney turned his head to get out of this situation - and in that moment his eyes caught _her_.

The woman he had loved once more than anything else - Eliza.

He stared at her frozen, completely overwhelmed. He didn't expect to see her again today, which is why it surprised him and the memories of her flooded his mind.   
Sidney wasn't sure what he was feeling. It was a mixture of joy, excitement, and anger, and his heart started racing.   
She was just as beautiful as he remembered her and smiled at him. There had been a time when she'd always smiled at him like that and when he'd soaked up every one of those smiles.

Now, that smile was a way to escape the uncomfortable situation he was in.

Still, he turned in Charlotte's direction, as if hoping for a quiet signal from her, but she barely looked at him.   
Suddenly she seemed completely distant from him again and he was unable to think about this now.

"Please, excuse me for a moment ...," he spoke the words tense and rough, knowing he had to get away from them all.   
He didn't know what he would do otherwise, as Tom's expectations and the rejection from Chatlotte stole his breath from him.

So, he walked slowly towards Eliza, ignoring all the other thoughts in his head.   
With every step he took, her smile grew bigger and brighter until he was right in front of her.

Charlotte had noticed how Sidney's gaze had taken hold of the elegant, blonde woman and her stomach had turned. In order not to show him her feelings, she had looked at the ground, trying desperately not to take hold of his arm again.   
Just a few moments ago his fingers had brushed the back of her hand, and now he completely ignored her.

To see him approach this woman - the way a smile appeared on his face that she had never seen on him before, hurt terribly, but was topped by what Tom said.

“Mary, just look. He finally discovered her. I think I haven't seen him smile like that since the two went their separate ways."

Mary said nothing as she worriedly watched her brother-in-law with his ex-fiancé and then turned her gaze to Charlotte.   
It was clear on her face how hurt she was, but before Mary could say anything, Tom continued in a low voice.

“What a shame he's only now meeting her again - his dear Eliza. If he had met her six months ago, he would surely be married to her by now,” he said without taking his eyes off his brother. "But of course this stupid incident with the two young women had to happen."   
  
Annoyed, Mary grabbed his arm and pulled him a few steps away from Charlotte.   
"Stop saying these things right away," she hissed, causing Tom to look at her intently.

“You don't understand that, Mary. I told him he was making a mistake with this nonsensical wedding, but he didn't want to listen to me. Just look how they look at each other - just like when they were engaged." He spoke softly and insistently, but at the same time completely satisfied with himself.   
"It won't be long before they give in to their desires, I tell you that. At least she is rich enough, she has enough power and position to allow herself to be involved in such an inappropriate relationship, and Sidney never really cared about his reputation. I am convinced he can get her to invest in Sanditon, that would be exactly what I was hoping for."

"What you were hoping for, have you become completely insane?" Mary hissed in horror before turning around in complete embarrassment.   
Even though Charlotte was standing a bit away from them, it was clear on her face that she had heard Tom's words. Mary tried desperately to stop her husband, but he just shook his head.

“We need a connection between him and Mrs. Campion, there's no getting around that. Hopefully he has enough sense not to completely dishonor the Parker name just because he has to give up the marriage he always wanted."

"Tom ...," Mary shouted louder now, her face red with anger. “How can you say something like that.Sidney’s wife and your sister-in-law ist standing right behind you, so don't you dare continue to make such painful claims."

Confused, Tom turned to look at Charlotte.   
Of course he hadn't wanted her to hear him and was aware that he had insulted her, but this was the moment he had been working towards since he had heard that Mrs. Campion was widowed.   
This was about business, his Sanditon - the feelings of a young girl were secondary.

"Please forgive me, Mary," he said without much regret in his voice. “I have no doubts that Sidney will be discreet, so she don't have to worry about that. He will not allow their pretended marriage to be tainted. But he should have listened to me from the start, and you know he owes me something."

Completely frozen, Charlotte stood in the midst of all the guests in this garden and felt as if she was suffocating.   
Tears stung behind her eyes and she didn't know how to keep her composure. Never in her life had she felt so miserable, so betrayed, and so hurt. Not just from Tom's words, but also from Sindey's behavior.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see that he was slowly strolling right next to this woman through the garden, as if he belonged to her.   
And he probably did.   
_His former fiancée_ ... the very thought of this was unbearable to her.

Startled, Charlotte winced when she felt a hand on her arm. The angry, but also utterly embarrassed and horrified expression on Mary's face made her feel worse and she barely managed to hold back a sob.

"That's not the truth ...," Mary began to say, but Charlotte could barely hear her. Suddenly she felt an urgent need to get out of here and hide herself.

"Please excuse me ... I forgot something inside the house," she said quietly, turned around and walked with deliberately slow steps towards the big house.   
Unfortunately, this gave her a chance to listen to the whispers around her, which caused her tears almost to start streaming down her cheeks.

" _Did you see? There are Mr. Parker and Mrs. Campion over there ...".  
_ “ _He still seems to be as fascinated by her as he was 10 years ago. Well everyone in London knows she's the only woman handsome Mr. Parker always wanted ... it's a shame, really."_

They were two chatty looking ladies who started giggling and then turned their attention to Esther to judge her dress.   
Desperately Charlotte controlled her steps so as not to run, and heard her own blood rush in her ears. As fast as she could, she fled inside the house and into the temporary security of her room - the room she shared with Sidney- before she collapsed.

After hastily closing the door behind her, she was overwhelmed at first by irrepressible anger.   
Anger at Sidney, anger at Tom, and anger at herself.   
At the same time, though, she understood a few things which is why her head soon began to float - Tom's aversion to their wedding came from the fact that he needed Sidney to marry for money.

Then she thought of Sidney.   
Had he really given away his heart long ago and never got it back, so that it still belonged to that woman?   
How could he stroke her hand and say that he would like to be alone in the garden with her if he walked away from her moments later?   
The thought that he was still with _her_ hit her hard, so she started crying and sank to the floor, wrapping her arms around her trembling body.

How did this happen?   
She was in love with him - she had fallen in love with Sidney, which she could finally admit, but he would never feel the same for her. Worse, she was the reason he couldn't have the woman he probably loved and sooner or later he would hate her for that.

Jealousy, pain and grief flooded Charlotte and she didn't know what to do now.   
In all her desperation, she couldn't even blame Sidney because obviously no one could do anything about who you fell in love with. It just happened without wanting to - just as it had happened to her.

Still, she wished she had never met him, wished she hadn't been stupid enough to lose her heart to him, and cursed herself for everything she'd done in Sanditon so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you don't like the end of this chapter, and I also know that the last few chapters were very sad, but I promise that all of this will bring them closer together.   
> I very much hope you will continue to stay with me and I also promise to add the next chapter soon, maybe tomorrow, so that you don't have to wait long to see how it goes from here.  
> Better times will come soon, I hope I can make it up to you for all the sadness at some point.  
> Thank you for your comments and for everyone who reads this story.


	11. The past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised ... and please forgive me for making you so sad. I hope to change that soon.
> 
> This chapter focuses entirely on Sidney, who finally needs to come to terms with something
> 
> Thanks so much for reading !

"Sidney ...".

At the sound of her voice, Sidney had to smile. It had been so long since he heard that sound.

"Mrs. Campion,” he said softly and bowed to her.   
She laughed, looked at him with a twinkle in her eyes, but only tilted her head slightly.   
Up close he could now see the traces of time on her face, but still she exuded a sublime elegance. It had always been like that, just as her laugh had always sounded bright and clear.

“Oh please, call me Eliza. We shared so much, it feels strangely stiff when you don't say my first name." Winking, Eliza smirked, visibly satisfied that he had come to her.

Sidney's brow furrowed involuntarily at her statement, but he said nothing.   
After all, they hadn't seen each other for almost 10 years and had become two completely different people, which is why the intimacy seemed rather inappropriate for him.   
But he had always liked the way she pronounced his name, which is why he would return the favor.

"It's so good to see you here," Eliza took a small step closer.“I was just about to go for a walk in this big garden. Do you remember when we missed dinner at my uncle's because we got lost in his park?"

Sidney remembered it with a laugh. They had been really very young and naive back then. The memory of that time distracted him from all the confusion and strange thoughts that tormented him lately and it made him feel light.   
It seemed as if all of the anger, disappointment and pain he had been carrying for years had suddenly disappeared.He felt like the cheerful boy he had been back then.   
And since that was a pleasant feeling, he concentrated completely on it, ignoring anything around him. He didn't want to think about his duties, so he just ruthlessly pushed them aside.

"I am still convinced that you were just pretending not to know the way anymore," he smirked in amusement and tilted his head.   
Back then she had stolen several kisses from him in the park, and Sidney remembered how proud he had felt. After all, she had been one of the most desirable ladies of the season, and she had given him her attention. At that time, he would have given her everything he had, so trapped he had been.

With blushing cheeks, Eliza grabbed his forearm and giggled.   
"I just wanted to enjoy the time alone with you."

Despite the light atmosphere around them and the obviously flirtatious memories they shared, her touch confused him and Sidney tensed slightly.   
Such a gesture was far too intimate and inappropriate, which is why he discreetly withdrew from her hand and turned away from her a little. She picked up his movement and they began to walk slowly side by side along the gravel path without him even planning to do so.   
But he wasn't trying to prevent it either, for whatever reason.

"I was hoping to find you here, Sidney," she said again in that sonorous voice that used to soften Sidney’s legs. "You haven't been to any of the London balls I went to in the last year."

"Well ... I had other responsibilities," Sidney replied evasively, clasping his hands behind his back and looking at the ground.   
It occurred to him that she could have just called him at Bedford Place if she really wanted to see him.After all, she knew the Parker family owned the house.

“It would have been so nice to meet you again in a ballroom. You know, I've been looking for you since I was widowed.“ She looked at him with a shy smile that seemed a little wrong to him.   
Sidney wondered what to say in response to this somewhat odd statement, but couldn't find any words. Since he said nothing, she raised her eyebrows and continued speaking herself.

"You've been abroad for a long time, haven't you?" Eliza asked curiously. "I hope you did well there and were successful?"   
She looked up at him with a smile, her eyes bright and cheerful, as if there had never been anything unpleasant between them.   
As if she hadn't told him at the end of a ball night that she wanted to break off the engagement with him.   
As if she hadn't destroyed his life and his self-confidence for years.

And all of a sudden, all the feelings came back that he had carried around with him since her wedding to another man.   
_She_ had been the reason he had been abroad, and now she actually asked him how he had fared there? Asked about his success as if that was all that mattered?   
She was still looking at him, now slightly impatient, which is why Sidney cleared his throat.

"Erm ... yes, I've been in Antigua for many years." Trying to keep his emotions out of his voice, Sidney spoke almost hoarsely which she seemed to be reacting to as she shuddered. But he paid no attention.   
"It was a completely different life there, away from all the obligations of the London society."

And away from all the talk. The whispers about him and his breakup had made him so angry and terribly ashamed as a young man.   
But suddenly he thought of the fact that he was standing before her today as a married man, which was a very relieving thought.

For the first time since he had walked up to see Eliza, he looked around.   
He was surprised to find that they had already walked further across the garden than he had noticed, and that they were a fair bit away from the rest of the crowd.   
In the distance he could see Tom and Mary watching him while they appeared to be talking upset, but Charlotte was no longer with them. Searching, he let his eyes wander, but he couldn't find her.   
Before he could think about what the sinking feeling in his heart meant, Eliza's voice rang out again.

"Antigua ...," she repeated, as if she were hearing the word for the first time. “That seems awfully far away to me. I could imagine that I would find it infinitely boring without the beautiful balls and events here in London."

Completely surprised by her almost insulting words, Sidney said nothing, just grimaced with a strained half smile.   
She probably had no idea what life was like in Antigua or anywhere else, and it bothered him that she took the right to belittle it. After all, it had been _his_ life for several years.   
Also, she only seemed to assume they were old friends with no hint that she had hurt him then. Would she really just pretend there wasn't a painful story between them? It seemed like that, as she wasn't expecting an answer and just kept talking.

"Do you remember how much we loved dancing together in the past?" Eliza looked up at him enthusiastically and smiled. "You asked for one dance after the other until everyone was whispering about us."

Sidney clenched his teeth so hard the muscle in his jaw twitched.   
He had adored her then, and yet obviously he hadn't been enough. But that was all years ago, back then he had been a completely different man.

"I miss these nights very much, Sidney." Her voice took on a regretful, slightly seductive tone that made Sidney stop and look at her.

"Eliza, I ...," he began, but she cut him off.

"I've heard at every ball that you are the most desirable and handsome unmarried man in London, but that you don't like to dance anymore."   
She laughed again, this time teasing and clearly seductive.Of course, Sidney understood what she was actually saying. She probably assumed that he just liked to dance with _her_ ...

Immediately he felt uncomfortable with her hints and felt how every muscle in his body tensed. The way she spoke to him was really inappropriate.   
He also hated those whispers about himself and was no longer an unmarried man either.

"You shouldn't believe London's rumors so much, I've always hated what was whispered. Besides, none of this has any meaning anymore."   
Suddenly his voice sounded rougher, and he looked around again.

"Yes, I think so too ...," purred Eliza and looked at him almost lovingly, which is why he frowned.   
What did she mean by that look? He felt like she thought he had just been waiting for her, but surely she had to know that he ...?

“I came here alone as my friends came straight from Bath. I would be very pleased if you would accompany me back to London in my carriage. We could renew our acquaintance and ... well ... spend some time together."

Sidney suddenly noticed that she was standing too close to him and took a step back.   
There had been a time when he would have left everything else behind him with these words. He would have believed her that she wanted him and would have hoped for her love. That was why he had suffered so long and so badly - because in his mind she had still been the sweet girl from the beginning of the season whose heart he wanted.   
It had taken several years, but at some point he had realized that he had to leave his relationship with Eliza in the past. It had been difficult, of course, but he was done with it now.

By now he had understood that love didn't mean wanting someone only when it was convenient and shoving them aside otherwise.   
Love meant more, much more, and the very thought of reconnecting with her was absolutely unbearable. How could he ever have trusted her again after what she had done to him?   
It shouldn't matter how successful a man was or how good he looked to show interest in him. The man should count as such.   
But those things were all she had mentioned about him so far.

Besides, he was no longer alone. There _was_ someone in his life who was important to him, even if he hadn't been ready to reflect on his feelings for his wife.   
That had been different on the evening of their wedding - maybe everything would have turned out differently if she had allowed him to dance with her then - but she had flinched from him. Now he was afraid of getting hurt again - he was afraid to open up to her, but maybe it was time to change that.   
He hadn't given her many reasons to trust him until now. Neither had she backed away from him since then, but had previously accepted his arm with flushed cheeks.  
Only when Tom was around did she become insecure, like before when she stepped back from him. Was it possible that he had misunderstood her reaction again earlier?

He also knew that Charlotte was different from most women. She was ... honest and pure, paid no attention to a man's appearance or his money, but saw people for who they really were.   
In contrast to the woman who stood before him.

Taking a deep breath, he looked directly at Eliza and straightened his shoulders. He finally needed this clear cut for this part of his life to be able to start over.

“Please forgive me, Eliza, but I don't think we should renew our acquaintance. Besides, it is hardly possible or appropriate for me to accompany you in your carriage.” He did not speak loudly, but clearly and felt relieved.   
“Also, I will not be returning to London directly, but will visit her family and hometown with my wife after this event. I am sure that you will arrive safely in London even without my companion."

It felt good to see the incredulous look on Eliza's face when he spoke of his wife.   
Impatient now, he let his eyes slide over the small groups of people, but couldn't see Charlotte's bonnet with the blue ribbon or her dark red coat anywhere.   
Where the hell had she gone?

"You ... what?" Asked Eliza sharply, looking annoyed. "Your wife?"

The word brought a small smile to his face.His wife - it was nice to have someone to belong to. And he belonged to Charlotte, right?   
But did she belong to him? His thoughts were interrupted when Eliza snorted, clearly surprised and disappointed by the news.

"Yes, I'm married. I would like to introduce you to her, but unfortunately I can't see her anywhere ...”.   
Slowly a feeling of concern crept into him and he turned completely to look for Charlotte. He straightened up even more, craning his head, perhaps to find her hidden somewhere, but to no avail.

All he could see were people who were apparently watching him and he suddenly realized how rude he had been towards Charlotte.   
The realization that he had left her alone to stroll through the garden with another woman made his blood run cold. And now she was gone.

Angry with himself, he had to suppress a curse on his lips.   
He really wanted to introduce her as his wife, not necessarily so that Eliza would know who she was, but just to have her by his side.   
Although he knew he was acting odd, he took a few steps away from Eliza and back the path to look behind a large hedge, but Eliza's voice made him turn around again.

“But since when? I haven't heard of it. Wasn't there an announcement?” She sounded snappy and her cheeks were red with anger.

Sidney was distracted as he still couldn't find any sign of Charlotte, but noticed the dissatisfaction in Eliza. Did she really expect him to wait for her, as she had indirectly asked him back then?   
He looked at her closely and saw the offended look on her face. He approached her slowly, frowning and with a strained face.

“Yes, of course there was an announcement, but not in London.There was no reason for that.Charlotte and I got married in Sanditon a few weeks ago, but I don't think that should really matter to you in any way."   
With that he turned his head again to see Babington and Crowe looking at him. Babington seemed concerned, Crowe was amused, and Sidney knew he had made a mistake.

It was clear that something was wrong, which is why his insides cramped.   
The need to find Charlotte flooded him, it was suddenly the only thought in his head and he hastily bowed to Eliza to say goodbye.

“Please excuse me, but I should ask where my wife has gone. I am relieved to see that the past few years have been good for you and that you are in good health. You seem to have got what you always wanted. I hope you enjoy this afternoon as much as the ball tonight."   
Without waiting for an answer, Sidney turned and walked quickly down the path, back to Mary and his brother, who were obviously still arguing.

"But Sidney ...," annoyed at being left standing like that, Eliza called after him, but he didn't respond.

He shouldn't have left Charlotte alone with Mary, but should have greeted Eliza together with her. The unbridled anger at himself for his behavior made him feel hot and cold at the same time, especially since he still couldn't see her anywhere.

"Parker ... that looked pretty familiar and intimate, only it wasn't your wife ...". Crowe's voice, as always slightly drunk, sounded amused and Sidney stopped angrily halfway to Mary, rather unwillingly.

"What ...? Stop talking nonsense, Crowe."   
Alarmed, Sidney looked around to see if anyone had heard his friend's indecent words when Babington approached worriedly.

“Are you all right, Sidney? Seeing Eliza must bring back a lot of memories.” Babington frowned at his friend and could clearly see his confusion.   
He seemed to be looking for someone and Babington wasn't sure if he had even listened to him.

Without responding, Sidney looked around the huge garden again. He was starting to panic a bit, although he couldn't quite say why. Finally, he focused on Babington, who was standing in front of him, looking at him with concern.

"Barbers, have you seen Charlotte lately?" He asked nervously. "I can't find her anywhere."

Surprised by the question, Babington cleared his throat as his thoughts swirled. Just a few moments earlier, Sidney had spoken to his former fiancé, apparently without noticing anyone or anything around him, and now he was worried about his own wife?   
The woman he had simply left alone when he had seen Eliza ...?

It had always been difficult to read Sindey Parker and understand his actions, but when it came to Charlotte Heywood - or rather Charlotte Parker - he was completely unreadable.

"No, I haven't seen her since you left her alone in this garden like an unwanted companion to show your respect to another woman," Babington said cautiously, and was immediately met with a dark, angry look from Sidney.

"I don't have ...," he began, but then broke off with a hiss.   
Was that what it looked like to everyone else here? Had he really humiliated her that much with his thoughtless actions?   
"Damn it ...".

"The sweet little Miss Heywood was completely forgotten as soon as your eyes found your lovely Eliza...," laughed Crowe, too drunk to notice how angry Sidney was. "It couldn't have been clearer for everyone here where your interests lie."

Suddenly, without warning, Sidney took a step forward until he was right in front of Crowe.   
The drunk man staggered slightly in surprise at the unexpected movement, but did not back away. They had all known each other for so long that Sidney's temperament was not unknown to his friends.

"Watch what you say, Crowe ...," it was a threatening growl, Sidney’s face contorted with anger and unconsciously he had his hands clenched into fists. "You don't know anything about where my interests are, any more than anyone else here."

To separate the two, Babington pulled Sidney’s arm. He knew he would never harm Crowe, but this time his anger seemed somehow different.   
He wasn't even sure who Sidney was mad at in the first place. Was he mad at Crowe? Or maybe more at himself?

"Do _you_ know it?" He asked softly and with a soothing voice when Sidney finally took a step back and tried to calm himself down, breathing heavily. "What exactly you want, I mean?"

Sidney clenched his jaw tightly. Did he know? Did he himself know what he wanted and where his interests lay?   
The question overwhelmed him, so he ignored it and just snorted softly.

"Right now, I would like to know where Charlotte has gone," he growled without looking at anyone.   
Hastily, he searched the garden again with his eyes, but Charlotte wasn't there.   
With an audible breath, he looked at Babington and saw no curiosity in his gaze, but concern and understanding. So he nodded to his best and oldest friend, patted Crowe briefly on the shoulder, and then walked over to Tom and Mary without waiting for an reply.

He felt curious eyes on him from everywhere, but he ignored them. All he could think of was Charlotte.   
He had not quite reached his sister-in-law when he spoke.

"Mary, can you tell me where Charlotte went? I can't find her anywhere?"

Since he had left her with Tom and Mary, he assumed they knew where she had gone, but he got no answer.At his voice Tom turned to him, who had been standing with his back to him until now, and began to grin.

"Sidney ...," he called loudly and happily, as always, and slapped his arm. "I knew you would be happy to see the beautiful Eliza again."

"What? I asked where Charlotte disappeared to."   
Sidney didn't want to talk about Eliza, he wanted an answer to his question, but Tom wasn't paying any attention to him.

“I knew I was right to invite her here. It is a real pleasure to see you both together.“ Satisfied with himself, Tom grinned at his brother.   
Everything went as he had imagined, and he was extremely pleased with that.

“You did what?” Sidney leaned closer, confused, and raised his eyebrows.   
When had Tom even met Eliza and how could he have invited her here without first talking to him about it? After all, Tom knew what she had done to him. As always, Tom noticed nothing of the atmosphere around him and happily talked about his encounter with Eliza.

"I met her by chance in London and we were talking about you - or rather, the both of you," Tom winked and looked for Eliza. He noticed that she was standing a bit away with a couple of women and nodded his head towards her.   
"Why don't you ask her to come over here to introduce her to your family again?"

Sidney's anger threatened to boil over and he needed everything not to grab Tom. The suggestion he made was utterly offensive, which is why he could hardly speak.

"Why should I do that? Why on earth should there be a reason to introduce her to my family again? That is hardly in any way appropriate or necessary," he hissed hard and dark under his breath.   
Mary hadn't said a word yet, but she looked very worried and angry at the same time. But just as she got closer to Sidney, Tom began to speak again.

“Brother, don't you see. Mrs. Campion is a beautiful and rich woman, and she is widowed. She is clearly interested in you - this is your chance of happiness,” he spoke so enthusiastically that Mary couldn't help but grab his arm and shake it lightly. But Tom paid no attention to her either.   
"Unfortunately you insisted on having such a quick wedding with Miss Heywood, otherwise you wouldn't be in such a bad situation now."

_Unfortunately? Bad situation?_   
What was Tom talking about, for God's sake?

Sindey was about to explode, mostly because his brother addressed Charlotte as Miss Heywood again.

“Charlotte is called Mrs. Parker. I'm not going to say it again, so you should finally accept this fact. I don't care what Mrs. Campion is interested in - we had our chance of happyness and she gave it up. I _am_ already married and I don't see what's bad with that."   
With great effort Sidney pressed the words as quietly and calmly as possible through his clenched teeth and then felt Mary's calming hand on his arm. He looked at her, saw the worry in her eyes and hissed with tension.

"Where is Charlotte, Mary?"

Sighing, Mary squeezed his arm before answering.   
“I think she wanted to go inside. She obviously felt a little uncomfortable here and has apologized, most likely to go to your room."

Without answering or saying goodbye, Sidney left his brother and Mary behind and made his way to the entrance doors of the imposing building as quickly as possible.   
As soon as he was hidden behind the protective walls from the view of the company present, he began to run down the long corridors. On the grand staircase, he took two steps at the same time, his heart racing in his chest.

_Uncomfortable_ , Mary had said. Was she unwell?   
Or did it have to do with the fact that he had left her standing there and was talking to another woman?   
Both options made him sick, although the latter filled him with guilt. He hadn't meant to hurt her and if he did he was terribly sorry. 

All he had wanted was to forget that his fingers had tickled from caressing the back of her hand.

That he went for a walk with Eliza afterwards hadn't been his intention, although he was secretly glad to have finally closed his past with her once and for all.

In front of the door to the room they had shared since yesterday, he stopped to calm his breathing.He didn't know what to expect on the other side of the thick wood, let alone what to say to her.   
Maybe she actually didn't care who he was talking to, after all, she had never indicated that her marriage to him meant anything to her. But for some reason Sidney knew that wasn't the truth.   
He knew he had hurt her again and wondered what he could do to apologize for it.

He let out an audible breath, grabbed the doorknob and turned it.   
Whatever awaited him in this room, he knew he had to go inside. Despite everything, she was his wife, and even when he tried to pretend to himself that he didn't care about her, he did.

That was a fact he could no longer deny.


	12. Finally found you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and for reading.

Sidney hesitated in the doorway for a moment and just looked at her.   
Charlotte sat slumped on the windowsill and stared outside. She looked small and fragile, had her arms wrapped tightly around her upper body and made no noise.

Slowly, he stepped into the room before quietly closing the door behind him. To calm his racing heartbeat, he breathed in audibly, but his heart just wouldn't beat normally. Still he hesitated, not knowing how to deal with this situation, so he swallowed nervously as he slowly walked towards his wife.   
And although he knew she had to hear him, she didn't turn her head in his direction.   
She continued to look out the window, which is why Sidney stopped after a few steps with a worried lump in his stomach. He must avert his gaze from her and let his eyes wander through the room instead.

Apparently, right at the door, she had hastily shed her shoes as they were scattered on the floor. On the bed he spotted her red coat and her bonnet in a mess, making it look as if she had carelessly tossed both things there.   
It was so different from the way she had hung her clothes so neatly the night before, so he knew she must have been very upset to behave like this.

"Charlotte ...?"

Finally he said her name very quietly. He knew it was up to him to start the conversation, but she didn't respond in any way to his voice. She didn't even acknowledge his presence with the slightest gesture, so Sidney sighed softly.   
Did she want him to leave her alone? He thought about it, but his feet wouldn't move.

He knew that he deserved her silent treatment, although he didn't think she did it for any calculating reason. Rather, it showed him that he had hurt her really badly, so Sidney decided against just leaving.   
He felt a strong need to be around her, just as he wanted to know what was going on in her head. His jaw clenched tightly, he ran a hand over his face before moving towards her without conscious decision.   
Slowly, he crossed the room and finally stopped when he reached the window on whose sill she was sitting. He still couldn't see her face because she still wasn't responding to him.   
She made it difficult for him, but Sidney didn't want to give in, so he sank to his knees right in front of her.

"I was looking for you ...," he began softly and in a deep voice.   
This time he saw Charlotte shudder, even though she was obviously trying to prevent it, what her cramped fingers were showing. His own hand rose by itself, but before he could touch her arm he stopped himself.   
Her whole posture towards him was dismissive and he felt really overstrained.

She didn't answer, which made his heart sink, but in the end he knew he deserved that too.   
They had vowed to spend their lives together, and he had failed miserably. He knew that he had made this mistake himself, it was not her fault.   
He'd just shut her out of his life in the past few weeks, but that was wrong. He had to talk to her, most of all he had to apologize and was determined to get her to look at him.

Sighing deeply, he lowered his arm back onto his thigh and straightened his upper body a little. That way, even though he was kneeling in front of her, his head was level with hers, which only showed again how small she was.

"Why did you just leave? I searched the garden for you, and apart from Mary nobody knew where you were going."

Charlotte tried hard to keep herself from turning her head in his direction.   
His voice sounded really worried, even a little disappointed, but that could hardly be the truth. She had been wrong about him so often that she just couldn't trust her judgment anymore.   
The jealousy and anger was still raging inside her, and a voice said that if he had just stayed with her, he wouldn't have had to look for her either. But he had gone for a walk with another woman.

"I'm surprised you even noticed ... that I wasn't there anymore," she said dismissively and angry, but Sidney could still hear that she was hurt.   
Although he had actually expected that, the thought still pained him and everything in him cramped. He hadn't wanted that ...

The fact that he'd done it anyway, mixed with the sad tone of her voice, made him angry again at himself.   
At the same time, he wondered if she felt more for him than she was admitting. Otherwise she wouldn't care what he did, would she?  
On the other hand, his behavior had been absolutely degrading for her in any case, because she was his _wife_ to everyone else, which is why the shame of himself robbed him of any meaningful thought.

"Charlotte ....".

Her name from his lips - in that rough, almost hoarse and dark tone that gave her goose bumps, made Charlotte furiously angry.   
Why did he keep saying her name like that?   
Her feelings overwhelmed her, so she couldn't stop the words that gushed out of her mouth. But she still managed not to look at him.

"You don't have to be here, you know? You didn't have to run after me, there was no way I wanted to separate you from your former fiancé - _your dear Eliza._ ”   
She couldn't keep her jealousy and disappointment out of her voice, which made her feel small and stupid. Stealthily, Charlotte tried to wipe her hand over her cheek to hide the fact that she was crying.   
She certainly didn't want him to see it. She was stronger than that, and she didn't want him to think otherwise.

Sidney, however, frowned and carefully watched her every move. Who had told her that he was once engaged to Mrs. Campion?   
And why on earth did she call her his _dear Eliza_?

"Who told you about her?" He asked a little more sharply than he intended and narrowed his eyes.   
He really hated it when people talked about him behind his back. The terrifying suspicion that it was Tom froze him. He was afraid of what else his brother might have said.

His tone, however, made Charlotte flinch and her heart ached. It looked like Tom was right.   
As rudely as he spoke to her, there was a good chance he would stay married to her on paper while doing whatever he wanted with this other woman in his real life, and there was nothing she could do about it. Was this his intention from the start? Had he been up to something like that when he offered her his hand in marriage in the first place?

"Why did you do it?Why did you marry me?”   
Slowly Charlotte turned her head and looked at him for the first time since he had entered the room. She was surprised to see him kneeling on the floor in front of her, although that explained why his voice sounded so close to her ear.

Sidney drew in a sharp breath when he saw her red rimmed eyes and the tear streaks on her face.   
He tried to reach for her again, but her expression was dark with anger. Also, he didn't have time to say anything, because she continued to speak furiously.

“Your brother firmly believes that you made the biggest mistake of your life when you married me.And today's reunion with your ...,“ Charlotte didn't know how to name the other woman, just the thought of her gave her a pang inside."... with Mrs. Campion, clearly showed how right he is about that fact. Everyoneat this gathering seems to know that she is the woman Sidney Parker wanted all his life, but now he's unfortunately bound to the unknown and unworthy Charlotte Heywood."

Unable to hold back her tears, she turned her head back to the window and kneaded the fabric of her dress between her fingers. The pain and anger flooded her and the words flowed freely from her mouth without her being able to stop them.

"Tom also thinks that it is only a matter of time before you take her as your lover, now that you have finally met her again and, apparently, were immediately cast under her spell again. He is concerned about the reputation of your family name - the reputation of the Parkers - as my stupidity will force you to take such a step, but he hopes for an investment from the rich woman whom he would clearly rather welcome as his sister-in-law than me," her voice was getting angrier with every sentence.   
"However, he is sure that you will be discreet, so that, according to him, I don't have to worry about our marriage of convenience or that someone might offend me for your actions."

Repeating the words Tom had said in the garden left a sour feeling in Charlotte's throat and again the utter shame and helplessness that had made her run away overwhelmed her.Her tears were now dripping freely onto the skirt of her dress, and to cool her burning face a little, she leaned her cheek against the cool glass of the window.

Since Sidney didn't answer, she assumed that he was thinking about how to gently teach her that Tom was correct in his assumptions, which made her feel completely lost.   
If she'd looked at him, she would have seen the muscles in his face twitch with absolute horror and angry tension, but she didn't do it.

“I ... I really thank you for your kindness in trying to save my reputation, but I cannot do that. I'm sure you can have our marriage annulled, I don't want to be the reason why you can't have the woman you love so obviously."

Her voice was just a low whisper, but it made Sidney explode.

"Stop talking like that ...," he growled through clenched teeth and drew in a heavy breath. "Stop saying such terrible things. I can't even ... I ...".   
With one hand he reached for the windowsill right next to her feet, being careful not to touch her. But he needed something to hold on to or he would burst.

What she said made his blood run cold and he wanted to hit something - or someone.

He tried hard to breathe calmly while his heart ached in his chest.   
He was going to kill Tom for what he had said to his wife, and the thought that she seemed convinced his heart belonged to another woman hurt him. But what was worse was knowing how she must feel.   
It must have been humiliating for her to hear all of this, and the tears that soaked her dress showed him that it had cut her very deeply.

Sindey concentrated to find the right words, even if it was really difficult for him.   
“I'm ..., I'm very, verry sorry for what Tom said. I can't even tell you how angry I am at his constant, condescending behavior towards you, and you can be sure that he will apologize to you for it."

Charlotte snorted, so Sidney briefly closed his eyes with a sigh. Of course, that wouldn't be important to her, she had never placed value on such things before.   
His own behavior toward her had been no better than Tom's, and he despised himself for it. He assumed she wanted honesty - deserved honesty, therefore he swallowed hard.   
It cost him quite a bit of work, but he understood that he owed her at least as much. So he raised his head and decided to speak openly about his past to someone for the first time.

“When I was 19 years old I met Eliza at a ball in London. She was beautiful, sweet and ... and yes, I was immediately fascinated by her. But I was young and stupid, full of energy and crazy dreams. I ..., I loved her ..., back then ...,” he said softly and broke off as Charlotte's body trembled with suppressed sobs.   
He didn't want to hurt her any further, he just wanted to be honest. Hesitantly and even more quietly, he continued without taking his eyes off her.

“At the end of the season I asked her to be my wife and she accepted. We were going to get married the following spring and I invested like a madman in the sugar trade to give her the house and life that she wanted. It was a respected line of business in London society, ... well ... - it unfortunately still is. But at the time I had no knowledge of how the workers in the sugar fields were treated. I was content to soak up every smile and every loving gesture from Eliza. Maybe it would have worked between us ... or maybe not. I do not know. I don't know if we would have been happy if she hadn't met Charles Campion at the winter ball."

Charlotte had leaned her head sideways against the pane now and was staring at her hands, but it seemed as if she was listening carefully.There was that cute furrow on her forehead, and Sidney concentrated on the movement on her face as he spoke in a low voice.   
He had never talked about that time before, was always ashamed to have been so stupid.

“He was rich, had a prosperous business, and was a great influence in society. He showered Eliza with gifts, offering her a life in abundance, which is why she finally told me tearfully that she had decided to marry him instead of me. She asked me to understand her - promised that she would come back to me someday, but that she couldn't let this chance slip by."   
The memories of that evening, when young Eliza had crushed his heart, still hurt today, but strangely enough it was comforting for him to look at Charlotte at the memories.

She, however, felt even worse about this story than before. So he really had waited so long for her because she had promised to come back to him?

The lump in her throat almost choked her and new tears started to run down her cheeks. She didn't know what to say, but then Sidney began to speak again in that dark voice that sent a shiver down her spine.

“She destroyed me then. I was hurt, ... sad, and angry. Angry at not being enough, angry at losing her to another man and being doomed to wait for her. I would probably have killed myself - the path I took back then was pretty self-destructive and dark. But at my lowest point, Babington and Crowe pulled me out of the gutter. A short time later, Tom forced me onto this ship to Antigua, for which I must be forever grateful to him."

Taking a deep breath, Sidney looked briefly at his hand, which had unconsciously reached for the hem of her dress. He was surprised to find that he was rubbing the fabric gently between his fingers. It calmed him down in a familiar way, which made him keep talking.

"I haven't seen her again in all these years, ... until today ...".He heard a low, tormented sob and looked up.

Charlotte pressed a hand to her mouth, her whole body trembled and she had turned even further to the window. It pained him to see her so desperate and he felt an unknown feeling inside him that he could hardly hide - let alone fight.   
As if he were unable to withdraw from her - as if everything he needed was just her in his arms.

"Look at me, Charlotte ...," he whispered softly, leaning closer to her and watching her shake her head.   
Annoyed, he clenched his teeth and hissed. He wanted to look at her ...

"Please ...."

He waited tense and was about to lose his composure, but then she turned her head very slightly.Not completely to him, but at least away from the window so that he didn't have to talk to the back of her head anymore.

"Charlotte..., I will _not_ annul the marriage between you and me under any circumstances, do you hear me?"

His dark, haunted voice sent wild shivers over Charlotte's body and she turned her head a little more. She could feel his fingers in the fabric of her dress, just like the night before, and she wondered why he was doing it.

"Why?" She had to ask him that question because after what he had told her only a few minutes ago, she just couldn't understand that assurance. Why would he want to stay married to her?

“When I offered you my hand in marriage, I had carefully considered my proposal. It ... it was a conscious decision that I made, just as you decided to accept my offer. I am not willing to reverse this decision, and not just because it may have been my duty. I ...," he paused briefly and had to swallow.   
He couldn't really tell her why the dissolution of their marriage was out of the question for him, but the very thought made him sick. So he tightened his grip on her dress and let himself be soothed by the feeling of the fabric.   
"I know I made terrible mistakes in the past few weeks, and especially today, for which I ask your forgiveness. I am also aware that we need to change the relationship we have with one another right now. But you are my wife, Charlotte, and you will remain so. You can be sure that Mrs. Campion would _never_ become my mistress - and she is definitely not what I always wanted."

Sidney didn't know if he would ever allow himself to find out what he really wanted or if he would ever get it. What he definitely knew, however, was that he didn't want Eliza.   
He could see that Charlotte was thinking carefully about his words, although tears still glittered in her eyes.

"She didn't love me, otherwise she would have married me then, and I'm not interested in deepening my acquaintance with her beyond the courtesy required."   
He sounded sincere and honest, which made Charlotte finally meet his eyes with hers. They were dark and intense, but also warm and caring. It surprised her and she held her breath as he continued.   
“I greeted her politely in the garden earlier and we talked. She spoke about the past, about the season we danced and laughed together and I had let myself be distracted for a moment. I didn't mean to leave you alone and take her for a walk, and I'm really sorry about that. I told her I was married, but when I wanted to introduce you to her, you were gone."

He kept his eyes closed with hers while he spoke, and Sidney was annoyed by the uncertainty in her gaze. He felt ashamed for making her feel insecure.   
"I sincerely apologize that you were forced to hear all of these things about me. If I had stayed by your side, Tom would never have dared to say such things, but I assure you it is not the truth."

Torn whether to believe him or not, Charlotte broke eye contact with him and leaned her head back against the wall. She was exhausted, mentally and emotionally, and closed her eyes.   
What should she do now? And how should she ever face the people here again?

Sidney watched her and could see how tired she was. At least she had stopped crying, which made him very relieved. But she shivered and he saw that her bare forearms were covered in goose bumps, which made him wonder if she was freezing.   
The urge to protect her and to hold her got stronger with every passing moment and finally Sidney couldn't fight it anymore.

"Will you allow me ...," since his voice sounded strangely scratchy and dark, Sidney cleared his throat and started again, his heart racing in his chest."Will you allow me to touch you?"

His question made Charlotte look up and she met his eyes. Her face clearly showed her surprise, but since he looked openly at her, she nodded after a moment's hesitation.   
He wanted to touch her? What did he mean by that?

When he moved slowly to gently slide his arm under her bent knees, Charlotte's breath caught.At the same time, he slipped his other hand between her back and the wall she was leaning against, causing her to shudder all over again.   
She felt completely enveloped and protected by him, and after what had just happened, she absolutely enjoyed the feeling.

Sidney’s fingers tickled as they wrapped around her narrow side under her arm. His other hand came to rest on her thigh just above her knee and suddenly he was closer to her than ever before. He held her carefully as he slowly and effortlessly stood up with her in his arms.   
It was the third time that he had already carried her in his arms, but this time it was different.

His hands held her in a different way, somehow more intimate, he pressed her tight against his body and so close that her head was right on his neck.

Charlotte couldn't help but lean even more against him so that her face almost touched his skin. His scent was overwhelming and strong - leather, something woody, and the smoke from his cigars.   
She has never been held so tenderly, and the fact that Sidney was carrying her that way made her close her eyes.

The thought of how small she was brought a frown to Sidney’s face for a moment, but at the same time it touched him to feel the light weight of her body in his arms. It was an odd mix, but he was totally focused on her.   
The warmth of her body mingled with the heat of his, and Sidney only moved slowly as he carried her to the bed. He intended to lay her down in the soft and warm blanket so she could rest, but he didn't want to let go of her again. The fabric of her dress was so soft under the palm of his hand at her waist, and when Charlotte's fingers closed around the cuffs of his waistcoat, he shivered.

Her head was so close to his neck, resting on his shoulder and he was tempted to turn his own head to shove his face into her hair. She smelled of lavender, which clouded all his thinking.   
And although she seemed to be breathing deeply and evenly, he could feel her tiny body trembling against his chest.

Barely able to understand what he was doing, Charlotte could only hold on to him.She would have loved to stay where she was forever - all she needed was his presence. But his long legs were reaching the bed too quickly and even if she wasn't sure what he intended to do, she knew he was going to let go of her.

And she was right. Sidney laid her down on the soft mattress almost tenderly, but then she felt his arms leave her.

In order not to show how difficult it is for her to lose his warmth, Charlotte curled up in a ball after he had pulled back and turned on her side, her face away from him.   
She suspected that he would just leave so she could rest, after all, the ball would be held that evening.

But instead she heard the faint rustling of fabric.

Sidney had stared at her small figure for a long moment before his hands moved on their own, without him being able to stop himself.   
With hesitant fingers he took off his waistcoat and hung it over the chair on the opposite wall. Then he took off his heavy boots to neatly put them under the table before removing his stockings and undoing his tie. After neatly draping his clothes over the back of the chair, he got Charlotte's coat and her bonnet.   
He put both pieces of clothing on the table, gently stroking the dark red fabric for a moment.

After letting his gaze wander over her slim body again, he hesitantly stepped back to the bed in which she had slept alone the previous night.   
She hadn't moved, was still lying there just as she was before, and didn't make any noise when Sidney took a deep breath and finally stopped in front of the edge of the bed.   
But still he couldn't help but keep moving towards her.

Slowly - as if he didn't know exactly what he was going to do, he climbed onto the mattress. Right behind her, he lay on his back, being careful not to touch her body. But instead of looking at the ceiling, his gaze wandered to her.

Startled, Charlotte stiffened and gasped as his large body lay down behind hers. She felt the mattress sink in with his weight, felt the warmth from him creep up her spine and how his shoulder almost touched her back.   
There could only be inches between their bodies, and Charlotte wished he would get closer.

But most aware, she was of his head, which was level with hers. He must have turned his face to her as his breath met her hair and tickled her scalp. She wondered if he was looking at her, but dared not to move even a bit.   
Still, she felt like her heart was jumping out of her chest.

Although it felt strange at first, lying next to him like this was extremely comforting. She enjoyed being so close to him very much and allowed herself to listen to his breath, which was a little tense.   
At the same time, it strengthened her knowledge that her heart was absolutely his, and a faint hope grew inside her, that he was at least not rejecting her completely. He had said he wanted her to remain his wife and for some reason she believed him.

But despite all that, she wasn't ready to just give in and forgive the way he'd treated her. He had to prove what he said, had to prove that he really wanted her forgiveness and deserved it.   
But for now, his presence was enough, and she just focused on that.

What had he just done?   
Sidney could feel her body slowly relax next to his, but he himself was completely tense. Did he really just lie down in the same bed with her?   
This woman made him do, think and say things that he never expected. It seemed as if the walls he had built up for years around himself and his defensive shields did not work on her, which really frightened him.   
She made him seek her nearness, but he didn't want to acknowledge why.

Her fragrant, silky hair tickled his neck because he was so close to her and with a deep breath Sidney finally closed his eyes.A voice in his head kept muttering to withdraw from her, but his heart spoke against it.   
Just a moment ... just a moment he wanted to lie next to her to comfort her. She had had a hell of a rough afternoon, most of it his fault, and he wanted at least to make some amends.

After a short while, Charlotte's breathing became more even, which told Sidney that she had fallen asleep.Carefully he pushed his head closer until his face was pressed into her wild curls.   
Now that she was sleeping, he didn't know if it wasn't inappropriate to stay here next to her, after all they weren't really a real married couple. But he couldn't bring himself to move.   
Instead, he moved the hand that had been on his stomach to his side to search again for the fabric of her dress. With the soft muslin between his fingertips, he began to relax too, until even his heart was beating normally again.

Suddenly he remembered what he had said to Eliza. He had said he would travel with his wife to her family after the events here.   
It hadn't been a direct decision, he had just said it, but now the thought wouldn't go away from his mind.

What would it be like to spend time alone with her? Would she even want him to accompany her and how would her family react to him?

With all these thoughts, his limbs became heavier until he - without wanting to - also fell asleep, while he still held her dress between his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I admit I'm pretty nervous.
> 
> I very much hope that you enjoy this chapter and that you will continue to be with me when the slow burn begins.


	13. Acknowledge something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all so much for your lovely comments. I don't have the time to answer all of them, but I'm really happy about each one and really appreciate it.
> 
> Stay safe, thank you for reading my story.

"Sidney ...".   
The voice came loudly through the closed door, followed by a loud knock.   
"Brother, open the door."

As if through a fog, the noise penetrated Sidney's consciousness, although at first he did not understand where it was coming from.   
It was only when he slowly opened his eyes and found himself facing Charlotte's wild curls that he noticed that he had fallen asleep next to her. There was only a dim light outside the window, indicating that the afternoon was over.   
Carefully, Sidney rose on his elbow to let his eyes slide around the room, but his gaze was drawn back inexorably to her slim figure on the bed.

She seemed still asleep, still lying on her side facing away from him, but when there was another knock, she began to stir. As if he had been caught watching her, Sidney turned away to look annoyed at the door.   
But his movement woke Charlotte completely. Sleepily she turned on her back, which pressed her shoulder against his arm. Frozen, she opened her eyes, whereupon a gasp escaped her. With a jerk she sat up and looked startled in the same direction as Sidney, but then she realized that they had both slept.   
Together in one bed ...

Embarrassed, Charlotte stroked her dress, hoping it hadn't slipped up her legs or shifted in any other indecent way. It was on this occasion that she noticed how close he was to her on the mattress.   
She was also surprised to see that his hand had reached into the fabric of her skirt again. Was he holding onto her?   
With a frown, she lifted her head and looked up at him.

Because she had sat up, he had felt a strange pull on his hand, which is why his gaze was also fixed on her skirts.   
When Sidney saw where his fingers were - in the fabric of her dress, about the level of her knee, he quickly withdrew his arm. Ashamed, he stroked his face with his palm and sat up too, but for the first time dared to meet her gaze.

Charlotte could see the left corner of his mouth rise in a small smile as he looked at her with sleepy eyes.   
The sight of him made her swallow, but she returned his smile, opened her mouth to say something, but was then interrupted by another loud knock.

"Sidney ...," the wailing voice clearly belonged to Tom, and with a frustrated sigh, Sidney rubbed his hands through his hair to wake up fully.

“Stop making that noise, Tom. I'll be right there ...,” he shouted in an angry but scratchy voice.   
The sound made Charlotte shiver and since Sidney was sitting next to her on the bed and could therefore feel it, his head turned back to hers with raised eyebrows.

"Are you all right?" He muttered softly as he moved away from her a bit. The cold that then hit Charlotte caused another slight shiver, but she nodded reassuringly to him.

"Yes ..., yes, I'm fine."   
It was true, she felt calmer now and no longer so confused. The pain in her chest had also eased a bit and she didn't feel so alone. Especially because he was still here with her, and she was grateful to him that he had stayed.   
She could feel Sidney's eyes sliding carefully over her face, as if he wanted to convince himself of her words, which made her heart race again. Even more so, when he stroked the soft muslin of her dress once more, which was now lying on his own leg, but it seemed to Charlotte that he wanted to stroke her with this gesture.

"Sidney."   
Now Tom sounded impatient and annoyed, causing Sidney to growl.   
At that moment the memory came back of what Charlotte had told him - about the things Tom had said about him, and he was instantly full of fiery anger. With clenched teeth, he got up from the bed, took two long steps to the door, and yanked it open.   
Tom's startled wince was a satisfaction, but it wasn't enough to make him forget his anger.

"Have you lost your mind, Tom? Are you serious about what you said within earshot of Charlotte?" His voice sounded really threatening and he saw Tom's eyes widen, but he didn't care. "That she must expect me to have an unworthy relationship with Mrs. Campion? I can't believe ... how can you insult her in such a way? As well as me?" 

Tom seemed intimidated by his brother's dark, pressed tone, but he was clearly unwilling to be influenced by it.   
"You should have seen you with the dear Eliza," Tom bowed his head conspiratorially and grinned. “It was clear to everyone in the garden that something binds you both together, that there is a deep desire between the two of you, as it has always been. I only commented on what I saw."

Sidney approached his brother so quickly that he shrank back in shock. His arm rose by itself, his fist ready to strike, when a noise from the room behind him stopped him.   
It was only Charlotte's frightened, lightly gasping breath that kept him from knocking Tom to the ground with his fist. He knew without turning that she was looking at him, so he just hit the door frame hard.

"You'd better be careful what you say, Tom, or we are both done with each other completely. What you said is an absolute lie, and an open insult to your sister-in-law, to the woman I married."   
It was really hard for Sidney not to reach for Tom. He was his brother, had been there when he had fell apart after his broken engagement to Eliza, which is why Sidney didn't understand how he could say such things now.   
The anger that ran through him almost overwhelmed him, but he heard Charlotte behind him again and felt her gaze on his back.   
"If you assume that I would stain my marriage in such a way then you know me really badly, Tom. I know that you don't like my decision to marry Charlotte - for whatever reason. But at some point you have to accept it, because that's exactly the marriage I want."   
He spoke quietly but clearly and he could see Tom press his lips together ruefully.

“I apologize, brother. It wasn't my intention to offend anyone, especially not you or Miss ... erm, Charlotte." Tom's cheeks turned slightly red as he looked over Sidney's shoulder at Charlotte.   
His eyes stopped on her tousled hair for a moment before looking back at his brother.

"Why are you two not ready yet? You already missed dinner, and now it's time for the ball, we shouldn't keep Lord Babington and Lady Denham waiting.” It was evident that neither of them were properly dressed for any interaction with society. “Get dressed properly and come downstairs, Sidney. You know that I need your help tonight - at least you owe me that."   
The last half-sentence made Sidney hiss furiously again, as they both knew exactly that he had paid off his debts a long time ago. Even so, Tom would hold this thing over him forever because he knew how to use Sidney's embrassement on him.

But Sidney didn't want to talk about this now. Even though he wasn't really done with Tom's unbelievable insults he was ashamed of what Tom might be thinking, so he cleared his throat.   
He hoped it wasn't too obvious that he'd gotten straight out of bed, but assumed it couldn't be denied, especially since he was very aware of his bare feet and the lack of his tie. To check on Charlotte's appearance, Sidney turned his head over his shoulder, but he quickly turned away at the sight of her.

Her curls were beautifully tousled, her cheeks flushed from sleep and her dress wrinkled.   
She looked adorable, and the thought made his skin tingle.

"You shouldn't think we're done with this topic. I expect you to make a serious apology to Charlotte, and you know very well that I don't owe you anything at all. But for now ..., I will be ready shortly ...," he said tense, still angry, but he wanted Tom to leave.   
The fact that his brother could see Charlotte like this bothered him, even though she was fully and decently dressed. It was stupid, but he wanted only him to see her so sleepy.   
Therefore, he moved so that his body blocked the view of her and nodded to Tom, who looked confused and angry.   
"Send my apologies to Babington for being late, it wasn't my intention."

Tom took a step back, nodding, while he watched his brother closely and thought about what he saw in front of him. It didn't seem like anything naughty had happened in this room - especially for this time of day, and since Mrs. Campion would be also attending the ball that evening, he wasn't ready to give up.   
A connection with the richest widow in London would be a godsend for him and for the success of Sanditon - he would find a way to get Sidney to reunite with her again.

"Of course, I'll deliver your apology and wait for you in the ballroom." Before Tom had finished his sentence, Sidney closed the door to his room, causing him to shake his head in frustration.   
Even as children the brothers had been very different and especially in the later years Tom had never completely understood his brother, but lately his actions had been so incomprehensible to him that he really had problems accepting them.   
Just as now, he was acting strangely, especially when it came to Charlotte, and Tom felt offended because of it.

Sighing, Sidney put his hands briefly against the wooden door before turning around.   
She was still standing in the same place and looking at him while she kneaded her wrinkled dress in her hands.

"It's my fault we're late ... I'm sorry for my behavior this afternoon." Nervously, Charlotte lowered her gaze as his dark eyes stared openly and mercilessly at her.   
She was terribly embarrassed that she'd lost her composure in front of him and she expected him to be upset. But she was taught better when he slowly approached her with his bare feet.

"It's not your fault ... we both have slept."   
The smile could be heard in his voice and Charlotte looked up at him again with big eyes.   
“I wouldn't have minded missing the ball, even if it were more than impolite of us. But these events are not necessarily my favorite pastime."

Sidney laughed at the deep furrow on her forehead at his words. Strangely enough, he was actually looking forward to the evening.   
Maybe she would allow him to dance with her today?  
He didn't want to ask himself why the thought made his heart beat faster, so he turned away and went to the door of the adjoining room.

“I'll hurry, otherwise Tom will come back and then I don't know if I can hold back from hitting him." Even if it were absolutely indecent, it would probably be the only satisfaction that would make his blood stop rushing with anger.

  
"I would prefer to enter the ballroom by your side, but ... well, since we're so late, I will be waiting for you there. I'll go through the back door so you can ... um, prepare here."   
Sidney tried to hide his red cheeks and bowed his head. He had wanted to say that she would be able to undress already that way, but had managed to stop himself.

"Alright ... I'll try to hurry, even though I don't know what to do with my tousled hair." Charlotte looked at him uncertainly as he let his eyes slide over her curls with a smile.   
"It won't take me long ...", she assured him confidently, but with flushed cheeks because it was so intimate to talk to him about such things.   
He nodded at her words, slowly turned away from her and grabbed the door handle, but Charlotte wanted to say something else, so she took a step forward..

"Mr.... erm, ... Sidney?"   
For the first time she called him by his first name, which is why the blush crept down from her cheeks and spread all over her body.

The sound of his name on her lips made a shiver run down his back.   
Sidney tried to take a deep breath so as not to show his reaction before turning to face her. When he looked at her over his shoulder, she gave him a real, if shy smile.

"Thank you, for staying here this afternoon. I didn't want to lose my composure in this way, but ..., your behavior and that of Tom were very painful for me today, which is why I am grateful that you shared your past with Ms. Campion with me. I'm really sorry ..., I ... ".   
She stopped when Sidney took a step back into the room, towards her. The look on his face made her nervous - he looked so serious.

"You have no reason to apologize," he said quietly as he clasped his hands behind his back.   
“I shouldn't have left you alone in the garden, and for that I ask you to forgive me. Tom insulted you - just like I did, and under whatever circumstances our marriage came about, it is still a marriage. I will not allow anyone to treat you as anything other than my wife, because that is exactly what you are."

It seemed like he wanted to say more for a moment, but then shook his head.   
After a brief hesitation and a sincere smile, Sidney turned around with a nod and disappeared into the next room, while Charlotte watched him, breathing heavily.

To distract herself from the many thoughts in her head, she opened her dress to wash herself and comb her hair. Her ball gown was hanging in the room Sidney was changing, and the image of him made her eyes wander back to the door.

Obviously, despite everything between them, it was important to him that she was seen as his wife, for which Charlotte was very grateful.   
She felt as if something had changed since they arrived here, so she began to hope that maybe he would even dance with her tonight. But what would it be like to get so close to him?

And could she really trust him?

—- ~ —-

Sidney felt as if he had had countless conversations about Sanditon, the upcoming regatta and other nonsense, but Charlotte still wasn't there.

On his way downstairs, he had met Georgiana, who had finally left her room. After a brief, uncomfortable conversation with her, he asked her to check on Charlotte, maybe to help her with her dress or hairstyle.   
He had actually hoped that Georgiana would be a little more open to him, since he had made this journey possible for her without Mrs. Griffiths, but so far she had obviously avoided him. He knew, of course, that he would have to speak to her at some point, but not that evening. After all, after one long, angry look, she had followed his request and had gone to his and Charlotte's room.

Since then, he had repeatedly found himself gazing at the entrance of the imposing ballroom. Lady Denham, along with Lord Babington and Esther, greeted the guests, most of whom had already entered, and she actually looked satisfied.   
On that occasion he had noticed Mrs. Campion entering with some of her friends - in a deep red, flashy robe - but when she looked around, Sidney had turned away from her. He didn't want to speak to her, nor did anything move inside him at the sight of her.

Now, after another conversation with one of Babington's acquaintances, his gaze wandered around the room again, causing every muscle in his body to tense.   
Because at that very moment his eyes found Charlotte. Together with Georgiana, she slowly entered the ballroom through the large entrance door and the two young women were positively lit by the many candles.  
Meanwhile only Lady Denham was there, who apparently greeted the two of them once in a friendly manner and with a smile.

As if frozen, Sidney stood at the edge of the room and watched as Charlotte stopped at the top of the stairs, trying not to show her nervousness.   
He could see how her searching gaze slid across the room until she found Mary, who was standing a bit away from her with Esther. She seemed relieved, but nevertheless looked around again, unfortunately without turning in his direction, before she and Georgiana went to the two women.

"You're staring ...," Babington suddenly whispered right next to Sidney’s ear, making him flinch.   
He hadn't noticed that he was being watched, but he couldn't take his eyes off Charlotte either. Of course, Babington knew exactly on whom Sidney's gaze was hanging on, so he went on with a teasing smile in his voice.   
"She looks very pretty tonight, doesn't she?"

Sidney couldn't answer that question with anything other than a nod, because it was the truth.   
Charlotte did look really pretty.

She wore a golden dress that matched the tone of her skin perfectly and made it look like she was glowing even more than usual. She had her hair pinned up in an elaborate hairstyle, but Sidney couldn't help but imagine what it would look like if her wild curls fell freely over the back of her neck.   
But that way the velvety skin of her neck was visible, as was a large part of her shoulders. Her really sensual cleavage could be seen under fine, thin lace, while her arms were covered with cream-colored gloves.

Sidney literally drank her in, let his eyes wander over every inch of her slim frame and wondered how strongly his body reacted to her.   
Suddenly he felt feelings that he had not allowed in for a long time, but now, looking at his wife, he was flooded with them.

"Yes ... she is really beautiful ...," he just mumbled his answer, but he didn't care if Babington heard him.   
He spoke to himself as if he were finally accepting something he had known for a long time.

And the moment he accepted that one fact, a whole host of other facts followed.

Not only was Charlotte Parker beautiful, but her loyalty to Georgiana or his family was impressive.   
Her courage, which she had shown again and again since he first met her - whether it was in the presence of Lady Denham at the terrible pineapple luncheon, at Mr. Stringer's accident, at the cricket match on the beach, and not least with the attempted kidnapping of Georgiana - was absolutely remarkable.   
More than once since her first arrival in Sanditon, she herself had been in danger, had been beaten and injured, but she had never complained, but endured everything quietly.   
The kindness she showed to everyone, even him, was a special gift and although he knew she must be uncomfortable here tonight, she stood upright next to Mary with her head held up.

The smile on her face made his heart race - all the more so when her eyes finally found his across the room and it got a little shy.   
She was a remarkable woman and maybe he finally had to admit that he had underestimated her. Likewise, he had to admit to himself that he had only persuaded himself not to be interested in her - because it was obvious that he _was_ interested.   
This also proved the sudden feeling of pride he felt because she belonged to him.

The only question was - did she even _want_ to belong to him?

So many times he had left her alone, he had hurt her terribly and not given her the support he would have liked, which is why Sidney was afraid to ponder the answer and pushed the subject out of his mind again.   
At some point he would have to face it, but not now - now he could only try to do better.   
So, he returned her smile a little crooked and bowed his head slightly in greeting.

Lord Babington had watched the movement on Sidney's face in silence. It was clear to see that he was overwhelmed by feelings that he had been suppressing for months.   
He hoped for his friend that one day he would finally accept them all.

“You two were absent for quite a while this afternoon. I hope everything is all right?” Babington sounded really worried, so Sidney finally turned to him.   
He hesitated a moment, but the man was his closest friend, so he nodded slowly.

"Yes, it's all right, I think," he replied with a frown. "Tom said some really stupid things that Charlotte had to overhear, and I ... well, I wasn't exactly kind to her either."

At Babington's nod in agreement, Sidney sighed before his eyes wandered back to Charlotte.   
"We talked about ..., well, about me not having any interest in a mistress or any other naughty relationship with another woman."   
The way he said that sentence and how dark his face had got made Babington giggle.

"I don't know how you did it, but you maneuvered yourself into the strangest marriage I know."   
Good-naturedly, Babington patted Sidney’s shoulder as he snorted in frustration.   
“Come on, let's say hello to your wife. You shouldn't always leave her alone. I also want to dance with Esther. I pray to God that my marriage will be different from yours."

Still frowning, Sidney nodded.   
He had intended to go over to Charlotte anyway, so he followed Babington wordlessly. As for his statement about his marriage ..., he also hoped for Babington that things would turn out differently for him, even if he didn't want to swap places with him.

So he snaked through the ballroom behind Babington, slightly tense.   
The room wasn't as crowded and stuffy as the balls in London, but there were still people everywhere. The guests danced, played cards and drank in small groups, which was a good sign of Lord Babington's reputation among London high society.

“Ah, Lord Babington… how nice that you have found time to join us. We feared that the noble society here would take up your time all evening.” Teasingly, Esther held out an arm to her fiancé while she looked at him with raised eyebrows.   
It was clear to see that she was happy because her eyes sparkled playfully. As Babington bowed to all of the other ladies and then reached for her hand to kiss the back of it before wrapping her arm in his, she smiled brightly.

"May I ask you to come with me so that I can introduce you as my future wife and announce our wedding, my dear?"   
Babington winked and pulled her closer.   
"I apologize for my absence and assure you that the noblest society cannot compete with the ladies from Sanditon, but we have to promote a regatta."

Esther groaned theatrically, but let herself be led onto the dance floor without resistance.   
Slightly sad, Charlotte looked after the happy couple and felt a large lump in her throat. The two were so happy and obviously looking forward to their wedding, which brought back memories of her own wedding day with Sidney.   
She really hoped that Esther's day would end better than it had been for her.

"Georgiana, Mary, I hope you are both well?" Sidney greeted politely before taking a few steps to stand directly in front of Charlotte.

Although she had felt his eyes on her for some time, she hadn't dared look at him since he'd come closer. She wasn't sure how to face him after what happened in their room that afternoon.   
She felt closer to him than ever before, but at the same time, she was afraid of getting lost in his dark eyes and elegant, handsome appearance.

Because Sidney looked really stunning.   
In black breeches and a dark waistcoat, he appeared as somber as ever, but his vest was almost the same color as her dress.   
It mysteriously lit up his dark eyes and his curly hair, which made him look really beautiful.

Ashamed of her own thoughts, Charlotte shook her head slightly to clear the image of him from her mind.   
But then she heard his deep voice say her name in that special way, which made her blush.

"Charlotte ...," he bowed slightly, but his eyes lingered on hers.   
She seemed to glow, so close in front of her he could see her figure in the dress much more closely and the blushing on her cheeks triggered something pleasantly tingling in him. 

She replied with a shy smile and wondered what to say when Sidney turned away from her at the loud voice of Lord Babington.   
But at the same time he stepped beside her and placed his hand lightly on her lower back, which gave her a strong sense of support.   
After all, he didn't do it in secret, but in such a way that everyone could see it, and the gesture meant a lot to her, even if it made her a little breathless.

" _My dear guests, let me welcome you to Crossfield Manor .._.".

When they heard Babington greeting the guests and then introducing Esther as his future wife, they applauded along with the cheerful crowd and then watched Lord Babington lead his fiancée onto the dance floor.

"I hope this ball will go uninterrupted," Sidney said as he turned back to Charlotte, obviously also thinking about the midsummer ball.   
His gaze was intense, causing Charlotte to blush, even more as he continued to speak softly and only for her ears.   
"For not knowing what to do with your hair earlier, you look very pretty now."   
His hand still tingled, even though he had removed it from her back, and he really would have liked to touch her again.

At his words, Charlotte's breath caught, as well as because of the crooked smile on his face. She thought about what to say in response to his compliment when she saw someone behind him over his shoulder.   
Sidney enjoyed the way she reacted to his words, but suddenly the enchanting glow disappeared from her face.

With regret, he had to watch her blush fade from her cheeks as she turned slightly pale, but he didn't have to ask what was causing it.   
Two voices rang out behind him that made him take a deep breath.

"... it seems like no time has passed at all."   
It was Eliza, sweet and flattering as always.

"How right you are, my dear, indeed not," said Tom as he stepped next to his wife."Mary, you do remember Eliza Campion, don't you?"   
He ignored that Mary took half a step away and wasn't looking at him because he just didn't want to see her anger against him.  
But before Mary could answer, Mrs. Campion stepped next to Sidney. 

“It's like we just saw each other for the last time yesterday. How nice it is to see you both again after such a long time. You look great, Mary.”   
Eliza smiled brightly at Mary, who now looked at Tom briefly with cold eyes.

"Of course I remember you, Mrs. Campion," she finally said kindly, though without smiling and with narrowed eyes. "I hope you are doing well?"

"Oh, of course, thank you," Eliza laughed and tilted her head to Mary, completely ignoring Charlotte and Georgiana.

"You're going to take part in the hunt tomorrow morning, I suppose, Sidney?"   
Still beaming, she turned slightly, which made her stand too close to Sidney.   
"It's awfully early to get up, but it's always something special, isn't it?"

A feeling of anger slowly grew in Charlotte. Although Sidney was standing next to her, the pretty woman huddled so close to him that he was almost wedged between the two of them.   
It bothered her, and while she knew it was jealousy she was feeling, she couldn't hold it back.   
But at that very moment Sidney moved.   
He stepped even closer to her side and made her turn slightly with him so that he was further away from Mrs. Campion.   
At the same time he reached for her hand to place it in the crook of his elbow, and while his warm upper arm was pressed against her shoulder, he squeezed her fingers reassuringly.

"Maybe I should introduce the other ladies first before we talk about tomorrow?”   
Obviously annoyed, Sidney glanced from Tom to Eliza before pointing in Georgiana's direction.   
"This is Miss Georgiana Lambe, my ward," he introduced with a nod while Georgiana stood proud and elegant with her head held high.

Then Sidney looked at Charlotte, who met his gaze for a second before the grip of her fingers tightened on his arm.   
"And that is Mrs. Charlotte Parker, ... my wife."

The words let a warm shiver run down his spine.   
He had to admit that he liked to call her that.   
Unable to prevent it, Sidney smiled slightly and lowered his gaze to the floor for a moment to hide it before lifting his eyes back to her.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Campion," Charlotte said politely at that moment and smiled, but only got a short nod in response from Eliza.

"Well met, Mrs. Parker," she said with a squeak in her voice before turning to Georgiana, who hadn't even greeted her.

“Miss Lambe, what an honor to meet such an exotic young lady. I am sure you will be grateful to have a guardian like Sidney, which will allow you to be accepted into English society.”   
She spoke kindly, but her expression was condescending, as were her words. But Georgiana returned her gaze haughty and lifted her chin.

“On the contrary, Mrs. Campion. It is more of my considerable fortune that opens the door to society for me than Sidney’s kindness. He would rather I stay in Sanditon so that nothing can happen to me."   
The slight insult caught Sidney off guard, but he didn't reply to it. Just a quick look should warn Georgiana not to offend him further, but she only raised an eyebrow.   
Eliza, on the other hand, gasped audibly, but could not say anything because Tom spoke first.

“Not that there is nothing exciting going on in Sanditon. I assure you that Sanditon is definitely worth a visit, Mrs. Campion. It would be a pleasure to see you there soon, wouldn't it, Sidney?”   
Tom immediately took the opportunity to mention his town and the upcoming events.   
"In a fortnight, Lord Babington and Miss Denham will get married there in the imposing Sanditon house, and shortly afterwards we will hold our first Sanditon regatta. You absolutely have to take part."

"A regatta?" Eliza raised her eyebrows curiously.   
Not that she had much desire to come to Sanditon, but of course if society were to attend then she would have to show herself there.   
Her husband was almost two years dead now, and since she had spent a lot of time abroad with him, she wanted to take every opportunity to prove herself important again in society.

"It's going to be great, just great," Tom said enthusiastically, then looked at Sidney."Sidney, you have to tell Mrs. Campion the details, don't you think? Maybe at a dance?"

With clenched teeth, Sidney had tried to control himself, but it was difficult.   
He wished he hadn't held back earlier and had at least grabbed Tom, since his words obviously had had no influence on him.   
He would end this, just not here, in the middle of a ball.   
As long as they were here as Lord Babington's guests, he would do his duty, but after that he would have to break away from Tom.

He actually had to admit that he wasn't even surprised by Eliza's reaction. Her behavior towards Charlotte was more than unfriendly, while she also avoided looking at her at all.   
His brother's inappropriate suggestion was almost ridiculous, but it made Sidney angry, especially since he had absolutely no intention of obeying.

"I have to apologize, but I think I owe the first dance to my wife."   
With that, he turned to look at Charlotte."If you don't mind?"

Charlotte swallowed.   
He gave the impression that he really wanted to dance with her and her legs were already a bit soft. Her hand was clamped tightly in the crook of his arm and it didn't seem like he would want to let go of her anytime soon.   
His eyes were on her questioningly, which is why she nodded quickly.

"No ..., not at all." She sounded a little breathless and cleared her throat, but it was difficult for her to concentrate as Sidney suddenly smiled."I would love to dance, thank you."

"Well then ... please excuse us."   
Without paying attention to Tom or Eliza, only with a short nod to Mary, Sidney slowly led Charlotte towards the dance floor.

Usually he'd tried everything to avoid dancing at these events, but now he couldn't wait to pull her close.   
They had only danced together once before, and he remembered that she had let him lead her back then, even if he had been rather stiff at the time.

With a shake of his head at himself, he stopped at the edge of the dance floor to wait for the next song to begin. The whole time Sidney could feel that Charlotte was quite nervous.   
As soon as they stood, she took her arm from his to look at him with a slightly confused expression. In order to make it easier for her, Sidney turned a little so he was facing her and bowed his head with a gentle smile.

"You ... you don't owe me anything, you know that, don't you?"   
Charlotte asked uncertainly and somewhat shyly, while she kneaded her hands.   
"You don't _have_ to dance with me just because ...".

"Charlotte ...," Sidney’s deep voice interrupted her and he stepped a little closer.She had to put her head back into her neck because he was so much taller than her and looked up at him with big eyes.   
Sidney was tempted to run his fingertips over her slightly blushed cheeks, but held back. Instead he smiled almost tenderly at her.   
“You shouldn't doubt yourself or me that much. I _want_ to dance with you ... that's the only reason I asked you to."

Charlotte wondered if she should believe him.   
She wanted it more than anything, wanted to trust him and his words and forgive him for his previous rudeness. Was it really true that he wanted to be near her?   
Maybe just for this one dance, but what would happen when this event was over? Then she would go to Willingden to visit her family, but what would he do?   
She didn't want to have to say goodbye to him, didn't want to be separated from him for weeks until they met again at the next social event.

Should she tell him all of these things? How would he react to that?   
Earlier in their room he had said that he wanted to change the relationship between him and her. So would that mean he didn't want to part with her either?   
She couldn't find the answers to all the questions in her head and let out an audible breath.

They looked at each other for a long time without realizing that the previous song had ended. It was only when the soft melody of a violin floated through the ballroom that Sidney took a few steps past her and then turned so he was at the very edge of the dance floor.

Without taking his eyes off hers, he held out his hand to her - his palm upwards.

Sidney waited patiently and with dark, intense eyes for her to take his hand and somehow it seemed like he was asking her for more than just a dance.

Pushing all confusing thoughts out of her mind, Charlotte straightened her shoulders and finally moved ...


	14. Your hand in mine ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very much hope you enjoy this chapter ...
> 
> Because of the pandemic, home work and home schooling has started again here in Germany, which unfortunately takes up a large part of my time. I would like to add the chapters more often, but I promise to stay within 3-5 days.
> 
> Stay healthy and thanks for reading and commenting

Slowly, Charlotte let her small hand slide into his much larger one and immediately felt his warm fingers curl around hers.

His grip was firm and secure, giving her an unknown sense of trust between them, which is why she couldn't take her eyes off their bandaged hands.  
Motionless, she enjoyed the tingling sensation caused by the fact that his palm was pressed tightly against hers. The heat emanating from him crept up her arm and then spread all over her body, making it difficult for her to focus on anything else.  
It was a nice feeling that triggered a number of feelings inside her.  
Distracted by all these sensations and thoughts, Charlotte had completely forgotten where she was and she closed her eyes for a moment while a quiet sigh escaped her.

But then she felt Sidney gently pulling her closer to him.  
With a low gasp, she looked up at him and smiled shyly as her feet moved as if by themselves. As soon as she met his dark eyes with hers, she had the feeling that her heart would just stop beating, while at the same time it raced the closer she got to him.

Sidney had seen what the touch of their hands had caused in Charlotte and felt the same in his own body.  
He wished he could touch her bare skin instead of the fabric of her gloves, but even then his insides began to burn.  
The whole time he looked at her without even blinking, because he just couldn't let her out of his sight. But when she met his gaze now, he had difficulty breathing because she looked absolutely adorable and shy, which made him hold her tiny fingers even tighter.

Neither of them knew that the other dance couples were already performing their first figures and dance steps, but it wasn't important either.  
At that moment there was just the two of them and the soft melody of the violin - nothing else.

In the meantime, Charlotte was standing so close in front of him that the skirt of her dress pressed against his legs, and only now did he move their joined hands into a dance position.  
The closeness between them was totally inappropriate, just as the fact that he was pressing his palm against hers instead of letting her grasp the back of his hand, but he didn't care. They were already married so it would hardly be a scandal.  
Sidney felt a strange need to hold her as close as possible, and for once he didn't resist his wish.

So he gave in, put his big hand gently on her lower back and had to swallow. Sidney couldn't help but carefully pull her even closer while they looked at each other the whole time.  
To feel how her body was trembling brought a small smile to his face and his lips parted slightly.

When Charlotte felt his big hand on her back, she stopped breathing for a moment. Every single one of his long fingers seemed to be burned into her skin through the thick layers of fabric, while she was more than aware of his hard body in front of her.  
Though he was smiling, the expression on his face was intense and his eyes somehow darker.

To stabilize herself - and because the dance required it, she slowly raised her own hand to rest on his broad shoulder.  
When she pressed her palm against his body instead of her fingertips - closer to his neck than usual - a muscle twitched in Sidney's jaw, causing Charlotte to smile too. But at the same time she couldn't suppress another shudder, as she could feel the firmness of his muscles under the soft fabric of his waist coat.

Because she was so close to him, Charlotte had to tilt her head back a bit to see his face further. As a result, she pressed her upper body against his, causing Sidney's gaze to fall down for a moment to see her beautiful cleavage.  
It was almost too much to endure and yet utterly satisfying. She seemed so small to him since her hand disappeared completely into his and the palm of his hand on her waist covered most of her lower back, abut still she could have destroyed him with her eyes alone.  
  
Suddenly so many different emotions raged inside him that Sidney no longer knew what was happening to him - the desire to hold her even closer, to bury his nose in her curls to breathe her in or to slide his fingers over her back were just as confusing as the urge to protect her completely, to keep her warm and safe, or to make her happy and smile.

All of this was triggered by the feeling that her slim body was pressed against his, and Sidney was utterly powerless to fight it.  
Until now he had always suppressed these emotions, but it seemed that the closer he got to her, the stronger his feelings became.

It felt like hours went by to both of them looking each other in the eye, but in reality it was only a few moments. As the music got louder, Sidney began moving them both in a slow waltz.  
It was only due to years of practice and instinct that he remembered the steps of the dance while Charlotte surrendered completely to his guidance.  
Despite being so completely different in stature, they floated across the dance floor as if they were one person without breaking eye contact or noticing anything around them.

It was only a few minutes before the violin became quieter again and the dance changed.  
Slowly they stopped and stood directly in front of each other until Sidney gently lifted their bandaged hands over her head so he could make her spin in circles under his arm.

Removing herself from his body was difficult for Charlotte, but she sensed that he felt the same way. Because he didn't release his hand from her waist when she turned in a circle, but let his fingers run over her dress.  
Over her side, her stomach, back on her back, and then again. His touch caused a tingle all over her body that made her cheeks flush.

Every time she could face him again while she was circling, she noticed that his smile widened. Charlotte laughed in return, her heart felt light and her whole being was filled with joy.   
It was very nice to share this moment with him, especially since he looked really happy too.

And then his arm caught her again, and if it was at all possible he held her even closer to him than before.

The smile faded from his face as a small furrow formed on his forehead. But his eyes continued to glow darkly, and she felt his fingers spread across her lower back.  
Sidney felt her breath lightly on his chin, but wanted to pull her even closer. He was unable to take his eyes off her face and all of a sudden there was only one thought left in his head.

He wanted to kiss her.

He wanted to know what her soft, seductively red lips would taste like and how it would feel to touch her mouth with his.

Unconsciously, Sidney leaned closer to her.  
He completely forgot where he was and also forgot to move himself and her further with the music. He could see that Charlotte's eyes wandered to his mouth and wondered if she was thinking of the same thing as him.  
Could it be possible? Could it be that she felt just like him?

It was only the loud noises of the applauding dance couples around them that pulled Charlotte out of this moment.   
In the feeling of his hand on her back and his dark eyes burning into hers, she had completely lost herself and imagined that he would kiss her with his beautiful red lips.  
Now when she realized the dance was over, she swayed slightly and flushed deeply from her own thoughts.

At the same time, Sidney also seemed confused because he didn't let go of her, but instead continued to hold her against him.  
He blinked and averted his gaze from her for a moment as he looked around the room, apparently surprised at where he was. But his eyes found hers again after a brief moment, as if he were being drawn to her. 

Nevertheless, he knew that he couldn't just stand there so close to her and bit his jaw in frustration.  
So his hand reluctantly disappeared from her back, but he did not remove his fingers from her hand as he took a small step back to make a polite bow to her.  
When he looked at her again, an embarrassed, crooked smile appeared on his face that made Charlotte tremble to the core. To hide her shy smile, she curtsied in response, but his eyes stayed on her the whole time.

"Thank you ..., Mr. Parker," she whispered softly and bit her lip as soon as she saw the sad expression on his face. His brow furrowed for a moment before he tilted his head to one side.

"Please Charlotte ... I asked you to call me Sidney."

The dark growl of his voice sounded hoarse and rough and Charlotte had to grab his arm with her hand to find support. She loved that sound ...

"Forgive me ...," She breathed as she felt Sidney gently grasp her elbow to steady her. This brought him closer again, his gaze fixed straight on hers.  
"Thank you, ... Sidney. For this beautiful dance."  
As soon as she pronounced his first name, a smile appeared on his face as charming as she had never seen on him before.

"It was my pleasure," he whispered, and at the gentleness in his gaze Charlotte's heart began to race.  
She beamed at him, while she felt his thumb gently brushing her knuckles.

When the next dance began, they were torn out of their togetherness, as this time it was a dance with many partner changes.  
Every time they had to part to dance with someone else, their eyes were locked, and as soon as they met again, Sidney pulled her indecently close to his body.  
The whole time he couldn't help but wish that the next dance would be a waltz again, as he longed not to have to let go of her.

But unfortunately there shouldn't be another dance for the two of them.

They only managed to hold on too long and too close during the required partner changes in the following dances, as Charlotte was asked for a dance by both Lord Babington and Mr. Crowe.   
Sidney danced with Esther during this time, and even after some hesitation with Georgiana, but although he was very grateful to his friends, he would have preferred to dance with his wife himself.

"I'm afraid you are not really happy here either, because you hide yourself in your room all the time, am I right Georgiana?" Sidney at least tried to speak to his ward, even if she looked up at him with great reluctance.

"No, I'm not," she hissed in response, wishing the dance was over. "I wanted your permission to go to London, not just some other remote area. Not even Arthur wanted to make the journey here, presumably because Diana was afraid for his well-being. Now I am almost happy to return to dreadful Sanditon."

Sighing in frustration, Sidney turned away when his eyes caught Eliza at the edge of the dance floor. At her side was a rather older gentleman, probably an old acquaintance of her late husband, and it seemed as if she was just waiting for the next dance.   
Under no circumstances did he want to be forced to dance with her in the event of a possible change of partner, which is why he was glad that Charlotte came to stand next to him at the end of the current dance. 

"Do you want to take a break?"  
Her cheeks were flushed from dancing and she laughed, which made him nod in gratitude to Crowe.  
As he whispered in her ear, he could smell her scent in his nose, and that distracted him so much that he could barely move away from her.

"Yes, thank you," Charlotte nodded out of breath and curtsied to Crowe, who then led a reluctant Georgiana into the next dance.  
"That was very nice, really." The happy glow on her face was beautiful, and Sidney gently led her to the side with his hand on her back when he felt demanding fingers on his arm pulling on him.

“You have to help me, Sidney. The gentlemen at this gaming table don't seem to like me, so you need to talk to them now.”  
Tom looked panicked and made Sidney sigh.  
He was on the verge of rejecting his brother, but since he was unfortunately now too heavily invested with his own money in developing Sanditon, he could hardly afford it. He needed it for himself to make the regatta a success, otherwise he would lose too much.  
"Come on, you have to play cards with the men ...".

"Will you at least allow me to accompany Charlotte off the dance floor?" Sidney growled under his breath and loosened his arm with an inconspicuous jerk from his brother's grip.  
He looked apologetically at Charlotte, his lips pressed together and his jaw clenched tightly.

"I'll be fine, you don't have to worry," Charlotte tried to assure him that he would not have to neglect his duties because of her and put her hand on his forearm without thinking. "I'll get some refreshment and then find Mary."

Neither of them noticed that Tom frowned at the intimate gesture, but neither did they pay attention.  
The intimacy of her touch made Charlotte blush while Sidney's angry face brightened briefly.

"Let me accompany you to a refreshment table, please," obviously more than unwilling to leave her alone, Sidney placed his hand on her lower back again and led her through the crowd without even looking at Tom.

Charlotte noticed several eyes follow them, including Lady Denham's, who nodded seemingly satisfied.  
She realized that she and Sidney were being watched here and was more than grateful for his supportive, warm hand on her back. Curiously, she turned her head to look at him, who was walking half a step behind her.  
He seemed to only pay attention to her, not the people around them, and when their eyes met he smiled.

"Please forgive me for having to leave you. But you and Esther, you have put so much effort into organizing this ball - or rather these whole two days, for which I am very grateful, so we should make the most of the time to make Sanditon known."  
With an illegible expression on his face, Sidney turned briefly to Tom, who was impatiently and red-faced trying to engage the gentlemen at the gaming table into a conversation.  
"He'll only make things worse, but your ideas for the regatta and the terraces are brilliant, so ... I'll probably have to play cards even if I would rather dance with you."

He sounded honest and sincere, didn't take his hand off her when they stopped at the table with the refreshments, but looked straight into her eyes.  
Charlotte couldn't help but smile as what he said made her heart beat faster. It meant a lot to her that he mentioned her work and effort for Sanditon's success, because he hadn't done it before.

"Thank you," she replied softly.  
Since he looked really unwilling to leave her alone, she again ran her fingers briefly and reassuringly over his arm.  
"You should go, I will be fine."

Sidney nodded, and it seemed like he leaned closer to her for a moment, but then he clenched his jaw tightly.  
It was difficult for both of them to part, but eventually Sidney withdrew his hand to do his duty. As he went to the gaming table, he had a bad feeling in his stomach, which is why he kept looking over his shoulder.  
But as he had said, she had put a lot of time and thought into promoting Sanditon, and he wanted to appreciate this in the best possible way.

“Don't worry, Charlotte. I'm sure nobody but me noticed that you have been a rare guest at such balls so far.”  
The voice of Eliza Campion sounded extremely friendly, in contrast to the cutting words she spoke.  
“Poor Sidney tried everything to lead you through the first dance, but unfortunately he wasn't entirely successful.But you are still young and not from London society either.You will be forgiven because you come from a rural area."

All afternoon Eliza had gathered as much information as possible about Sidney Parker's wife, and at first it had sounded like nothing really connected the two of them. She even heard about some kind of scandal surrounding their marriage, although no further details about it were given when asked.  
But then she had had to watch the newly married couple on the dance floor after Sidney refused a dance with her and had been inundated with anger and jealousy.  
Because Eliza couldn't remember ever having been looked at like that by any man, not even young Sidney a decade ago.

Merely out of the hope of being able to dance with Sidney in a partner change, to show that she suited him so much better than his wife, had she accepted the old friend's offer to dance.

Angry and disappointed that Sindey had left the dance floor just then, she had withdrawn apologetically as soon as possible.  
Now that she had seen Charlotte alone at the refreshments, she had seen her chance to show her place to the young girl, since she had so thoroughly dashed her hopes.

Injured by the words that were said to her, Charlotte turned around hesitantly, but did not want to show her inner feelings.  
Because she knew that behind her was none other than the woman Sidney was engaged to long ago and whom he had loved. Her heart tightened instantly at the thought, but Charlotte's shoulders straightened at Mrs. Campion's condescending look.  
She remembered the things Sidney had said to her in their room that afternoon and refused to let this woman humiliate her.

"Mrs. Campion.”  
Therefore she greeted her with a forced but friendly smile and bowed her head slightly.   
"You are right, I'm not used to balls like this, but I love to dance and I am not aware that I have made any mistakes."

Eliza snorted in amusement and put a pitying hand on Charlotte's arm.  
"Oh, dear girl ...," her tone was really insulting and, inconspicuously, Charlotte took a step to the side to break the unwanted body contact.   
"You forgot several steps, and the position of your hand on Sidney's shoulder was completely inappropriate. It may be fine in your rural home, but certainly not here."

Charlotte's breathing quickened with anger and she cleared her throat, but before she could say anything, another female voice rang out beside her.

"I would rather say that her husband forgot the steps, and for no other reason than that he was completely captivated by his wife."  
The woman looked very elegant, with dark hair and a noble dress. Her smile was friendly as she looked at Charlotte and gave her a slight wink.  
"It was lovely to see you both on the dance floor, a highlight at those stuffy, stiff events."

Charlotte couldn't help but smile back.  
Even if what the woman said was most likely wrong, she felt like she had a friend in this offensive conversation. It gave her courage, and since she was not ready to give in, she lifted her chin a little and looked back at Mrs. Campion.  
But again she couldn't get around to saying anything as Eliza looked from her to the strange lady.

“Lady Worcester, how nice to see you.But I have to contradict you. I've known Sidney for years and danced with him on many ball nights. He's hardly to be blamed for these missteps,” she said challengingly, but then forced an apologetic smile on her face.  
"It was not intended as a criticism of you, Charlotte, just a statement and an indication that you should better prepare for such events in the future."

The use of her first name bothered Charlotte more than she wanted to admit and she was on the verge of screaming that her name was Mrs. Parker.  
Instead, she clenched her fists and took a deep breath.

"I think it has been a few years since you and my husband attended balls like this, Mrs. Campion - a decade in fact," she said in a calm voice, trying to suppress her anger and remain kind.  
“People may well change during such a long time, but of course I thank you for your advice. I certainly didn't want to embarrass my husband."

"Don't worry, you haven't," the woman Eliza had called Lady Worcester put her hand on Charlotte's arm, causing Eliza's eyes to widen. "Like I said, you both looked lovely."

"Thank you, Lady Worcester." Charlotte smiled kindly, while her thoughts raced at the same time.  
She really had been lost in him on the dance floor, and what this woman said made it clear that Sidney had felt the same way. But what exactly did that mean?  
Charlotte sensed that he felt at least _something_ for her, and that alone calmed her. She didn't felt so alone anymore, even if everything suddenly started tingling inside her.

"Please call me Susan," conspiratorially the noble lady leaned closer to Charlotte and wrapped her arm around hers. "What do you say, would you like to get some fresh air and join me on one of the balconies?"

Although she was surprised, Charlotte nodded, relieved by the offer.   
The room suddenly felt hot and stuffy, but maybe it was just the memory of Sidney's hand on her back or the way he had looked at her. The thought that she really meant something to him made her heart jump out of her chest, while at the same time she could feel Mrs. Campion looking at her with her cold eyes.

With a polite curtsey to Eliza, who seemed to be boiling with anger, she let Susan lead her to a large staircase that obviously led to some balconies. Susan had just nodded to Eliza, which was almost an insult, but she didn't care.

Eliza, on the other hand, could hardly breathe with anger.  
How dare this country girl tell her that she hadn't seen Sidney in a long time and that maybe she no longer knew him as well as she wished.  
He had always been hers, and that was all she wanted to prove.

When she had met Tom and he told her about Sidney's success and his longing for her for years, he hadn't said that Sidney was now married.  
But she wanted to see that she still had power over him, so everyone would know that he had been waiting for her for a decade.  
Searching, she looked around, but found him nowhere. She would still get her dance with him, that was her goal of the evening and no one would stop her.

“I've been watching you both. You and your husband.” Susan smiled and bowed her head, but Charlotte was too agitated and confused to understand the real meaning of the sentence.

"I'm sorry and I apologize if our behavior was inappropriate," she said quickly, although she could hardly remember anything about the dance other than the feeling of his body against hers.

"Not at all," laughed Susan and stopped near an open window.  
Curious but also concerned, she looked at the young woman in front of her and then decided to just ask.  
“Forgive me Charlotte, but you seem very ... well confused. I don't want to be pushy, but are you all right?"

With furrowed eyebrows, Charlotte turned to the window to inhale the cool night air. She felt so terribly overwhelmed by her own feelings and what was going on between her and Sidney.  
Not just the experiences of that day, but the confusion of the past two months. Something had been different since they'd woken up together a few hours ago, but Charlotte didn't know if she just wished it was like that or if it actually happened.  
There was no one to whom she could really talk openly about it, as she didn't want to be a burden to anyone, but here was an opportunity to pour out her heart.

"I ... I feel like I'm totally out of place here. Mrs. Campion - who, by the way, I've never met before - seems to be looking at me like an intruder here and Tom, well ... my husband's brother, Tom Parker ...," she explained without looking at Susan.  
"Well ... Tom is still very dissatisfied with the marriage between Sidney and me, and if I'm honest I even understand why. I think he was hoping Sidney would marry Mrs. Campion in a big way to draw everyone's attention to Sanditon, which I unfortunately cannot. He's rude and hurtful, and done so with full intent."  
Charlotte stopped briefly, but only to take a breath, because the words were now gushing untenable from her mouth.

"But it's not my fault that it all turned out like this. Sidney only wanted to do the right thing to save my reputation, which he accidentally compromised, there is nothing wrong with that. And it's also not my fault, that the entrance hall ceiling collapsed above me, but ... I feel like Tom somehow blames me for it. And now we're all here, after weeks when I haven't seen Sidney at all and he was so cold, so unapproachable.Even this afternoon he was absolutely cruel to me, but now ... he's changed now. I really want to believe this, I ...".  
Startled, Charlotte noticed what she had just said in breathless confusion and blushed terribly. Ashamed, she put her hands on her face to hide herself, but then felt Lady Susan caress her arm soothingly.

“Please don't be alarmed, my dear. Now tell me everything from the beginning and we will find out together what we can do to make you feel better."  
Susan sounded so friendly and reassuring that Charlotte couldn't help but gradually recount all the events since she had arrived in Sanditon.   
It took her a while to finish, and all the while Susan was listening carefully.

Before the two of them even started dancing, Susan had noticed the tall, handsome man and the pretty young woman on the edge of the dance floor.  
From the way they had looked at each other, she had noticed that there was something special between these two people. Even if they both didn't seem to know it ...

"What a breathtaking story, Charlotte, ... really," she said softly when Charlotte had finished and furtively tried to brush the tears from the corner of her eyes.  
Of course she had left out some personal things, like the conversation between her and Sidney that afternoon, but it had been good to share the whole mess with someone.

"I think you know you are in love with your husband, don't you?" Susan watched with a sympathetic smile as Charlotte nodded.

“I fought against it for some time, but in the end it was probably pointless. But ..., I know the reason for our marriage."  
Charlotte noticed how an amused smile appeared on Lady Susan's face and looked at her questioningly.

"You know, my dear, that men do stupid things when they don't know how to deal with their feelings. I am convinced that your Mr. Parker is one of those men too, because I know what I saw tonight."  
Susan smiled because by the time she got here it had been rumored that Mrs. Campion had tried to get close to one of her former admirers but hadn't succeeded. She knew now that this man was Sidney Parker, and he had shown everyone in this ballroom where his affection lay - with his wife.  
Even if he wasn't quite aware of it himself.  
"As you say, he hurt you, but you have to stand up for yourself and tell him what you want. You will see that you mean more to him than you think."

With a deep breath, Charlotte straightened her shoulders.  
Lady Susan was right, she had to stand up for herself. At that moment she decided to ask Sidney if he would like to accompany her to Willingden. There had to be an opportunity, at some point, and she would take it.  
In the same way she would tell him that she did not want to return to Tom's house when she came back to Sanditon because she wouldn't let this man insult her any further.

"But now tell me about Sanditon, I don't think I've heard of this town before." Lady Susan interrupted her thoughts and immediately her face turned into a smile.

"Oh, Sanditon is a beautiful town by the sea and I want to help make it successful. You should really see it, the terraces are sure to be very luxurious once the construction and repairs are done and I'm also sure the regatta will be great."  
When she talked about Sanditon, Charlotte's eyes started to light up and her enthusiasm for the town was really contagious. Susan smiled and listened. This lively girl reminded her of herself when she was younger and she felt she had already taken her to her heart.

The two women talked a little longer until they heard footsteps on the stairs.  
It was Mary who stepped onto the balcony and sighed in relief when she saw Charlotte.

"There you are, Charlotte," she said, came closer and grabbed her arm.  
"Are you all right? I was worried when I saw you standing with Eliza, but then suddenly you were gone."

"I'm fine Mary." Charlotte assured her with a smile, grateful for her sister-in-law's kindness. "May I introduce you to Lady Susan Worcester? Susan, this is Mary Parker."

Mary's eyes widened in surprise that Charlotte was simply introducing her to one of the most respected ladies in London. But obviously the two of them had been talking in a friendly manner, and while Mary curtsied slightly, she smiled happily.

"I suppose you're Mrs. Tom Parker, then?" Susan saw Mary wrap her arm in Charlotte's, which indicated that the two sisters-in-law obviously got along very well.  
It was also a little protective, which she was very relieved of.

"Yes I am.Have you met my husband?” Mary replied, surprised that Lady Worcester seemed to know who she was.  
She had hardly spoken to Tom since the argument in the garden, just as she had refused to dance with him. She hardly recognized her husband, and she knew that she would have to deal with him and his behavior as soon as they were back at Trafalger House.

"No, unfortunately I haven't had the pleasure," said Lady Susan, tilting her head slightly to Charlotte. "But I've heard a lot from him."  
At that, Mary saw with raised eyebrows and a grin on her face at Charlotte, who had turned a little red.

“I told Lady Susan about Tom's Sanditon and his dreams. About the regatta and the bathing machines.”  
Charlotte does not mention that she had also told her about the family problems, but she did not want to embarrass Mary. After all, she didn't even know who Lady Susan was.

"I'd really like to hear more about this," Susan said gently, while Mary's eyes lit up.  
She was so grateful that Charlotte was still attached to Sanditon despite everything and was so happy that her and Esther's idea was so successful.

"I'm sure Tom would love to talk to you about Sanditon," smiled Mary, then turned to Charlotte with a slightly more serious expression on her face.  
“My dear, I'm afraid Sidney was looking for you, he seemed very worried. Maybe you should go downstairs and find him so he can calm down."

Charlotte frowned but couldn't stop her heart from racing.  
She had expected that he would still play cards, and the thought that he was looking for her made her feel pretty warm again.

"He was ...?" As her voice scratched, she broke off and started over.  
"Yes of course. I wanted to retire anyway and go to our room. Do you think that is appropriate?"  
She felt tired and exhausted, more mentally than physically, and would like to snuggle into the soft bed in which she had lain with Sidney earlier to think about the evening.  
Or rather only about a part of the evening - the dance with her husband.

"Of course, Charlotte, but you should talk to Sidney about that, don't you think?" Mary gave Charlotte's arm an encouraging squeeze.  
She was aware that the whole situation was difficult for Charlotte. No sooner had she spotted Sidney in the ballroom that evening than she went over to talk to him about what Tom had said that afternoon.  
She had heard with relief that Charlotte had already told him about the terrible things, and she hoped Sidney would finally come to his senses. He was Charlottes husband, and something seemed to have changed in him since he was really worried about finding her earlier.

"Yes ... I'll go find him," Charlotte replied with a frown. Would she have to ask his permission?   
“Lady Susan, thank you very much for your kindness this evening. I wish you a pleasant time and I hope we will see us again tomorrow."

Susan took her hands gently and leaned closer conspiratorially.   
“It's been a pleasure and I look forward to hearing more about Sanditon from you. And of course from yourself, dear Charlotte."

With a curtsy and a smile to Mary, Charlotte made her way downstairs to the ballroom to find Sidney.Her heart did both, it bounced and it stuttered - with joyful anticipation and with nervousness.

By now, Sidney let his eyes slide over the ballroom in a rather desperate way.  
As always, Tom had held him uplonger than he wanted, he had spoken to countless men and played cards, but couldn't really concentrate on that.

Some time ago he had started looking for Charlotte but couldn't see her anywhere. When he finally had managed to escape Tom he had strolled around the ballroom, but for the second time that day his wife had disappeared.  
He had a bad feeling in his stomach, especially when Eliza approached him.

"Sidney, how wonderful," she smiled sweetly and suddenly he understood how false that smile was. It was so different from the glow that Charlotte's smile was.   
“Your wife seems to be very temperamental. You can tell in any case that she does not come from London society, but of course she is still very young."

Immediately every muscle in Sidney's body tensed. Had Eliza spoken to Charlotte?  
When?   
Worried, his eyes roamed the room again before focusing on Eliza.

"She's a gentleman daughter and I don't think her age has anything to do with her demeanor," he said clearly, with narrowed eyes. "I didn't notice that you were talking, it is very crowded here."

Eliza came closer, which is why Sindey took a step back.

"She wasn't very polite, but I suppose these manners are normal in the rural areas."  
Eliza sounded offended, but Sidney didn't believe a word she said. Charlotte was always friendly and polite to everyone unless she was attacked herself.   
Then her temper could boil over, of which he was very well aware.

"Mrs. Campion, I don't know what you're trying to point out, but I will certainly not accept if you want to insult my wife."  
The words may have come out harder than he'd wanted, but it had been a long day and London society was starting to get on his nerves.

"That was definitely not my intention, Sidney, I'm just worried about you," Eliza tried to calm Sidney, but the furrow on his forehead grew deeper.  
She didn't remember that he had been so difficult and cold in the past - then all she had to do was smile at him and he had been completely addicted to her.  
It seemed different today and it frustrated her.

"There's no reason for that, just like I don't think there is any reason for us to use the intimacy of the first name." Sidney said clearly, knowing it was offensive to say such a thing, but he was just sick of it all.  
At that very moment, he felt something warm on his back and turned around.  
Hesitantly, but with straight shoulders, Charlotte stood directly behind him and immediately his tension disappeared.

As soon as she came down the stairs she had seen the two of them standing together, which made her heart fall to the floor.   
But even from a distance she could see that Sidney’s shoulders were tense, and she was ashamed to suspect that Mrs. Campion was complaining about her. She could also see that his expression was angry when he turned around, but now as his eyes found hers, they seemed to soften.  
That gave her the courage to take a step closer and stand next to him.

"I beg your pardon, I don't want to interrupt," Charlotte looked apologetically at Sidney first, then at Eliza, and smiled politely.  
Almost immediately, Sidney's hand moved again to the spot on her lower back, as if his fingers belonged right there.

“But no, you don't, Charlotte. I hope you enjoy the ball?”  
Eliza, not wanting to show how much Sidney's comment offended her, smiled broadly and falsely.  
But Charlotte did not give it back, but narrowed her eyes, because she did not really agreed to the repeated use of her first name by this woman.

"Of course, _Mrs. Campion,_ I do." She emphasized the formal address she used, but then turned to Sidney, who was standing next to her with a slightly confused face.  
The pressure of his fingers increased, causing her breathing to shudder, but then her body unconsciously learned more against his touch.

Why did Eliza use Charlotte's first name? It bothered him, especially since he understood the insult behind it.

"The request to stop using the first name applies to both of us, as I don't think my wife allowed you this favor," he growled quietly and angrily, watching Eliza's eyes widen.  
Realizing again that they were being secretly watched, Charlotte turned more to Sidney to get his attention. His protective words made her heart leap, but she didn't want there to be a scandal.

"Mary said you were looking for me," she asked in a low voice, getting him to turn to her. "I didn't mean to worry you, I just caught some fresh air."

Annoyed that he had left her alone again and knowing that there must have been an argument between her and Eliza, Sidney wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Excuse us, Mrs. Campion," he said curtly, just nodded to her and then gently led Charlotte to the edge of the ballroom.

"Are you all right?"

The concern was clearly audible in his voice and Charlotte had to smile at him.  
His arm gave her so much support, just as his nearness filled her with courage and warmth, even if he was now pulling back from her.

"Yes, everything is fine. I was on one of the balconies, I didn't want to keep you from playing cards.”  
It was as if he couldn't pull away from her completely because as his arm left her waist, his fingers caught her gloved hand.

“Oh, believe me. I'd rather join you on a secluded balcony than have endless conversations with people I don't really know or play cards,” Sidney said seriously.  
He could see her frown in confusion, ran his thumb over the back of her hand for a moment and then forced himself to let go of her.

“But isn't that what your life is? These people here, the society of London? You don't seem to like to be in Sanditon, so your home has to be London."  
It sounded like she had thought about him a lot and that thought made Sidney smile. He leaned closer to her unobtrusively and bowed his head.

"I feel more like an outsider here than you might think," he said in a dark voice, feeling Charlotte shudder.  
“Sometimes I think that I really don't belong anywhere. Maybe I still have to find my home."

The intense look he gave her left Charlotte speechless.  
She wished _she_ could be his home, just as she wished she could feel his hand on hers again.  
She knew that it might take her a little time to forgive him for how the past few weeks had gone, but she wanted to try. She wanted to enjoy the attention he was paying her and decided to just let herself into what was to come, hoping not to get hurt again.  
With renewed hope in her heart, she began to smile and was about to open her mouth to say something when they were interrupted.

“I'm really very sorry to interrupt you both."  
It was Lord Babington who looked back and forth between the two of them with an apologetic look.   
"The gentleman there actually wants to rent one of the apartments on the terrace for the regatta, but Tom really doesn't know how to have such conversations. I tried to stop him, but he doesn't listen to me."

All three of them turned in the direction in which Tom was standing, red-faced and apparently talking continuously.  
Sidney almost growled in annoyance, which made Charlotte and Lord Babington laugh.

"I'm afraid you have to come ...," Babington said ruefully, seeing clearly that Sidney didn't want to.

"Give me a moment, Babers, I'll be there right away."  
Sidney looked almost pleadingly at Lord Babington, whereupon he nodded understandingly and with a small smile. Then he hurried back to the group of men to do his best to keep Tom from talking.

"Forgive me ... I have to leave you alone again." Sidney smiled regretfully at Charlotte, since it really bothered him not to be able to talk to her any further.

"Erm .. I wanted to ask your ... permission to go into our room anyway.Quite a lot happened today and I'm a bit exhausted.”  
Nervously, Charlotte began to play with the fabric of her dress when Sidney crossed his arms behind his back and looked at her in amusement.

"This is the first time you've asked my permission for anything," he said with a crooked grin and bowed his head to her. She had blushed, which made her cheeks glow in an enchanting way.  
"Until now, you've always done what you wanted, whether I liked it or not."

Troubled, Charlotte lowered her head and wondered what to say.  
He was right, but she still felt attacked immediately. In order not to argue with him, she tried to explain her behavior to him, which made her cheeks blush even more.

"I'm sorry, but I don't see the point why I can't make my own decisions," she began quietly without seeing the smile widen on his face.  
"I may be too stubborn and too opinionated, but my father raised me to use my own head and ...".

"Charlotte ...," Sidney's soft, dark voice interrupted her.   
“You don't need my permission, even if I would appreciate it if we decided some things together. However, that applies to both of us."

In disbelief, Charlotte looked up at him.  
Suddenly his body was much closer to hers than before. His kindness and nearness confused her, which is why her heart was racing.  
She really had to be alone and think about him for a while.

"Of course you can withdraw, and I'll be honest - I would very much like to join you."  
Sidney couldn't resist and rubbed her arm briefly. His own words surprised him, but it was the truth.  
This time he touched her bare skin as he rubbed the area on her arm that was visible between her gloves and the sleeves of her dress. His touch tingled and Charlotte looked up at him with a slight shudder to see the muscles in his jaw twitch.

"Be careful on your way back to our room, but leave the door unlocked. I'll knock before I step in," he said in a slightly hoarse voice, whereupon Charlotte nodded.  
She gave him a shy smile, but then laughed briefly before turning away and walking to the entrance of the ballroom.

She didn't notice Sidney watching her until she disappeared through the wide door.  
Although he understood why she wanted to withdraw, he was strangely disappointed that she left. He really would have loved to dance with her again ...

~

It was a good three hours, several glasses of whiskey and a boring card game later, when Sidney knocked softly on the door of the room behind which Charlotte was most likely sleeping.  
So he only waited a moment before quietly entering the room.

It was dark, only the moon shone through the window and illuminated her slim figure on the bed, and he froze at the sight.  
Tonight she wasn't covered so neatly with the thick blanket because he could see her bare foot. Her arms were also pushed out from under the covers, so he could see her bare forearms either.   
It took Sidney a moment before he could tear his eyes away from her and walk to the uncomfortable sofa where he had spent the previous night.

Slowly and with a racing heart he took his clothes off again except for his pants and shirt and was about to sink down to find a comfortable position when Charlotte's soft, slightly rough voice rang out.

"You don't have to sleep on the sofa," she mumbled sleepily.“This bed is wide enough that you can also lie comfortably. I noticed that your back was hurting this morning."

Startled, Sidney turned to the bed.  
She was lying there just as she was before, hadn't moved and was still curled up in a ball on her side. Her face was turned towards the door and her narrow body really only took up a small part of the bed.  
With a foggy brain from the alcohol, Sidney considered her suggestion. It really wouldn't be a problem if they shared the bed, would it?  
Slowly, he went to the side of the bed by the window, but then hesitated.

“I hope I didn't wake you up. I thought you were sleeping.”  
He spoke softly, ran a hand through his hair and looked at her curls that had spread out across the white sheets.

“I heard your steps. With eleven siblings you get used to listening to every noise in order to be prepared when one of the smaller ones puts their cold feet under the covers with you."

At her words, Sidney laughed. She sounded really sleepy and very cute, but she didn't move.  
The thought of lying down next to her sounded more pleasant with every moment, which is why he stepped even closer to the edge of the bed. Taking a deep breath, he lifted the blanket and carefully lay down on the mattress beside her with his breeches still on.

Sighing at the softness, he closed his eyes, but was very aware of her body next to him.  
Her breathing got deeper, it sounded like she was already sleeping again and her warmth crept over him under the covers.

How should he manage to fall asleep?  
The memory of dancing with her came back into his head, the feeling of her warm body, her hand in his ..., he had never felt so completely lost in another person.

As he turned his head to stare at her hidden form, he wondered what was happening to him.


	15. To go with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments ❤️.
> 
> I am grateful for everyone who reads this story and likes it, and I look forward to reading your thoughts every time.
> 
> Stay healthy and safe, I hope you like how it goes on ..., but it's still a slow - well, very slow burn.

Charlotte felt comfortably warm when she woke up.  
In her sleepy state, it took her a long moment to understand why, but when she did, her heart started racing.

Still lying on her side, she was covered with the warm blanket, but she could feel Sidney's hard body against her back.  
She remembered that she had sleepily offered him the place next to her in the bed last night and immediately blushed. She could remember that she had spoken to him, but had not noticed that he had really laid down with her, since she had fallen asleep again straight away.

But now he was lying in this bed with her and had obviously turned on his side in his sleep as well.   
Also, he had moved so close to her that she was pressed completely against him. She felt his heavy arm, which he had pushed over her side to encircle her entire upper body and press her close to his chest.  
His head was right behind her neck, seemingly buried in her hair and his large body seemed to burn with heat. He was like an oven warming her while practically wrapping himself around her.

It was such an incredibly beautiful feeling that her whole body felt a strange tingling sensation, although her cheeks were burning with shame at the same time.  
She had never lay next to anyone in this way, only next to her siblings, of course, but that was different. He was a man - her husband - and she could feel the entire length of his body against hers.   
In order not to lose this feeling, she remained motionless, knowing that when he woke up, he would immediately pull away from her.

Would it feel like this if he could really love her?   
Would she then always wake up in his arms?   
The questions were pointless. It was just confusing to think about, but the thoughts just wouldn't go away.

Outside the window she could already hear the horses being prepared for the hunt, as dawn slowly fell.Since she knew Sidney had to join the hunt, she would unfortunately have to wake him up.   
But she allowed herself a few more moments to listen to his even breathing, only to be able to remember it later.   
His arm was over the covers, but he had shoved his hand between her shoulder and the mattress, so that his fingers burned through the rough, thick fabric of her nightgown.

Carefully, Charlotte put her hand on his forearm and began to rub his bare skin gently to wake him.As he had loosened the buttons on the cuffs of his shirt, the fabric had slipped upward and the fine hair on his forearm tingled her fingertips.   
At her touch the pressure of his arm around her increased, which made Charlotte shiver.

"Sidney ...?"

The low whisper of her voice penetrated Sidney’s head, but he refused to move. He felt warm, cozy, and content, which is why he only growled softly.  
Soft fingers caressed his arm and the tingling that these fingers caused rushed through his whole body.Subconsciously, he knew that it was probably indecent what he was doing here, but ignored this thought and allowed himself to enjoy the wonderful feeling for a while.

"You have to wake up, Sidney ... the hunt will start soon".

It wasn't until Charlotte spoke again that Sidney remembered what he had done that night.  
She didn't sound like she was scared or uncomfortable with the situation, because he heard a faint laugh in her voice and from this thought he drew hope, as well as the courage to just lie motionless.

He had argued with himself for a long time last night while looking at her body next to his.Her warmth, her scent, and her wild curls had been too attractive to him, which was why his heart finally had won over his mind.  
Perhaps it was because of the amount of whiskey he'd drunk - he couldn't quite tell.

But in the end he had been careful not to wake her while he had slipped closer to her sleeping form.   
The scent of lavender and the softness of her curls had made it impossible for him to keep any distance from her, so he had crawled closer until his chest had been pressed flat against her back.The soft sigh that had escaped her lips had made him close his eyes, especially when she had wiggled her bum to unconsciously slide even closer to him.

At the feel of her soft, curvy body against his, Sidney had frozen, as her movement had provoked an unwanted reaction from his body, but he hadn't been able to move away from her either.   
It had been just too beautiful to feel her like that.   
When Charlotte had sighed softly again and mumbled something incomprehensible, Sidney had not been able to resist, which is why he had completely resigned and wrapped his arm around her body over the blanket. They had been completely fused together, her back close to his chest, his legs pressed against hers from behind, and his face just behind her head.   
So he had lain there, listening to her breathing and wondering when he had lost himself so completely in her.

If he had to be honest, he would have to admit that he would have wished for such a sleeping position in their wedding night.  
It seemed to him as if she belonged right there - in his arms - even if he hadn't known how she would react the next morning. Despite the many sensations in his body, he had actually fallen asleep at some point, and Sidney now remembered what his last thoughts had been.

He had wondered if it was really possible that he had lost his heart to her, even though he had sworn to himself years ago that it would never happen to him again.

"Sidney?"

Charlotte could tell from his changed breathing that he was awake, even if he wasn't moving.She had thought he would pull away from her as soon as he noticed how close he was to her, but she was obviously mistaken.  
She was grateful for it and wanted to enjoy every second he held her, even if she didn't understand what it meant.

"Mmmhhh ...," Sidney hummed softly into her hair, unwilling to open his eyes. But despite this, he was aware that he had to say something to explain his behavior.   
But what should he say?

He could feel her body shudder and was tempted to pull her closer. Her warm fingers had stopped caressing his arm and Sidney missed her touch as soon as she left his skin.   
But he had to withdraw from her, no matter how difficult it was for him.

"Please forgive me ...," he muttered in a hoarse voice from his sleep and slowly sat up on one elbow, causing his chest to move away from her back.  
He also slowly pulled his hand out from under her shoulder before his whole arm disappeared and Charlotte needed everything not to whimper. The cold hit her immediately as his warm body disappeared and the loss ached inside her.   
She wanted him to stay, wanted to turn around and press against him, but couldn't.   
"I think I ..., I must have slipped over to you in my sleep, and I apologize for that.I hope you haven't felt pressured."

At his words Charlotte turned to him, but without touching him again. Her movement was more likely to make his body move further away from hers, but at least he didn't jump straight out of bed.

“I haven't felt like that, ... and you don't have to apologize. You were very pleasantly warm,” she said shyly and with deep red cheeks, but when Sidney looked at her with an amused smile, she laughed too.

Then there were loud noises from outside, with a horse neighing and a groom scolding, causing Sidney to sit up completely.When he buried his head in his hands, he sighed in frustration, having absolutely no desire to go to the hunt.

"You're really not an avid hunter, are you?"  
Charlotte laughed and watched as he ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. How would his fingers feel in her own hair?  
The thought made her scalp tingle, which spread all over her body as he chuckled.

"Who has told you that?Babers?” Sidney turned his head to her, slightly ashamed, but the glow on her sleepy face was just too beautiful, which is why he smiled broadly.   
She nodded and bit her lip, probably out of fear of offending him.

"I didn't mean to be offensive ...," Charlotte began to apologize, but Sidney just laughed more and shook his head.

“No, you are absolutely right.I'm sure you would have a lot more fun this morning than me,” he said, grinning before his face got serious.  
"Hunting has never really been to my taste and today the rifles mainly remind me of the things that I would rather forget from my time in Antigua."

Surprised by his honesty, Charlotte watched him for a long moment. He had to feel her gaze and turned to her, and when their eyes met everything around them seemed to go quiet for a moment.  
Together in this bed - he sitting upright and she lying on her side facing him, covered with the thick blanket - something seemed to be changing in the air.   
The fact that he still hadn't got up, but stayed by her side with a wrinkled shirt, gave Charlotte the courage to ask him about something that had preoccupied her for a long time.

"How was your time there?In Antigua, I mean?” She asked quietly, watching his brow furrow. "I don't know much about the things that happen there, but you've been living there for a long time, haven't you?"

Sidney considered what to answer, and let his eyes slide over her face.  
He had never really talked about the things he had experienced in the foreign country, but suddenly he realized that he would like to tell her about his time there.

“It's a beautiful country that is incredibly warm.Even the sea is warm, the smells there are very different from those here in our country and the colors seem to shine more,” he began, smiling slightly as he remembered the good things in Antigua. But his smile quickly faded and his eyes darkened.  
“But all of this is overshadowed by the atrocities that happen on the plantations - regardless of whether it is about coffee, sugar or cotton.The locals are tortured, forced to work and live in the worst conditions, while the plantation owners bask in their wealth. Of course I had heard about it ... when I was investing in sugar, but when I was there and ..., and saw ...".   
Sidney's voice faltered and he pressed his lips together as if to prevent himself from speaking further.

Unconsciously and without a direct decision, Charlotte pushed her arm out from under the covers to take his hand.She had the feeling that the memory weighed heavily on him and she hadn't wanted her question to make him feel bad.   
As soon as she touched him, his eyes fell on their hands as his fingers automatically intertwined with hers.It actually comforted him, all the more when he turned his head to her and saw that she had got up on her elbow and was looking at him concerned with slightly moist eyes.

“Terrible things are happening in Antigua and I have worked as hard as I could to make life better for at least a small fraction of the people there. Of course that's not enough, but I've tried.”  
His face twisted into a painful smile as Charlotte felt overwhelming guilt.She looked up at him with tears in her eyes as she clutched his hand even tighter.

"I have to sincerely apologize to you for all of the things I have accused you of," she whispered softly, the look in his eyes made her inside tremble. His gaze was so intense and dark, but he slowly shook his head."I am ashamed of the words I said to you and ...".

"There is no reason for that ...," Sidney interrupted her quietly and leaned closer to her.   
"You believed the things you were told and I didn't give you much reason not to doubt my character."

His voice was deep and velvety, his body suddenly so close to hers again and his eyes so soft that Charlotte shuddered. Her breath caught while she could still feel his warm fingers on hers.  
Sidney realized that he was stroking the back of her hand with his thumb and the urge to get closer to her was so strong that he was tempted to put his arm around her waist.   
He forced himself not to look at her mouth as he thought again about how it would feel to touch her lips with his.

He didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't been startled by a knock on the door, which had also destroyed the intimate moment between them.

"Parker, you're late ...," Crowe called through the door and knocked again, causing Charlotte to wrap the blanket tightly around her body.   
“Just don't think you can shirk, because you will definitely take part in this hunt.Besides, your brother is waiting impatiently."

Sighing in frustration, Sidney released his hand from Charlotte's and stood up. He hastily tried to at least straighten his hair before he opened the door a crack.

"Stop being so loud, it's early morning," he snapped when a big grin from Crowe greeted him.His friends teased him since they were young about his poor hunting ability and never missed opportunities to torment him with it.   
"I'll be down in a minute, I just have to get dressed."  
When Crowe laughed, he closed the door again and leaned his back against it.

Charlotte was sitting up in bed now, her cheeks flushed but her lips drawn in an amused smile.  
She looked cute and Sidney’s heart was jumping in his chest unintentionally.But he smiled too and stroked his face.

“Don't you want to take part in it for me?You're my wife, the name Parker would be saved from embarrassment and I could stay here.”  
He grinned because Charlotte's eyes shone when he called her his wife.

"I'd love to, but I only hunt rabbits," laughed Charlotte. "And I think I remember that it was decided that it should be a gentleman-only hunt, since Esther had refused to get up so early."  
In two days everything had changed so much and she was enjoying the intimate but also playful way they were talking at the moment, knowing that today she possibly had to say goodbye to him again.   
"Also, I don't think Tom would be satisfied with my appearance, any more than any of the other gentlemen present."

Laughing, Sidney pulled away from the door to walk in the direction of the side room.The noise outside got louder and he knew he was really late, but he really didn't want to leave.  
He wondered if she would have let him kiss her, if she would have fought him if he had wrapped her slim waist and pulled her closer, but he didn't know the answer.

So he stopped for a moment to look at her again because he wanted to remember the sight of her in the bed.

"I'll see you later ...," he said softly, saw Charlotte nod while she bit her lip and then reluctantly disappeared next door to get dressed.

Since he was just ajar, Charlotte listened to his noises as she lay down again. She slid closer to the side he had slept on and searched for his scent.  
She knew that moments like the one she had just experienced here with him were rare gifts and she thought of everything that had happened to lock it in her heart.

If he refused her request to accompany her to Willingden and she had to make the journey alone, then she would remember it so that she could get through the time apart from him without knowing when she would see him again.

~

"How am I ever supposed to apologize for Tom's terrible words to you?"  
Mary was really upset and very depressed because she was so ashamed of her husband, whom she did not recognize at all. She was angry with him like never before in her marriage and she was aware that difficult times were ahead for both of them.

"Mary, you and your children, you became my second family, so you don't have to apologize to me."  
Charlotte didn't want Mary to feel bad, it had been Tom alone who had acted so wrongly towards her. So she squeezed her sister-in-law's hand while they were on their way outside, where long tables with plates full of breakfast creations of all kinds had been set up under tents.  
Before they went into the garden, Mary stopped to hug her.

"I'm so grateful for your friendship, Charlotte, and I want you to know that I will always be there for you."

Georgiana, who had been persuaded by Charlotte to come outside with them, looked slightly annoyed, but also a little sad.  
She missed her mother - she missed having someone to rely on and suddenly she was ashamed of how improperly she had treated Charlotte. But she didn't get the time to speak to her, as Charlotte stepped outside into the morning sun and immediately ran into Lady Denham.

"Lady Denham, good morning." Charlotte greeted her politely, and since she finally felt halfway like herself again that morning, she was even able to smile honestly. "I hope you are well?"

"Of course, Mrs. Parker, I think yesterday's ball was a great success. I think I even saw you dance with your handsome husband."  
Even if her words were still extremely provocative, the expression on Lady Denham's face was no longer so severe. She had been very disappointed in the young woman who had defended herself so resolutely against her and had claimed that she would never get married for money but only for love.  
Because only a short time later this very young woman had married the handsome, successful Mr. Sidney Parker, which had surprised her very much.  
But yesterday, on the dance floor, she had seen that these two people had actually married out of love, because the bond between the two could hardly be denied. 

Charlotte sighed. She was tired of having to defend her marriage, so she straightened up.   
"As I said, I don't know why our marriage is so important to you, but I would ask you not to criticize us anymore. Sidney and I, we had to endure a few weeks apart after our wedding, mainly because of the difficulties in Sanditon and also because of your demands, but that doesn't mean we wouldn't have preferd to be together and I would appreciate it if you finally stopped making offensive comments."  
Taking a deep breath, Charlotte looked at the older lady, who suddenly smiled warmly at her. 

"I was afraid you might have lost the ability to speak for yourself, but here you are again," Lady Denham nodded and then looked at Esther, who was walking towards them.  
"You're a good friend to my niece, I'm grateful for that. You both seem to get along very well. Much more than she and Clara, since they hardly look at each other."

Surprised by what Lady Denham said, Charlotte opened her mouth, but at that moment Esther had reached them.  
She greeted them all politely, before bending over to Charlotte with a wink.

"You seem to have held up well against the special guest Tom had invited so unasked. Mrs. Campion is in a very bad mood this morning, and I've heard rumors that she made a pretty fool of herself at the ball."  
Giggling, she saw Charlotte blush.

As they both turned at the same time in the direction of Eliza, who was standing under one of the tents and staring at them with angry eyes, Esther crossed her arm with Charlotte's to show that she was offering her support.  
The five women stood there for a while and talked about the previous evening. But Lady Denham was hungry, and Mary and Georgiana accompanied her to the dining tents. Clara was nowhere to be seen, apparently she didn't feel well and had stayed in her room, which is why Lady Denham was grateful for the company.

Eventually the gentlemen returned from the hunt, so Esther apologized to greet Lord Babington.

With a small smile, Charlotte's eyes scanned the hunters to find Sidney. She wanted to ask him if he had been successful and still had a tingling in her stomach when she thought of her teasing and yet serious conversation with him that morning.  
But Sidney was not among the gentlemen.  
Worried that something had happened to him, she walked across the garden towards the doors to the house while she was already imagining the worst in her head.  
  


The hunt was just as terrible and uncomfortable as he had imagined, and Sidney was more than happy when the gentlemen finally decided to return to _Crossfield Manor._  
As expected, Tom had forced him into several conversations to talk about the regatta and the terrace apartments, which is why Sidney was already longing for a drink.

He also knew that he had to hurry back, as someone was probably already waiting for him, so he immediately apologized to go to the entrance of the house after returning.  
Only a short time later he entered the garden with another guest, where, to his satisfaction, he directly met Charlotte.

She came with quick steps exactly in his direction, seemingly upset, and he wondered if something had happened. But when her eyes found him, he could see relief in her face and he realized she had been worried about him.

"Are you all right?" she asked immediately when she reached him, but then froze in complete surprise.  
Because behind him nobody but Otis Molyneux came into the garden, elegantly dressed as always.   
Caught in the warm feeling inside of him, Sidney could only look at her for a moment while a loving smile lit his face.

"Mr. Molyneux?” Confused, Charlotte frowned and looked from one man to the other."What are you doing here?"

"I invited him," Sidney replied instead of Otis as he stepped closer to her.   
"I've been thinking about what you said about Georgiana ... that she was unhappy, and I thought maybe it would help if she could talk to Mr. Molyneux. That's why I sent a message to him on the evening we got here."

Charlotte looked up at him with wide eyes and didn't know what to say.It was an incredibly kind gesture that he had brought Otis here, which is why she unconsciously put her hand on his arm.   
His gaze met hers at the intimate touch, and Charlotte had the feeling that his eyes were darkening a little.

"I ... Sidney, that's so ...," she stammered, unable to form a sentence.  
They looked at each other for a long moment, being both very aware of her fingers, which were on his coat but still burned to his skin.  
When Otis looked around, worried yet curious, Sidney seemed to remember where they were and cleared his throat.

"My condition was that he has to tell her the truth about why she should be kidnapped," he finally continued without taking his eyes off her. "Everything else is up to Georgiana herself."

It was clear to see how different emotions flew over Charlotte's face and how she was trying to understand what he had just said, but she couldn't get around to say anything. Instead, she turned at a noise behind her, which unfortunately caused her hand to slip off his arm.

"Otis?"  
Georgiana had already seen him from a distance and walked quickly towards him. It surprised her that he was standing with Sidney and Charlotte and she wondered briefly how he got here in the first place, but pushed the questions aside and was tempted to throw herself into his arms.   
"I can't believe I'm finally seeing you again."

She was beaming all over her face, but looked confused at Sidney when Otis bowed to her, but otherwise remained silent. He wasn't smiling either, but looked very worried.  
As did Sidney, who had the same expression on his face, which made Georgiana raise her eyebrows impatiently.

"Don't say you just wanted to send him away from here," she asked unkindly, whereupon Charlotte hissed her name.   
But it was Sidney who answered her, and in a rather calm voice.

“No, I invited him here. I wanted to give him the opportunity to speak to you and explain the events that nearly led to your kidnapping and my rejection of a marriage between you and him,” he glanced at Otis for a moment to make it clear that he really expected him to tell the truth before turning back to Georgiana.  
"If you agree to an courtship from Mr. Molyneux after this conversation, I will think about it."

Georgiana seemed to have only heard the last part of Sidney’s speech, because she seemed overjoyed.   
Joyfully, she turned to Otis, who looked rather reluctant, but eventually led her to a quieter part of the garden. Sidney watched the two of them with narrowed eyes until Charlotte's low voice made him shiver.

“Thank you for doing this for her, Sidney. She deserves to know the truth - whatever that may be - and that you give her the opportunity to talk to him means a lot,” she whispered softly and looked up at him.   
At that moment she felt such a strong attraction for him that she was inexorably drawn to him and her heart raced with affection. She had been so wrong about this man, who was so exactly the opposite of what she had accused him of.  
He wasn't cold and hard ... - he was rather gentle and caring.

Sighing softly, Sidney turned to face her and took an unobtrusive step closer.He almost grabbed her hand, but held back and instead folded his behind his back.

"The truth can be very painful at times, Charlotte," his voice was low and he didn't know if he was talking about Georgiana or something else.  
"Maybe it's easier to just ignore some things."

Maybe it would also be better for him to keep ignoring these strange feelings about her, even though he wasn't sure it wasn't too late for that.  
What he did know for certain, however, was the fact that if she openly refused him or, worse, ever showed interest in another man, he was unlikely to survive.

At his words, Charlotte's brow furrowed in a charming way, so Sidney couldn't help smiling despite his sad thoughts.

"Just because you ignore something doesn't mean it goes away," she replied gravely, bowing her head back to look at him.  
She had also tried to ignore the fact that she had lost her heart to him, but that hadn't worked.But at the same time she had to admit that she dared not to tell him the truth about it.   
"However ..., it's probably hard to tell the truth sometimes because you don't know how it will be received."

Feeling her cheeks flush, she looked away from him, but Sidney saw it anyway.   
Was there anything she didn't tell him? Because she was afraid of how he might react?   
Could it be ...?

Sidney quickly stopped these thoughts.   
Before he could fathom her possible feelings, he had to think about what his own feelings were. For example, what exactly it meant that his heart skipped a beat at the delightful blush on her cheeks. Why he was so desperate to reach for her, and why the possibility of saying goodbye to her in a few hours only made a knot in his own throat.  
He couldn't deny that he really wanted to spend more time with her.

"I ... I've been thinking about your journey to ..., to Willingden," he began slowly as he pondered the best way to address the subject.  
The sound of his dark, soft voice made Charlotte raise her eyes to his again and her breath caught at the expression on his face.It felt like he was looking straight into her heart.   
She could see how he opened his mouth again to continue speaking and her heart was racing, not knowing what he was going to say when they were interrupted by a happy voice.

"My dear Charlotte, how nice to see you again this morning."  
It was Lady Susan and slightly startled, they both turned to the elegant lady.Susan grinned because they were standing so obviously close together, and she saw the same disappointment on both faces, which indicated that she had disturbed an important moment.Still, she stepped closer and looked at Sidney curiously.   
"I suppose, my dear, that this is your husband?"

Charlotte could practically feel Sidney looking at her, which was why she avoided his eyes.Instead she turned completely to Lady Susan, but couldn't prevent from blushing again.

"Good morning, Lady Susan," she greeted with a smile, but Susan was still looking at Sidney.   
"I ... erm, well ..., yes, this is my husband, Mr. Sidney Parker."  
It was the first time she had introduced him as such, and she dared look in his direction for a moment. She saw the corners of his mouth twitch slightly while he was still looking at her.  
Their eyes met, but only for a moment, as Charlotte couldn't cope with the intensity of his expression and shyly turned back to Susan.

"It's a pleasure to get to know you, Mr. Parker, especially since Charlotte and your brother have already told me so much about you." Susan had difficulty suppressing her amused grin.  
The surprised frown on Sidney’s forehead and the way he obviously had to tear his eyes away from his wife only confirmed what she already suspected, but finally the man found his voice.

"Lady Worcester, it's my pleasure." Too many thoughts swirled in Sidney’s head, but at least he remembered the politeness.  
How did Charlotte know the influential woman from London's high society?   
When did she talk to her and above all: why did she talk about him?

Despite all these questions, he bowed politely, but clenched his teeth, suspecting that Tom had mentioned him for a reason.

“After Charlotte told me about your beautiful hometown, I met your brother.He has told me many things, but has not yet answered some of my questions about certain things concerning Sanditon. However, he promised me that I could call on you next week as soon as we are all back in London."  
Lady Susan raised her eyebrows questioningly and watched Sidney closely.

He nodded, but remained silent for a moment. What should he answer?  
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Charlotte interlacing her fingers in the fabric of her dress and looking at the ground, and somehow he had the feeling that she was sad.

"I would of course like to be at your disposal to talk about Sanditon, but ... well I ... I won't be returning to London straight away."  
Charlotte's head rose immediately and her eyes met his. The confused furrow on her forehead appeared and her mouth opened slightly, but she said nothing.  
"As soon as I'm back in London, however, I'll be happy to answer your questions."

Susan sensed that Charlotte wanted to ask him something but was probably holding back because of her presence. Therefore, she said goodbye to her young friend with a beaming and conspiratorial smile, leaving the couple alone.   
Further back in the garden she could see Eliza Campion, who had looked at them again and again with a pouting face and she was heading straight towards her.

"You ... you are not going straight back to London?"  
Charlotte turned to him questioningly and raised her face to look at him.She didn't assume he would stay here, so what were his plans then?   
"Are you going to go to Sanditon then?"

"No, erm, ... I wanted to ask you, well ...," Sidney bowed his head briefly, embarrassed at his inability to say a decent sentence.  
Seldom had he felt as nervous as he was around her, but he cleared his throat and forced himself to go on.  
"What would you say if I would like to accompany you to your family?" 

Charlotte's eyes widened in surprise, her cheeks flushed again and Sidney had trouble concentrating. 

"I don't want you to do the journey alone, besides ... well, at some point I'll have to meet them anyway."

"You want to come with me?" It was only a low whisper, but Charlotte was so surprised and delighted by his words that she could hardly breathe.

"Only if you don't mind, of course," Sidney said quickly, suddenly feeling immensely insecure.  
"I don't want to force you to spend more time in my company, I just thought ...".

"No, I ...," she interrupted him and stepped closer to him, fearing he might withdraw his offer."That would be really nice. I wanted to ask you myself if you'd like to come with me, I just haven't had the opportunity yet."  
The shy smile on her face was breathtaking. 

"Really?"   
Sidney’s heart was racing while goosebumps ran all over his body.  
Charlotte nodded, then bit her lip. She seemed really happy that he wanted to go with her and he felt his own mouth twist into a big smile.

"Well then ...," he whispered, bowing his head to one side.   
Charlotte was standing really close in front of him, it would have been easy to pull her into his arms or lower his lips to hers, but none of that he could do.   
For many reasons, one of which was that they were in a public garden. Another was that he didn't know how she would react and that he was still struggling to even think about it.

"Did you ride here with your horse?" Charlotte had to distract herself because she could almost feel how warm his body was.  
How would it be to sink into his arms?   
Her question also roused Sidney from his thoughts, but he had to swallow first.

"Yes, I did. But I've already asked Babington for a carriage, originally for you, to travel straight from here to Willingden,” he replied, slightly smiling.  
“From the beginning I didn't like the idea that you would make the long journey alone. Would you like it if we went to London together afterwards?We could stay there in our house for a few days before we have to go to Sanditon for the wedding and the regatta."

The frequent use of the word we made Charlotte dizzy.   
It was as if he had thought carefully about her travel plans, which touched something deep inside her. Just as it touched her that he cared so much about her welfare.

"I've never been to London," Charlotte looked at him with a small smile.   
The joy of not having to say goodbye to him yet made her feel light and happy, as she was really grateful to be able to stay with him.   
"I would very much like to accompany you there if you want it."

"I do."  
Sidney’s voice was so low and deep that Charlotte's whole body tingled.The expression in his eyes was so intense, almost like tenderness, that she could hardly stop herself from reaching for his hand.  
She wondered how he would react if she just touched him like that when Georgiana's voice made the decision for her.

"You paid to keep them from trying to kidnap me again?"  
She had approached them unnoticed with puffy, tearful eyes while Otis Molyneux was gone.She looked really sad and dejected, which is why Charlotte grabbed her friend's arm instead of Sidney’s hand.

"Yes, it was a kind of ... ransom so they would leave you alone." They could hear Sidney's reluctance to talk about this and Charlotte wondered again about him.  
She hadn't known that ...

"So you actually paid Otis debts, rather more, even though all of this only happened because he was bragging about my inheritance?" Georgiana started crying again and clung to Charlotte while her eyes stayed on Sidney.  
They were all relieved to still be standing next to the entrance door to the garden, far away from the others so that no one paid any real attention to them.

"Well ... actually yes. I thought it would be better if you didn't know about all of this precisely, because it would hurt you, but you deserve to know what the real reasons for my rejection of Mr. Molyneux were.”  
Sidney glanced at Charlotte and saw how she stared at him. They shared a brief look before he turned back to his ward.  
"I apologize for not being a better guardian for you and I promise to try to do better."

Sobbing, Georgiana nodded, but shook her head at the same time.   
“I wouldn't have believed you anyway if you'd told me. But so ..., “ she turned around briefly, but knew that Otis was no longer there.“I sent Otis away.I no longer know what to believe and don't want to see him again for the time being.When do we leave to go back to the terrible Sanditon?"

Sidney gritted his teeth with a sigh, but was relieved that Georgiana had at least enough sense to think about the things she had learned today.   
Again his gaze wandered briefly to his wife, who, with slightly flushed cheeks, was looking somewhere at a point at the level of his tie.

"Charlotte and I will be leaving for Willingden directly from here, but I will ask Mary to take care of you," he ignored the surprised expression on Georgiana's face and her puzzled look at Charlotte, but continued to speak calmly.   
“I will also give her a letter to Mrs. Griffiths as she will be responsible for you until the regatta.I will ask her to listen more to your wishes and to give you more freedom, but if you need anything, please ask Mary to contact me, she will know where we are."

Georgiana found all the informations from today to be too much.She was exhausted and tired, feeling sad, hurt and angry, but also guilty to Sidney and Charlotte.

"I'll go to my room, I don't feel like all the people here."  
She wanted to break away from Charlotte, but she wouldn't let go. Actually, she didn't really want to be alone, but would have liked to talk to Charlotte about what she had just learned.   
"Will you come up with me until you have to leave?"

"Of course." Before she turned around, Charlotte searched for Sidney’s eyes, who nodded to her with a gentle smile.

He looked after the two women and was again grateful for Charlotte's friendship with Georgiana.  
At least that way, his ward had someone to talk to. Only when the figure of his wife disappeared through the large door did he turn to find Mary.

Only a few more hours and he would finally be alone in a carriage with her.   
He was looking forward to go on this journey with her and having her all to himself, at least for a while. At the thought, his heart started beating faster and his skin tingled while the smile stayed on his face and tended to get bigger.   
Then, however, he noticed that he was walking directly towards Tom, who was standing with Mary in front of one of the tents and was looking at him.He knew this conversation would be difficult and immediately tensed.

“What do you mean, you're going to Willingden with Charlotte? I need you in London, Sidney, if not in Sanditon."

Trying to breathe calmly, Sidney bit back a rude reply while looking directly at Tom.  
Although he had expected Tom to disagree with his travel plans, he was surprised at the ease with which his brother tried to make decisions for him.

“I'm sorry, Tom, but I am not exclusively available for your needs. I'm going to visit her family with Charlotte and then go to London with her, and I really don't care whether you like it or not.“   
He wanted to hide how angry he was about Tom, about all his behavior over the past few weeks, so he turned to Mary.  
"May I ask you to look after Georgiana again on your way home? I'll give you a letter for Mrs. Griffiths, but I'd like to avoid the detour via Sanditon with Charlotte."

Mary smiled softly, pleased that Sidney had decided to go with Charlotte.She had known that he would not like it that she had to cover such an unnecessarily long way alone and had secretly hoped for this result.

“Of course, Sidney.It will be our pleasure,” her sideways glance at Tom clearly showed what she expected from her husband, but he looked at Eliza, who was standing not far with Lady Susan.

"I always thought ..., I thought ...," Tom broke off and looked at Sidney with a disappointed expression, whereupon he could immediately see the suppressed anger on his brother's face.

"What did you thought? You always thought I was getting married rich so you could have access to a fortune that you so desperately need?"

Sidney spoke quietly, to make sure no one else could hear him, and the dark tone of his voice made his words almost threatening.  
He knew this was the secret expectation of his family, his brother as well as his father when he was alive, and it infuriated him.  
Tom snorted offended, but did not deny the fact.

"It is your duty as the second born to support your family, and that is what I expected," he said, straightening up to assert himself as head of the family.   
But Sidney did not step back, although his eyes wandered briefly to the big house.

“Just like you with Mary, I have my own family now. Charlotte is the person I need to support and care for in the first place, and that is exactly what I do,” frankly, he looked Tom in the eye, who apparently finally accepted his defeat and understood that he was not indifferent to Charlotte and that he was putting her above the concerns of his siblings.  
Deeply hurt, Tom gave a curt nod and turned to leave, not even looking at Mary.

"I beg your pardon, Mary, but I cannot and will not give him what he wants."  
With a sad expression on her face, Mary squeezed his hand briefly before looking after Tom.

"I'm afraid nobody can. But he will have to endure it, and I am well aware that you have already lent him more money than he can ever repay you." Visibly anxious to apologize for Tom, Mary smiled.   
"Now go, it is a long journey to Willingden, you should be on your way soon."

She was right, which is why Sidney went to get everything ready for their journey together.   
  


He wondered what would happen once he was alone with Charlotte and shook his head at himself because his heart was beating way too fast in his chest.


	16. A long day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading,   
> I'm always looking forward to your reactions and comments !! ❤️

At the moment when Sidney sat down on the coach bench across from her and closed the door, he sighed in relief and briefly closed his eyes.   
The sound of Charlotte's soft laugh made him smile, but he kept his eyes closed a moment longer. 

With her hand firmly in the crook of his arm, they had said goodbye together, which had felt really good. Eliza had avoided them both, as had Tom, while the farewells to Esther, Lord Babington, and even Mr. Crowe had been cordial.   
Sidney truly admired Charlotte's strength and ability to make friends - it was an impressive quality of character.

"Are you all right?"   
Her low voice sounded amused, but also concerned, which is why Sidney finally looked at her.She was sitting in the corner of the carriage, wrapped in her red coat, but with her bonnet in her hand and watched him shyly.   
"How was the hunt this morning, did you shoot something?"

"Oh please, don't remind me of that," Sidney groaned, but smiled too.   
“I'm fine, thank you for asking. A lot has happened in these two days - a lot that I didn't want, but also things that I didn't expect. It was pretty exhausting, so I'm glad we got through it.But I don't want to hear anything about the hunt, and - I don't think I've ever shoot anything, which is why my father was always angry with me as a child."

Charlotte couldn't suppress a smile, surprised at his frank answer. She didn't expect him to be in such a good mood and the playful atmosphere between them was very pleasant.

"Maybe I should take you rabbit hunting as soon as we get home," she teased and Sidney laughed out loud.   
It was such a beautiful, but so rare, sound that made Charlotte shiver all over her body. Her heartbeat increased rapidly, she was getting hot, and she could feel her cheeks flushing.   
At the sight of her, Sidney’s laugh slowly faded until he just smiled gently, but his eyes stayed on her.   


She looked so adorable and he wished he could reach for her. He urgently needed something to distract himself from his thoughts, which is why he asked her in a low voice.

"Do you think your parents will be very surprised that I accompany you?"   
At his question, her features darkened for a brief moment and she bowed her head as if she wanted to avoid his eyes.

“I suppose so. Since we had not seen each other for weeks, I assumed that I would be traveling alone. That's why I wrote that you had too many business obligations to accompany me, but I have not received a reply to my last letter.”   
She sounded a little sad, which made him feel guilty.   
He couldn't stop himself, so he leaned forward in his seat to grab her hand that was in her lap and squeeze it gently. The tingling sensation that went through his body when his skin touched hers was strong and made it almost impossible for him to withdraw.

"I'm sorry for my long absence," he muttered softly, searching her gaze.   
“I've been neglecting you and making you feel like I'm not interested in what you are doing. I apologize for that."

"You already did," Charlotte replied just as softly, his touch still tingling in her arm."Besides, you really had business obligations, so you don't have to ... well, I'm not entitled to your time."   
Her own words reminded her of how lonely she had felt at times in the past few weeks. The familiarity between them since yesterday afternoon had given her a strong sense of belonging, which she definitely didn't want to lose again, even if she actually had no claim to his time.   
Sidney, however, contradicted her with a serious expression on his face but a velvety voice.

"But of course, Charlotte. You deserve my time and attention more than anyone else, but I failed to give you that ...".

For a long moment they just looked at each other.Both felt like they were drowning in the other's eyes, but neither could look away.   
Only when the carriage rumbled through a hole in the street and the driver cursed loudly, they both laughed a bit embarrassed and broke their gaze.

Charlotte looked out the window for a while while Sidney thought about her family.He didn't really know how the Heywoods would welcome him and actually felt a little nervous.   
The letters he had exchanged with her father hadn't been kind to him, but he understood. In fact, he really appreciated the way Mr. Heywood had tried to protect his daughter and made sure she was taken care of.   


With a lump in his throat, his eyes wandered back over to her and he noticed that she was crushing the fabric of her dress with her fingers.Sidney wondered if she was uncomfortable with him here.   
Little did he know that she thought about what he meant by saying that she deserved his time and attention. Nor could he have known that her whole body was on fire from the dark expression in his eyes as they had looked at each other for so long.   
So he searched for something to talk about to cheer her up.

"How many siblings do you have exactly again? There were 11, right?"

Just as he intended, Charlotte started smiling and nodded.   
For the next hour she gave him all the names of her siblings and described exactly how they looked. She also told him a little story about each child so that he could remember them better.   
Fascinated by the many names and funny stories, he listened enthusiastically to her, and was particularly happy about her radiant, slightly reddened cheeks.But her voice vibrated through every fiber of his being, and he realized that he could have listened to her forever.

"They are really great, and I missed them all very much," Charlotte finally mumbled, a little embarrassed after talking so long and so much.   
She looked up at him uncertainly, wondering if she had bored him with all her memories, and had suddenly the feeling that she could no longer breathe. 

He looked at her with something like admiration, but quickly lowered his gaze when their eyes met.   
Just a moment later, he smiled, looked up at her again and bowed his head to one side.She didn't thought she'd ever seen such a cute and stunning smile on anyone, especially not him.   
It made her completely dizzy, but at the same time her own mouth twisted into an equally bright smile.

She had caught him staring.   
Sidney struggled not to blush, which hadn't happened to him in years, but he still felt light.She returned his laugh in a way that made her eyes sparkle and suddenly he was terribly hot.   
Now, he had to distract himself from how much he wanted to touch her and swallowed.

"You are very close to your father, aren't you?" He asked a little breathlessly and moved in his seat to find a more comfortable position.   
"At least it sounded like that in his letters - as if you mean a lot to him because he criticized me for my behavior with very sharp words."   
He was still smiling, but sounded a bit regretful and ashamed, which made Charlotte look at him curiously.

"He criticized you? I didn't know this,” she said, surprised, hoping her father hadn't been too rude to him."Yes, we were very close before I came to Sanditon."

Sidney's eyebrows rose questioningly.   
"Has that changed? Since you ... since you stayed with us?”   
Again he could see a shadow glide over her face and she turned to the window.He had hoped her family's anger over their marriage had only been directed against him, but now it hit him that maybe it hadn't.   
Did they reproach her?   
The long silence from her made him feel more than sick, but then she finally answered him.

“My parents didn't attend our wedding, did they? The last letter from my father reached me a few days before we got married, while my mother only formally congratulated me afterwards. I haven't heard from them since then until the invitation came a few days ago.So I don't really know how they feel about me, let alone you."

Charlotte couldn't look at him and stared at the passing landscape.   
She hadn't intended to tell him how obviously her parents were disappointed with her and was therefore angry with herself. Especially because she could feel his eyes burn into her skin and heard him swallow hard.   
But she didn't want to turn to him, didn't want to show him how sad the reaction of her parents had made her and so she avoided his gaze.

Not knowing what to say, Sidney just stared at her. Marriage to him had only brought her sorrow and pain so far and he cursed himself for his behavior.   
On the other hand, he still couldn't regret carrying her into his room after she passed out on the ground. He would do it again, anytime, no matter what the consequence.

As she continued to look out the window, Sidney sighed softly, but still had the feeling that he had to give her some comfort.   
If he could have done it his way, he would have lifted her from her seat onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, but that was not possible - at least not at this point.   
So he leaned forward just a little and put his hand on her knee for a brief moment.

He heard her gasp and saw her close her eyes, but she still didn't turn to him.   
However, she didn't flinch from his touch either, so he let his hand linger a moment longer before pulling back.

They stopped talking and were lost in their thoughts until Sidney heard from her breathing that she had fallen asleep.   
From that moment on he just looked at her, glided his eyes over every line of her face, noted every freckle and every tangled curl and forced himself not to let his gaze slide over her body. He sat like this for a long time, his heartbeat and breathing calm and steady, while he finally accepted a few final facts about her.

He was drawn to her, not just physically, but more.   
He found her beautiful, very sensual and had a strong need to protect her.   
He wanted her to be his, wanted a real marriage with her, and wanted to be able to touch her whenever he longed for it.   
Above all, he wanted to kiss her lips, wanted to feel her against his body and hold her in his arms while she slept.

She had stolen his heart from him, and Sidney knew it was long too late for him to try not to fall in love with her.   
It had already happened, but he wondered if he would have the courage to show her. Whether he would have the courage to open up to her and show her his true feelings.   
He didn't know the answer to that, but decided to court her, maybe to find out what her feelings were for him.

~

It was a few hours later when the driver's call that they were approaching Willingden tore him from his thoughts and dreams. The gentle rocking of the carriage had made him sleepy too, but he just hadn't been able to take his eyes off her.   
Several times, Charlotte had moved in her sleep, but had not woken up. It showed how exhausted she must have been and Sidney worried about her.

"Charlotte ...," he whispered her name softly to wake her carefully.   
Only the second time he could see her slowly waking up, rubbing her hand over her face and eyes, and then trying to hold back a yawn. It looked absolutely adorable and he enjoyed every moment of it.   
"I hope you slept well?"

It was only when she heard Sidney’s soft voice that Charlotte opened her eyes and noticed that he looked at her with a look that was partly concerned and partly very loving.   
She wondered how long she had slept and above all whether he had looked at her like that the whole time. He didn't seem to have moved, didn't look like he had slept himself, but smiled slightly.

"The driver says we're approaching Willingden, but I'm not sure how much longer we'll be on the road," he said, still quietly.   
The urge to stroke her disheveled curls was strong, but he stubbornly suppressed it.

"Really?"   
Surprised and excited, Charlotte leaned closer to the carriage window to get a better look outside.This caused her bonnet to fall to the floor, but since she could see the first houses of Willingden ahed of them, she paid no attention.   
It wouldn't be long before she would finally see her family again and suddenly the nervousness and anticipation rose immeasurably.   
"Oh look, I can already see the inn up ahead and the bridge is coming soon."

Amused and with a strong, warm feeling of affection inside him, Sidney watched her silently as she tried to smooth her dress and hair. He bent down to pick up her bonnet, running his fingers over the blue ribbon for a moment.   
It was again the bonnet he had bought her, and the fact that she so obviously liked to wear his present made his heart leap.

“Do I look decent enough? Do you think I can face my parents like that?”   
As soon as she had said the words, she realized how ridiculous and stupid the question was and blushed deeply.But Sidney smiled and this time let his eyes slide completely over her appearance, after all she had practically asked him to.   
Her cheeks and her face glowed, while her dress was a little wrinkled.

"You look very pretty," he finally mumbled a little hoarsely and turned away, but not quickly enough.   
Charlotte saw his cheeks flush slightly under his stubble as his lips curled in an embarrassed smile. At this sight and his words, a wave of heat shot through her body.   
It was the second time he had called her pretty, and she wondered if he was serious.

Unfortunately, she didn't have enough time to think about it any further, or maybe to even ask him about it, as she heard the carriage drive over the arched stone bridge that led to her parents' house.

"We'll be there in a minute." The nervousness returned and Charlotte looked up at Sidney.   
At that moment he turned his head too, causing their eyes to meet. As before, the intense expression in his dark eyes soothed her, even if it made her heart beat faster. But her breath caught when Sidney leaned over to put his big hand around her little one and squeeze it gently.

“I'm sure they'll all be happy to see you again. So don't worry,” he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb encouragingly. This time he did it on purpose, so he didn't pull back his hand in shock when she noticed.   
Not even when she glanced down at their bandaged hands.   
It felt nice to feel his skin against hers, and it would have been utterly comforting if it hadn't caused an overwhelming tingling sensation inside of her.

Then the carriage stopped and Charlotte took a deep breath.   
But it was Sidney who moved first. After giving her another reassuring smile, he put on his hat and reached for the door handle. It wasn't until he got out of the carriage that he realized he was still holding Charlotte's bonnet, but he didn't want to put it back on the bench either.   
Without looking around, he turned to the open carriage door and offered her his hand to help her get out.This time she grabbed his hand, practically clinging to him until they could hear running feet.

As soon as Charlotte stood with her feet on the ground, she was surrounded by a crowd of children who enthusiastically shouted her name.   
Overwhelmed by the greeting of her siblings, she kneeled to give them all a hug. But when her sister Allison stood in front of her, she stood up again and the two of them embraced each other long and tight, relieved to see each other again after so long.

Sidney watched his wife and her siblings in silence but attentively, and the warm scene in front of him warmed his heart. Only when he noticed that he was being watched did he take his eyes off her and looked around.

A man he assumed was Charlotte's father had slowly approched them. He watched Sidney, his expression not being particularly friendly but rather appraising.   
But once he found Charlotte, he softened, for which Sidney was very grateful.   
He was also grateful that Mr. Heywood openly greeted his daughter and welcomed her home. The tears on Charlotte's face showed how relieved she was and she sobbed softly as she buried herself in her father's embrace.

"Papa ...".  
It was only now that Charlotte noticed how afraid she had actually been of this reunion. But the greeting from her family was warm and loving, so that she couldn't stop her happy tears.

"It is so good that you are here, my little girl."   
Although he was more than surprised at the presence of the tall, elegant man who was obviously his daughter's husband, Mr. Heywood was really pleased that Charlotte was home again. It had never been intended that she would stay away that long and get married during this time, but now she was here.   
"Are you all right? Did you have a good journey?"

With a sideways glance at Sidney, who was still standing next to the carriage, her bonnet still in his hand and was curiously eyed by the Heywood children, he grabbed Charlotte's upper arms to hold her a little away from him so that he could look at her.

"Yes Papa, I'm fine, the journey was very uneventful," she beamed at her father with tearful eyes, happy to be greeted by him in this way.   
Relieved, she turned to Sidney when she heard one of her youngest brothers talking behind her, and was completely touched by the sight of him.

"Are you the man our sister has to stay with forever now?"   
The little boy, who was perhaps a little older than Henry, looked up at Sidney with wide eyes and he had to smiled in spite of the words that clearly showed how he had been spoken of here.   
Since the boy was quite small, he leaned down so he didn't have to tilt his head back that far.

"Well met, young lad. My name is Sidney and I hope that she not only _has_ to stay with me, but also _wants_ to stay with me," he said with a wink, but couldn't stop himself from glancing over at Charlotte.He could see her blush, causing his heart to skip a beat before turning back to the boy.   
"What's your name?"

Charlotte could hardly hear what her brother was answering as her own blood rushed in her ears. The look in his eyes, the words he said ... it all confused her, while at the same time it filled her with happiness and joy.   
She had the feeling that he meant every word he had said since yesterday afternoon, when he found her in their shared room, absolutely seriously.

After her brother Johnny had introduced all of her siblings and Sidney had politely shaken hands with all the boys and bowed to all the girls, her father finally came up to him.

"Mr. Parker, we didn't expect you to be here.”   
He didn't sound unfriendly, but rather curious and surprised, but Sidney visibly stiffened. The muscle in his jaw twitched for a moment before he clasped his hands behind his back, still holding Charlottes bonnet.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Heywood." he greeted politely and tried to smile, which only half succeeded. He was about to declare his presence when Charlotte spoke first.

"Fortunately, Sidney was able to postpone his business obligations so that he could accompany me home," supportively she stepped over to him to stand by his side and looked almost pleadingly at her father.   
"I'm very happy to be able to show him my home, just as I am happy to introduce him to you."  
She wanted her words to show her father that she stood by him despite the circumstances in which her marriage to Sidney came about, and after a long, searching look, her father nodded.

"Of course, welcome to Willingden, Mr. Parker," said Mr. Heywood finally, although he was evidently not very happy with the situation.   
“But still, we expected Charlotte alone, just as she wrote it.Your mother made your bed next to Allisons, Charlotte, and was looking forward to having you under our roof again."

"We thought we could have you all to ourselves one more time, like before you left for your adventure," Allison said quietly.   
She was a little younger than Charlotte and had been very disappointed when her sister suddenly got married without her being able to participate.   
“You got married so suddenly, and that without coming home again. We thought we could spend a little more time with you now."

Tears came to Charlotte's eyes again.   
If she was honest, she would be happy to sleep in her old room again, as she hadn't really been able to say goodbye to it.On the other hand, the desire to continue to share a room with Sidney and maybe even the bed again, like last night, was very strong.   
She didn't know what to say and turned to Sidney for help.

"I think it would be a nice idea to catch up on the symbolic farewell to your family," Sidney said with a reassuring smile.   
He could see that she was struggling and wanted to support her, especially since he assumed she was worried about his reaction.He too argued with the prospect of not sharing a room with her, but he understood that she might prefer her old bed - at least for a while.   
"I'm going to rent a room at the inn and you can move in there in a few days ... erm, if you want." 

Grateful and yet disappointed, Charlotte returned his smile and nodded. She thought she saw something like disappointment in his eyes too, but really wasn't sure.   
Could it be that he would have liked to share a room with her again?

"How decent of you to allow Charlotte to do that," growled Mr. Heywood, disgruntled, who had misunderstood the exchange between the two.   
He turned sharply to Sidney and wondered what kind of man he was looking at. His daughter seemed fine, so she wasn't treated badly, but he knew that she didn't love this man and he didn't love her. It still hurt that she'd gotten into a marriage in which she didn't seem to be allowed to make decisions of her own.

"You shouldn't get this wrong, Mr. Heywood," as Sidney saw exactly how he was being judged, he stiffened and his voice darkened a bit.   
“Charlotte doesn't need my permission to do anything on any matter. She is very much capable of making her own decisions. I just wanted to offer her my support."

The two men stared at each other for a long moment and Charlotte noticed with concern that both her father and Sidney were very tense.   
She looked around nervously and saw her mother standing in the doorway.She had put a hand over her mouth while tears ran down her face.At first Charlotte thought her mother was going to cry because she was so happy to see her, but then she turned and disappeared back into the house without saying a word.   
Confused, Charlotte searched for her father's gaze, who sighed softly and put his arm over her shoulder.

“Give her some time. She wasn't expecting your husband here and since she doesn't know that you married under duress, she is still very disappointed,” Mr. Heywood said quietly so that Alison, who admired the carriage and the big horses, couldn't hear him. The other children had run off to play a while ago.   
"Maybe it would have been better to tell her the truth, but who knows if she would be able to handle this."

Charlotte was silent, too hurt by her mother's reaction and too embarrassed by her father's words. Her father slowly led her to the door and tried to smile at her encouragingly, but he didn't quite succeed.   
Over the noise in her head she could hear Sidney talking to her sister and obviously unloading her trunk from the carriage before instructing the driver to go to the inn to reserve rooms. At the front door she turned to him, but her father gently led her on.

“Let's go inside. Say hello to your mother before he follows you,” said Mr. Heywood, sensing how uncomfortable his daughter was feeling.   
“I'm sure she'll calm down, but you know how she is.She had other dreams for her eldest daughter."

Together they entered the large living room as Mrs. Heywood frantically added another plate to the table that was already set. It was time for dinner and no stranger had originally been expected.

"Why did you write that you would come alone when you bring this man here with you?" Mrs. Heywood asked now and turned to her daughter.   
“He'll have to be content with what's on the table today.I didn't expect to have to cook for a London gentleman."

"Hetty, now stop and say hello to our girl," calmly Mr. Heywood went to his wife to put a hand on her arm soothingly while he could see how upset Charlotte was.

"Hello mother," Charlotte had a hard time finding her mother so dismissive.   
“I was really looking forward to coming back home and didn't thought Sidney's presence would be a problem. There is definitely no need to worry about the food."

Charlotte felt her mother look at her, noticed how she frowned as she seemed to judge her appearance, but then got caught by her loose hair.

"As a married woman you should keep your hair pinned up, child," she said as she stepped closer and gently stroked Charlotte's curls with her hand.   
"Oh girl, what were you thinking about getting married that way, so far from home and with such a man."   
Tears came to her eyes again, but then the voice of Allison could be heard leading Sidney into the house.

  
"Papa can carry Charlotte's trunk upstairs later, just leave it here," Allison said, but Sidney hesitated a moment.

Not only did he feel strange leaving his wife's trunk in her parents' house, he also had a strong need to take care of Charlotte's needs himself.   
He didn't want anyone else to be of service to her, because that was his duty, which he had neglected for too long in the past - and which he no longer intended to do. Still, he finally put down her heavy trunk, which he knew contained all of her belongings.

On top of the trunk he had put her bonnet, which he had been holding in his hand the whole time, and now he was reaching for it again.Somehow it made him feel connected to Charlotte and when he took off his own hat he was holding the two items in one hand. 

Allison watched him the whole time with big eyes that reminded him of her sister's, even if they weren't quite as expressive.   
Now she smiled at him and motioned for him to come with her, which is why he followed her down a wide hallway.It was a big house, bigger than he might have expected and very beautiful.When he entered the cozy living room with a large table behind Alison, he immediately noticed the tense atmosphere and searched for Charlotte's eyes.

She seemed really upset, insecure, and even sad, and his first impulse was to reach for her.   
But as a gentleman, he turned to her mother first and bowed politely to her. He understood that his presence here was not necessarily welcomed with joy, but he was nonetheless surprised by the dismissive look from Charlotte's mother.

"Mrs. Heywood, I would like to apologize for my surprising appearance,” he said firmly and politely, but Charlotte heard his voice sound a little pressed.   
“I wanted to get to know Charlotte's family and was able to reschedule my business appointments so she wouldn't have to travel alone. I definitely didn't want to cause any inconvenience."

Sidney unconsciously played with her bonnet and his hat while he tried to breathe calmly. He hadn't imagined such a bad welcome and his heart ached for Charlotte, who looked rather pale.

"Mr. Parker, welcome,” Mrs. Heywood finally muttered quietly, but without even smiling. "Please excuse me, I have to go to the kitchen to let the cook know that we are one more person to eat."   
She didn't give Sidney the opportunity to reply, but walked quickly out of the room.Mr. Heywood followed her with a shake of his head, only Allsion remained curious, but Sidney was completely fixated on Charlotte.

"Are you all right?"   
He asked in a dark voice and slowly stepped closer.   
"I'm so sorry, it really wasn't my intention ...".Unsure what to say, he broke off.    
He hadn't really thought about how her parents would react if he went here with Charlotte in such an unplanned way. He just thought that he didn't want to let her go alone.

Still pale, Charlotte looked up at him with a small smile.   
His concern calmed her, as did his presence here and when she noticed that he still had her bonnet in his hand she had to laugh.

"Don't apologize, ... I'm fine," her voice was low and Sidney knew she was not telling the truth, but he was relieved that she obviously didn't seem angry with him.   
Because she came even closer to him, grabbed his hat and her bonnet to take the things from him, but stayed near him for a moment. Strangely enough, she was very glad that he was here with her, even though she knew that her mother would have reacted differently if she had come alone.   
But his broad figure and the warmth he exuded were very comforting and so her hard, nervous heartbeat calmed down when she asked him for his coat.

Sidney wanted to assure her that he would be there for her, which is why he placed his hand on her lower back as she walked past him to stow their clothes in the hallway.   
It triggered a pleasant tingling in Charlotte, his warmth spread over to her and she shivered slightly, knowing full well that he could feel it.Their eyes met for a moment, and the thought that Charlotte would stay here for the night and Sidney would have to leave alone was suddenly almost unbearable for both of them.

Dinner was a terribly tense affair, which was only brightened by the fact that Allison and the other children kept asking about Charlotte's experiences. To fill the silence, Charlotte told about Sanditon, the people she had met there and about the construction work for the town.   
Her mother said nothing all evening, but kept glancing over at Sidney, who stubbornly suppressed the urge to slide around uncomfortable in his chair.He accepted the fact that no one other than the children spoke to him, as Mr. Heywood practically ignored him, but the curious looks made him nervous. For this reason he reached under the table for Charlotte's dress, as he had often done in the past few days, to rub the soft material between his fingers.   
To his delight, he noticed how Charlotte tried to supress her blush and smile at this gesture, and gave her knee a quick squeeze.

Even so, Sidney was relieved when the younger children were about to be put to bed and Charlotte and Allsion offered to take over the task. Mrs. Heywood had already gone upstairs with the youngest of her children, while Mr. Heywood was just getting up from the table.   
So he got up himself too.

"I will make my way to the inn now," Sidney began to say goodbye. "If you allow it, I'll be back tomorrow morning, but I can have breakfast before that to avoid unnecessary work."   
While Mr. Heywood looked like he was seriously considering his offer, the deep furrow appeared on Charlotte's forehead and she shook her head.

"There is no way you will do that," she said firmly. "If you can't stay here for the night, at least you'll eat with us."   
She stared at him until Sidney nodded. Before going into the hallway to get his coat and hat for him, she shot her father an annoyed look.   
She didn't understand why he was being so unfriendly to Sidney, but she was grateful that Sidney took this treatment so calmly and kindly. She heard him say goodbye and smiled at him as he followed her into the hallway.

Silently, Charlotte accompanied him outside to say good night to him, utterly ashamed of her parents' behavior.

"I'm so sorry," she muttered, her cheeks flushed, when they reached the gate to the estate and Sidney turned to her.   
“They were very rude to you. I'm sure you already regret having offered to accompany me here."

"Not at all. Their distrust of me is understandable, and it just shows that they love you very much.“   
Sidney smiled softly and looked at her, but then noticed that she had only gone outside in her dress.   
"You should go back inside, otherwise you will be cold."

Despite his worried words, Charlotte did not move.   
Suddenly she didn't want him to leave, wanted to be with him a moment longer and took a small step forward. Although there was only a dim light outside, she noticed his eyes darken a little and feared he would hear how fast her heart was beating.   
Her whole body longed for an embrace from him, for anything that would bring her closer to him, and yet she gasped in surprise when she suddenly felt his big hands on her upper arms.

It was just an innocent, tiny touch, but it made Sidney feel a burning desire.

"Are you sure you will be fine?"   
While he couldn't resist rubbing her already cold arms gently, it was clear in his voice how reluctant he was to leave her here alone. To reassure him, Charlotte nodded, sure that her voice wouldn't work.

It was out of the deep desire to get closer to her body and her scent, that he bent his head down to her. Though he could hear his own pulse in his ears, he noticed Charlotte's shuddering breath as his lips gently touched her forehead.   
Sidney kissed her head very lightly, felt her warm skin under his mouth and tightened the grip of his fingers for a moment.   
It felt nice to be so close to her, to be able to breathe her in, which is why he lingered and softly caressed her skin with his lips.

When he pulled back, Charlotte's eyes were only half open, her cheeks blushed in a bewitching way, but they looked at each other in silence until Sidney cleared his throat and let go of her.

"Good night, Charlotte ...".

Only after the second attempt did she manage to answer him.   
He had kissed her - if only her forehead, but still her body felt like she was going to burn.   
The place he had touched with his full, tender lips tingled, her heart raced and she swayed when he reluctantly withdrew. Now it was even more difficult for her not to throw herself in his arms, but since she had promised her sister that she would spend the night in her old room, she couldn't let her down now.   
But just knowing that he kissed her goodnight in such a loving way was enough to make her dream of more.

"Good night, Sidney ...".

Sighing, Sidney bent his head to one side and smiled at her, but then turned and walked away down the street towards the inn.   
His head was full of feelings, thoughts and an irrepressible longing that he could hardly hide.

~

“What were you thinking, Charlotte? Didn't we teach you to use your head?”   
Mrs. Heywood was sitting in an armchair in front of the fireplace and looked up at Charlotte with an disbelieving, disappointed face. It was now dark outside, only Alsion and she were still awake and were sitting with their parents in the living room.   
Her mother's look made her feel uncomfortable, but at the same time Charlotte felt a faint anger rise within her.

"What do you mean by that?" She asked and gritted her teeth because she felt so attacked.

"Oh please Charlotte, I can understand why this man makes your heart beat faster, but do you really think that someone like him could ever be loyal or content with just one woman?"   
Mrs. Heywood stood up now, visibly upset and paced up and down in front of her daughter.   
“Your Mr. Parker is far too handsome, far too arrogant and far too coveted to sit in your home with you. You may have attracted him with your innocence and your purity, but you can be sure that this initial crush will not last."

Charlotte blushed deeply at the words of her mother, but with anger.   
She felt a strong need to defend Sidney, especially since she knew what her mother was saying was wrong.Even if he might not love her, he had assured her that he would not want an inappropriate relationship with another woman.   
And she believed him.

"You don't know him at all and yet you judge him?"   
Charlotte got up angrily and stared at her mother.   
“I can understand that you are disappointed, but you portray him as the worst. But he's not like that. Sidney is a good man ... “.

"Hence this quick, inappropriate wedding ...," said Mrs. Heywood and stepped up to Charlotte to put her hand on her stomach and squeeze. “Are you already pregnant, Charlotte, and if so, how long have you been?"

Completely ashamed, Charlotte backed away and wrapped her arms around her body.   
Her mother's accusation was so close to the rumors spread by the residents of Sanditon that it brought tears to Charlotte's eyes.

"I am _not_ pregnant ...," she pressed out in a choked voice. “I can't believe you would think that of me, or of him. Neither of us deserved that.”   
The expression on her mother's face grew sad and she also fought back tears.

“I don't know the man you wanted to marry so desperately, Charlotte.I always thought you would marry a nice boy from Willingden, not a fine gentleman from London who doesn't suit you at all.And I don't _want_ to get to know him either.”   
With one last look, Mrs. Heywood left the room and mumbled a quiet good night.

Completely exhausted and disappointed, Charlotte sank back into her chair and wiped the tears from her face. Her mother's rejection hit her hard, she wished dearly that she had gone to the inn with Sidney and felt completely alone in her old home.   
Her sister tried to comfort her and grabbed her arm, but then her father cleared his throat.

"Alison, will you leave us alone for a moment, please?I'd like to speak to Charlotte,” he said calmly, whereupon Alison stood up and said good night.   
As soon as they were alone, Mr. Heywood leaned back in his chair and fixed his eyes on Charlotte. 

“You have to understand your mother, she was completely surprised by your wedding.But she would find it even more difficult to face your husband if she knew that he has damaged your reputation and that you therefore were forced to marry him as a result."   
He shook his head, looking very concerned.   
"It's hard for me too, because I would never have wanted a marriage like this for you. And like your mother said, we don't know him. So I don't know whether he's treating you well or forcing you to do something ... ".

"Papa ...," Charlotte jumped up again and interrupted her father.   
“Sidney never made me do anything I didn't want, let alone ever get close to me. He made me an official proposal, which I accepted, and then behaved in an absolutely honorable manner.So you have no reason to think badly of him."

Surprised and yet infinitely relieved, Mr. Heywood nodded.   
Maybe his daughter was right and he should at least make the effort to get to know her husband. In any case, he wanted Charlotte to be happy while she was here, so he got up and hugged her lovingly.

"I'm really glad you're here, Charlotte," he muttered softly.“I have to look after your mother, but would you like to walk the fences with me and the boys tomorrow morning? I would be glad."

Charlotte smiled gratefully and nodded.   
"I would like that. Good night, Papa." She looked a little wistfully after her father as he went up the stairs.

Slowly she let her gaze slide over her old home and knew that she no longer belonged there. She belonged to Sidney, even if her mother's words had had raised old doubts in her heart.   
It was true, Sidney was very handsome and she wondered if he could really never be satisfied with her as a woman. They had grown so much closer in the past few days, but could she ever arouse his interest, or rather his desire as his wife?   
Even though she was alone, she blushed, but she didn't want to doubt again.

Sidney had kissed her on her forehead tonight, the touch of his lips still remained on her skin and she held on to the hope that he had done it for a reason and that it meant as much to him as it did to her.

As she slowly went up to her old room, she looked out the window on the stairs and stopped short.   
There, on the curved stone bridge that she could see from here, a dark figure stood smoking. She could see the glowing end of the cigar in the dark, the shadowy outline of a tall, broad-shouldered man, and she knew it was Sidney.   
He looked at the house, otherwise stood there motionless and Charlotte wondered if he was thinking of her.

Her heart beat hard and fast at the thought and with a smile she stood there for a while and watched him, before she went upstairs to Alison, who was probably already waiting for her.

As she went, her fingers touched her forehead, at the place where his lips had lingered so softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I haven't disappointed you, but I think they have to build trust first before they can do what we all want them to do. 
> 
> So I ask you to be still patient for a while and stuck with me, the 🔥🔥 times will certainly come.


	17. down by the river

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I very much hope you like this ....

"Come on Charlotte, when did you get so slow?"   
Her younger brother's laughter spurred Charlotte on and she ran even faster.She had already slipped twice in the damp meadow, which is why her brown dress was covered with grass stains, but she didn't care.  
As she had arranged with her father, she had got up before sunrise to check the fences of the fields with him and her brothers, but now she was a wild mess of laughter and screams as her brothers chased her across the fields.

"Don't get cheeky, Timmy, just because you have longer legs. I know all the good short cuts and I'll win anyway," she teased, out of breath as she headed for the dirt road that led back to their house.   
Her hair was clinging to her head, slightly damp and tangled, but she giggled as she ran past her father. She heard him laugh, jumped over a fallen tree onto the dirt road lined with a couple of large trees, and hit something hard.

Out of balance, she stumbled and automatically reached for the first thing she could catch. Only when she was safely on her feet again did she notice that it was a black coat that she was holding onto.   
The strong hands that had wrapped around her upper arms to stabilize her were big and warm, and the dark laugh she heard vibrated through her body.

The coat and hands belonged to Sidney, who looked at her with an amused light in his eyes, but did not let go of her.

“Good morning, Mrs. Parker. You seem to be a little stormy,” he greeted her softly in a dark voice and couldn't take his eyes off her.   
She looked adorable tousled and flushed, wore a coarser dress than he had ever seen on her and her eyes were shining. Since she had run right into him, he could feel her breasts being pressed against his chest by her quick breaths, which was really quite distracting.

"Sidney ...".   
Charlotte gasped, completely surprised to see him out here so early and too overwhelmed by his presence.   
At that moment her brother ran past both of them and shouted with joy that he had won, whereupon Sidney stepped back a little.

"Good morning, I ...", embarrassed, Charlotte stroked her hair, which was sure to stick out in all directions."We did a race, I didn't ... I didn't expect you here that early."   
He looked flawless as always, but also wore a less elegant leather vest and black breeches.

"I woke up early and went for a walk."   
Actually, he had hardly slept at all, because he had tossed and turned all the time. He couldn't forget the feel of her skin under his lips, nor the scent of her hair.   
The night before he had stood on the bridge for a long time, looking at the Heywood family's house and wondering which room she would sleep in. He had smoked several cigars before finally returning to the inn, but he had been unable to find peace. So he had got up at dawn and had made a long walk across the fields to calm down a little.

But all that calm was gone now.   
His heart was beating hard in his chest and he couldn't hold back the gentle smile - she just looked too beautiful.

Charlotte, however, became more and more nervous under his intense gaze. The longer he looked at her, the more she realized what she must look like. In one of her old dresses made of coarse cloth, dirty and sweaty from running and probably with a red head.   
She was terribly embarrassed about her appearance, she didn't want him to think she was a stupid child, and her mother's words from the night before came back to her - that she didn't suit a man like him.

"Please excuse my looks, I ... I'll go straight to change and clean up," Charlotte hastily stroked the skirt of the dress, but the stains couldn't be hidden. When she looked up again, she saw an amused twitch around the corner of his mouth, a twinkle in his eyes and frowned.   
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Sidney realized she was embarrassed about her appearance, probably mostly because she was dirty and disheveled. He found it absolutely adorable, however, and couldn't help but raise his arm to run his fingers over a stray strand of hair.

"How do I look at you?"   
He mumbled softly, but got no answer at first. Charlotte was too busy trying to hide the tremors in her body caused by the sound of his voice.

"I don't know ...," she finally muttered, hearing the beating of her heart in her ears. "As if you're taking in every detail of me, but since I look completely inappropriate, you should better stop."

Laughing softly, Sidney raised one of his eyebrows.   
The nervousness in her voice, the lovely blush on her face or the way she shyly lowered her eyes - all of this was driving him crazy, which is why he couldn't hold back his next words.

"You look absolutely adorable, which makes it impossible for me not to look at you."

Surprised and with a low gasp, Charlotte searched his face, but could not find anything in his eyes to suggest that he was lying to her or joking with her. All she saw was honesty and real affection.   
Still, she couldn't believe that he meant his words seriously and he only made her even more nervous.

"You're just mocking me," she said annoyed and her cheeks burned with uncertainty. "I'm going to get changed and help my mother prepare breakfast."   
Without meeting his eyes, she turned and walked hastily down the path.Although she could feel his intense gaze on her back, she couldn't turn around to face him.   
Only when she heard his dark voice did she pause and turned her head over her shoulder in his direction.

"I'm not mocking, Charlotte."   
Sidney was still standing in the same place and looking straight at her while he had one hand on his hips.   
"You do look really adorable."

His heart raced as he watched the blush from her cheeks creep down her neck and under the neckline of her dress. He caught himself finally allowing himself to say exactly what he was thinking to her and it was a pleasure for him to see the effect his words had on Charlotte.   
At the same time, it also showed him how deep his feelings actually were for his wife. He was completely addicted to her and longed for every smile from her, every gesture and most of all, every physical contact. But unlike so many years ago, when he had lost himself to Eliza in a similar way, Charlotte gave these things without ulterior motives, without expecting anything - and above all without even knowing what she was doing to him.

With the shy smile she gave him now, Sidney was unable to move, just looked at her.Only his face twisted in a crooked grin that grew bigger when she bit her lip and then turned to run back to her parents' house.   
She took her skirts in her hands to run faster, which made him laugh.However, with every step she took, his smile faded more until he narrowed his eyes as he was captured by his own thoughts.   
So he didn't notice Charlotte's father approaching him from behind.

"Good morning, Mr. Parker." At a safe distance, Mr. Heywood had overheard his daughter's encounter with her husband without the two of them being able to see him.   
He had wanted to hear the way they talked to each other when they were alone, and he was surprised by the conversation. The two didn't seem indifferent to each other - it seemed rather to be the exact opposite.

Startled by the voice behind him, Sidney turned and immediately bowed politely.   
"Good morning, Mr. Heywood." Not knowing how much the man had heard of what he had said to Charlotte, he quickly searched for another topic of conversation. "It is a really fine, beautiful area in which you live here."   
Since her father's gaze seemed to evaluate him again, he folded his hands behind his back and straightened up.

"Yes, it is," replied Mr. Heywood, slowly getting closer. "Certainly different from the big, busy London, I suppose."

Sidney nodded with a half smile and lowered his head as the two men started walking side by side along the dirt road.

"Yes, you're probably right about that. But I've already been down by the river this morning, and it looks almost exactly like in Sanditon there.”   
Obviously Mr. Heywood was listening to him, he wasn't as dismissive as last night, so Sidney tried his luck to introduce himself to the man a little more properly.   
"I have lived in many areas and countries so far, including Antigua, where the climate and the people are very different from here in England."

Curiously, Mr. Heywood raised his eyebrows and looked sideways at his unwanted son-in-law.   
Although he himself had never seen anything other than Willingden and the surrounding area, he was interested in the distant parts of the world.

"What were the reasons you went to Antigua?"   
He asked politely, trying to get to know this foreign man for the sake of Charlotte.

For the next two days, Sidney was almost completely absorbed by Charlotte's father and siblings.   
After the first breakfast, at which the children could no longer hold back their curiosity about the unknown man, they all wanted to show him the entire estate together. They even went across the fields with him, and on that occasion Sidney must have picked wild flowers with the girls, for on his return he had given Charlotte a small bouquet.   
For this, he had bowed slightly to her and looked at her with a smile that had softened her legs.

He was also explained in detail what was going on on such a farm and what work had to be done. To really show him he had had to spend a whole afternoon with her older brothers and her father with the animals and in the fields, but Sidney had gone through everything willingly and rather happily.   
He was not someone who shied away from physical labor and had been relieved to have been enthusiastically received at least by the majority of the Heywood family. The only thing thathad bothered him was that he had little time to spend alone with Charlotte, as she had helped most of the time around the house trying to talk to her mother.

Only in the evenings, when Sidney had had long and detailed conversations with Mr. Heywood about his past life, his business, and especially his travels, had she always sat next to him.   
Sometimes it was almost as if he had told some things just for her, for example his relationship with his parents, which had been difficult at times.   
So Charlotte learned that he owned stakes in several ships and traded in all sorts of goods, that he had already been to several foreign countries and that he enjoyed reading books as much as she did.   
They had both enjoyed these times of the day most and often did not notice how Charlotte's father had watched them in silence - with a slightly surprised, but rather satisfied, expression on his face.

The only person Sidney had hardly spoken to was Mrs. Heywood, as she mostly refused to answer his friendly questions at all.   
She avoided him, but at least she didn't seem so dismissive of Charlotte anymore.

At the request of her siblings, she had spent two more nights in her old room, even if saying goodbye to Sidney was getting harder with every evening.   
But at the same time she longed for these moments of the day, as he kissed her gently on her forehead each time before he left her and went to the inn.   
Charlotte had the feeling that with each parting, his lips lingered longer on her skin, that his body was getting closer to hers, and that it seemed difficult for him to leave her in her parents' house.

For this reason, on the third day in Willingden, she asked him to carry her trunk to his room in the inn so that they could spend the last night together.   
Of course she didn't know what it would be like to share a room with him again, but she saw his eyes darken for a moment.

"Are you sure you want to go to London tomorrow?"   
Sidney asked quietly as he carried her trunk down the stairs from her former room, which was really modest and quite small compared to the rooms in Trafalger House.   
"You can spend as much time with your family as you like."

Charlotte looked up at him gratefully, but she shook her head anyway.She found it exhausting to constantly feel her mother's disappointed, scrutinizing gaze upon her, and she was curious about his home in London.

"Thank you, but I think we should leave tomorrow."   
Her voice sounded a little absent as she followed him and was fascinated by the movements of his muscles. His dark blue vest stretched across his broad back, while the white fabric of his shirt was unfortunately too wide to wrap around his arms.   
“Esther wrote to me about some details for the regatta, mentioning that Lord Babington is also in London waiting for you to arrive. It's probably about the contract with Lady Denham, who is very impatiently waiting for your signature."

Sidney groaned theatrically and turned his head over his shoulder to give her a look with raised eyebrows.Charlotte wasn't sure what his look meant and wondered if he was angry, after all, the contract between Lady Denham and him had been her suggestion.

"Such a contract is a good thing and takes away Lady Denham's greatest leverage against Tom, but I would have preferred not to be the contractor myself."   
Since Sidney could see her biting her lip in concern, he stopped at the foot of the stairs, balanced her heavy trunk on his bent thigh and looked at her with a warm smile.   
“Your suggestion made a lot of sense, Charlotte, and I want to thank you for working so hard for Sanditon's success. I just never wanted to get that deeply involved in this business by myself, but obviously it's inevitable."

Charlotte stopped just one step above him on the stairs, causing her dress to brush against his leg.   
"I didn't mean to get you into financial trouble, I ... I just thought you would certainly be able to handle these things better than your brother."   
It felt strange, yet natural, to speak so openly to him about his business and financial resources.

At her words, Sidney smiled slightly and the expression in his eyes was so warm and gentle that Charlotte was having trouble breathing. Since she was standing so close in front of him and he had to look up at her because of the stairs, he had an incredible view of her, which is why he could see the fabric of her dress stretching over her breasts with her heavy breath.   
The sight was really beautiful but he had to force himself not to let his eyes linger there too long. So he focused on what they had just been talking about.

"I'll try to do my best ... and I hope I can meet your expectations."   
Slowly he lifted her trunk from his thigh again to leave the Heywoods house and head towards the inn.Charlotte followed him, kept looking in his direction and was surprised at the ease with which he carried her belongings.   
“I was thinking about starting some kind of company that would run all of the income and expenses related to Sanditon's development.Then I wouldn't have to keep bringing in my own money, and Tom would have no access to the income from the Reagatta or the subsequent rental of the apartments in the terraces."

Sidney had to admit that he would like to hear her opinion on this matter.   
He had thought long and hard about how he could manage to deny Tom access to potential profits so that he could use them wisely for the town. He also had to try somehow to build a business fortune so that, in the worst case scenario, he could repay Lady Denham her investment in five years without having to use his own assets.

He still wanted to buy a house for Charlotte - one for the two of them together if she allowed - wherever she wanted to live, so he had to try to find investors and sources of income for Sanditon to get the profits from his own business back at his own disposal.

"I think this is a very wise and sensible decision," Charlotte replied thoughtfully.   
As she walked beside him, she looked at her tiptoe until she straightened her shoulders a little and lifted her head to his to look at him.

"I told you that you were the sensible brother."   
Her voice was very quiet but also with a teasing undertone.Her expression was a little uncertain, though, even if she didn't turn away from him when he met her gaze.   
"It looks like I was right about that."

At first Sidney didn't know what to answer. She kept surprising him and leaving him speechless as his admiration for her grew.

"Thank you ...," he muttered, his lips twisting into a slightly rueful smile.   
“I'm afraid I have to apologize to you for this evening too. I was really hurtful to you then, like a brute. But you hit a nerve in me on this balcony."

“I was so nervous at the time, and that's why I was terribly cheeky. I deserved what you said to me.” Charlotte could hear how his breathing seemed a bit choppy from the exertion and was glad that the inn was already in sight.   
She continued to look at him and the softness in his gaze also made her breathless.

"No, you didn't deserved that ...".

Finally, Sidney put the trunk down in front of the inn, relieved, as his muscles were already burning in his arms.As he straightened up with a slight sigh, he noticed an amused glint in Charlotte's eyes and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Well ... you seem pretty out of breath. Shouldn't you be taking part in the gentleman's rowing race at the regatta?”   
Charlotte was surprised at her own teasing tone, but she was enjoying the time with him so much that she just couldn't stop herself.

"I think I should, yes." Sidney replied slowly, frowning, although the corners of his mouth twitched.   
She teased him, and seeing her so happy made his heart leap.   
"You think I'm going to leave a bad impression on myself?"

He held out his arms questioningly and looked down at himself as if to check his own build to see if he was made for such an exertion. Charlotte laughed, a beautiful, bright sound and also deliberately let her eyes slide over his figure.

"I don't know, maybe you should practice a little, ... just in case," she added in a whisper and leaned closer conspiratorially, which made Sidney giggle."I'm sure we can find a rowboat for you down by the river ...".

His laughter grew louder, and although Charlotte blushed at the sound of it, she literally beamed at him.   
Shaking his head, Sidney picked up her trunk and disappeared through the door to bring her things to their room while she waited for him outside.Even if she tried, she couldn't stop smiling, but her heart was pounding loudly.It was just so wonderful to spend time with him alone ...

Before stepping back outside, Sidney paused for a moment to watch her.   
She chewed her lip as if she was nervous, but at the same time she looked completely happy.Since they were here in Willingden he had heard so many stories about her, from her siblings and her father, which had surprised and amused him again and again, but it had also made him fall for her more and more.She was a fascinating woman - and more than anything, he longed to have her to himself.   
So he bowed slightly to her as he stepped outside into the late summer sunshine and then offered her his arm.

“Well then, Mrs. Parker ..., lead the way to the river. After all, I don't want to embarrass my wife with my miserable rowing skills during the regatta.”   
Completely satisfied, he watched her blush deeply at his words.The feel of her warm little hand, which she slipped into the crook of his arm without hesitation, let goose bumps slide over his skin, while her soft giggle made him pull her closer.

They walked slowly and close together across the narrow gravel path towards the river while they talked quietly.   
They talked about all sorts of things and Charlotte repeatedly shared memories of her childhood with him. For example, she showed him the tree she fell from as a little girl and told him about the scar on her leg that the fall had caused.

Eventually she stopped a long way from the Heywood house and pointed to an old rowboat tied to the river bank.   
It was small, with only two oars, but also two bench seats, and Sidney could only think of one thing - he wanted her in that boat, alone with him.

He was wearing neither a coat nor a hat, had left both in the room in the inn for the past few days, and was now beginning to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. As he did that, he could feel her eyes on him.   
It made his skin prickle, which was a pleasant feeling, and he wished he could touch her.

"It's old and only for one rower, but it will have to be enough to prepare you for the race."   
If Charlotte was honest, she didn't care if he and his brothers would win the gentleman's race or not.She just wanted to watch him move - and most of all, she wanted to be alone with him, without her siblings or her father.

Sidney grinned at her in amusement and then skillfully jumped into the old boat without answering.But as soon as he found his balance, he searched her eyes and held out his hand to her.

"I think you'll have to help me," he said softly, his voice being very dark and velvety.   
The sound made Charlotte shiver like every time, but she shook her head.She hadn't planned to accompany him in the rowboat, and the thought of being so close to him in such a small space on the river made her heart stop beating for a moment.

"I don't think I would be particularly helpful ...," she contradicted quietly and breathlessly, but Sidney just kept looking at her.   
There was something special about his gaze that unconsciously made her take a step closer to the shore.

"Come on ...".   
His dark voice vibrated through her body, as did his words.   
"Let me lift you in here so I can row you across the river."

Now Sidney held out both of his hands to her. He wanted to touch her so badly, wanted to feel her body so close to his as he did a few days ago when they had danced and practically begged her with his eyes.   
As she stepped closer, he stabilized himself in the boat and leaned forward.

Very gently and slowly he closed his hands around her narrow waist.   
Today she was wearing one of her muslin dresses again, and the fabric was soft and warm under his fingers, but also thin. He could feel her curves, tightened his grip and pulled her closer to him.   
The soft gasp that escaped her lips at his touch was almost unbearably seductive, but also something he would never forget.

Sidney picked her up carefully while Charlotte placed her own hands on his broad shoulders to hold on to him.   
Again she admired his strength, as he apparently effortlessly lifted her from the shore of the lake to him into the boat without lowering her immediately on her feet.  
Instead, he was holding her body flush against his so that her face was level with his and looked at her. They were both breathing heavily and shuddering, could feel each other's breath on their cheeks while they were both unable to take their eyes off each other.   
Only when he slowly let her slide down his body did she see how he swallowed hard.

To stabilize both of them in the swaying boat, he continued to hold on to her, slowly moving one of his hands to her lower back.   
By that, another gasp escaped her and her eyes closed for a moment, which made it really difficult for him not to lower his lips onto hers.

"Sit down," he muttered without pulling his hands back.   
Her fingers had probably unconsciously found their way halfway around the back of his neck so that it almost felt like they were embracing. Sidney would have loved to pull her closer, take her in his arms and hold her, but the swaying boat wasn't the best place for that.

Half wrapped in his arms, Charlotte found it difficult to let go of him, as she enjoyed the feeling of his touch very much.   
Still, she stepped back a little, lowered her arms and sighed in surprise when Sidney took one of her hands in his. He held her tightly as she sat down on the bench behind her, and only then did he let go of her completely to remove the line from the boat.

As soon as he sat down, they both realized how small the boat really was, as he touched her with his long legs.   
Charlotte blushed as his knee brushed her thigh and looked up at him only to see he was smiling.A sweet, crooked and slightly shy smile that set her whole body on fire.

Sidney began to row her silently into the middle of the river, not really paying attention to which way he was steering the boat.   
It was Charlotte who had all of his attention, and he drank the sight of her in. He hoped she would recognize his attempts to court her because that was what he was doing - he was trying to win her heart.

At some point the tension between them was so strong that Charlotte had to turn away from him.   
She needed something to calm herself from his consuming gaze and slowly let her eyes slide over the river, which was glittering in the sun. She noticed how far they had already rowed and watched how Sidney dipped the oars steadily and forcefully into the water.   
By this, she had to laugh and thereby lost some of her nervousness.

"You don't seem to be doing too badly," she teased, trying to go back to the playful manner that was between them earlier, although the intense expression in his eyes didn't go away.   
But he laughed, a really sweet laugh and lowered his gaze to his hands for a moment.

"Can I ask you something?"   
He lifted his head back at her, his face serious. Charlotte couldn't answer, so she just nodded and waited for him to continue.   
“Before all of these things happened ... before the cricket match.How did you imagine your life back then? Did you want to live here in Willingden? Close to your family?"

She was surprised by his question, but Charlotte immediately shook her head.

"No, not really," she replied gravely as she dipped her fingers in the water to cool off."I've always hoped to see something more of the world than just my home village."

Sidney stopped rowing, leaned forward and dropped his elbows on his knees.That brought him closer to her, making her scent flood his senses.   
He hesitated for a moment, raised his narrowed eyes to hers as he bit his lower lip, but then spoke again.

"And now? Where would you like to live now?"

Seeing her shudder at his question almost made him reach for her, but he stopped himself.   
Instead, he just grabbed the fabric of her dress, which brushed against his thigh, because he had to touch something of her.

What should she answer him? His closeness and touch made her nervous again, but she thought carefully about her words.

"I think it's not so important where you live, but rather ... with whom."

The shy look on her face and her flushed cheeks were almost too much to bear, and Sidney’s heart was beating fast and hard in his chest.   
He dared not ask if she would want to live with him, so he just reached for her hand, which was still playing with the water of the river and was now freezing cold.

"Yes ..., I think you're right," he mumbled softly, taking her thin fingers between his two hands and rubbing them gently to warm them.   
When she breathed in a shudder, he smiled up at her.

Slowly Charlotte's eyes traveled over his face.   
She had seldom seen such a bright smile from him, and it robbed her of any meaningful thought. His warm fingers brushing her knuckles while his hands rested on her knees made her body shake, but it all got worse when he suddenly raised her fingers to his lips.

He was on the verge of losing control, which is why Sidney kissed her now warm fingers instead of her mouth.   
He needed a contact to her, had to feel her and let his lips linger on her skin for a moment.When he looked up again, she had closed her eyes and looked even more beautiful than before.   
Unconsciously, Sidney leaned closer to her, barely daring to breathe, and could feel the grip of her fingers tightening on his.

But the moment she opened her eyes and their gazes met, there was a loud splash and laughter from several children from the direction of the shore.

Although the noise startled both of them, neither could turn away from the other, and each saw the disappointment in the other's eyes.It wasn't until the laughter got louder and one of Charlotte's younger siblings called her name that they turned their heads at the same time to find all Heywood children on the riverside.

"Are you coming to swim with us?"   
Michael called just before he jumped into the water. Alison laughed and watched the two in the boat closely, which is why they both felt strangely caught.

"No," Charlotte called back angrily, afraid that Sidney would pull away from her and let go of her hand.

But he did not do it.

Instead he laughed and raised his eyebrows as he grabbed her other hand and then put them around the oars.   
His large hands completely covered hers and he gently guided her as he slowly began to row again.

"I'm sure the water is very refreshing, just like the sea at Sanditon," he said amused, knowing where her mind would go.   
To where she had surprised him naked at the cove, and he was very pleased to see that not only her cheeks but her entire cleavage flushed.

"You won't go swimming here either," she said, slightly choked, completely distracted by the memories of his bare, wet chest.

His giggles were dark and growling, and Charlotte laughed too, despite herself. Again their eyes were locked as they slowly rowed together.   
They both enjoyed the steady movements, the warmth of his hands on hers and the intimacy of their legs, which kept touching until they reached the shore to their mutual disappointment.

Since Alison had walked towards them on the riverbank, Sidney only held Charlotte's hand to help her get out of the boat. He had to clench his jaw when their fingers parted, but gave her a reassuring smile when Charlotte was dragged along by her sister to join her siblings.   
In deep thought, Sidney fastened the boat and then slowly followed them, while his body almost ached with tension and longing.

Despite the interruption of their togetherness, it was a pleasant, relaxing and very fun afternoon that they spent by the river with all the Heywood children.   
They picnicked, played with the younger ones, and laughed as the kids swam in the cold water, but at some point Sidney noticed how Charlotte's behavior was changing.

She and Alison had been sitting on a blanket and talking quietly while Sidney had noticed they were watching him. When he had returned to them, however, she had hardly looked at him and had avoided his gaze.   
She hadseemed nervous and somehow also a little angry, without him knowing why.

It was early evening now, so the children packed their things to make their way back to the house.Charlotte helped her younger siblings but continued to ignore Sidney.   
Not knowing what he had done wrong, he became more and more nervous and tense. What had happened?

"Come on, let's go back, mother will be waiting," Charlotte said and shooed her siblings along the dirt road towards the house, careful not to look in his direction.   
But Sidney wasn't ready to just let her go. He didn't want any more misunderstandings between them, which is why he got in her way.

"Wait, Charlotte, what is wrong?"   
His voice sounded clearly concerned, but he didn't care.

Reluctantly, Charlotte looked up at him, feeling bad.   
He hadn't done anything wrong, but something Alison had said to her earlier had caught her completely off guard that she just didn't know how to act.

"Nothing, everything is fine," she said, trying to resure him, although she could see in his eyes that he wouldn't let her turn him down so easily.   
Nevertheless, she walked past him and tried to follow her siblings, who had already walked a long way ahead.But she had only taken a few steps when she felt his warm, large hand on her upper arm.

"Wait ...," he held her gently, stopping her movements, even if she didn't turn to him.   
"Please Charlotte, tell me what I did wrong."

Breathing heavily, Charlotte closed her eyes.   
How should she explain it to him?   
He would think she was ridiculous and naive, but at the same time she couldn't bear the hurt that could be heard in his voice. So she turned around very slowly and tried to smile at him, hoping that he would let it go.

"You didn't do anything wrong, everything is really all right."   
As soon as she said it, she knew that he didn't believe her. His brow furrowed in concern, his lips pressed together, but he took a small step closer.

"Charlotte ...".

He said her name in this particular way, sliding his fingers slowly down her bare arm to her hand.   
It made her whole arm tingle, gave her body goose bumps and she knew he could feel it.

While his fingers gently played with hers, Charlotte slowly and unconsciously stepped closer to him. Tears tickled behind her eyelids, but a single look into his soft eyes was enough to make her speak.

"It's just ... I don't know, it's just something Alsion said," she stammered nervously, turning her eyes away from his intense gaze, but Sidney said nothing, just waited.   
He gripped her fingers tighter, as if trying to support her, so the words gushed breathlessly from Charlotte's mouth.

“She asked me earlier what it is like to be married and to live with a man like you. And she asked me what it was like to be kissed and I ... I didn't know what to answer because ... because I don't know.”   
Her cheeks glowed red and she felt hot, but when she met his eyes again, she continued speaking softly.   
"You never kissed me ... so ...".

Sidney looked at her speechless as too many thoughts were racing through his head at once. His breathing was difficult as his eyes were drawn inexorably to her lips.

She has never been kissed before.

The way she had said _he_ hadn't kissed her made him wonder if she would have allowed him if he had.   
Should he have kissed her in church when they got married?   
Or the night in the drawing room before they walked to the assembly rooms?   
Would everything have turned out differently then?

More important, however, was whether she would allow him to do it now.   
Slowly he took another step closer to her. Now the skirt of her dress touched his legs, her breasts, which rose with her quick breaths, almost brushed his chest as she leaned her head back to look further into his eyes.

"Would you like me to do it?" Sidney whispered softly and hoarsely.   
"Would you like me to kiss you?"

Charlotte unconsciously raised her hand to hold onto his upper arm.   
He stood so close in front of her, his scent and the heat of his body was absolutely overwhelming, which is why she felt dizzy.She couldn't answer him, only heard her own heartbeat in her ears, but her eyes traveled over his beautiful face to his lips.

Sidney knew that even if she said no, he would hardly be able to stop, but the look on her face was enough to answer his question.   
His whole body seemed to be humming as he slowly bent his head down towards her.He still held her hand in his, but his free fingers came lightly under her chin to lift her face up.   
Their eyes met only for a moment, then Charlotte's eyes closed, while their heavy breaths mingled the closer he got to her mouth.

And then his lips finally touched hers very gently.

Full of tenderness, Sidney caressed her sweet lips with his, felt the softness of her skin and lost himself in the gentle touch.   
It wasn't long before he couldn't help but increased the pressure of his mouth on hers. At the same time his fingers slid down her cheek to the back of her head, where he tucked them into her curls to hold her face against his.   
He could feel her clinging to his arm for support, so he released his hand from hers to wrap his arm around her waist.

Although she tried, Charlotte couldn't hold back a low sigh.   
The gentle, loving way Sidney kissed her, the slight movement of his mouth against hers and the closeness of his hard body - this was all beautiful.   
Slowly she lifted herself to her tiptoe while Sidney sipped her upper lip as if he wanted to suck it into his mouth. She felt as if she was going to dissolve herself in him and also reached for the fabric of his shirt with her other hand, while his arm pulled her closer and closer to him.

Sidney's whole body was on fire.   
He longed for her taste, longed to trace the perfect shape of her lip with his tongue, but at the same time he forced himself to take his time. To suppress the urge in his body, he took the fabric of her dress in his fist at her lower back, but continued to slowly and gently kiss her mouth.   
Charlotte returned his movements slowly and a little shyly, which only made his desire increase.

It wasn't until the trembling of her body got stronger and stronger that Sidney managed to detach himself from her sweet mouth for a moment to let them both catch their breath.   
But he couldn't go far, let his nose brush her cheek and leaned his forehead against hers.   
His chest moved with heavy breaths, but what made his heart stop was the low whimpering sound that escaped Charlotte as she rose even further on tiptoe to find his mouth again.

She didn't want him to stop and felt a deep need for his taste, which is why Charlotte touched his lips with hers gently.   
She could hardly believe that she found the courage to do so, but she heard his breath catch and was suddenly pressed so tightly against him by his arm around her waist that she gasped.

This time Sidney moved his lips against hers with more pressure and less reluctance.   
His kiss was full of passion, full of desire, which made Charlotte completely weak. She moaned barely audible when he pulled her upper lip between his, making Sidney almost lose control. His longing for her was overwhelming, but he needed a moment to look at her and read in her eyes if he could go any further.   
Unfortunately, at that very moment, there was a crack on the path behind them.

He almost growled in frustration when Charlotte pulled away from his lips breathlessly. Without looking to see who had caught them here, she hid her face on his chest, just below his chin.   
She did not step back from him or let go of the fabric of his shirt, so Sidney tried to breathe calmly and fixed his gaze on the person on the dirt road behind them.

It was Allison, and her cheeks were deep red.

"Mother is already waiting impatiently for you because of dinner. She has prepared something special for Charlotte's last evening and is already annoyed because we came back from the river so late."   
She spoke quickly, but couldn't quite suppress a giggle.Since Charlotte didn't respond, Sidney cleared his throat and gave her sister a friendly smile.

"We'll be there in a moment, please excuse our delay."   
Neither he nor Charlotte moved, they were still standing there as they were when they kissed.   
Only Sidney had released his fist from the fabric of her dress and pressed his palm against her lower back instead. He could feel her warm breath, which hit his skin through his vest and shirt, and needed everything not to shiver.

Alison nodded, turned and ran hastily down the path, leaving them alone again.   
It took Sidney a moment before he could remove his hand from her curls and gently wrap it around her cheek. 

It had been her disappointment that they had been interrupted, which had made her press her face against his hard, warm chest to hide herself.   
His scent was so overwhelming that it made the tingling in her body even stronger and she was relieved to have his arm around her waist, which held her upright.

As he gently lifted her head from his chest, the look in his eyes took her breath away.   
They were darker, full of warmth and real affection, so that his gaze wrapped around her like a velvet blanket.

"Are you all right?"   
He asked softly and in a dark voice, while his mouth twisted into a really charming smile.

Not sure how to answer at first, Charlotte finally nodded.She felt breathless, slightly dizzy and really warm, but also really happy. 

"I don't want this to end. That was a really wonderful day and it was very nice to be alone with you, Sidney ...," she muttered with flushed cheeks but felt relieved when Sidney nodded in response. 

"Yes, my thoughts exactly."   
As she stared at a point level with his tie, he moved his fingers again into her curls to gently pull and urge her to lift her face to his.   
"I enjoyed every single moment with you, and there is no place I would rather be than by your side."   
  
The glow in her eyes and her slightly opened lips were like a magnet for him.   
Sidney slowly bowed his head and lowered his mouth to hers again to kiss her gently and lovingly, which made them both sigh.   
Only unwillingly did he finally break away from her, which was obviously difficult for him.   
Just as it was for Charlotte.   
Although she would have liked to stay where she was, she was aware that they had to go back, which is why she reluctantly let him go when he slowly separated from her.   
  
What he didn't remove from her, however, was his hand on her back.   
He kept it there to lead her down the dirt road, but they both walked very slowly.

Both felt their lips tingle from their kisses, as well as the longing for more.


	18. back to London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sat in tears and read all your comments on my last chapter and I want to say that I appreciate and enjoy each and every one of them.   
> I sincerely apologize for my inability to answer all of you, but I am really struggling with my time. Nevertheless, I would like to thank you for your kind compliments and encouragement, you are really great ❤️❤️.
> 
> Today I'm a little late, but it's a long chapter, so I hope I'll be forgiven 😉.  
> I hope you like it ...

"Are you ready?"

All the way here, Sidney had felt Charlotte's hesitation. Now, at the door to her parents' house, she stopped completely and turned to him.   
Much to her regret, he had rolled his sleeves back down to look decent, and she missed the sight of the bare skin on his forearms.

"I have done everything to speak to her and understand her disappointment, but she refuses to hear my opinion and she just doesn't want to like you," Charlotte looked up apologetically, but had to smile at the raised eyebrows and the one-sided smile on Sidney’s face.   
It reassured her that he was here with her, as did the warm feeling when she touched his hand, which was playing with her skirt.

"She doesn't have to like me, Charlotte," Sidney squeezed her fingers gently but didn't let go of the muslin.   
When she had stopped, he hadn't wanted to remove his hand from her, but couldn't hold it on her back either, which is why he had let it slide slowly over her hip to her dress over her thigh.   
“But I'm sorry she doesn't speak to you. Please forgive me ...".

To stop him, Charlotte put her other hand on his arm.   
"It's not your fault," she muttered, touched by his concern."And I am glad that you are here with me."

They looked at each other for a long moment before Charlotte heard noises from inside and turned around with a sigh.   
Since they were here she had helped with the work around the house, in the garden, and with her siblings - just as she had done before her journey to Sanditon, and then her mother had been loving and content. Only when the subject of Sidney, their departure or their future life had come up, she had looked at her again with that disappointed, sad look.   
It had gotten even worse when Sidney was around, because then she became really dismissiv towards him. Charlotte did not understand her behavior, had been sad at first, but then became more and more angry.   
It weighed on her, even if her father had repeatedly assured her that her mother would certainly calm down at some point. But when she and Sidney entered the dining room now and she saw her mother's disappointed look again, her anger threatened to boil over.

"We've been waiting, Charlotte," said her mother, without even greeting them both."Who knows when you will get permission to visit us again and now you can't even show up for your farewell dinner on time?".

Before Charlotte could say anything she might regret later, Sidney took half a step forward.   
Having been so close to her, he had felt her body begin to vibrate and one look at her face was enough to notice the angry look that had often hit him in the past. He didn't want her to argue with her mother about him, so he tried to stop her.

"Mrs. Heywood, I sincerely apologize for our delay. It's all mine to blame, not Charlotte, and I beg your pardon,” Sidney spoke calmly, bowing slightly before clasping his hands behind his back.   
"I would also like to assure you that your daughter does not need permission to visit you, she can go to her family's home whenever she wants."

Mrs. Heywood was overwhelmed and annoyed by the whole situation with this marriage and the tall man who had simply invaded her family without asking, but raised her head to him.   
Like her husband, she had never left Willingden in her entire life, always hoping that her children would stay near her. She couldn't understand that Charlotte had married such a man, and she was afraid for her daughter.

"Where are you going to take her now when you leave Willingden tomorrow?" She asked in an annoyed voice as Mr. Heywood entered the room.

"I already told you that, Hetty." Mr. Heywood sighed softly as he looked at Charlotte apologetically.   
More than once he had tried to speak to his wife, to assure her that now that he had got to know her daughter's husband better, he had realized that he was not a bad man, but a man to whom Charlotte obviously meant a lot,but she didn't want to listen.   
Since she was so opposed to this marriage, he feared that if she found out that Charlotte had not married Mr. Parker freely, she would push for an annulment, so he hadn't told her the truth.   
Meanwhile he wasn't at all sure whether his daughter and son-in-law just hadn't known they loved each other when they got married - because now that fact could hardly be overlooked, which had made him very happy.   
  
Like Sidney, he didn't want an argument and gave his wife a pleading look.   
"We should all enjoy this evening to say goodbye to Charlotte, so stop being so unfriendly and disappointed."

Sidney nodded gratefully to Charlotte's father, then turned back to Mrs. Heywood. The guilt he felt weighed on him, after all, it was his fault that the relationship between Charlotte and her mother was so bad.

"Mrs. Heywood, I promise you that I will take care of Charlotte and that she will be fine,” he said honestly and looked at her frankly.   
“We will travel to London from here because I would like to show Charlotte where I have lived so far.But we will be returning to Sanditon for our friends' wedding and the following regatta, and I would very much like to invite you to the latter event.Charlotte could show you what she has come to love about the town and I am sure it would be nice for her if you could take part in the event in which she put so much work into."

Full of gratitude and overwhelming affection, Charlotte looked at Sidney’s protective form in front of her and could not stop herself from placing _her_ hand on _his_ back this time.   
She could see the muscles in his shoulders tense briefly when she touched him, but then felt his fingers moving searchingly until they brushed her arm.

The many small touches, his kisses that still lingered on her lips and the words he said triggered many sensations in her body that she did not know and she felt as if she was burning. But even so, she didn't pull her hand back, but enjoyed the warmth of his back, which made her feel how he shivered slightly.

It was difficult for Sidney to speak to Charlotte's parents while behind his back he could feel her soft skin under his fingertips. All he could think of was that they would share the same room to sleep tonight, and he didn't know how to endure that without touching her.   
He was torn from his thoughts at the voice of her father, which quite startled him.

"We thank you for the invitation and will think about it," Mr. Heywood was answering, whereupon Sidney needed everything to keep from blushing.To distract himself, he watched Charlotte's mother look up in shock and shake her head, but Mr. Heywood smiled.   
"Now let's sit down while you can tell us about the regatta."

Sidney nodded again, gave Mrs. Heywood one last look, then turned to Charlotte.   
His fingers closed on hers as he gently led her to her seat at the table and felt a pleasant tingling in his stomach as she squeezed his hand.

Even though he knew he would make no attempt to approach her that evening, he couldn't wait to go to his room at the inn with her alone.   
Everything in him screamed to explore her body and show her how he felt about her, but he had the feeling that she wasn't ready for it yet.He wanted her to trust him, to forgive him for how he had treated her in the weeks after their wedding, and thought the physical pain of longing for her was his just punishment.

Still, he couldn't stop himself from searching under the table for her leg covered in the soft fabric of her dress, whereupon he ran his fingers slowly and lightly over her lower thigh, close to her knee.   
Charlotte looked at him and bit her lip, but she loved the fact that he kept trying to make physical contact with her. Because she felt the same way, felt the same need, so she put her hand on his under the table.

Thanks to Mr. Heywood and her siblings, it was a fun and very noisy dinner that dragged on.   
Because of the begging of the smaller ones, Charlotte helped put the children to bed that evening too, and during this time Sidney was drinking whiskey with Charlotte's father in the study.

"You will take care of her, won't you?"   
Mr. Heywood raised his eyebrows questioningly, watching his son-in-law's every move. As little as he had expected it, so much did he like the man and could feel that his Charlotte was in good hands.

"I promise," Sidney replied seriously and sincerely.   
“Charlotte is ... she is, well, my wife. I made many mistakes at the beginning of our marriage that I still hope to be forgiven for, but I promise you that she is most important to me. She is my family, she is ..., my home."

Surprised by his own words, Sidney lowered his eyes to the glass of whiskey in his hand. But he felt the examining gaze of Mr. Heywood and was glad to hear Charlotte's footsteps on the stairs.   
He hadn't intended to be so honest with her father and talk about his secret thoughts, but he also knew that her father deserved to know that he would take care of his daughter and that she really meant something to him.   
When Charlotte entered the study, already dressed in her coat, he drained his glass in one gulp and got up.Mr. Heywood rose too, went over to Charlotte, and gave her a tight hug.

"Good night, little one," he muttered.“I'm very glad you two came here and I apologize for your mother. Now that I've seen the two of you together, I'm lighter around my heart and sure that you will be happy."

"Good night, Papa," Charlotte happily returned her father's hug.   
It meant a lot to her to know that he wasn't angry or disappointed in her and had to fight back a few tears. When she broke away from her father, she immediately felt Sidney’s hand on her back again, whereupon she smiled gratefully at him.

"See you tomorrow, Mr. Heywood."   
Sidney had watched the two in silence, now led Charlotte to the door and stopped in surprise when Mr. Heywood held out his hand to him.

“Good night, Sidney. Be careful on your way to the inn."   
It was like he was finally blessing the marriage between the two of them by using Sidney’s first name. Up until now he had always called him Mr. Parker, like he wasn't really family, but now he seemed to acknowledge him as his son-in-law.

"We will, thank you," Sidney swallowed, took his father-in-law's hand and shook it.   
Without another word and with a very serious face, he gently led Charlotte outside, where he took a deep breath.   
Since his own father had long since died and his relationship with him had not always been good, it meant a lot to him to be acknowledged by Mr. Heywood as his daughter's husband, and therefore his son-in-law.

"Are you all right?"   
Concerned, Charlotte looked up at him and grabbed his upper arm, only now noticing that he was not wearing a coat.Sidney looked down at her, his face twisted into his typical half-sided smile, but he took another deep breath anyway.

"Yes, I'm just, ... it's everything alright."

In mutual silence, they crossed the bridge and headed for the inn, while Charlotte's hand was tucked in the crook of Sidney's arm.   
The closer they got to the inn, the more nervous she got, not knowing how to act.

"I'm going to light a smoke so you have time to prepare for bed," Sidney said softly when they finally stopped in front of the building.   
He had literally heard her thoughts spin in her head and tried to ease her nervousness.

Charlotte nodded in relief and lifted her head to smile at him, but her eyes got caught on his white shirt.

“You don't have a coat. Aren't you going to be cold?”   
It wasn't really autumn yet, but it was cool in the evening and she was glad to have her own coat.   
"I don't want you to have to stay here in the cold because of me."

Lovingly, Sidney took her hand and raised it to his mouth, as her concern really touched him. He heard her faint gasps as he pressed his lips against the soft skin of her palm and smiled contentedly.

"I'll be fine."   
In order not to pull her into his arms here on the forecourt of the inn, he pulled away from her and opened the door so that she could enter.   
"Be careful on the way up. I will knock before I enter."

Shivering, Charlotte nodded and stepped over the threshold.   
The deep hum of his voice and the equally dark expression in his eyes made goose bumps creep over her skin, which is why she hastily ran up the stairs to the room with the number 20.

Sidney watched her go, his lips tingling and his body reacting to the feel of her skin.   
He really had to control himself, rummaged in his pocket and inhaled deeply the burning smoke as he lit a cigar.

Upstairs in the cozy room that smelled overwhelmingly of Sidney’s scent, Charlotte hastily undressed herself.She washed her hands, arms and neck with the provided water on the vanity, while her eyes kept wandering to the bed.   
It looked nowhere near as wide or comfortable as the one on Lord Babingtons estate, but it was the only place to sleep in the room. The thought of sleeping next to him made her heart race, and to distract herself she searched in her trunk for her nightgown.

Lost in thought, she rummaged through her neatly stacked clothes until her fingers brushed a thin, soft linen fabric and she froze.

It was one of the nightgowns Mary had given her on her wedding day and immediately her cheeks burned with shame.   
She thought of what Mary had said back then - that she could wear that nightgown for Sidney, but only if she was ready to show herself to him in that way. As she rubbed the fabric in her fingers, her mind turned.

Was she ready to show herself to him in such an intimate way?   
Would he even want to look at her like that, and more importantly, would he like her body, which was round and full in some places?

Her breathing got faster and faster while she felt terribly hot.   
She didn't know the answer to any of the questions, even though his dark eyes and tender lips on hers immediately came to her mind. She also thought of the longing she felt as soon as he touched her, whereupon her body began to tingle all over and slowly she began to pull on the fabric.

The soft knocking on the room door startled her so much that she winced and hastily let go of the soft linen.   
With deeply flushed cheeks she reached for her thick nightgown, which was high at the neck and had half-length sleeves.

"Just a moment, please," she called to the door, quickly swapping her shirt for the nightgown and hung her clothes neatly over a chair before crawling under the covers just in time when Sidney slowly opened the door to the room.

As soon as she saw him she immediately regretted not having acted otherwise and was annoyed by her own shyness, but it was too late now.   
He looked a little nervous too, which was lovely, so Charlotte felt a hard stab as the expression on his face turned sad.

Slowly, Sidney walked into the room, discovered her in bed, with the covers pulled up to her neck and felt his heart sink.   
She looked scared and insecure, but he didn't want to go back to the mistake of assumptions. He had made so many mistakes because of that in the past, so he forced himself to say what he thought.

"Please Charlotte, you don't have to be nervous.I know we need to talk about everything ..., about what is happening between us. We can figure it all out together - as soon as you're ready."   
Although he spoke softly, he could see her shudder and clenched his fists.   
"If you want, I can sleep on the floor tonight, but please don't be afraid of me."

At his words, Charlotte sat up with a jerk.   
His low, rough voice and the expression on his face told her that she had accidentally hurt him, which made her heart cramped. She hadn't wanted that, and the anger that she had been so influenced by her mother's stupid words and her own insecurity about the intimacy between a married couple almost made her cry.

"No Sidney, I ... I'm not afraid of you," she assured him, trying to smile at him. "And you definitely don't have to sleep on the floor."   
As if to clarify her words, she opened the covers next to her and shifted a little to make room for him while she continued to look into his eyes.   


Finally Sidney nodded, reached for his tie to loosen it, then began to hang his clothes over hers on the chair.   
Like a few days ago when they were still at _Crossfield Manor,_ he kept his shirt and trousers on to sleep, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.Of course, he was aware that she was watching him and searched her eyes as he stopped by the bed.

"Are you sure?"   
Her cheeks were a little flushed, but she hadn't hidden her body again with the blanket that had gathered around her waist. Instead, she had laid on her back, so he could see her upper body covered with the thick nightgown.   
What he could also see was how the shape of her breasts was shown under the fabric, which is why he quickly focused on her face again.   
She nodded, rolled over on her side, facing him, and looked shyly at him.

So Sidney climbed onto the mattress and covered his lower body with the blanket while he propped himself up on his elbow and rested his head in his hand.   
His eyes were absolutely soft and loving when he looked at her, as was his voice.

"You can ask me any question you might have, whenever you want," he whispered, his heart beating hard with his emotions.   
"But I want you to know that I really like being around you - being close to you, and I'm sorry it took me so long to show you."

As he leaned closer to her, Sidney watched her eyes close and then he lowered his lips to her cheek.   
He kissed her gently, lingered on her skin, and needed everything to not search her mouth, but he was afraid that if he kissed her properly he would not be able to stop himself.

He was so close, smelling of smoke and whiskey, but his own scent hung all over the bed.   
His soft lips seemed to caress her, it felt absolutely beautiful, which is why she almost whimpered when his mouth dissapeared.

"But now you should sleep." His breath brushed her face as he gave her a sweet, loving smile.   
Slowly he broke away from her, but he didn't go far. With a deep breath, Sidney lay down next to her on his stomach and looked at her, very pleased to have her in the bed beside him. 

Although she would have liked to ask him a few questions, she was aware that she couldn't do that while she was dressed in her nightgown, laying in a bed next to him.   
But the offer alone sent a warm shiver down her spine, which grew stronger as she thought of what he had also said.

She liked being close to him too.

So she returned his smile shyly, unconsciously slipped closer and finally closed her eyes because she had the feeling that she was going to go crazy under his intense gaze.

Sidney, on the other hand, was unable to take his eyes off her.   
The desire to touch her was so strong that he finally lifted his arm over the blanket and gently placed his hand on her side at her waist level.Charlotte didn't flinch, sighed softly and pressed her nose into the pillow on which his head lay.

It was as if their bodies were drawn to each other, as if they knew they belonged together.   
That was also why Sidney's body wrapped itself around Charlotte's in his sleep - because there was simply no way he could stay away from her. 

~

The very next day Sidney realized that he was wrong to believe that he could kiss her and then deal with the longing.   
Because since his lips had tasted her sweet mouth, he could hardly suppress the desire in his body.

He had woken up that morning and was shocked to find that he had almost completely buried her slim body under his.   
During the night he had obviously pushed his chest over her back and buried his head in the hollow between her neck and shoulder. But what had frightened him the most was that his arm had wrapped completely around her and that he had slipped his hand under her body, onto her stomach just below her breasts.   
Fortunately for him, Charlotte had been still asleep, so that he could carefully and unnoticed detach himself from her body, even if it had been more than difficult for him.Because every fiber in him had screamed to caress her, to taste her skin and to finally make her his wife.

But she deserved that he slowly got closer to her, that he gave her the time she needed to trust him completely and not to overwhelm her with his longing and his desire.   
Still, he couldn't help but gently caress her sleeping face after he'd dressed to wake her up.

That was a few hours ago and yet his body was still so tense, as if he was about to burst.   
Without wanting to and knowing that the sight of her would only make the desire in his body worse, his eyes wandered to her.

She sat across from him in the carriage that would take them to London and looked out the window. She looked calm, even though she dug her teeth thoughtfully into her lower lip every now and then.   
It let his eyes wander there, which is why he shifted restlessly in his seat.

But although she didn't let it show, Charlotte was very aware that he was looking at her.

Since they got in and she sat down across from him, his eyes seemed to slide over every inch of her, which literally brought her to a boil.

Her thoughts, however, were stuck to the nightgown in her trunk.   
She couldn't stop wondering what would have happened if she had dressed in it for him last night. She also wondered if she got the look in his dark eyes correctly every time she met his gaze.   
Whether she really saw the affection and ... well ... the hunger? ... that she thought she noticed?

Maybe she should just ask him?   
He had said she could ask him any question she might have and she really wanted to know why his eyes got so dark sometimes. Perhaps she would have the chance when they were in London and finally completely alone?

With her lower lip tingling so much, Charlotte buried her teeth firmly in it.   
She was aware that the kisses he had given her yesterday by the river had been rather chaste and gentle, but she had felt his body trembling with tension.   
He had held back, which she had also noticed from the way his fist had pulled on her dress so tightly. Because of that she couldn't get rid of the thought that he had longed to kiss her as much as she had wished he would do it.   
This made another shiver ran over her skin and the need to look at him grew too strong, so she turned her gaze to him.

She caught him looking at her lips and had to smile.For some reason she knew he'd been thinking of the same thing as her.

When Sidney saw that she was smiling, he raised his eyes to hers and cleared his throat. But he didn't lowered his gaze because she simply looked too beautiful.   
Still, he was embarrassed that she had caught him looking at her again but smiled anyway.

"I hope you are well?"   
He asked softly to break the silence between them.   
"Saying goodbye to your family was really difficult for you, wasn't it?"

Even though she was still smiling, Charlotte nodded.   
“Mamma refused to come to Sanditon for the regatta, and she didn't allow Alison to go either. She said she would not visit this place and if I wanted to see my family I would have to come to Willingden.”

Sidney frowned at her words. He felt so guilty knowing that he was the cause of her mother's anger.

“I'm so sorry, Charlotte. Like you said - she doesn't like me. I was just hoping she wouldn't punish you just for marrying me."   
Ashamed, Sidney sighed and turned from her to look out the window. As they left, Mrs. Heywood had hugged Charlotte several times and begged her to take care of herself, but she had said goodbye to him without a smile or anything.

The deep furrow on his forehead showed Charlotte how much her mother's behavior bothered him.   
She wanted to assure him that it wasn't his fault, as he assumed, so she leaned forward to reach for his hand. At her light touch, Sidney's gaze slid back to her, his eyes instantly darkening.

"Her behavior is not your fault, even if you are the reason she is being rude," Charlotte spoke slowly, too distracted by the way Sidney's fingers wrapped around hers.   
His thumb slid lightly over the inside of her palm, making her whole body shake and give goose bumps down her arm. Of course Sidney could feel her trembling and laughed softly.   
When Charlotte looked up at him and saw the dark glint in his eyes, she realized that he was deliberately teasing her and that he intended the reactions of her body. So she decided to tease him as well, although she could feel her cheeks blush.

"My mother is of the opinion that you are far too handsome and elegant, which she is probably right about, because I don't think a man like you has ever been in Willingden before."

As she had intended, he blushed slightly under his stubble and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.   
Charlotte giggled, but then choked when his dark eyes met hers as he slipped his fingertips between her fingers to intertwine their hands.

Although Sidney was aware that she just wanted to tease him, he couldn't drop the subject. His curiosity about what kind of man she thought he was was just too strong.

"A man like me?"   
His voice was dark and deep, and he enjoyed the sight of her breasts rising rapidly.She was wearing one of her tight-fitting Spencers today, but even if he didn't see any skin, it was enough to make his body react again.   
"What do you mean by that? What is a man like me?"

Charlotte hesitated, carefully considering what to answer.In the end, she decided for the truth, as she no longer wanted to hide from him what she thought about him.

“A man like you is ... mysterious. You are ... really beautiful, but so distant and ... well, dark. Even your voice is dark and sometimes so rough, but still as soft as velvet. Your eyes sometimes seem to want to say more than you express in words and they change their color when you look at me."   
The longer she spoke, the lower her voice became. But the pressure of his fingers on hers grew stronger, the expression in his eyes became more intense, which is why she kept talking.   
"You are a conundrum, always trying not to show your feelings and yet you let me see your warm and caring nature that exists behind your brooding facade."

In order to hide how much her words touched him, Sidney leaned forward and pressed his lips to her palm.   
The skin there was soft and sensitive, he heard her gasp as his stubble tickled her wrist and therefore kissed her hand tenderly. It took him a moment to lift his gaze to hers, but when he did so there were so much emotion in his eyes that Charlotte could barely breath.

The sight of her was too much, the longing in him too strong and Sidney couldn't stop himself from sliding off his bench to kneel on the carriage floor in front of her.   
He continued to hold her fingers gently in his, but lifted his other hand to her chin as he slowly leaned up toward her.

He had to kiss her, had to feel her sweet warmth and laid his lips very gently on hers.

The tenderness in his kiss overwhelmed Charlotte and she reached for his coat with one hand, trembling.   
She felt his soft lips caressing her and how his breath brushed her skin before he pulled away from her again. But only so far to be able to look at her.

"I don't want to be distant to you, Charlotte," he whispered hoarsely, his lips so close to hers they almost touched.   
"It's hard for me after having convinced myself for so many years that it is best to be alone, but I ... I want to court you. I should have asked your permission to do so before we got married, then maybe everything would have been different. But I ... I'm doing it now - I'm courting you, and I want you to know that."

Charlotte's heart was beating so hard she could feel it in her head.   
His lips on hers made her feel hot and had goose bumps down her body, but his words triggered something completely unknown in her.   
Sidney looked at her almost uncertainly from below as he slowly sank back on his heels. He looked vulnerable and was breathing heavily, as if afraid of how she would answer.

"I noticed ... and I like it a lot."   
Charlotte could only whisper her approval. But she smiled brightly, because what he said meant that she really had understood his body language and his actions correctly - he felt at least something for her.

Relieved by her words and her smile, Sidney kissed her hand again, this time the back of her hand.   
The glow in her face made him laugh softly, although the longing still burned unsatisfied in him. This intimacy between them was a whole new feeling for him and he knew he couldn't sit down on the bench opposite her again

"Would you allow me to sit next to you for the rest of the journey?"   
He asked in a low voice, feeling a little uncertain.   
"It's sure to be an hour before we reach London, so if you're tired I can offer you my shoulder to sleep on."   
Her cheeks flushed adorable at his suggestion, but she shook her head.

“I'm not tired, but I would still like to sit next to you. You're always pleasantly warm, that's very comforting.” She tried to light the mood, but her voice sounded too serious for that.   
Her thoughts were on the moment when she had woken up in the middle of the night and had felt Sidney's pleasantly heavy body almost completely on hers. She hadn't moved, remained there underneath him, and had memorized every touch from him - his head on her neck, his chest on her back and the arm that had wrapped around her.   
The feeling of his big hand, which had almost touched her breast and which had been lying on her ribs with fingers spread out, had burned itself into her skin and had woken the desire to feel his hands all over her.

With wide eyes and bated breath, Charlotte now watched as Sidney rose with an amused smile and sat on the bench next to her.   
He was still holding her hand, placed it on his lap and leaned his shoulder against hers.

They didn't speak for a while, just enjoyed each other's company and both thought about the things they had just shared.   
Sidney's fingers drew gentle circles on the back of her hand and wrist, causing Charlotte to merge more and more with him as they both looked out the carriage window to watch the landscape go by. But soon Charlotte was so restless that she had to distract herself from this unknown aching in her body.   
It was already afternoon and it would be almost dark by the time they got to London so they probably wouldn't see much of the town.

“Can you tell me a little about London? I've never been there and papa just always scolded about the busy and dangerous town.”   
Sidney laughed at Charlotte's words. He liked London himself, although he would rather avoid the social events.

For the rest of the journey he told her about the bustling town,the house the Parker family owned there, and his memories of his parents who loved spending time there.   
At some point he wrapped his arm around her body in order to be able to pull her even closer, while his lips kept touching the top of her head to kiss her hair gently and seemingly unnoticed.

~

"Welcome to Bedford Place."

As soon as Charlotte stepped over the doorstep of the impressive townhouse where their carriage had just stopped, she heard Sidney’s dark voice right next to her ear.   
He had first let her step through the door a servant had opened for them, but she felt him close behind her.

“Charlotte, this is Thomas, our ... well, house servant.He lives with his wife Sally, the cook, here on the top floor and takes care of everything in this house.”   
Sidney introduced the friendly, somewhat older man who was now bowing to Charlotte.

"Mrs. Parker, it's a pleasure to welcome you here.”   
Thomas politely held out his hand to take her Spencer when he saw Charlotte blush. Of course she should have expected that there would be staff here just like in Trafalger House, but somehow it seemed more familiar here at Bedford Place.

"Thank you, I'm happy to meet you too." As soon as she had spoken, she heard a door close and then quick steps in the hallway.

“Oh, Mr. Parker, welcome home. I hope your journey was pleasant?”   
The woman was not very tall and a little plump, but she had a warm, loving smile.Without waiting for an answer from Sidney, she turned to Charlotte, smiling politely.   
“You must be the new Mrs. Parker. We were very excited to meet you and would like to welcome you here in London. I'm Sally, and if you need anything, just come to me."

Overwhelmed by such a warm welcome, Charlotte smiled brightly, but she also blushed more.   
“Thank you, Sally. But please call me Charlotte."

Sidney smiled as he watched his wife and the people with whom he had probably spent the most time since his return from Antigua.   
When Charlotte looked around and found his eyes, he held out his hand to her, which she immediately took.

"Let me show you around the house," he said softly, pulling her towards him, then leading her down the hall with his hand on her lower back.   
With wide eyes she let him show her the rooms on the lower floor, which looked very elegant and distinguished, before he led her up the stairs.

“My parents loved being here in London and in this house. That's why we spent a lot of time here as children, mostly during the winter,” Sidney explained to her as he gently guided her with his hand.   
“Our father bequeathed Bedford Place to all four siblings, unlike Trafalger House and our grandparents' house in Sanditon, which belongs to Tom alone. Arthur and Diana don't like being here anymore, the journey is too exhausting and there are too many people in London, but Tom and Mary come here every now and then with the children. They live on the entire first floor."

Charlotte stopped on the first landing and turned slightly to face him.   
His hand on her back, his soft dark voice and his closeness were calming and confusing in one, but she was very grateful to him that he shared all these things with her and therefore listened carefully to him.

"Sally just said ' _welcome home_ '," she stated, but swallowed as she could now feel Sidney's fingers on her waist.   
"Have you always lived here since you came back from Antigua?"

One step below her on the stairs, he looked up at her, narrowed one of his eyes and tilted his head slightly to one side.   
“Yes, for the most part. I've rarely been to Sanditon and I don't own another house or apartment.I live in two rooms on the second floor and have also my study there, but on the other side of the house.In between are the guest rooms that Arthur and Diana used to live in and a second drawing room."

With a smile, Sidney pointed up the stairs with his free hand and waited for Charlotte to start moving again.   
He gently slid his hand back onto her lower back and followed her to the second floor.When he reached the top, he pointed down the hall to an ajar door. 

"There is my study and my library, if you want I can show you later."   
Charlotte nodded enthusiastically at his offer, but then let him lead her in the other direction.

"On the left is, erm ..., the bedroom," a little unsure of where she would want to sleep, Sidney wasn't sure what to say. But he didn't want to offer her any of the guest rooms either, as he wished that she would share his most personal room with him. So he went on quickly.   
"On the other hand is a kind of living room or private salon, as I like to eat up here instead of going down, where the rooms are so big."

Slowly he pushed open the door to the room that had once been his mother's favorite living room and leaned his shoulder against the doorframe to let Charlotte pass him in.

It was warm in the room, not only because of the fire in the fireplace, but also because of the cozy furniture in dark colors.   
Charlotte felt immediately at ease, slowly moving her eyes over the large table, the comfortable-looking chairs and the sofa in front of the fireplace. There were two books on a small table, on the wall there was a side table with various drinks and a woolen blanket lay in a deep armchair.

When she looked at Sidney, her eyes lit up, but she had to swallow when she noticed the charming smile on his face.

"It's very nice here, much cozier than the lower rooms," she said quietly as she slowly took a step in his direction.   
He was still leaning against the door frame and just looking at her, with dark, intense eyes.

“Yes, I don't like Tom's flashy style that much. I prefer it more simple. But you are welcome to change anything in this room ...,” Sidney paused, at least he didn't know whether she wanted to live with him at all, whether in London or anywhere else.   
"I mean, if you want to."

Charlotte took another step towards him, wondering what he meant by his words. They still hadn't talked about what their future life would look like or whether they would spend it together.   
But she had a feeling that what he was saying was implying that he would like to share his rooms in this house with her.

"Thank you for the offer," Charlotte smiled as she felt her heart race and couldn't turn away from him.He looked so handsome, more relaxed than ever, and his lips curled up in amusement.   
“Right now I like it the way it is.But the most important thing is your study.It says a lot about a person whether there is chaos or order."   
Grinning and with twinkling eyes she gave him a challenging look, which is why Sidney laughed out loud.

"Well then ... take a look at it."

Without moving, he nodded his head in the direction of his study.   
Chuckling softly, Charlotte bit her lip as his laughter echoed through her body.But she was very eager to see his study, since such a room was very personal and she was curious what it would look like there.   
Just as she was about to step past him again into the hallway, she was stopped, causing her breath to catch.

Sidney was unable to just let her pass and raised his arm to press his hand against the opposite door frame.   
As a result, Charlotte stopped right next to him in the doorway. With wide eyes and slightly parted lips she looked up at him, her body so close to his that they almost touched.

Although his heart was beating in his throat, Sidney turned slightly until he was facing her in the doorway and leaned his body heavily on his hand next to her head.   
That brought him closer to her, but still not close enough.

The further Sidney bent down to her, the more shuddered Charlotte breathed.   
His dark eyes stared into hers, but when she saw him swallow, her gaze slid to his lips. Framed by the dark shadow of his stubble, they glowed seductively red and were now so close to her that his heavy breath tickled her cheek. Her insides tingled with anticipation, and when her eyes closed, Charlotte reached for the fabric of his vest to hold on to him, causing a low growl in Sidney's throat.   
Shivering, she incrased the pressure of her fingers until she forgot everything around her.

With great effort not to frighten her with his longing, Sidney gently touched her soft lips with his to kiss her lovingly.   
It was gentle, but he couldn't completely hide his need.   
He slowly caressed her with his mouth slightly open and lingered to take in her scent and the feel of her. But when he felt her rise on tiptoe, he hardly knew how to control himself. He wanted to devour her, was very aware that his bedroom door was only a few steps away and wanted to lift her into his arms.   
The need for her was overwhelming, but he forced back his own desires.

This - this moment - was precious and utterly sensual, which is why he only raised his hand to her cheek and let his fingertips slide lightly over her skin.   
With more pressure and slightly parted lips he slid over hers, sipped gently and heard a soft sigh from her.

She just couldn't hold back the sound, but when Sidney responded with a harder sip on her lip, she couldn't be ashamed of it either.   
The way he kissed her was beautiful, but she felt his body shudder with restraint.Charlotte felt like she was going to melt into him and in that moment she knew that there was something special between them.   
The feelings he evoked in her and she so obviously in him were special, and she had to talk to him about them - but not now.

As if Sidney had the same feeling of connection with her, he peeled away only inches from her and searched her eyes with a dark, almost fiery look.

"I am very happy that you are here with me ... alone," he whispered breathlessly as he ran his fingers to her chin and then slowly down her throat.   
At his gentle touch, Charlotte's eyes closed again, she breathed haltingly, causing the fabric of her dress to stretch almost painfully over her breasts. The sight of her cleavage and the feel of her velvety skin was absolutely seductive and Sidney had to close his eyes too.

So he kissed her again, took his hand from the door frame and closed his fingers around her side to pull her closer to him.   
At the same time, however, he was now leaning more against her because he no longer supported himself, so that he was pressing her with her back against the wood. Her whole being seemed to tremble, but she returned the slow movements of his lips shyly.

Sidney could feel her, the sensual curves of her body, which made it almost impossible for him to suppress the reaction of his own body.   
But Charlotte arched against him, placed her hand on his broad chest and couldn't believe how hard his muscles felt against her softer shapes. She could feel him opening his mouth wider on hers, how he sipped more and more passionately, but his kiss was still tender.

Only through a fog did Sidney hear the front door open two floors below and Thomas talk to someone.   
He didn't want to hear it, just thought about searching for her taste with his tongue. He wanted to be alone with Charlotte and was therefore half insane when they heard Mr. Crowe's voice calling his name.

Ashamed, startled and frustrated, Charlotte pulled away from his soft mouth and, much to Sidney's disappointment, sank back from her toes to the floor.   
Unavoidably, he leaned one hand back onto the door frame to support himself again andto loosen his body a little from hers. When she looked up at him, she saw the sheer disappointment and real anger on his face, which showed her that he felt just like her.   
It seemed to her that he had loved to be alone with her as much as she wanted him to herself, and yet he surprised her when he leaned down further towards her and lowered his forehead onto her shoulder.

“One day I'll take you somewhere where I have you all to myself. Somewhere where no one can interrupt us and we can just do what we want most.”   
Sidney's voice was only a low growl, but the need and longing for the woman in front of him - his wife - was too strong for him to be able to do more.

"That sounds great ...," Charlotte breathed while she could only concentrate on his warm breath brushing the skin of her cleavage.   
She would like to be completely alone with him somewhere and her stomach leaped with joy at his words.

"Parker."   
Crowe called for him from downstairs again, but Sidney couldn't break away yet. Instead, he raised his head and looked at Charlotte, who still had her eyes closed and looked beautifully flushed.   
Moments before Crowe's approaching steps on the stairs reached the second floor, Sidney finally stepped back and led Charlotte into the drawing room.

"Mrs. Parker, Sidney, welcome back to London,” Mr. Crowe greeted with a cheeky, amused grin on his face.   
Neither of them could hide the fact that they were completely out of breath and heated, and Charlotte's cheeks were flushed deeply. Crowe could well imagine what he had interrupted and decided to tease his old friend a little.   
"I hope I don't bother you?"

"What do you want?"   
Without even greeting him, Sidney put his hands on his hips and looked at Crowe in annoyance. He knew he wouldn't like why his friend was here, so he couldn't hide his anger.

"What a friendly greeting," Crowe smirked and glanced at Charlotte. "He wasn't so brooding and insufferable all along, I hope?"

Charlotte laughed, although she could fully understand Sidney’s reaction.

“No, he wasn't. It's nice to see you, Mr. Crowe.”   
She curtsied and then stepped back, still too overwhelmed by what had just happened.

"Crowe, why are you here?" Sidney raised his eyebrows impatiently, after all, he and Charlotte had only just arrived in London.

"Your carriage was seen arriving in town and I'm here to pick you up," Mr. Crowe explained, enjoying Sidney's obvious annoyance.   
"Lord Babington is expecting us, there is quite a lot to talk about as your brother is bombarding us all with letters. Besides, there will be a wedding soon and before that we have to have a drink."

"What?"   
With a deeply furrowed brow, Sidney took a few angry steps in front of the fireplace.   
“I'm not leaving now, we just got here from Willingden. I won't leave Charlotte alone on our first evening in London."

Crowe grinned, but Charlotte sensed he meant what he was saying.   
He really wanted to stay with her, and that alone left a warm chill running down her spine.   
But she also didn't want his friends to think badly of her because Sidney was pulling away from them, so she took a small step towards him.

"I'll be fine, you don't have to ...".   
She didn't get far as Sidney interrupted her.

"No, I want ...," he gritted his teeth to keep himself from saying what his whole body was craving.   
He wanted her ...

It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to step away from her alluring proximity for a while, since his blood was boiling.

“It's your money and your business, Parker, that is involved in Sanditon. And you were the one who pulled us all into it.”   
Crowe saw how tense Sidney was and could barely hide his amusement.At that moment Sidney let out an audible and frustrated breath before straightening up.

"But not for long, at most for one drink." Seeing Crowe's expression, he sighed and turned to Charlotte.   
"I'm so sorry, I won't be gone long."

"It's all right," she smiled at him in a way so that goosebumps appeared all over his body, causing him to swallow hard. "I think I'll retire early anyway."

Although he was aware that Crowe was watching him, he slowly took a few steps to stand directly in front of her.She played with her own hands, but when he reached for them, her fingers instantly curled around his.

"Make yourself at home here, I'll ask Sally to take care of you," he sounded hesitant, but Charlotte nodded reassuringly.   
“The door to my study is open to you, feel free to look around if you want.I'm sure there is already a fire burning, so it should be warm."

"Thank you," touched and full of affection Charlotte squeezed his fingers, but her eyes fell briefly on his lips.   
She would have liked to feel them on hers again, and suddenly her thoughts wandered to the nightgown in her trunk. To keep her from blushing, she continued speaking quickly, but still noticed the worried look in Sidney’s gaze.   
“Now go, Mr. Crowe is waiting. I'll be fine."

He nodded unwillingly, but couldn't leave without kissing her again.   
So he lowered his lips to her cheek, kissed her gently as close to her mouth as was appropriate in the presence of another person, and then had to force himself to pull away from her.

Her half-parted lips and the lovely blush on her cheeks were too much for him, so he hasty turned away and practically shooed Crowe out of the room.

"Goodbye, Mrs. Parker," he managed to call over his shoulder before stepping out into the hallway, laughing.Sidney walked quickly ahead of him to the stairs, and it was plain to see how stiff his posture was.   
“As tense as you are, maybe we should go to the livelier parts of London. I'm sure I know a few girls who would like to take care of you."

Crowe didn't speak aloud, but Sidney stopped still in horror.   
His eyes darted to the door to his living room, which unfortunately he had left ajar and hoped fervently that the teasing but completely inappropriate words of his friend had not been heard by Charlotte.

"Be careful what you say, Crowe," he growled angrily, even more tense than before.   
"This is the second time. If you say something so inappropriate around my wife again, I'll knock you to the ground, I swear to you."

Raising his arms in defense, Crowe stepped past him, giggling, and down the stairs.   
Sidney took one last look down the hallway, hoping Charlotte hadn't heard anything.

Unfortunately, his hope was in vain, because in the cozy living room Charlotte stood frozen behind the ajar door and felt the tears welling up in her eyes.

But she didn't want to believe Mr. Crowe's words, didn't want to believe that Sidney would go to another woman and angrily wiped her tear-stained cheeks.   
She remembered all the things that had happened between them since their stay at Lord Babington's estate and took a deep breath.

He had kissed her several times today, she could still feel his lips on her mouth and on her cheek, his scent clung to her because he had been so close to her earlier and her hand was still tingling from the warmth of his skin.   
She had no reason not to trust him and straightened her shoulders resolutely.

As she stepped into the hallway, her eyes wandered briefly to his bedroom door.They hadn't talked about where she would sleep or whether she would share his room with him. She very much hoped that he would prefer the latter, and since he had not shown her any of the guest rooms, she assumed that her belongings had been brought to his room.   
So the thin nightgowns were there too, ready to be unpacked by her as soon as she was ready.

After a moment's hesitation, she turned in the other direction anyway and made her way to his study.

~

"How was it in Willingden, Sidney?"

After talking about the regatta, Babington's wedding and Tom's partly meaningful, partly crazy ideas for the further development of Sanditon for almost two hours, the three men now sat in comfortable armchairs in front of the fireplace.   
It was dark outside now, so Crowe had poured them all a large glass of bourbon. Since Sidney was still feeling quite tense, he had already taken a long swig, but it brought him no relief.

"Nice," he replied to Lord Babington's question without looking directly at him, knowing he was being watched carefully.   
"It was really ..., really nice."

Babington and Crowe shared a brief look, and while the latter rolled his eyes, the first frowned in confusion.

“Then why are you so tense? You look like you're about to burst.”   
Babington heard Sidney snort and watched him take another sip of his drink, but there was no answer right away.Instead, Crowe laughed teasingly and waved his hand.

"You should have seen him earlier, he looked at his wife as if he wanted to devour her," he pointed his finger at Sidney, but was now so drunk that he swayed slightly.   
"I told him we should go to Madame Elise to ease his tension, but he threatened to knock me to the ground."   
Sidney didn't react when Crowe actually got up and pointed to the door.

"Come on, let's go, it would be good for all three of us."   
Babington lifted his head in surprise, but Crowe seemed determined.When neither of the other two moved, he gave a theatrical sigh, slurred goodbye, and stumbled to the door.

It wasn't until Sidney and Babington were alone that he took another sip of bourbon and looked up.

"I kissed her, more than once. Just ..., just gently, but still ...," he stopped.   
Since he hadn't had dinner, he could already feel the alcohol in his head, which loosened his tongue.   
“I feel like I'm on fire inside. I ... I want her, but I know that she is absolutely innocent and I don't want to overwhelm her with my longing for her. She deserves my courtship and that I am slowly reassuring her that she can trust me, but I'm going to go insane in the meantime."

Lord Babington bowed his head in amusement.   
He felt similar, could hardly wait for his wedding to Esther and felt the same longing, but Sidney _was_ already married. When his glass was empty, he refilled them both, although Sidney protested. 

"No, I wanted to be back with her already".

"You have to relax and then all you have to do is talk to her about how you feel about her."

Sidney snorted again and drank his glass in one gulp. As if it were that easy.   
Several times he had already said goodbye to go home to her, but he did not trust himself or his actions.

It was true, he needed to relax, but his skin didn't stop tingling, neither did his lips and his whole body craved for her.   
He had the feeling that he had to feel her so that he would not lose his mind, because not only his heart or his body, but his entire being wanted her.

He needed her - he needed Charlotte to be close.


	19. Late at night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like that ...  
> I thank you all for your kind words about my story, you make my days

Sidney stumbled over the threshold into Bedford Place and apologized quietly, although no one was around.

It was later in the evening then he would have liked it, but Babington had kept refilling his glass, believing she would be asleep anyway, and had told him how to talk to Charlotte about his feelings for her. Sidney couldn't remember everything, but knew he wasn't going to do any of the things his drunken friend had suggested in any case.   
Now he was annoyed with himself for letting him hold him much longer than he had intended, but there was nothing he could do about that now.

Thomas had already withdrawn, as was customary, since Sidney had agreed with him that after dinner he would only have to be on duty on certain occasions. So Sidney had let himself in, which meant that it now took him some time to properly lock the front door again.

When he finally did that, he clumsily tried to slide his coat over his shoulders, but lost his balance and bumped his shoulder against the wall.   
Cursing softly, he looked around the dark hallway, but heard no noises from the house. Probably everyone was asleep, including her ...

With a lot of effort he finally managed to take off his coat and waistcoat. In deep concentration, he hung both items of clothing on a hook on the wall, but carelessly left his hat lying on the floor.

He took unsteady steps down the hall and with difficulty pulled himself up the stairs to the second floor.After he had stumbled several times and hit the wall of the stairwell with his shoulder, Sidney stood indecisively at the landing and looked down the hall to the door of his bedroom.   
There she slept, in his room.   
Well ... at least he hoped so, because he hadn't had a guest room prepared for her and knew that her trunk was probably placed on the floor in front of his bed.   
Sidney didn't know what to do now.   
Should he go to her?

He was aware that if she wasn't in his room, he wouldn't be able to bear the disappointment.   
The longer he thought about whether she was sleeping in his bed, the angrier he became with himself and with Babington, who wanted to open a bottle of whiskey after the bourbon was empty.   
Why did he drink so much?

Babington had insisted that it would help ease the cravings in his body, but it hadn't worked. He longed for Charlotte even more, but in his condition he couldn't get near her. What would she think of him if he walked swaying and drunk into the room where she was sleeping and he approached her?   
It was impossible, especially since Sidney was sure he would not be able to suppress his desires.

With a deep, almost desperate sigh, he stabilized himself, slowly let go of the railing and then walked down the hall towards his study.   
There he could sleep on the sofa until he was sober enough to sincerely apologize to her and explain to her that her presence drove him insane - insane with sheer desire.

The door to his study was ajar, but Sidney didn’t care. He pushed it open, his eyes already half closed, because he was suddenly terribly tired. Therefore, he did not notice the fire, which still glowed slightly in the fireplace, even though it was so late, or the large candles that bathed the room in a soft light.

But when he approached the sofa and his eyes focused again, he stopped like frozen.

There was Charlotte ...

With her legs curled up under her, wrapped in one of the woolen blankets that were usually in his bed and one of his books on her lap, she had slipped to one side as she slept soundly.

What was she doing here? Had she been sitting here all evening?   
And above all, had she been waiting for him?

Feeling guilty and even more angry with himself, he slowly stepped closer, unable to take his eyes off her.   
The sight of her made Sidney sway, his legs were unsteady and all the alcohol in his blood made it difficult for him to stabilize, which is why he dropped to his knees directly in front of her.

She looked beautiful and peaceful, her face relaxed and a little flushed, probably from the warmth of the fire, and her long eyelashes almost touched her cheeks.

Sidney let his eyes wander slowly over her face, taking in every little freckle and every little dimple, as if to be able to remember them later.Her lips were rosy and seductive, as if they were calling for his, her neck slender and milky white in the light of the candle, just like the visible skin over her collarbones.   
Unable to not do it, his eyes slid lower to glide over her tiny shape, even if he couldn't see much since she had the blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

So her upper body was hidden, but one of her a stockingless feet peeked out from under the fabric.   
The bare skin made him breathe harder, his desire to touch her grew stronger and his hand rose as if by themself.

He stroked her bent legs very lightly, only felt the blanket under his fingers, but knew what was underneath.His eyes followed his fingers in awe until he reached her hands.

Surprisingly purposeful, he carefully took the book, which was about to fall to the floor, from her fingers and placed it carelessly on the small table next to him. He hadn't checked what she had read because he just couldn't look at anything but her.   
Her narrow hand, from which he had grabbed the book, moved in her sleep searchingly across the blanket on her lap and when her fingers found his, they unconsciously closed around them.

Overwhelmed by her touch, Sidney looked down at their now joined hands.   
Her skin was warm and her small hand seemed tiny in contrast to his larger one, which is why he moved his palm until it was under hers so that he could gently stroke the back of her hand with his thumb.

Fascinated, he watched as the fine hair on her bare forearm, which she stuck out through an opening in the blanket, straightened up and did not notice how her breathing changed.

The sleep slowly disappeared from Charlotte's head, and the only thing she was aware of in the first moment was a warm touch on her hand.   
The skin of the gentle finger that caressed the back of her hand was a little rough, but it made her whole arm tingle.

Only after she opened her eyes slightly did she notice that she was still sitting in Sidney's study, which immediately made her feel safe. As soon as she had entered the room last evening, tears had come to her eyes again, because she had felt as if she had come home.

Two walls of the room were lined with large, neatly filled bookshelves, it had been warm from a cozy fire in the fireplace, and the sofa and deep armchairs had looked very comfortable.   
His desk, which took up a fairly large part of the room and was on the opposite side of the fireplace, was exactly as she had imagined for him - neat and tidy, with stacks of letters, leather-bound books and fine stationery.   
It was a massive piece of furniture made of dark wood that perfectly matched Sidney.

But what had finally made the tears run down her cheeks were the neatly arranged little things on his desk. Next to a jar of ink and a quill lay several seashells which were clearly from Sanditon, a few colored stones and a broken wooden stick.   
Charlotte had been sure that Jenny, Alicia and Henry had collected the things for him and that he had put them here on his large and neat desk had really touched her.   
Next to them were two larger clams that he may have brought back from Antigua, as well as the sealed jar of what could probably be coffee beans.

When she had walked slowly along the bookshelves to see what kind of books he had, Sally had startled her, who had brought her something to eat. The woman had looked after her very lovingly, prepared dinner for her in the drawing room, and since Charlotte had taken one of the books to read, she had finally left her alone.

Of course Charlotte had wondered when Sidney would be back since she longed to be near him, but at the same time she had been so overwhelmed by his kisses and his touch, that she hadn’t had much against his absence.   
It had given her the time she needed to be able to reflect on the unknowen feelings inside of her and try to ease the tingling and burning sensation.   
But after she had finished eating, however, her curiosity had overwhelmed her and she had dared to open the door to his bedroom a crack.

Since it was already dark, she had only seen a large bed and her trunk in front of it, which had intimidated her a little. After her eyes noticed the woolen blanket at the foot of the bed, she quickly slipped into the room, picked up the blanket, and then went back to his study.   
Perhaps it would be easier to go into his bedroom together with him or in daylight because it looked very manly and very personal. Her mother had never spoken to her about what would happen in a marriage bed, and now seeing his own bed, which he usually slept in, had been both exciting and unsettling.

Wrapped in the warm blanket that smelled like him, she had made herself comfortable in front of the fireplace. She had imagined sitting here with him or watching him at work and lost herself for a while in this happy imagination.   
Only in the back of her mind had Mr. Crowe's words slowly re-emerged, all the more the later it had become, but Charlotte had refused to think such things of Sidney.

She knew that there _was_ something between the two of them, something that she admittedly couldn't quite understand, but she still had seen the intense expression in his eyes when she finally had got too tired to read and had closed her eyes.

Now, unsure how long she had slept and why she had woken up in the first place, her sleepy gaze searched the fireplace to see how far the fire had burned down - and then she saw him.

Her breath caught when she saw Sidney sitting on his knees on the floor in front of her.   
It was _his_ hand that was lying heavily on her lap and it was _his_ rough finger that stroked the back of her hand in even circles.

Slowly she sat up straighter, and only now did he seem to notice that she had woken up.   
Because his eyes, which until now had been fixed on her arm and hands, shot to her face, obviously shocked that he had been caught caressing her in her sleep.The quick movement made his large body sway, the grip of his hand on her fingers grew stronger and Charlotte leaned closer to him in concern.

"Are you drunk?"   
She asked quietly, without thinking about it, and could see how he stiffened. She hadn't meant to offend him and hoped he didn't see her question as such either, which made her frown, annoyed at herself. 

But very different things were going on in Sidney’s head.   
First of all, he loved her sleepy expression, as well as her sleepy voice, but desperately wished he hadn't drunk any alcohol because he was afraid she would be disappointed with his condition.

"Well ...," Sidney grimaced ashamed.   
He could hardly deny his drinking, was more than aware that he was sitting on the floor in front of her and probably couldn't get up at all.   
“I'm afraid you're right about that.I, ... I sincerely apologize ... ".

He spoke in a slightly hazy voice and tilted his head to one side as if he were nervous.   
Charlotte found him adorable in his drunkenness, slowly raised her free hand that had been hidden under the covers and carefully touched his stubbly cheek. His beard was a little thicker now, and it tickled her fingertips, causing a pleasant tingling sensation on her skin.   
As soon as she touched him, his eyes closed, but he bit his lower lip as he, perhaps unconsciously, pressed his face more against her hand.

"Did you have a nice evening?" She was really serious about her question, hoping he had enjoyed the time with his two friends, but his brow furrowed strangely.

Sidney was having a hard time understanding what she meant by her question. Was she really not upset that he was drunk, or was he mistaking her soft voice?   
Was she disappointed that he was gone for so long?   
He was certainly not used to living with anyone, which made him automatically feel guilty.

"I'm sorry, I've been gone too long," he muttered in an almost desperate tone, especially since Charlotte's hand disappeared from his cheek.   
"I should have said no to Crowe and not gone with him, please forgive me, Charlotte."

In his drunken state, he did not notice how uncertain she suddenly became at his words or how her breathing quickened. He only saw that she looked a little sad, also noticed how her eyes were glistening slightly damp and wondered if she was unhappy.

"Did ... did you cry?"   
He searched her face worriedly, his brow deeply furrowed.But Charlotte didn't answer his question, she was too distracted by what he had just said.

"Where did you go with him?"   
Her eyes quickly moved over his body to check his appearance, but that only had the effect of making her heart beat faster with affection for him.

He had apparently loosened his tie a little, but it was still neatly around his neck. His dark vest and white shirt were a little wrinkled, but still as accurate as ever.   
Most adorable were his tousled hair and sleepy eyes, whichlooked into hers with loving concern.   
In that moment she knew she absolutely trusted him.She didn't believe her mother's words that she wouldn't suit him and didn't listen to Mr. Crowe's innuendos.   
She listened to her heart telling her that she loved this drunken man in front of her and that he deserved her trust.

But Sidney had watched the path of her eyes in silence and realized that she was examining his clothes.Through the fog of his drunken mind it occurred to him that she had heard Crowe's suggestion for that evening and had misunderstood his own words for that very reason.   
Immediately he felt cold, his pulse began to race and at the same time the alcohol seemed to increase in his blood as he began to sway again even in his sitting position.

Did she really think he was in a brothel?

The thought was painful, the disdain he felt for himself left a bitter taste in his mouth, and he vowed to be absolutely honest with her from now on.

"Since I left you earlier, I've been at Babington's home," he said as clearly and firmly as he could manage, searching for her eyes. "I was there all night until he ..., until he offered me his carriage for the way home."

His dark, rough voice made Charlotte's skin tingle and that feeling was quite distracting.   
She could see he felt ashamed of himself, which made him vulnerable. Seeing him like that flooded her with a tenderness that brought tears to her eyes again.   
But Sidney got it wrong, couldn't read her expression because of the damn whiskey and panicked.

"Charlotte ... please believe me," he pleaded softly.   
The thought that he had let her down again and that she might think so badly of him was unbearable. Only when she gently squeezed his fingers did he notice that he was still holding her hand in his, and when he looked down he saw that the blanket had opened a little and her white dress was therefore visible.

"I do, Sidney, I believe you," whispered Charlotte, raising her arm and placing her palm on his cheek again.   
Sidney looked up but shook his head at the same time.

"Is that why you cried? Because of those stupid words from Crowe?”   
The guilt he felt for making her cry drove the air out of his body.   
“I shouldn't have left you alone. I shouldn't have gone with him at all, I'm so sorry.”   
  
Charlotte could see how upset he was and took her hand from his to put both of her hands around his face.   
Gently, she lifted his head, searched his eyes and tried to calm him down.

"I didn't cry, Sidney, you don't have to apologize."   
He looked at her, still unsure whether she believed him and was ashamed of how often his unfortunate past had hurt her.

“Yes, I have to, Charlotte. It's the second time Crowe has brought this up and if he does it again I ..., I will knock him down ..., but I want to be honest with you so this doesn't stand between us."

Even though he swayed, Sidney moved closer to her so his stomach was pressed against her bent knees.At the same time he ran his hands, which had been lying in her lap, very lightly over the blanket until he reached her waist.   
To his disappointment, her warm hands had let go of his cheeks again, but when he closed his fingers around her waist over the blanket, she took a shuddering breath.

"I apologize that my past is rather dark," Sidney concentrated on finding the right words because it was important to him that she understood him. The warmth of her body helped him focus, so he continued slowly and deliberately.   
“Crowe left us pretty soon, but Babers and I were sitting in his study drinking burbeon and whiskey. When I was younger, I was... - to my own embarrassment - in these ... these boarding houses, before I went to Antigua."

Charlotte watched him attentively.   
It was the second time that he had shared his past and things that were certainly difficult for him with her, and this knowledge made her feel warm. He seemed to trust her, otherwise he wouldn't say any of these things, and to show him how much she valued his openness, she gently reached for his upper arms.   
Sidney looked up, but frowned, and stared somewhere at a point level with her shoulder.

"Since ... erm, since I've been back to England, I've only been there once, and it wasn't ... it was not very pleasant.I have no intention of _ever_ going there again because that's not what I want."

Sidney didn't say what it was he wanted because he couldn't tell her when he was drunk.   
Nevertheless, he felt how her soft curves under the blanket distracted him more and more, as did the neckline of her dress, which was becoming more visible with every moment.The attraction she exerted on him clouded his already gloomy thoughts and he was aware that he would not be able to control himself for much longer.

Relieved that he wasn't what Mr. Crowe had portrayed him, Charlotte gently stroked the hard muscles of his arms. She didn't want him to feel bad, so she looked for a way to lure him out of his dark memories and shameful thoughts.

"It must have been devilish whiskey to get you into a state like this," she teased, the corners of her mouth twitching. Her eyes sparkled and she raised her eyebrows, creating the small furrow on her forehead.

Surprised by her tease, Sidney laughed in admiration, but that made him lose his balance, so he tightened his grip on her waist.   
Charlotte's grip got tighter too, she pushed her hands more behind his back, causing the blanket to slide off her shoulders.

It gathered in a pile on the sofa, over Sidney’s hands, but bared her upper body to his eyes.   
It wasn't a special dress she was wearing, and yet it seemed to Charlotte that he was looking very carefully.She flushed at his open, intense gaze, but didn't feel uncomfortable.

Has the white muslin fabric always clung to her curves in this way?   
Sidney was spellbound, felt a tingling sensation in his body and couldn't keep his hands from moving.He slowly pulled them out of the woolen blanket, stroked her thighs by doing so and then reached for her arms to slide lightly over her bare skin.

"You are ... really very beautiful, Charlotte," Sidney whispered hoarsely and looked into her eyes.   
Her rosy lips were parted slightly, her cheeks lovely flushed, but she met his gaze.   
Did he actually find her beautiful?

Charlotte shuddered as his hands slowly slid over her upper arms to her shoulders, where he wrapped his fingers around the strands of dark curls which had spread out there. She watched his eyes slide over her hair, tousled wildly from her sleep, over her face and shoulders, while it seemed to her that he was getting closer and closer.   
And then she felt his heavy, quick breaths on the skin of her collarbones, whereupon she began to tremble. But that was nothing compared to the searing tingling that shot through her body as soon as he moved his hands again.

The temptation was too strong and her sensual body too alluring, causing Sidney to lose control.   
He let go of her velvety curls, first stroked her upper arms with both hands again, but then found her sides and cupped them gently, the fabric of her dress feeling soft and warm under his palms.   
His eyes had followed the same path as his fingers, now lingering on her narrow stomach and waist, although he longed to let his gaze slide higher. While his fingers slid down her back, his thumbs were on her ribs, just below her seductive breasts, which he would have liked to take a closer look at.   
She felt so good, so soft and warm, but he could also feel her heartbeat racing, so he finally forced himself to look up at her face.

His touch sparked a need in Charlotte that she had never felt before.   
She wanted him to touch her like that, wanted him to look at her and wished his fingers would continue to caress her.   
But he stopped the movement of his thumbs, which had drawn soft circles on her ribs, and looked at her. As soon as she met his gaze, Charlotte felt as if her heart would stop beating for a moment.

The color of his eyes was so much darker and more intense than ever before that they looked almost black.   
He had his lips parted slightly, his eyes squeezed together and looked almost desperate. It seemed like he was about to say something - ask something, but then his mouth closed again and he swallowed hard.

With bated breath, Charlotte watched the movement in his beautiful face that was so close to hers.Something was in his head, she could clearly see that something was bothering him and she wondered what it was.

To encourage him and also because her desire to touch him was too strong, Charlotte couldn't help but scratch the soft stubble on his neck with her fingertips, which made him shiver this time.   
Sidney's eyes closed for a moment and his large hands tightened around her sides. His lips parted again, the furrow on his forehead deepened, but then he finally spoke.

"May ... may I kiss you?"

It was the only thing he could think of and the need to devour her sweet, soft mouth - to kiss her the way he wanted so badly, overwhelmed him completely.

Her gentle fingers on his skin felt absolutely beautiful and he saw in her eyes that she was just as captivated in this moment as he was.   
Slowly his gaze wandered to her rosy lips, which glittered slightly in the light of the fire, and Sidney knew that he had to touch them.

Carefully he loosened one of his hands from her ribs, lifted it up and watched spellbound as his thumb glided over her jaw and then reached her tempting mouth.   
His heart raced as he caressed her, and the love he felt for her in this moment was stronger than anything he had ever known.

Sighing softly, Charlotte closed her eyes while his warm, rough thumb traced the shape of her lower lip.She felt as if her whole body was on fire and unconsciously she grabbed the fabric of his shirt over his shoulder with her hand.

"Charlotte ...," Sidney whispered, although his voice sounded more like a dark, hoarse growl.   
Almost desperate, he tore his gaze from her mouth to look into her eyes. He wanted to kiss her, wanted it so badly, but he was drunk so he really needed her permission.

But her heart was racing so fast that Charlotte was unable to answer him. She wanted to say yes, but her voice no longer worked.   
No one had ever said her name the way he did and each time it hit something deep inside her.She swallowed and slowly leaned closer to him, her fingers still on his neck.

"Please Charlotte ... let me kiss you."

Sidney asked the question again, barely audible, and while his heart nearly stopped he saw her nod with half-open eyes.

A relieved gasp escaped him, then he slowly slipped his fingers into her hair while at the same time he raised his head up towards her. The closer he got to her face, the more he felt her quick breaths on his skin. They looked at each other until Charlotte's eyes slowly closed completely.   
Only inches away from her lips, Sidney let his gaze slide to her sweet mouth, put his fingers around the back of her head and then closed the small gap between them.

As soft and gently as he could, Sidney placed his lips on hers.

At the feather-light touch, a deep breath escaped him, as if all tension had dropped from him.   
He kissed her very lightly and then pulled back a tiny bit to see her reaction, but the sight of her was far too seductive.

With her eyes closed, her cheeks flushed and her mouth deep red and slightly open, she was right in front of him - his wife, and finally he allowed himself to kiss her properly and give up his restraint.

The sound of his low growl mixed with her tiny gasp as he leaned closer again and placed his parted lips on hers with more pressure.   
He could feel her warm fingers rest on the back of his neck as he sipped her upper lip and carefully took it between his to search for her taste. It was an absolutely wonderful feeling.   
She was soft, warm, and alluring, and Sidney moved his mouth gently and passionately against hers.

This time, his kiss was different, more demanding and somehow more consuming, which completely took her breath away.   
Charlotte had to hold on to him because her body was shaking so much even though she was sitting on the sofa in front of him.Again and again she felt how his parted lips pressed against hers, then he just stroked her gently before he sipped at her again.   
After stroking her mouth a second time, she carefully returned his touch and copied his movements.

When she took his lower lip between hers, she could taste the whiskey he'd been drinking.But she also tasted something else, something that was probably just him and unconsciously she opened her mouth further for him.

Feeling how she put his lip in her mouth, hearing how her breathing quickened, made Sidney feel pure happiness, but at the same time his need boiled over.   
He slid both of his hands over her sides, dangerously close to her breasts, then found her hips and pulled her closer to him.In order to feel her on him, he rose to his knees, which caused her full breasts to be pressed into his chest.   
Sidney moaned softly at the touch, gently leaning his body against hers and tilting his head to deepen his kiss.

Slowly, Sidney opened his mouth and then finally he licked her soft lips with the tip of his tongue.   
The goosebumps this touch caused on his skin made him growl again, but he allowed himself to simply enjoy the sheer sensation of that feeling.

The unknown touch surprised Charlotte and she breathed in sharply, but couldn't hold back the soft whimper as he pulled away.   
But Sidney knew she had never been kissed this way before. Only he had kissed her so far - only he had been allowed to touch her lips and even if the desire in his body cried out for more, he didn't want to press her too much.

While he tried to control his rapid breathing, Sidney gently stroked hers with his open mouth again.   
Just very lightly and gently so that she had time to get used to these new sensations.

But Charlotte only wondered what this almost painful pulling in her body meant. She wanted to get closer to him, wanted to melt into him and could feel every single one of his long fingers on her hips.   
Slowly, she let one of her hands slide from the back of his neck over his shoulder to his chest, where she wanted to slip her fingertips under his tie. She was searching for his bare skin, but didn't dare yet and therefore concentrated on his loving mouth. She still felt the touch of his moist but hot tongue, and the very thought of it made her inside go up in flames.

For a brief moment she opened her eyes to look at him,but that only made the burning and pulling worse.   
He looked so incredibly beautiful ...

He had closed his eyes while his parted lips caressed her mouth and kissed her gently, but the expression on his face was desperate. He was breathing heavily, his eyebrows furrowed, and it was clear to see he was holding back.

As if sensing her gaze on him, he opened his dark eyes and looked at her, but his mouth still touched hers.   
He smiled slightly and deliberately ran his fingers up her side and over her ribs, lightly stroking the swelling of her breast and he hummed as Charlotte breathed in with a shudder.   
Gently, he touched her collarbone, then her neck, and finally placed his large palm on her cheek.

The intense expression in his eyes was unbearable as Charlotte could not understand what was happening to her and her body, so she pressed her lips more tightly against his and clasped the back of his head with both hands to stroke through his short, soft curls there.   
It made his strong body shiver and Charlotte couldn't suppress the moan when she could feel his mouth opening wider on hers again.

This time Sidney let his tongue slide slowly over her lower lip, gently tracing the shape of it, and then dipping in between to stroke the inside of her soft, sensitive skin.   
Her taste, which stuck to the tip of his tongue, was sweet and lovely, absolutely desirable and he needed more.

Her fingers gripped his head tighter and when Sidney slid his hand from her hip to her lower back, she arched her upper body towards him.   
With spread fingers he traced the curve of her spine until he reached the bare skin above her shoulder blades. Charlotte shuddered in his arms and gasped into his mouth, causing Sidney to growl.

Gently and slowly, but full of longing, he opened her lips with the tip of his tongue.   
He waited until she silently allowed him to slide his tongue into her mouth and then slipped inside with a deep, rough groan.Tenderly he explored her, savored her full taste and searched for her tongue, which hesitantly met his.

Charlotte could barely breathe when Sidney stroked her tongue almost lovingly with his. He rubbed against hers, played with her and seemed to want to devour her.   
Overwhelmed, she pressed against him, moving her lips with his as he pulled back slightly to sip her lips before diving back into her mouth to slowly dance with her tongue again.

It was a long and passionate kiss that only built up their desire and left them breathless and completely senseless.

His hands had pulled her closer and closer to his body, so that Charlotte was about to slip into his lap.   
Her fingers in his hair pulled at him, holding his head against hers and Sidney hardly knew how to keep himself from touching her curves. Somehow his hand had slipped back down her spine, but instead of stopping at her lower back, he was drawing gentle circles on the base of her bottom.   
Worse, however, was his other hand, which had been in her curls but was now resting on her collarbone.

When Charlotte's tongue dipped slowly between his lips to explore his mouth this time, Sidney couldn't help but slide his fingertips along the edge of the neckline of her dress.   
He felt her goosebumps, lingered briefly where he could feel the beginning of the valley between her breasts, but when she began to shake uncontrollably, he placed his palm soothingly on her throat.

Her skin literally burned where his fingers had been and Charlotte whimpered.   
At that very moment she finally fully understood the meaning of Mary's gift and her words on her wedding day, which had seemed so impossible to her at the time. Now, she only wanted Sidney to look at her - wearing that see-through nightgown, so he could touch her everywhere and finally bring her to his bed.

And she felt that he wanted the same ...

But despite his desire and his longing for her seductive curves, Sidney knew that he had to break away from her, because otherwise ..., otherwise he would seduce his wife here and now.

The desire to lift her up, carry her down the hall to his bedroom and slowly undress her made him weak, but he was aware that he couldn't do that.

He was drunk and she certainly didn't deserved that. She deserved so much more ...

To stop himself, Sidney forced himself to put his hands on her cheeks and release his mouth from hers.   
It was hard because he didn't want to lose the feel of her tongue against his, but he couldn't lose control again.

So he leaned his forehead against hers and was breathing hard, but Charlotte followed his mouth as he pulled back so their lips were still lightly touching.

Losing the warmth and softness of his mouth was like a sharp pain and Charlotte's whole body began to tremble. His breath brushed her face, his warm, full lower lip barely touched hers and she breathed heavily.   
Of course Sidney understood what she was feeling because he felt the exact same pain and since he had started this, it made him feel guilty.

"Please forgive me ...," he whispered with his eyes still closed, but not yet able to let go of her.   
“I didn't mean to ... I ..., I long so much for you, for your closeness. I shouldn't have been drinking so much."

He couldn't find the right words to tell her what he felt - what he felt for her, because he had to tell her that too in a sober state.   
Suddenly he felt very tired and had to sink back on his legs because his body began to shake. He couldn't say for sure if it was the alcohol or the loss of her lips.

"Shh ... Sindey," murmured Charlotte. She could see how exhausted he was, followed his body and continued to hold on to him.   
"It's all right, please don't apologize ...".

“But I am sorry. I ... I'm drunk. I don't want to urge you to do anything, but to see you here in my study, asleep and so absolutely beautiful is ... that is ... ".   
Sidney stopped and considered what to say while gently brushing his fingertips over her jaw.Her eyes sparkled, her cheeks blushed delightfully, and she smiled, which made his heart leap.   
"It is special to be able to come home to someone, Charlotte."

Home - Charlotte immediately felt tears in her eyes again and without thinking about it, she leaned down to him and kissed his lips gently.   
It was pure, very different from just now, but she lingered for a long moment and enjoyed his shudder.

They couldn't separate far from each other, so Sidney leaned his forehead against hers and wrapped his arms around her. His eyes were closed, he swayed slightly back and forth, so that Charlotte finally put her arms around his shoulders and pulled him closer to her.   
Only slowly, he gave in, his forehead slid from hers over her hair to the nape of her neck, where he buried himself as he embraced her tightly.

They sat like this for a long time, Sidney on the floor and Charlotte on the sofa in front of him, swaying slightly.   
Neither of them knew how late it was now, but that didn't matter either. They were together, as close as possible at this moment and both felt good.

All the tension had left Sidney’s body, he inhaled her lavender scent and could feel how sleep came over him.But he didn't want to take his arms off her, didn't want to leave the scented spot on her neck and held her even tighter.

"You should sleep ...," Charlotte whispered as his body sank heavier against hers. His warmth and his even breath, which caressed her skin, had also made her tired and she was worried about how to help Sidney off this floor.   
He nodded at her neck, but otherwise didn't move, apparently already half asleep.

"Sidney ...".   
Carefully she let one hand slide into his hair and stroked his scalp, whereupon he took a deep breath and trembled with comfort.

He knew that he should withdrew from her, but he was also aware that he couldn't go to his bed with her.   
He would not be able to stand this, the temptation would be far too strong, but finally he got up.

With a small smile on her face, Charlotte watched him sway to his feet, resting his hands on the sofa to the left and right of her.   
Smiling tiredly, Sidney collected the blanket and put it protectively around her shoulders, partly to hide her sight from him, but partly to keep her warm. Before straightening to his full height, he kissed her head tenderly, inhaled the scent of her hair, and then turned to face the fireplace.

Slowly and with concentration, he put a few logs on the fire, then got up again and ran his hands through his hair.   
When he looked back at Charlotte, she had shifted her position on the sofa a little, was sitting lower on the pillows and was watching him carefully.

"Are you comfortable?"   
Sidney asked softly and stepped towards her with careful steps. As Charlotte nodded with a gentle smile, he sank down on the sofa next to her, but moved so that his head slipped into her lap.   
So he was lying half on top of her and felt satisfied how her fingers immediately glided back into his hair.

Under his cheek he could feel the soft fabric of her dress, the warmth of her thighs and closed his heavy eyes, absolutely happy with where he was.

"Just let me lie here for a moment, just for a while ...," he muttered sleepily and heard her giggle.

Charlotte looked down at him in awe.   
His long body was sprawled on the sofa, his heavy head was on her lap and his warm hand was wrapped around her knee while his face looked absolutely peaceful.He seemed already asleep, breathing deeply and evenly, but Charlotte couldn't stop caressing him.

His soft, dark curls under her fingers felt good, as did the stubble on his cheek.His lips were a little red, probably from the kiss he'd given her.   
The thought made her stomach flutter and she smiled.

She was really happy to be here with him, was looking forward to the time they had here alone together and knew from what he had said that it was the same for him.

She wondered if it could actually be that he felt the same for her as she felt for him.

The second time she brushed along his jawbone to his chin, Sidney sighed softly and mumbled her name as his hand slipped from her knee to her thigh.   
The pressure of his fingers grew stronger, the back of his head pressed tighter against her stomach, but he didn't wake up.

Happy and with a racing heart, Charlotte caressed him for a while while her thoughts lingered again on the nightgown in her trunk.   
Deep down she knew that she would soon find the courage to dress in it for him - hoping from the bottom of her heart that he would enjoy the sight of her.But he had said that she was beautiful, he had said that he longed for her and she believed him.

At some point Charlotte finally also fell asleep, one hand in his hair, the other on his warm neck, where she could feel his heartbeat.   
Here, in this room, his study, which was already a special place for her, a place where she felt absolutely at home.


	20. confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... the next morning 😊
> 
> Thank you for reading and your lovely comments - you guys are so great

Charlotte woke up a little stiff and confused when she heard the sound of a door opening. Something heavy lay on her, so she looked down, causing her heart to jump instantly.

Sidney's head was still on her lap and he seemed to be sound asleep, while her fingers were also still in his hair and on his warm neck.   
Apparently he had barely moved, his hand had a firm grip around her thigh and his face was almost pressed against the fabric of her dress.As a result, she felt his deep breaths warm on her skin through the muslin, which made her shudder with sensation.

Despite her strange sleeping position, she felt rested and happy, especially when the memories of the night before came back.   
The memory of his lips, his hands, ... his tongue.

Just the thought of the way he had kissed her was enough to make her cheeks flush, but her blush got worse when she heard a faint throat clearing.   
Embarrassed, she turned her head to see where the noise had come from and saw that Thomas was standing in the doorway with a slight frown.

"Good morning Mrs. Parker. I didn't want to wake you up, I actually wanted to look after the fire. But, ... well, can I help you with something?"   
He sounded a little amused, but when he saw the look on Charlotte's face, he gave her a friendly smile.   
"Your position seems quite uncomfortable, and I'm sure you would like to get up without waking him."

As Charlotte's eyes slid back to the sleeping man on her lap, a loving smile appeared on her face.   
He looked so peaceful in his sleep, and yet he seemed to hold her tight, as if he couldn't stand it if she left him.She would have loved to stay where she was, but the longer she was awake, the more she realized how tense her body actually was and how urgently she had to move.

"Erm ... well, yes," she whispered softly to make as little noise as possible.She really didn't want him to wake up, assuming he would need some sleep after all that whiskey.   
"Thank you for the offer, Thomas, that would be very nice of you."

Gently and somewhat regretfully, Charlotte released his hand from her leg so that she could slowly push herself out from under him.She held his head and smiled as Sidney's eyebrows furrowed and his hand moved searchingly until he finally closed his fist around the woolen blanket that lay beneath him.   
Without making the situation awkward, Thomas handed her a pillow so she could put it under his cheek in place of her thigh, but she couldn't pull away directly from him yet.So she gently ran her fingers through his hair, but very slowly, out of concern to wake him.Sidney sighed at her touch, mumbled something completely unintelligible, and moved so that he rolled onto his back, but then his breathing became calm again.

Although Thomas was busy with the fire so that it would start burning again and not cool the room, Charlotte felt that she had to defend Sindey.   
The memory of his loving sincerity when he was drunk made her smile, and she didn't want Thomas or Sally to misjudge the situation.

"Mr.Crowe picked him up yesterday to discuss Sanditon business at Lord Babington's house. They probably drank a little too much, most likely because Lord Babington is getting married soon.”   
With an apologetic smile, she reluctantly released her gaze from Sidney to turn around when she heard Thomas laugh softly.

“You don't have to apologize for him, Mrs. Parker.I've known your husband since he was a child.It's not the first time I've found him like this, but you don't have to worry. I would never think badly of him for that."

Charlotte nodded in relief and wrapped her arms around herself, because without him close to her she was suddenly cold. When Thomas turned and headed for the door, she slowly leaned over Sidney, covered him gently with the blanket that he had half buried under him and let her hand rest briefly on his shoulder.   
She wanted to kiss his soft lips, or his cheek, but she didn't dare. She didn't want to disturb his sleep, which is why she withdrew slowly to also leave the room with quiet steps.   
She just then noticed that Thomas was watching her from the door and blushed, embarrassed.

“You know, since his wonderful mother passed away so early, they've all had a hard time.Since then, I don't think Mr. Sidney has had anyone who has looked after him the way you obviously do,” said the old man, quietly and thoughtfully.   
"I'm really glad that he finally found his match in you, Mrs. Parker."

With that he disappeared with silent steps and left Charlotte alone.   
With goosebumps on her body, she turned around again and looked at Sidney's sleeping form, while her fingers slowly rose to her lips. She still felt his kiss, remembered the passion with which he had touched her and her heart raced. She wanted him to do it again and smiled happily because all the insecurities of the past few weeks had finally disappeared from her mind.   
Now all she felt was hope, excitement and anticipation. She was looking forward to the time she had here alone with him and knew that she was ready.

With this thought, she quietly left his study to slowly walk down the hall to his bedroom.   
When she entered the room in the early morning light, she could see that it was actually very cozy.Here, too, there was a large fireplace on the opposite wall of the bed, a vanity and, to her surprise, also a bookshelf with two deep armchairs in front of it.Next to a large cabinet, a door led to an adjoining room that was now closed, but Charlotte's eyes slid back to his bed anyway.   
It was big and looked comfortable, but when Charlotte imagined she would spend the next night there together with him, her skin began to tingle.

And then her eyes found her trunk.   
Immediately she found it difficult to breathe, but she resolutely walked up to it and knelt on the floor.Her fingers trembled slightly as she opened the lid and pushed some of her dresses aside to find the soft material of the nightgowns which had been given to her on her wedding day.   
For the first time since that day, she carefully pulled the thin, white fabric out of her trunk and rubbed the soft linen between her fingertips. Then she stood up to spread the two pieces of clothing on his bed. 

They were both of the same length, although Charlotte was sure they were shorter than her usual nightgowns.   
Neither of them had sleeves either, just thin straps over the shoulders and while one had a round neckline with a button, the other had a deep, V-shaped neckline and a bow.   
The latter appeared to have a much thinner fabric, and the lace border was made of embroidered floral tendrils that looked really lovely.

Charlotte's cheeks flushed deeply as she wondered what Sidney would do if he saw her while she was wearing this garment. Would he really like a sight like this?   
Despite her shyness, Charlotte knew she would dress herself in it for him, because she clearly remembered the feel of his hands on her ribs and stomach, and she wished his fingers would be closer to her bare skin.

So she stroked the linen fabric one more time, decided on the thinner of the two and then folded the two nightgowns neatly again to place them on top of the clothes in her trunk before looking for a new, warm dress.  
Even though she felt hot inside, goosebumps kept sliding down her upper body, which made her feel cold. It was confusing, but after she got changed and dressed in the blue Spencer Sidney had given her, she felt better.   
Quickly, she took care of her hair, if only cursorily, so as not to look too disheveled, and then looked out the window. It wasn't really sunny, but it wasn't raining either, at least not yet, and she decided to take a walk after breakfast.

Before she could leave his bedroom, however, she noticed a book lying on one of the bedside tables. She walked slowly over, picked it up, and smiled as she read the title.   
He must have read it lately, otherwise it wouldn't be here by his bed and her heart was racing as she imagined him doing it.It was also one of her own favorite books ...   
Without thinking about it, she took it with her, perhaps to find a quiet place on her walk to take a closer look at it.

As soon as she stepped back into the hallway, she was greeted by Sally, who set a tray of toast and tea in Sidney’s private parlor.

“Good morning, Mrs. Parker. I hope your first night here in Bedford Place was pleasant?”   
Charlotte smiled at the worried look on the friendly woman's face, as she was sure Thomas had told her how he had found her and Sidney this morning.

"Yes, thank you. It's really very beautiful here.”   
Gratefully, Charlotte sat down at the table to eat alone just as she did last night, but her mind was already turning to her walk.

“When we got here yesterday, I saw a park nearby, right? I would very much like to get some fresh air."

Sally nodded and stopped on her the way to the door.   
“Oh, of course. Just down the street, but please be careful.You really shouldn't have to go for a walk alone on your first day in London.”   
She shook her head, as if annoyed, but then smiled. She had been the Parkers' cook here in London for so long that she knew each of the siblings well.Sidney had always been her dearest, though she'd always worried about his lifestyle during the times of his adult life. But now he was here with his young wife, and something very special seemed to exist between the two, so she was finally very relieved.   
“As soon as Mr. Sidney wakes up, I'll tell him where you've gone. Normally he should really accompany you."

Giggling, Charlotte picked up her teacup and took a sip. Strangely enough, she felt like she had always lived here.   
She felt more comfortable here - in Sidney’s home - than the last few days in her parents' house, and she enjoyed the time that she had all to herself, even if she would have also liked to share it with Sidney.

~

Grumbling and with closed eyes, Sidney’s hand moved searchingly over the sofa, but when he realized that she was no longer there, he sat up immediately, startled.   
Daylight streamed into the room from the window, so it had to be late morning already, just as the logs in the fireplace were meanwhile only glowing, but he was all alone here.   
Where did Charlotte go?

Charlotte ....

The memory of her beautiful, tiny figure, wrapped in the warm blanket made him smile until his fingers unconsciously slid to his lips.   
He had kissed her - kissed her properly.

The thought of it made him suddenly hot and his breathing quickened.   
Slowly, he ran his fingers over his mouth, remembering the feel of her soft lips and her sweet taste. He thought of her warm, slim body, her hands that had reached into his hair and the sound of her voice when she whimpered softly.

That sound ... he only heard it in his head, and yet his body reacted to it immediately. The longing for her was probably even stronger than the day before, because he could still feel her narrow waist under his hands - as well as all the other things he had touched about her.   
He knew, of course, that it had been more than inappropriate to get so close to her since he had been drunk, but he also remembered that she hadn't turned him down.

Slowly he sank back onto the pillow on which his head was now lying in place of her warm thigh and closed his eyes with a soft sigh.   
In his chest his heart pounded loudly with joy, because he knew with almost absolute certainty that she was returning his deep feelings for her in the same way - even if they had never really spoken about the subject.   
But he felt it, could feel it in the touch of her hands, her lips. He saw it in her eyes and in her smile and therefore felt absolutely light and happy.

But where was she?   
She must have freed herself from under his head at some point, but he hoped that she hadn't gone far, and above all that she wasn't upset because he had slept so long.With a slight embarrassment in his stomach, he swore not to drink so much again in the future, as this behavior was really rude to her.But he couldn't regret it either, since he couldn't regret the time with her here in his study, because that had been absolutely wonderful.   
Suddenly he just wanted to kiss her again and hold her in his arms, so to really wake up and get that dull feeling out of his head, he rubbed his face with his hands.

The house was silent as he walked slowly down the hall. Charlotte was nowhere to be seen, the living room was empty, although a fire was burning in it, and she wasn't in his bedroom either.But he could see that she had been there because the dress that she had worn the previous night was folded and placed on her closed trunk.

Sidney walked slowly towards it, grabbed the white fabric with his hands to pick it up, and then buried his nose in the soft fabric that smelled so wonderfully of her.   
The strong reaction of his body to her scent alone made him aware that he would not be able to suppress his longing for her for much longer. Especially if they shared this room and his bed by that evening at the latest.   
With closed eyes, he took another deep breath, then laid her dress on the thick blanket on his bed instead of on her trunk and went into the next room to undress and wash himself.   
He wanted to speak to Charlotte and let her know that all he longed for was her ... only her and her alluring closeness.

Not even half an hour later, refreshed, clean and neatly dressed, he went downstairs where he hoped to find a warm cup of tea and maybe his wife too. But he only met Sally, who gave him a dissatisfied look with raised eyebrows and then brought him something for breakfast.

"If you are looking for your wife ..., she left the house a little over an hour ago and wanted to go for a walk in the bluebell park. I asked her to be careful and pointed out that she shouldn't be walking alone, after all, this is her first time here in London, but since you were not available, she probably had no other option.”   
It was a clear criticism wrapped in kind words, but Sidney wasn't offended by Sally.She and Thomas had no children of their own, and when the Parker children were younger Sally had looked after them all a lot.   
Since he came back from Antigua and lived here, the cook had repeatedly criticized him for the way he lived because she worried about him.Sidney appreciated that, especially since his own mother had passed away so long ago.

"I'll go and find her as soon as I've had a sip of my tea, Sally," he answered with narrowed eyes, because today he had to agree with her criticism of him without exception.   
"Thank you for taking care of her, she really shouldn't be walking alone."

Now worried himself, he took too much of his tea, which was unfortunately still too hot, causing him to grimace, but wanted to leave the house as soon as possible to check on Charlotte.He ate quickly to calm his troubled stomach, finished his tea and was about to go into the hallway to put on his coat when Thomas came towards him.

"Two letters arrived for you this morning, Mr. Parker."   
Thomas handed him two envelopes, which Sidney took from him with a frown to see who they were from.

"Thank you, Thomas."   
The first letter was clearly from Tom, which Sidney carelessly put in the pocket of his waistcoat, not really curious to read the contents. However, the second had no name, but the handwriting was very feminine and lively. Impatiently he opened the seal, scanned the lines and began to smile and frown at the same time.   
Because it was an invitation from Lady Susan who urgently wanted to see him for a business meeting today, and although he was of course grateful for this influential woman's interest in Sanditon, he was not at all pleased with having to spend the afternoon apart from Charlotte.   
But there was an invitation for her in that letter, too, and he knew Charlotte would be happy about this, so he hurried even more so that he could share the time he had with her before he had to leave her alone again.

He was halfway out the door when he remembered his hat and cane.   
In Willingden he had left both items in his room most of the time and had felt comfortable doing it, but here in London it was not decent to leave the house without them. Thomas held out both things to him when he turned and Sidney thanked him before quickly walking down the street towards the park.   
It was cool outside and he hoped Charlotte was dressed warmly enough. He looked doubtfully at the cloudy sky, there would certainly be rain soon, but the fresh air was good for him as it cleared his mind.

As soon as he entered the park, he looked around, searching, but couldn't find her immediately.   
The bluebell park was not big, but very nice.It was named after the flowers that grew by the hundreds on the green spaces each summer and was bordered by large, old trees. With quick steps he walked along the paths while his heart began to beat wildly.

Charlotte had stopped reading a while ago because she couldn't concentrate.   
She felt pleasantly warm in her red coat and enjoyed the light breeze that blew through her hair, as she had put her bonnet on the bench next to her. His book, however, was pressed firmly against her stomach. It reminded her of the feeling of his head there, and since her mind just couldn't tear herself away from his kiss, her whole body tingled.   
She missed him strangely and was just wondering if he had already woken up and if she should go back to Bedfort Place when she heard heavy footsteps on the gravel path behind her. Slowly she turned her head in the direction of the noise, hoping fervently that the steps belonged to the man who just wouldn't disappear from her mind.

And indeed, it was Sidney coming straight in her direction, although obviously he hadn't seen her yet.   
Suddenly her heart raced and Charlotte felt hot as she watched him appear to be looking for her as he let his eyes wander through the park. She could see the exact moment when he found her, because his whole face lit up, his mouth twisted into a small smile and he stopped in the middle of his movement.   
Her lips began to prickle at the sight of him and therefore Charlotte sucked her lower lip into her mouth.But that only reminded her that he had done the same, only that he had pulled her lip into his mouth. The thought let the tingling sensation spread all over her body, but she still had to smile.

It took Sidney a moment to take her in.   
Just seeing her was enough to make him feel completely at ease, even if her wild curls made him want to stick his fingers into the soft strands. It was almost ridiculous how strongly his body reacted to her, but there was nothing he could do about it.   
He needed her ..., he needed her to allow him to make love to her.

Sidney let out a shuddering breath and tried to calm his heart, then walked over to her.Charlotte looked at him, got up slowly while she held a book firmly against her stomach with one hand and stroked her coat with the other.   
It was a charmingly nervous gesture causing a warm shiver down his spine.

"Good morning ..., I see you woke up," Charlotte said, a little teasingly, to hide how difficult it is for her to breathe.   
Because Sidney only stopped when he was right in front of her, while he looked at her with an incredibly enchanting and loving smile.

"Good Morning. Yes, and I was looking for you," Sidney muttered in greeting, unable to resist and bent down to kiss her cheek gently.   
At the same time he raised his arm to place his hand on her upper arm, where he unconsciously began to rub the fabric of her coat.The feel of her skin beneath his lips instantly shot searing heat through his veins, so that when he looked at her again, his eyes had darkened.   
"Are you all right? I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to go for a walk alone, after all, I promised to take care of you."

Although his tone of voice was light, Charlotte realized he was really worried about her.   
His fingers tracing patterns on her arm felt nice, but it wasn't enough. She wanted to be closer to him, to feel more of him and so she put her hand lightly on his waist, over his thick black coat.

"I'm fine," she assured quietly and tilted her head back a little to look at him.   
This pressed her body against his and Sidney was happy about the bad weather here in London. The impending rain kept people in their homes, so luckily they seemed to be alone here, because otherwise their position would have been absolutely inappropriate, here in public."But it's very nice that you're here with me now."

She said the last sentence in a barely audible voice, but the low whisper made it impossible for Sidney to suppress his longing.   
With his arm, in which he also held his cane and hat, he gently wrapped around her slim body while his hand slipped from her arm to the back of her head. There he buried his fingers in her soft curls and tilted her head back so his lips could find her mouth.

It was just a soft and tender kiss, but he let his lips linger for a long moment.   
The touch made them both shiver, they could feel it in each other's body and both knew how important this moment was. It was the confirmation of what they both suspected - namely, that they both felt the same way about each other.

“I'm sorry not to have accompanied you here directly because it was my intention to bring you to this park sooner or later. I was sure you would like it here.”   
Just inches from her mouth, Sidney spoke in a low, dark voice, while he enjoyed the way her warm breath brushed his face.

Unconsciously, Charlotte had placed her hand on his chest under his open coat, so she could feel his heart beating hard. Her lips still felt his and she had an urgent need to distract herself because all she longed for was that he kissed her like last night.   
So she smiled and turned her head to let her eyes wander over the park.

“It's beautiful here, isn't it?So quiet and peaceful, very different from what I imagined London to be."   
Delighted by her enthusiasm, Sidney nodded, stroked her hair gently for a moment with his fingers and then took half a step back to offer her his arm.

“Would you do me the honor and take a few steps with me? I've often thought about going for a walk with you here, and further back the trees are closer together, almost like a forest.”   
  
He had thought about taking her for a walk here?   
Maybe when he was alone in London after the ceiling of the entrance hall of the terrace building collapsed?   
With a beaming smile at these thoughts, Charlotte let her hand slide into the crook of his arm while she still pressed his book against her stomach. It helped to relieve the tingling sensation, but that strange feeling of longing just didn't go away from inside her.

"I would like that very much." His attentive, loving manner made Charlotte's heart leap.   
She felt ..., he made her feel special, and she began to understand that she _was_ indeed special to him.

As soon as her hand was on his arm, Sidney bent down to lift her bonnet from the bench. He smiled crookedly and raised one of his eyebrows as he took the bonnet in the same hand as his hat and cane.   
"You like this one, do you not?"   
He asked in a hoarse voice, but with a twinkle in his eyes. Charlotte immediately blushed shyly, but returned his gaze with a smile.

"Yes, I like that bonnet very much," her voice was low and she grabbed the blue ribbon for a moment to slip it through her fingers.   
"It was the most beautiful gift I have ever received, and it is from you."

As they slowly began to walk down the path, Sidney looked into her eyes for a long time.   
He could still remember the day he bought that bonnet and her wedding dress for her.Back then he had been so full of anticipation - and then he had ruined everything with his assumptions and his too thin temper.

“Please forgive me for the mistakes I made after our wedding day. When I bought this bonnet for you, I intended to take you here with me after the midsummer ball so we could have spend time alone.”   
Sighing, he pressed his lips together briefly as he remembered the feeling of her rejection in the hotel room in Sanditon. Meanwhile he wondered - after the night at the inn in Willingden, when he had also thought that she was scared of him and she had assured him that this was not the case - whether he had misunderstood her then too.   
"But I didn't do that then because..., because I was stupid and made assumptions, and I am very sorry for that."

"Please stop, Sidney. Please stop apologizing."   
Softly and reassuringly, Charlotte squeezed his forearm and raised her face to him as they both stopped.   
"I think we both made mistakes back then, but now ..., now we are here together and we can do better this time."

Sidney exhaled audibly as he started walking again. But he had to admit that she was right.   
It made him smile while a thought occurred to him.

“I received a letter from Lady Susan today.She urgently wants to see me this afternoon ... unfortunately," he said, grimacing regretfully, but Charlotte laughed, delighted that Susan seemed so interested in Sanditon.   
“But she has invited you to tea tomorrow too.Would you like it if we went to the tailor's shop afterwards, where I bought your bonnet and your dress? I don't think your coat is thick enough for the upcoming winter and I would really love to buy you a new, warmer one as a gift on top of whatever you would like to have."

Up until now he had given her far too few presents and was planning to get some important things while she was with Lady Susan tomorrow.   
But he also wanted her to be able to choose something for herself, and he really had doubts that she wouldn't freeze in her coat.

"You don't have to buy me anything, Sidney."   
Charlotte wasn't used to getting presents, and she didn't want Sidney to spend any money for her. But when he stopped this time, in an area of the park that really looked more like a forest, as they were surrounded by large trees, she could see how important that was to him.

"But I would like to, Charlotte ... please let me court you properly and give you some presents. You've had to endure so much because of me, not least last night when I drank way too much without wanting to. I want you to be happy.”   
His expression was pleading, but his voice and eyes so dark that Charlotte shuddered. Sidney could see it, what was causing his heart to skip, because he liked the way her body reacted to him.   
Slowly, he took a small step closer and was now facing her, suddenly unable to look away from her.The mention of last night brought back his need for her, which inexorably caused his eyes to wander to her mouth.

Charlotte could also feel the sudden change, it seemed as if the air around them was starting to crackle, making it difficult for her to breathe.

"I don't think there is anything to be made up for about last night," she whispered softly, but needed something to hold on to.   
So she slowly ran her hand over his arm until it came over his shoulder to his chest, where she slipped her fingers under his coat.She searched for the warmth of his body and closed her fingers around the cuffs of his waistcoat.   
"But if you didn't want it, why did you drink so much?"

The tingling in his body from her touch was strong, and the longing to feel her on him came back with full force.   
So his fingers found her waist and from there gently slid onto her lower back so that he could pull her closer to him.

"As soon as I left you I felt like I was going insane because I was separated from you and we were interrupted, but at the same time I was afraid that I would no longer be able to control myself around you. I want ..., I want to be as close to you as possible, but I don't want to pressure you. I want to give you the time you need to trust me, but ... it's really hard for me not to touch you."   
Sidney swallowed, because despite her coat he could feel her curves.   
"You have no idea what you're doing to me, Charlotte ...".

At the deep rumble of his voice, Charlotte felt an almost overwhelming pull in her whole body, even in places that she would not have thought possible. To soothe the strange pain in her breasts, she pressed against him even more, but that made Sidney growl.   
Was his body just like hers under this strange ache? Didn't he know that she already trusted him completely?   
That she wanted him to touch her skin?

"So you were serious about what you said last night?"   
She could hardly ask the question and immediately blushed, but at the loving yet amused smile that tugged at the corner of Sidney’s mouth, she took a deep, calming breath.

"What do you mean?"   
Sidney teased her but could see that she was unsure. Every single moment of time with her in his study was burned into his brain, so he knew exactly what she was talking about.   
“That you are beautiful? That I long for you?"

Charlotte nodded and was breathing heavily, so Sidney couldn't help but drop his hat, cane, and her bonnet on the gravel path to grab her chin in his hand. She was shivering, which got worse when he slid his fingers from her lower back over her spine, but at the same time she leaned her face more into his palm.

"Yes, I meant every word of it," he whispered softly and hoarsely, his mouth so close to hers that her breath tickled his cheek.   
“You are absolutely beautiful, Charlotte, and I have never felt such a longing in my life to be close to another person. You stole my heart, Charlotte, you own it completely. I am at your mercy, my whole being."

Overwhelmed by his words, which were practically a declaration of love, Charlotte dropped his book as well as she felt the need to slide her fingers into his curls.   
As soon as she touched him, she heard him growl again, and the grip of his hands on her grew stronger.

"Really?"   
Her whispered question was a holdover from her past uncertainty, but she knew he was telling the truth.

"Yes, Charlotte, and I hope to win yours."   
Now he sounded uncertain, vulnerable, but also full of hope.

"My heart is already yours, Sidney ...," Charlotte breathed tonelessly and felt pure happiness as his eyes darkened even more and glittered treacherously.

The next moment Sidney cupped her cheek in his hand and lowered his lips to hers.   
The passion he felt made him lift her onto her tiptoe and wrap his arm around her waist so tight that he could hear her gasp.But what she had said - that her heart was already his, as his was hers, made his legs weak and yet at the same time he felt stronger than ever.   
She was his, felt the same as he ... that alone mattered to him.

At first he tried to gently caress her mouth with his, but the need to taste and devour her soon overran every thought in his head. Charlotte's fingers in his hair, which gently pulled on him to bring him even closer to her, finally made him give up his restraint.

Already breathless, Charlotte clung to him, but felt the same passion as he did.   
His heart belonged to her ... .   
The sensations that raged inside of her body were indescribable and she kissed him back with the same longing she could feel in the movement of his mouth. He sipped her with restrained lust, but when Sidney finally parted her lips gently with his tongue, she immediately met him with her own and couldn't help but moan softly as his irresistible taste flooded her senses.

While Charlotte slowly rubbed her tongue against his and then lured him into her mouth, Sidney felt himself harden.   
He had to force himself not to press his hips against hers and hoped she wouldn't notice his reaction, although it was almost impossible. Her moans made goose bumps run down his spine, her fingers in the short curls at the nape of his neck made him shiver, but when her other hand slid over his chest and side to press hot against his lower back, a deep growl rolled out of his throat.

He was aware that he either had to get away from her or he would pick her up in the next moment and press her with his body against a tree trunk.   
Just as he was about to withdraw, Charlotte sipped his upper lip, took it into her warm mouth and closed her fist around the fabric of his waistcoat. Lost, Sidney let his hand slide over her coat and searched, but he couldn't find an opening, couldn't find her warmth or the soft, thin fabric of her dress and groaned in frustration.   
He wanted to touch her skin .....

But his searching fingers, sliding down her stomach and ribs, made Charlotte shiver uncontrollably, and she had to break away from his devouring mouth to gasp for air.   
Instead, she pressed her forehead against his cheek and put her hand on the back of his neck because she didn't want him to pull away.

As Sidney felt her legs give way under her and how her body trembled, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.   
From a distance he could hear a church bell ringing, indicating that it was now noon and that he didn't have much time before he had to go to Lady Susan. It also reminded him that they were in a park in the middle of London and that he should better bring his wife home.   
He wanted to look at her beautiful body without the red coat at least once before he had to leave her.

But by the time he would come back home to her he would most likely no longer be able not to seduce her and bring her to his bed.

"You make me lose all decency and all restraint ...," he muttered hoarsely and with a laugh in his dark voice, while she leaned against him, still breathing heavily.   
"I can't get close enough to you."

Panting softly, Charlotte sank back on her heels, pressed her nose briefly into the crook of his neck, and then looked up at him.   
"I feel the same way," she assured him, albeit shyly and with flushed cheeks.

The church bells fell silent, Sidney slowly raised both of his hands to her cheeks and lifted her head to him again to give her a gentle, sweet kiss.

"Would you have lunch with me before I have to go?"   
The quiet question he whispered on her lips made Charlotte smile because it felt so intimate.She could still hear her own heart beating in her head and she knew exactly what she would do when she was alone at Bedford Place later.

"I would love to," she answered him and saw a crooked, happy smile on his face that softened her legs again.

As Sidney looked around, he noticed all the objects lying on the path around them and he shook his head.   
Laughing, he bent down, picked up his hat, cane and her bonnet and then reached for the book she had brought here.

"What did you read?"   
He asked softly as he straightened up, his heart still beating fast. Protectively he offered her his arm again, which she took with a gentle smile, before slowly leading her to the exit of the park.

"Oh ... I found it on your bedside table," Charlotte replied with a shy smile.   
She hoped he didn't think she was looking around curiously, but Sidney only looked at her with dark eyes, so she continued.   
“I like this book, _Heraclitus_.Papa has a copy of it too, but he didn't make any marginal notes like you did. I hope you don't mind that I took it."

"Not at all ...," Sidney soothed her while looking at her in admiration.   
He should have known that she would like this book in which she had now read his most private thoughts on some passages. But that only made him feel more connected to her, especially since he really liked this book and had read it many times.   
“You can read anything you want to read.Maybe we can add a few more books to the library together. I would like to read what your favorites are."

Charlotte smiled at him and squeezed his arm.   
The intense expression in his gaze made her think of evenings in front of the fireplace reading to each other, and she had to clear her throat before she could answer him.

"That would be nice." She closed her eyes and relied on Sidney’s guidance as she briefly pressed her face against his shoulder.   
Only seconds later she felt his lips in her hair as he kissed her head and sighed deeply.

Slowly they walked back home close to each other in the same rhythm, while Sidney’s long legs adjusted to her smaller steps without thinking. The silence was pleasant and soothing, and after a while, a quote from Heraclitus came to Sidney's mind that suited both of them perfectly.

" _The unlike is joined together, and from differences results the most beautiful harmony_."

He spoke the words softly and as if to himself - with a rough and hoarse voice.   
When Charlotte looked up, she noticed the thoughtful expression on his face, but also the tender smile on his lips.

It was true, Sidney and she were different in many ways - they came from different social classes, grew up in different ways and weren't of the same age either.   
He was tall and broad-shouldered while she was small and thin;she was naturally cheerful and open-minded, while Sidney was rather reserved and brooding.   
His body was hard and sinewy, hers curvy and soft, but it was, as if they would only be perfect together - as if they needed each other to be complete.

"You underlined that quote in your book and put a question mark after it," Charlotte remarked quietly, furrowing her eyebrows.   
They were almost at Bedford Place, but their bodies were still tingling.Sidney laughed and bit his lip, but pressed his arm against her shoulder at the same time.

"That was before I met you ... because now I know it's true."

Eating with him alone felt as natural and personal as anything they had shared here in London, and Charlotte clearly felt at home in the living room on the second floor.   
They laughed a lot and talked about the other works in Sidney's library and where he'd bought all the books.

Time passed too quickly to their mutual disappointment, and soon Sidney went to his study to get some papers on Sanditon.Charlotte followed him and watched him frown in concentration until he seemed to feel her gaze on him.

He lifted his head and met her eyes, but couldn't resist finally getting a closer look at her figure.   
Her dress, a purple, simple dress with long sleeves, clearly showed the full curves of her body, which immediately made his blood boil again.   
It wasn't cut very low, but her slender, milky white neck was enough to arouse his desire and make his lips tingle with need.

Slowly, he stepped around his desk with a black leather bag in his hand and approached her.   
Charlotte was glad to have the sofa in her back to lean against, for his dark eyes glowed with hunger. And it was certainly hunger that she saw - and absolute admiration.

"I promise to be back as soon as possible," he muttered, distracted, as his eyes followed the blush that crept down her cheeks to her cleavage.   
He also saw the goose bumps on her collarbones and just wasn't strong enough to stop his body.

He stepped so close that he pressed her against the back of the sofa and then bowed his head.   
Charlotte took a shuddering breath and closed her eyes in anticipation, but then felt his warm breath not on her face, but on the skin over the neckline of her dress.

The moment his warm and large hand found her hip, his soft and hot lips met her throat on the soft skin just above the point where her pulse was visibly beating and Charlotte moaned softly.   
Her own heartbeat echoed in her ears, hot fire shot through her body and awakened regions she did not know at all. His mouth lingered there for a long time while Sidney took a deep breath and his stubble tickled her skin.   
And yet it wasn't enough when he broke away - because Charlotte wanted more.

She was so beautiful, her lips slightly parted, her cheeks flushed deep and her eyes closed, so Sidney just couldn't step back.   
His lips longed for hers, he sought her mouth and had to touch her lower lip with his tongue.He licked her mouth gently, heard her whimper and moaned himself before sipping passionately at her.

It was agony to withdrew, step back from her, and remove his fingers from her warm curves, but he finally had to.   
Once again he loathed to be involved in his brother's stupid business, but knowing she would be waiting for him made it a little easier. As well as the fact that when their eyes met they could see each other's deep feelings in them.

"Come back quickly, I'll be waiting here for you, sitting by the fire and reading."

At her whispered words, Sidney nodded with a loving, rather desperate smile, then he took a big step back and almost hastily left his study.   
Happy and disappointed at the same time, Charlotte watched him go, a wide, tearful smile on her face.She only waited until she was sure Sidney had left the house before going downstairs to find Sally.

"Sally, do you think it would be possible for me to take a bath?"   
She felt a little guilty about asking the older woman for this favor, but she wanted to bathe and clean herself up.

“Oh, of course, Mrs. Parker. I'll have it fixed in your bedroom right now.”   
Sally laughed, glad to do Mr. Sidney's young wife a favor.In a very short time she and Thomas had carried the water for the large bathtub upstairs to Sidney’s room and heated the fireplace so that it was comfortably warm.

"If you need anything, just call," she said before closing the bedroom door behind her, leaving Charlotte with red cheeks and a beating heart.

Slowly she went to her trunk and opened the lid, taking a deep breath as soon as the thin linen was seen.   
Her fingers trembled slightly as she took out the sensual nightgown and laid it on Sidney’s bed, as she did this morning. Only briefly she wondered why her dress from the previous day has also been put there, but couldn't really concentrate on anything other than what she was up to.

Carefully she spread the seductive garment out to look at it again before turning to the bathtub with a nod to herself.

It was only when the hot water enclosed her trembling body that she seemed to be able to breathe more easily again, but her nervousness grew anyway.   
The question of whether she would actually please Sidney while wearing this nightgown gnawed at her, but she was determined to find out.

~

The conversation with Lady Susan had been pleasant, funny, and insightful, even if Sidney's mind was only half there.   
She asked a lot of questions - meaningful questions - and indicated that she might want to support the town.Hence the urgency of his visit. Lady Susan had an invitation to Bath for the next two weeks, but she would like to stop in Sanditon on the way back for the regatta, but wanted to know a few things first.   
Sidney tried to talk in as much detail as possible about the construction progress or the problems and benefits of the town, but his mind kept returning to Charlotte's skin under his lips or her moan as his hand had caressed her waist.

Perhaps he would still catch her in his study if he hurried, which is why he emptied his teacup in one long drag, even though the hot tea burned his throat for the second time that day.

"Thank you very much for your interest in Sanditon, Lady Susan," he said kindly as he straightened up.   
“I will have one of the apartments in the new terrace building prepared for your arrival in Sanditon and I will be delighted to welcome you to the regatta, as will my brother Tom. I'm sure Charlotte will tell you more about the beautiful view and charm of the town over tea tomorrow than I would ever be able to. She is already looking forward to seeing you again."

Susan noticed Sidney's urge to leave and grinned.It was obvious that he couldn't wait to get back to his wife.

“She is something special, Mr. Parker.I hope you have noticed this fact."

Smiling, Susan stood up, giving him permission to do the same.   
The tender expression that appeared on Sidney’s face clearly showed that he was completely addicted to his wife and Susan nodded in satisfaction.She had been right about what she'd seen at the _Crossfield Manor_ ball - true love was never hidden from her.

"I know ...," Sidney replied softly, clenching his jaw to keep his tongue from sliding over his lower lip.   
He longed for her mouth, her taste and her warmth and had to close his fists because his fingers were trembling with need.

Finally he said goodbye in a friendly manner, bowed to Lady Susan and thanked her again before making his way back to Bedford Place.   
When he had left the house the sky had been full of clouds and he had thought that walking would help him get his body under control, but now he regretted not having taken a carriage for his way. Because after a few steps he was surprised by the rain, which is why he quickened his pace and pulled his shoulders up.   
Nevertheless he was soaked after a short time.

Freezing and dripping wet, he reached Bedford Place, already beginning to open his coat in front of the door.   
Thomas opened him quickly and helped him out of the now heavy garment, standing far enough away not to get wet himself.In the anteroom, Sidney removed his boots and wet stockings, also took off his waistcoat and ran his hands over his wet hair because he had taken off his hat halfway to protect it from the rain.

"The weather must have surprised you, Mr. Parker."   
Thomas grinned slightly when he saw that Sidney’s vest and shirt were soaked too. Only his pants still seemed somewhat dry.

"Yes, you can say that," laughed Sidney and walked barefoot to the stairs.   
Even the rain wouldn't be able to cloud his mood today, because he was just glad to be home with his wife again.   
"Is Charlotte upstairs?"

He didn't wait for an answer, but took two steps at a time, determined to join her in the study as soon as possible.   
He just had to get out of those clothes.

"Mr. Parker, your wife is taking a bath ...,” Thomas called after him, but then shook his head and picked up the wet clothes with pointed fingers.

Because Sidney paid no attention to the man, hadn't even heard what he had said, but opened his vest on the stairs.   
In the hallway outside his bedroom, he took it off and grabbed the buttons on his shirt, while he looked longingly at the ajar door of his study.

He had only one wish - to be close to Charlotte as soon as he could, but he had no notion what awaited him on the other side of his bedroom door ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ... what will he find in his bedroom?
> 
> I want to thank you all for your patience, the two of them really have come a long way.


	21. The thin nightgown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've all waited a long time for this, and here it finally comes - the chapter rated E.
> 
> I hope you all like it ...

Without knocking or even thinking about it, Sidney opened the door to his bedroom and stepped over the threshold with one big step. Since he pulled his wet shirt over his head in the meantime, he didn't notice that he wasn't alone in the room.   
Only when he closed the door with his bare foot and his eyes focused again did he freeze in the middle of his movements.

What he saw in front of him took his breath away and the cold in his body immediately disappeared, replaced by pure fire. He felt like his heart was jumping out of his chest as it was beating way too fast. At the same time, not only his hands but all the muscles in his body began to tremble and his mouth went dry.   
He was absolutely unable to say even one word, let alone think - all he could do was look at her ...

Sidney knew that he would remember the sight of her right now for the rest of his life - she had never been more beautiful than in that moment.   
Also, he would never have expected to be hit by such strong desire and need, but at the same time not to be able to move even an inch. Only his fingers closed into fists in the fabric of his shirt, which nevertheless did not help him to suppress the clear reaction of his body.   
It was just impossible not to grew hard instantly so that his breeches were uncomfortably tight. He couldn't even think about whether she would see it or not - he was just too aroused by her ...

Charlotte stood right in front of the fireplace, in which a warm fire was burning, spreading a flickering light in the otherwise half-dark room. Apparently she had turned at the sound of the door opening because she was looking straight at him, her hair curling beautifully around her head.

What made it so difficult for Sidney to breathe, however, was the fact that she wore nothing but a thin, white nightgown that ended with a lace border just below her knees.   
Therefore, part of her bare legs and her small feet were visible, which made her look kind of vulnerable.

But what he could also see were her bare arms and narrow shoulders that shimmered in the light of the fire. From there, however, his eyes were drawn inexorably to the deep, lace-trimmed neckline of the nightgown, which was held together with a loop between her full breasts.  
The thin linen fabric was very translucent, flowed sensually over her tiny, perfect body, revealing every single curve and bump to Sidney.   
As she was lit by the fire, he saw the shape of her thighs under the fabric, he saw the imprint of her navel, but most of all he saw the full roundness of her breasts and the dark shimmer of her tiny nipples. 

Slowly - very slowly, Sidney let his eyes glide over her form to fully absorb her beauty and purity within his inner being. It was a gift to be able to look at her like that, and as he tried to memorize every piece of her, he breathed shuddering and heavy.   
His muscles twitched more and more, while goosebumps covered his skin - he burned with longing and desire, and enjoyed every single moment of it.

Never before, _never_ in his entire life had he seen anything as beautiful, as sensual as her - like his wife - but he hardly knew how to find the right words to tell her how breathtakingly seductive she looked.

"Charlotte ..., you ...," his dark voice failed, he broke off with a growl and swallowed hard while his feet seemed barely to support the heavy weight of his trembling body.

Charlotte had already heard his footsteps on the stairs, which had made her nervousness and shyness soaring.   
Her heart had been racing since she stepped out of the warm water in the bathtub, but nevertheless, she had pulled the thin nightgown over her heated body with trembling fingers. Her uncertainty as well as her anticipation had made her shudder, but as soon as she felt his eyes on her, she had known that she had made the right choice.

Even though she had blushed when she felt the nightgown on her body, because the fabric was so much thinner and softer than her normal garments. The thin straps over her shoulders and the deep neckline had also felt unfamiliar, as had the lace that covered the neckline and hem.   
But she had taken a deep breath, carefully stroked the fabric with the tips of her fingers, and had waited for Sidney to come back.   
What she hadn't realized, however, was how transparent it really was and how much it actually showed of her body. But as soon as she saw Sidney, all her thoughts about her appearance were forgotten.

Since she hadn't expected that he would storm through the door soaked while he was taking off his shirt, she was taken completely suprised by the sight of him.   
His bare chest, reddened from the cold rainwater, his strong, muscular arms and his well-defined stomach took her breath away, which is why she couldn't move, let alone speak - just like him.

Breathing heavily, she just looked at him, but when she heard the sound of his dark, deep voice, her body reacted in this strange way.   
Her insides began to tingle again and her legs softened while she felt a heat inside her that certainly wasn't caused by her proximity to the fire. Strange parts of her body suddenly rubbed against the thin fabric of her nightgown, but it did not occur to Charlotte to cover her body with her arms.   
Her attention was focused only on him, on his incredibly beautiful body and his dark eyes.

Sidney seemed to be completely captivated by her, as she could see his burning gaze slowly sliding over her figure. From her toes to her navel and then further up, apparently to the level of her strangely aching breasts, where his eyes lingered for a moment.   
Charlotte could hear how hard he was breathing, she saw his broad chest rise and fall and the impressive muscles in his stomach tense.   
There was something hungry about the way he looked at her, something wanting, that made her heart beat loudly and violently. It felt good to be looked at by him like that, and when his lips parted slightly she thought with a shudder of the passionate, deep kisses he had given her.

It seemed like he was trying to say something again, but couldn't. His speechlessness made her wonder if he really liked the sight of her.   
In any case, she couldn't look away from him, took in every detail of him and let her eyes slowly slide over the fine hair on his upper body.

Only then did she notice that small drops of water kept running over his shoulders and looked up at him. His hair seemed soaking wet, and rainwater slowly dripped from his curls and ran down his face and neck.   
Charlotte realized that the rain outside must have surprised him on the way home and that was why he had undressed so quickly. Concern that he might freeze outweighed her shyness and she opened her mouth, but it also took two tries before she could formulate the right words.

"You ..., erm, your ..., your hair is all wet," she finally said softly and a little hoarsely.   
The sound of her voice made Sidney detach his eyes from her body and look into her face.Her cheeks were slightly flushed, maybe from the fire, but her eyes looked at him trustingly. She didn't seem scared or uncomfortable that he'd burst into their bedroom so suddenly while she was wearing such a nightgown and the thought filled him with sheer relief.   
But then the question was whether she had dressed in it especially for him?   
He didn't know, all he knew was that he could look at her like that forever.

"Yes ...," he finally forced himself to answer her, but had to clear his throat. You could tell from his voice that his thoughts were somewhere else, because he stuttered absently.   
"I ..., on my way home it ..., it started to rain ...".

As if to explain, he lifted his wet shirt, which made Charlotte smile slightly.She saw how his body shuddered, heard how haltingly he breathed and was sure that he felt cold, so she took a step towards him.

"Sit down," she said, pointing to his bed.“I'll bring you a towel so you can dry yourself off.You will catch a cold ... ".

Without waiting to see if he responded to her request, Charlotte walked around the bathtub and bent down to pick up one of the towels that Sally had put there for her earlier.   
Motionless, he followed her with his eyes, but when she leaned forward, he took a sharp breath and had to close his eyes for a moment as the movement pressed her round, tiny bum through the thin fabric. Sidney tried to stifle a growl, but felt how close he was about to pick her up and press her against the wall with his body, so he preferred to do what she had told him while his blood boiled with need in his veins.   
He assumed that she wasn't aware of how exactly she looked, and therefore also not aware of the effect she had on him.

Charlotte heard the rustling noise as he sat on the bed and took a deep breath. With a towel in her hand she finally straightened up and walked slowly towards him, only now noticing how dark his eyes had become.   
He stared at her, lips parted and breathing heavily, but she couldn't stop moving until her legs touched his knees. The look on his face made her brave - she felt like he was admiring her ...

And that's exactly what he did.   
When she moved, the thin linen moved too, rubbing over her curves. The high hem slipped further on her thighs, showing her untouched skin and the closer she got, the more her nearness flooded all his senses. Her scent hit his nose and he realized that she had just bathed.   
The lavender that always surrounded her was stronger, only this time mixed with the scent of the cinnamon Sally always put into the water in the tub.

Sitting on the bed, his head was about the level of her beautiful curves and even if Sidney tried to curb his desire for her, he had to look at her breasts, which were so clearly visible under the fabric. The sight made his muscles twitch, but knowing she was watching him, he looked up at her face.   
Instead of just handing him the towel, however, she slowly raised her arms, still smiling slightly, and began rubbing it over his wet hair.Immediately, Charlotte could feel his trembling breath hit her body and saw his eyes close. Gently she rubbed his short curls dry, which made her feel incredibly connected to him.   
There was something so intimate about doing this.   
The loving gesture and the intimacy between them overwhelmed Sidney, too.He couldn't help himself and slowly opened his legs, as if to ask her to come closer. The way she took care of him warmed his heart, and suddenly his hands were moving as if by themselves.

Very gently, he placed his palms on the back of her thighs and swallowed hard when he felt the thin material of her nightgown under his fingers for the first time. He waited only a short moment before carefully and slowly pulling her closer to him.   
Sidney felt her movement in his hair stopped, but she took a small step forward ... then another.

"Charlotte, you ... you are ... I have never seen anything so beautiful."   
He finally had to say something, even though the words were barely enough to even half describe the way she looked.

The heat of his breath on her skin increased at his whispered words, and the feel of it and what he said made the towel slip off her fingers. She felt his hands on her legs like burns on her skin, but Charlotte definitely didn't want him to let go of her.   
With her eyes closed she now felt his soft, still slightly damp curls under her fingers and tightened her grip on his head to find support.

Was it really possible they were here - together in his bedroom, both barely dressed?   
She realized that she had wanted this for a while, and that it was actually happening now seemed like a dream ...

But Charlotte's breath caught when she felt Sidney slowly slide one of his hands over her thigh.   
With clearly suppressed need, he stroked the curve of her bum and paused there for a long moment before moving onto her lower back and then up her spine.

Sidney carefully watched every movement in her face as his fingers gently touched her.Though he certainly didn't want to overwhelm her, he could no longer withstand the urge - the desire in his own body. He had to feel her warmth, otherwise the tension in his muscles or the tingling of his fingertips would drive him crazy.   
But when he did, he realized that it wouldn't be enough - he needed her soft skin, her curves.

So he stopped between her shoulder blades to rest his palm on her back with his fingers spread. He could feel her trembling - he heard a small sigh from her lips and slowly let his eyes slide down her neck to look at her.

The visible skin, not covered by her nightgown, seemed almost transparent over her collarbones. Goosebumps had spread over her, but she was just too close to his face for him to resist.   
While he let his hand slowly run forward over her shoulder to slide gently and tenderly over her left clavicle and her throat, Sidney leaned up to stroke his lips over the edge of her neckline, halfway on her skin.

Startled, Charlotte drew in a sharp breath, but then her fingers closed with a low moan in his hair and her whole body swayed. She had felt his head move forward, but to feel his warm, full lips on her skin caused a burn in her that consumed her completely.  
To support her, Sidney’s other arm closed around her waist, placing his hand on her hip, but he couldn't pull himself back from her warmth. Instead, he pressed his nose against her fragrant breastbone, just above the deep valley of her cleavage, and took a deep breath.

When Charlotte groaned softly again, her voice was even more breathless than before. Her whole body seemed to tremble, the grip of her fingers in his hair got harder, which is why Sidney finally forced himself to detach his face from her skin.

"Do you want me to stop?"

At the loss of his lips on her, Charlotte whimpered and opened her eyes.   
His voice was almost desperate, so dark and rough, and when she met his eyes, she saw the fear in them. Was he afraid that she would tell him that she didn't want him to touch her?   
To reassure him, she let one of her hands slide gently to his stubbly cheek and took a tiny step forward so that her body was now almost flush with his.

"No ..., no, please don't stop, I ..., it's just ..., well, nobody has done anything like this before."  
She spoke softly, but looked into his eyes as her fingers scratched his beard. Her lovely flushed cheeks and her rapid breathing showed him that it was difficult for her to talk openly about these things, but the fact that she did it anyway made his heart almost stop beating.

Tenderly, Sidney drew small circles on her hip while he laid his palm flat on her neck. He felt her pulse beat fast and hard against his fingertips and wanted to be sure that she trusted him and wanted this as much as he did.   
There was no way he wanted to force her to do anything.

"I'm not going to do anything that you don't want me to do," Sidney whispered, looking her straight in the eye.   
"I ... I long so much to touch you ... to feel you. My need for you has tormented me for days ... for weeks ... and I want to show you what you do to me ... but not when you are scared."

Charlotte frowned, but noticed the loving look in his eyes and gently stroked his curls.   
She had no knowledge of what he even wanted to do with her, or what he meant by what she was doing to him, which is why she had to hold on to him. It calmed her to stroke him, which gave her the courage to keep talking to him.

"I'm not scared, Sidney ...," her voice was just as soft as his. Since she was still swaying, she concentrated on his gentle fingers, but she smiled shyly.   
"I have never been afraid of you ... I'm just terribly nervous. I don't know what to do or ..., or what you want me to do."

Sidney had to swallow.   
Until now, he had never understood what some men sometimes talked about when it came to being the first to be with a woman. But now he felt how special it was - what a gift it was to be the first and only man allowed to touch her, and it only increased the tightness of his breeches.   
The thought of what could happen if she really allowed him to touch her the way he wished took his breath away.

"Charlotte ...," he breathed her name, barely audible, but let his fingertips slide slowly from her throat back to her neckline to gently caress her there.   
"I don't expect you to do anything. But ... do you trust me?"

"Yes, of course I trust you."   
Although her answer was a little shaky, she sounded absolutely certain. But his fingers, being so close to one of the areas of her body that ached so strangely again, were quite distracting.   
Charlotte blushed from wishing his hand would slide deeper.

"Then you have no reason to be nervous ...," Sidney muttered, allowing his fingers to gently stroke the fabric of her thin nightgown.   
The round swelling of her breast rose towards him with her shuddering, panting breaths, so Sidney couldn't wait any longer. The need to touch her was overwhelming, but she seemed to feel the same as she slowly let her hand slide down his neck.   
"All I want is ... is to show you how beautiful you are to me and what you make me feel. Let ... let me touch you and worship you in the way you deserve."   
His eyes were full of adoration and hope, hunger and passion, and he did not blink a single time.

There was only one answer Charlotte could give him, but she was unable to speak. Hoping he understood her without words, she closed her eyes and put her palm flat on his throat, where she could feel the movement of his Adam's apple as he swallowed.

It was only a moment before Charlotte felt his fingers slide slowly and gently over her breast, which was covered with the thin linen.   
She was trembling and her mouth opened slightly, but Sidney's gaze wandered inexorably down her bare neck to where his hand touched her for the first time. The feeling was indescribable, he saw how her small nipple pressed through the thin material, which made him moan choked and breathless. Her bud was hard and shimmered darkly, he could even see the small, dark ring around it, since her nightgown was so arousing translucent.

The sight of her was so indescribably sensual, but Sidney needed more.   
So he slowly cupped her beautiful breast from the side with his big hand and felt her fingers pulling on his hair. With a deep breath he enjoyed the weight of her full swelling, while his thumb drew gentle circles from below. The soft, hoarse groan that slipped from Charlotte's lips by his touch made him look up at her and their eyes met for a moment.   
But only until his caressing finger reached her tiny nipple.

The way he touched her made wild shivers run down Charlotte's back and she closed her eyes again, holding on to him desperately. The only thing she felt was Sidney's thumb, which gently circled her hard nipple, causing pure heat to shoot through her body.

"Oh, ... look at you, Charlotte."  
Sidney groaned roughly. Her tiny nipple stiffened even more under his touch, straightening completely, making it difficult for him not to lose his composure.   
To lessen the pain in his breeches, he shifted desperately on the mattress, but didn't want to press himself against her yet. She obviously hadn't noticed his hardness until now, and he didn't want to destroy the most seductive moment of his life with the need of his lust - he wanted to enjoy her sensuality as long as possible.

But while he continued to stroke her gently, his eyes traveled over the thin linen to her other breast. There, too, he saw her nipple through the sheer fabric, and the sight left only one thought in his head.   
There was nothing he could do but lean forward.

At first he just slid his nose over her nightgown to inhale her scent. For a moment, he stopped his movements at the level of her breasts and pressed his face into the deep valley in between, whereupon he heard Charlotte gasp.   
But Sidney felt the warmth of her skin, longed for it and slowly stroked the bare skin over her neckline with his mouth slightly open.

"Sidney ...".   
Overwhelmed by the sensations that flooded her body, Charlotte clung to his body.The burning and tingling sensations in her stomach got worse the closer his mouth got to her breast.   
She felt how he put gentle kisses on her cleavage, how his mouth slid back over her nightgown and then she felt his hot breath directly on the sensitive, strangely aching tip of her breast.  
Her head fell back while she breathed heavily, unconsciously pressing her full breasts against his face and into his still caressing palm, but she didn't notice.

She moaned as she felt Sidney's lips gently close around her hard, cloth-covered nipple to take it into his mouth, causing her to grip his head with both of her hands and whimper loudly.

Delighted and proud of her strong reaction, Sidney held her upright with his arm around her waist.   
The feel of her stiff, tiny bud between his lips made his completely hard cock in his pants twitch with desire, but he tried to ignore it. Instead, his hand gripped her other breast with more pressure, while at the same time he gently sucked her nipple into his warm mouth.

Infinitely glad to be held by him, Charlotte trusted him completely.With her eyes closed and her legs a little weak, she enjoyed the feeling of his warm, moist mouth sucking gently on her and whimpered almost painfully as he pulled away from her breast.   
Afraid that something was wrong, she looked down only to see Sidney’s dark eyes fixated on her breast. His lips were parted slightly, his chest heaved with heavy breaths, but he seemed completely fascinated.

The moisture in his mouth had soaked the fabric of her thin nightgown, which allowed him to see her nipple more clearly.   
Although he could feel her looking at him, Sidney couldn't take his eyes off her. Instead, he opened his lips further and bowed his head closer to her until he could slide the tip of his tongue over her hard, seductive bud.   
Charlotte groaned loudly at the indescribable heat of his tongue, which licked soft circles over the fabric of her clothing. She had never felt anything like this before and she didn't even notice that one of her hands had slipped down to his broad shoulder.

But Sidney felt it - he felt her small, warm hand on his skin and had an urgent need to feel her closer to him.As he ran his hands slowly over her trembling body, he moved his mouth gently over her full breast. In addition to sucking on her nipple, he tried to take as much of the soft swelling into his mouth as possible.   
Just at the moment when his lips had reached her other, still dry bud in order to also circle it with his tongue, his large hands ran down over the back of her thighs.

Shivering, Charlotte noticed that his hands stopped in the back of her knees and then slipped under the hem of her nightgown. His fingertips ran slowly over her sensitive skin and she swayed so much that Sidney looked up at her.

"I want to feel you closer to me ...," he breathed hoarsely and with such a dark voice, which flooded her whole body with warmth and filled her with an unknown desire.   
The look in his eyes was full of need, but overlaid with sheer tenderness.

Again Charlotte could hardly answer, the strange sensations in her body at the touch of his fingers drove all meaningful thoughts out of her head. Just like last night, when he asked her if she would allow him to kiss her, she simply nodded without saying anything.   
It was enough for him, for his hands continued to slide over her bare thighs under her nightgown until his palms came to rest on her bare bottom.

Even though she gasped at the touch, she heard Sidney’s dark moan.   
He didn't allow himself to think about where exactly his hands were. Otherwise he would go insane ...

Instead, he held her round, firm bum gently, looked into her eyes, and carefully lifted her up. Charlotte's arms closed around his neck in surprise because at first she didn't seem to understand what he was up to until he pulled her closer to him. On impulse, Charlotte pulled her legs up so Sidney could close his, but she sucked in a sharp breath as he lowered her bottom onto his thighs.   
This opened her legs, her nightgown, which had already been lifted a little by his arms underneath, slid further up over her thighs and exposed a lot of bare skin.

Now she was sitting on his legs, but that wasn't what Sidney wanted. So his hands, not wanting to let go of her bare bottom, pulled her slowly closer to him.   
He looked at her intently and saw Charlotte blush in a delightful way as her thighs spread around his body.

"Don't be ashamed, Charlotte ...," Sidney whispered.   
He pulled her closer and closer until her upper body was finally pressed flat against his bare chest. Her legs wrapped around his waist, she sat almost completely on his lap, but he was careful to keep his aching cock away from her center.   
"You ... to feel you on top of me ..., flush with my body, is ... indescribably beautiful."

Sidney could barely speak, but he wanted to reassure her how arousing and beautiful it felt to feel her weight on him. With his dark, intense eyes he looked directly into hers, even if they where only half open .   
"I can feel your ..., your beautiful breasts, which are only separated from my skin by the thin linen, your ... thighs open around my hips and ... your face is so close to me that I can see every adorable freckle."

Charlotte smiled at the hoarse, dark growl of his voice, even as the blush spread across her neck. Slowly she slid her fingertips into his short curls, which made Sidney take a deep breath.   
His hands, which were still on her skin under the fabric of her nightgown, slid very softly over her open legs, searching for the sensitive skin of her inner thighs.

"You don't know how long I've dreamed of kissing your lips or being close to you. How long I've wished to touch you like I do now, Charlotte ... but I ... I wasn't sure if you want that too."  
Overwhelmed by incredible emotions, Charlotte lowered her forehead to his while she laughed shudderingly and softly. Since he had almost whispered the last words on her lips, she could feel his breath on her face, which is why she needed a moment to find an answer in her head.   
"You dreamed about this? I ... I didn't know that ... I thought ... I mean, you were so angry because you had to marry me."

Before she could say more, Sidney's soft lips were on hers. He kissed her hungrily, but there was a tenderness in the movement of his mouth that made Charlotte whimper.   
His hot tongue slowly traced the shape of her lower lip, before he slid into her slightly open mouth to meet hers searchingly. Her taste and passion made him moan deeply, and the sound gave her entire body goose bumps.   
Their playing tongues rubbed against each other, caressed each other, and when Sidney lured Charlotte's into his own mouth, she followed willingly. The sensation of slipping into his warm mouth and exploring him made Charlotte forget for a moment what his hands were doing.   
But then she felt his fingers slide over her bare hips, sliding up and down her sides, making her moan roughly into his mouth.

Sidney swallowed her moans, which only made him more desperate.   
Her warm, silky skin twitched under his fingers and his need for her consumed him. But he remembered what she had just said and had to answer her.   
He found it difficult to concentrate, however, as her fingers slid over his spine and he trembled himself, causing him to detach from her mouth.

"I was never angry because I had to marry you, Charlotte. I ..., I _wanted_ to marry you, but ... I didn't find the courage then to openly show you my feelings."   
His voice sounded embarrassed and sad, knowing that he had treated her very badly at their wedding. It was never his intention, but the fact remained.

“But ..., you were so cold on the evening of our wedding ..., in your hotel room ..., and then all the weeks after that.So different from now ...," Charlotte broke off, confused, but continued to run her fingers over his skin.   
She loved the way he shivered and the way his back arched the deeper she got. Like him, she ran her fingertips over his sides, but when she felt the twitch in his stomach muscles, she stopped.

"You were scared of me ... in the carriage after the ball when I took you to my room," Sidney whispered.   
His eyes were only half open as her fingers were driving him crazy, but he wanted to look at her.   
"It hurt me more than I wanted to admit, that's why I kept my distance."

This little furrow appeared on Charlotte's forehead and Sidney couldn't help but press his lips against it.At the same time he spread his fingers, which had slowly moved back to her hips and thighs, to touch as much of her alluring skin as possible.

"I wasn't scared ... I was just ... well. I heard so many confusing things that night, and after that I was ..., I was terribly unsure if you would even like my body ... ".

Charlotte's breath caught and her nails dug into the soft skin between his shoulder blades.   
On his way up, Sidney’s large hands had slipped over her hips, but his thumbs had brushed the soft curls that covered her center. The fleeting touch was enough to cause the same ache there as in her nipples, so she unconsciously pressed closer to him, searching.

Only slowly, Sidney let his hands slide higher, because he had to force himself not to push his fingertips further into her silky curls. He wanted to devour her, to explore every inch of her, but he also wanted to take his time.   
Nobody had ever touched her like that, nobody had ever looked at her naked form, which is why his heart was racing with love and pride.  
  
But ... did she just say that she didn't know if he would like her body?   
With glowing black eyes he pulled back a little to look closely at her.

"Charlotte, don't you know that you are the absolute seduction for me?"   
He whispered and demonstratively let his eyes slide over her - sitting with her legs spread open on his lap, in an almost transparent nightgown and with hard, stiff nipples which pressed tantalizingly through the still damp fabric from his mouth - she was utterly sensual.   
"Look at you ... even back then, on our wedding day, when I had no intention of approaching you in this way because that would not have been right, you had already seduced me with your sensual curves. You are ... you are so tempting ...".

He could barely contain himself, slid his hands up over her slim stomach and her ribs and finally enclosed her full, heavy and bare breasts with his large palms.   
They both moaned deeply, each in the other's mouth, their lips lightly touching. Charlotte's hands clutched the back of his neck as she desperately arched her back to get closer to his touch.   
His hands were rough but so tender and hot on her bare skin as he slowly caressed her breasts and rolled her nipples between his fingers.

"Every ..., every touch from you back then at the midsummer ball had made my skin tingle. I ... hadn't understood why this happened, but ..., I often longed for this feeling when I was alone."   
Charlotte whispered the words into his mouth and dared it then to lick over his lip with her tongue. This caused a growl from Sidney that vibrated throughout her whole body.   
His mouth claimed hers in a passionate, deep kiss while his hands slowly slid over her bare body under her nightgown. It seemed like he couldn't completely separate from her breasts, but he put one of his hands on her lower back and spread his fingers up to her bum.

She wasn't close enough, his whole body ached with the need for hers, so he pressed her hips even more against his. Knowing that only his breeches were separating him from her warmth made him even harder, and he groaned in desperation as Charlotte's fingers reached into his hair.   
Gently, she pulled his head back a little to take a shuddering breath and find his eyes.

"Sidney ..., you ... I can feel you on me ...," Charlotte pressed closer to him and rubbed herself against the hard part that pressed against her.   
Was that ...? She had brothers, but still had little knowledge of the male body.   
Her cheeks flushed again as she remembered that he was the only man she had ever seen naked, but she hadn't seen anything hard about him then - except, of course, all the muscles that defined his body.

"That's what you do to me, Charlotte. Only you make me like this."   
When he spoke now, his voice was just a growl, while his eyes had darkened even more.   
"Let me make love to you, Charlotte ... please ..., let me be as close to you as possible."

While his eyes looked almost pleadingly into hers, his hand completely wrapped around her bare bum again, so that he could press her closer until his hard cock rubbed right against her middle.   
He wanted her to feel the exact shape of him, and this time Charlotte forced herself to really answer him.

"Yes ...," she whispered, immediately felt his grip on her bum tighten even more and gasped in surprise.   
In one smooth movement, Sidney turned with her in his arms, rose to one knee, and gently laid Charlotte on her back in the center of his bed. With one elbow he propped his body over hers while his head was roughly level with her navel.

Shivering, Charlotte watched as he looked at her with his dark eyes.   
Since he was laying between her legs, her thighs were still spread and her seductive nightgown had slipped up quite a bit. The thin, translucent fabric at her neckline had also slipped a little so that the milky white skin of her breasts was visible and his lips parted with a low moan.

Carefully, Sidney pulled his hand out from underneath her without taking his eyes off her body.The sight of her was breathtaking and arousing, and he wanted to be able to remember every single sensation.   
Slowly he raised his gaze to hers for a moment to see that she was looking at him, but when he lowered his head to press his lips to her bare thigh, her eyelids fell shut and her head sank back into his soft pillows.

Charlotte whimpered and clutched the sheets in her hands, but her back arched. Sidney's lips parted with a smile as they slid wet and hot over her velvety skin until he reached the hem of her nightgown. Very slowly, he pushed the thin linen fabric further upwards with his palm without removing his lips from her skin, as he followed the freshly exposed path.   
Only when he had reached her hip bone did he stop the movement of his hand because he really wanted to look at her.

She had her left leg slightly bent and her thighs shimmered in the light of the fire, but Sidney's eyes were inevitably drawn to her dark, velvety curls that were clearly visible under her thin nightgown.

"Charlotte ...".

Her name was just a low whisper, which let his hot breath slide over her middle, then his head bowed down again.   
Gently, he stroked the inside of her thighs with his scratchy stubble to soothe her skin afterwards with his soft lips. At the same time, however, his hand pulled her nightgown further up to the bottom of her breasts.   
Unable to say anything or even move an inch, Charlotte let him bare her, but her cheeks burned with shame as she knew exactly where his head was.Even so, her whole body tingled and deep in her stomach it pulsed in a strange way, which intensified when he put his palm over her navel.

Sidney's senses were completely flooded with her scent and his lips slid higher up her thigh. He kissed her soft skin gently over her hipbone, drawing a path to her navel, but his need was just too strong.

Groaning, he buried his nose in her fragrant curls and heard her gasp for air.   
But he also felt her hips rose slightly, as if she were searching for his touch, so he pressed his mouth right into the soft hair to kiss her gently. But he was looking for her taste, so he let his mouth slide deeper.   
Simultaneously, his hand slid down from her navel and as his fingers dipped into her velvety curls, his lips touched her half-open folds.

"Sidney ...".   
Charlotte gasped, but couldn't stop her leg from falling to one side. She hadn't expected him to touch her like that there, although the feel of his lips and fingers at her most intimate place was overwhelming.   
But when his mouth opened and she felt the tip of his wet tongue opening her slit, she moaned loudly and her body arched up again.   
Breathing hard with pleasure, Sidney shifted his weight and slipped his hand under her lower back for support. Her taste on his tongue was earthy and sweet, utterly heady, but he forced himself to look up at her.

"Do you like it when I do this?" He asked a little uncertainly, although the expression on her face was answer enough.   
She looked completely enraptured, while her cheeks were lovely flushed. With her eyes closed, she dug her teeth into her lower lip and breathed absolutely shuddering.

Since she didn't answer, he crawled slowly over her body, but let his open mouth slide over her stomach and ribs. Gently, he pushed the soft fabric of her nightgown up over her breasts with his hands, followed with his lips and licked her soft skin until he reached her aroused nipple.   
As he closed his lips this time around her bare, hard bud and sucked gently, Charlotte shoved her hands into his hair and moaned hoarsely.

She held him there, loved the feel of his mouth right on her skin and could no longer think clearly. The more he adored her breasts with his mouth, the more she lifted her hips searchingly.   
She searched for the hard part of him and whimpered in frustration when she noticed that he was still wearing his breeches. With more courage, but still trembling fingers, Charlotte slowly ran her hand down his spine, tucked her fingertips under his waistband and heard his growl as she brushed his bare bottom.

Shuddering, Sidney brushed his mouth over her throat to her cheek, but pulled back when she turned her head to catch his lips.

"Tell me, Charlotte," he whispered breathless and looked at her.   
"Tell me if you like it when I kiss you - everywhere ...".

He had said that he wouldn't do anything she didn't want him to do, even if he felt he was bursting with need.   
Only gently, he rubbed his mouth over hers, sucked in her quick breaths, and gave in as her hand pressed his bum closer to her hips. Whimpering, Charlotte pressed herself against his hard bulge, finally opened her eyes and met her husband's glowing gaze.   
She nodded in response to his question, barely noticeable and with flushed cheeks, but Sidney shook his head.

"Tell me, my love ...," he demanded in a dark voice, but did not remove his lips from hers."Tell me if you like my lips on your skin."

Taking a deep breath, Charlotte closed her eyes, but immediately opened them again and ran her hands over his broad back. The twitching of his muscles and the faint sound that escaped him gave her the courage to finally answer him properly.

"Yes ..., yes Sidney, I like it," she breathed softly and began to tremble as his eyes lit up and a happy, relieved smile appeared on his face.   
"I never thought ... what your hands and mouth do, I ... I didn't know I could feel things like that ... like you make me feel. But ... do you like it too?"

She had barely finished speaking when Sidney kissed her with sheer desire and lust.   
For a moment he put his full weight on her, which felt incredibly good, and let his tongue dance with hers until they were both breathless. For this reason Charlotte whined softly when he pulled back and supported himself with one arm.

"Do I like it? Charlotte ..., I've been longing to explore every inch of your gorgeous body for days. You have no idea how beautiful it is to touch your soft skin ... to suck your tiny, sweet nipples into my mouth or ... to taste your scent on my tongue."   
He sounded so sincere and full of admiration that Charlotte sobbed softly.With his eyes fixed on hers, Sidney gently moved his hands over her arms to raise them above her head so he could pull her nightgown completely off her beautiful body.   
He gave a choked groan as she lay naked in his bed beneath him and straightened slightly to take a moment to soak up the sight of her.

"You are so breathtakingly beautiful, Charlotte ..., your sensual curves are so seductive."

Gently, he placed his palm between her breasts, bevore he slowly and tenderly traced a line through the deep valley, over her stomach and her navel to her now slightly glittering curls.   
Her cheeks flushed deeply, as well as the skin of her throat and her breasts because he was looking at her so obviously and his eyes lingered between her legs for a moment, but she didn't feel the need to cover herself. His gaze triggered something in her ... something that made her brave and made her long to become one with him.

Distracted by her absolutely arousing sight, he did not notice where her hands were going, but when Sidney felt Charlotte slowly fumbling for the buttons on his breeches, he had to take a shuddering breath and tense every muscle as she came too close to his aching cock.

"May I ... do you allow me to take off your breeches? I would love to look at you."   
At the sound of her trembling voice, Sidney closed his eyes for a moment, but he nodded.

"Of course ..., take them off," he growled through clenched teeth.   
As she opened one button after the other, Charlotte let her eyes slide over his twitching, tense stomach muscles. She never expected that she would ever undress him or lie in front of him with her legs apart without being ashamed, but she wasn't. He made her feel desirable and beautiful so that she had no reason to be shy with his eyes on her.

She could feel his hard length under his breeches and was surprised at his size. He seemed really huge to her, and when she deliberately let her fingers slide over the hard shape beneath the fabric with more pressure, he twitched towards her touch.   
It fascinated her, and she kept doing it until she could open his breeches to look at him.

With his eyes closed, Sidney felt every stroke and every rubbing of her little fingers against him and needed everything to hold his composure.   
Of course, he knew she was doing it on purpose and heard her inhale sharply as she bared his cock to her eyes.

"Oh ...". At the sight of him, Charlotte's whole body shuddered.   
"You look so big and hard," she muttered in amazement, but bravely reached out her hand to touch him. Curiously, she looked at his large, very hard and velvety-looking cock, saw its dark red, glistening tip and slowly ran her fingertips over it, but Sidney pulled back with a growl.

"Charlotte ..., I can't take that."   
Almost hastily, he pulled his breeches over his legs to toss them on the floor next to the bed.He refused to leave his place between her legs and didn't give her much time to look at him - let alone touch him, because her gentle, wandering fingers felt far too good for him to endure her caressing for long.   
Instead, he slowly lowered his head to dip his tongue into her navel.

Gently, he put both hands on her hips, slipped lower and moaned when he could finally press his nose into her fragrant curls again. Her scent was stronger now, her legs spread even wider and Sidney could see that her wetness made her folds glitter.  
All he longed for was her taste, but he didn't want to overwhelm her.   
So he managed to put at first slow, gentle kisses into her soft curls and on the skin where her leg began, but her folds seemed to call for him. Sidney could hear how hard Charlotte was breathing, but her breathing stopped completely when he pressed his open mouth right onto her middle. She was so wet that her moisture stuck to his lips.   
Growling, he slowly licked her slightly splayed folds, but couldn't take it anymore and finally dipped his tongue into her sensitive slit.

When she felt his hot tongue in this place again, Charlotte couldn't help but open her mouth and moan his name with a long, loud whimper.   
Without meaning to, her hips rose closer to his face and made Sidney hum with pleasure. Her back arched again and she dug her teeth uncertainly into her lower lip as her reaction was so unrestrained, but when his long fingers slid through her curls to join his tongue between her tingling folds, Charlotte forgot everything around her.   
There was only him and her, nothing else.

"I love your scent, Charlotte ... your wetness for me."   
Sidney rubbed his nose in her curls again and mumbled hoarsely his adoration for her, before he gently opened her slit with his fingers. With his mouth open he kissed her most sensitive skin, and had to moan softly as her legs spread further for him. The moment the tip of his tongue found her little pearl to circle around it, he slipped his fingers towards her entrance.   
He heard her whimper and moan growing louder, but as he slowly entered her moist warmth with one of his fingers, she cried his name.

"Sidney ...".   
Completely breathless Charlotte felt how his finger filled her and how the burning inside her body got stronger and stronger. All she could do was wail his name again, her voice barely audible.

The noise caused goosebumps all over his body and made his cock throb with desire for her, but Sidney wanted to adore her, show her what he wanted to do for her to please her and how much he needed her - all of her.   
Her insides were wet and hot on his finger, and while he moved slowly within her narrow walls so as not to injure her, he sucked her now hard pearl into his warm mouth.   
And then he felt her hand in his hair, as if she wanted to hold on to him.

Charlotte hadn't noticed that her hand had moved until she felt his short curls on her fingers.What he made her feel flooded her whole being, everything tingled and trembled, her body cramped and exploded the moment Sidney slid another of his long fingers inside of her.   
Breathlessly she groaned his name, writhed underneath his mouth and heard him hum softly.

Watching her fall apart from his tongue and fingers was so satisfying and at the same time so arousing that Sidney could barely move.   
He was trembling himself, holding his fingers still inside her just to caress lightly her twitching walls and licking soothing circles in her slit and around her pulsating pearl with his tongue.

It wasn't until she gently pulled his hair with her fingers and whispered his name that he looked up to meet her blurry eyes. Sidney crawled slowly over her body, taking time to stroke her trembling skin with his lips and tongue, and smiled as she arched up again as he sipped her nipple.

"Sidney ... what ...?" Completely confused by the sensations that flowed through her body, Charlotte sought help from the man who hovered naked over her.   
"What ... what did you do to me? I have to apologize, I have completely lost control of myself."

The tenderness in his eyes as he looked at her and cupped her face in his big hands made Charlotte's heart skip a beat, and when he kissed her, gently and slowly, she sighed with happiness.

"Please don't apologize, Charlotte. Your reaction is more than what I hoped for and every single one of your moans and whimpers makes me proud. I ..., I want to hear you when I adore you, want to taste you and feel you ....," whispered Sidney softly.   
"It is indescribable for me to touch you in this way ... to see that you trust me and that I can hold you, worship you ...".   
His voice cracked, his body shuddered and Charlotte wrapped her arms and legs around him to pull him completely onto her body. He gave in with a dark growl deep in his throat, put his weight on her and buried his head in her neck.   
It was clear that his feelings were overwhelming him and after a while Charlotte said what she had known for a long time

"Your whole cold and distant demeanor is purely by pretence, am I right, Sidney? You just want people to think you are unfeeling," she whispered in his ear as she slowly ran her hands over his bare spine.   
He arched his back with a whimper as he shivered, but at the same time pressed his open mouth against her throat. Her own feelings for him flooded her and she couldn't help but tell him what she thought of him.   
"You are the most tender person I know ... you are loving and caring. When you look at me now I can see in your eyes what you are feeling ... that's why I understand why you hide yourself so desperatly from everybody. So that nobody sees who you really are."

Charlotte really understood the reason for his behavior. She got the feeling that once he allowed himself to show it, he felt way too strong and that it was therefore easy to hurt him. For this reason he had decided to close himself off to everyone else in order not to show his inner thoughts.   
But now he was showing them to her, he was letting her see who he really was and Charlottes heart raced with the love she felt forhim.

Slowly, Sidney raised his head to find her eyes.   
His hand trembled as he gently wiped her sweaty curls from her forehead with his fingers, an unreadable look in his eyes. He watched her mouth open with a low sigh and reached down to lightly touch her lower lip.   
He was shuddering with his need for her and his overhelming feelings while he could feel the goose bumps on his back, but before he could find the words he wanted to say to her, he leaned down to kiss her softly.

"Not from you ... I couldn't hide from you ...," Sidney finally whispered softly into her mouth and moved his hips slightly against hers.   
He could feel her warmth on him, her wetness moistened his cock and all he wanted was to bury himself inside of her.   
"From the moment I first saw you on the cliffs, I felt like you could see right through me. That ... that is why I was so rude to you."

"You don't have to hide from me." Her answer was only a faint breath, but Charlotte felt his hardness between her legs and everything in her started tingling again. "I very much like the man you really are ... and I will protect your heart."   
She flushed deeply at her own words - had she really just said that?   
But Sidney looked at her with such affection that she knew he understood what she meant. She felt tears in her eyes as he lowered his lips to hers with a supressed groan.

As he kissed her deeply and slowly, with all the love he felt for her, he grabbed her hands to place them on the bed above her head.With his big hand he held both of her little ones and let his other fingers slide slowly over her naked body.   
Over her velvety, full breast, which fit so perfectly in the palm of his hand, her ribs and slim stomach to her hips and from there to her bum and thigh. He couldn't wait any longer, he had to become one with her and moved so that the tip of his cock dipped into her entrance.   
Her wetness and heat made him moan, but he stopped and pulled his lips from hers.

"Look at me, Charlotte ...".

His voice was so dark and hoarse that Charlotte almost couldn't hear him.But she opened her eyes and looked into his as he moved his hips towards hers.

Sidney entered her very slowly and carefully.   
He squeezed her hands above her head and caressed her thigh with his fingers, but the deeper he got and the more her tight, warm walls enclosed him, the more his body trembled. His eyes were almost black, his mouth descended on hers with a shuddering moan, but they continued to look at each other.

It was so intense and tied such a strong bond between them that Charlotte barely felt the pain as his cock spread her walls and his length filled her.   
She only felt the connection to him and clung to his hand until he was finally completely inside of her.

"Charlotte ..., are you all right? You are so tight around me...," the urge to thrust into her was strong, but Sidney enjoyed the feeling of how she slowly took him in and how her wetness enveloped him.   
He suspected that his size would probably be painful for her, which is why he paid attention to her every movement, but she only rose her hips to meet him, searching.

Feeling him deep inside her, Charlotte nodded in response, but she was barely able to breathe. Their eyes where closed while they remained completely motionless and felt their bodies shuddering.   
Sidney still didn't dare move.   
He wanted to give her time to get used to him, so he slipped his hand between her legs from behind to gently caress her wet entrance he had buried himself in. His touch made Charlotte moan, her teeth slightly biting his lower lip, but he waited until she whispered his name into his mouth.

"Sidney ...".

Only very slowly did he withdraw until only the tip of his cock was inside of her and he could feel her hips rose so as not to lose the feeling of him. When he pushed himself back into her warmth just as slowly, but very deeply, he enjoyed her soft scream, which he swallowed with his mouth.   
He loved her tenderly and gently, hit exactly the right spot over and over again and after a while changed the angle by pulling her leg lightly over his waist.

Even when Charlotte freed one of her hands to slide through his hair and then touch the movement of his muscles between his shoulder blades while she writhed beneath him, he neither accelerated his thrusts nor released his lips from her mouth.   
The heat and tension that was building up in both of them was all consuming. The deep passion with which Sidney drove them both to the edge took their breath away as everything around them disappeared and only the two of them remained.   
Charlotte's body exploded from the overwhelming feeling of him inside of her, and as she came undone, Sidney began to shake uncontrollably, so she held him close with all the strength she had.

He lost himself completely - all he knew was that he growled her name repeatedly and that his final thrusts were harder. His throbbing cock got even thicker at the feeling of her twitching walls, as pulsing veins pressed through the velvety skin before he finally came and poured himself hot into her.   
Every muscle in his body seemed to be shaking, he could barely breathe, and he pressed his open mouth against her neck as he slipped his hands under her tiny body to press her against him.

Through the fog in Charlotte's head, she could feel him pumping inside her and his liquid mixing with hers.   
Panting, she wrapped her arms and legs around his large, exhausted body and caressed his sweaty, twitching skin while she enjoyed his heavy weight on top of her. Although she could barely breathe and her heart was racing, she pulled him closer and kept mumbling his name.

It was the most intimate moment the two of them had ever experienced.   
Charlotte would never have expected Sidney to allow her to see him so unguarded, so utterly vulnerable. It showed her his feelings for her without him having to express them, and the knowledge of it made a few tears run down her cheeks.   
Overwhelmed, she gently pressed her lips into his curls and kissed his head - full of love and adoration.

It took Sidney a long time to calm his breathing and shuddering body, but he still couldn't move. In order to relieve Charlotte of his weight anyway, he slipped slightly on his side, but still remained half lying on top of her because he heard her whimper softly.

"Don't ... don't go away, please ...," her voice was scratchy from her screams and moans, but the sound made a shiver run up Sidney's spine anyway.   
Taking a deep breath, he pulled her even closer, placed his hands flat on her warm skin and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"Never ..., I don't want to be anywhere else."   
He felt like he had completely dissolved and merged with her. With his eyes closed he let her hold him tight, felt how she drew patterns on his back and caressed his curls.   
It was pure secureness, and he knew that he would need moments like these for the rest of his life - because only with her did he feel like his truest self.

They lay like that for a long time while it was now completely dark outside the window.But when Sidney noticed her arms getting heavier and her stroking movements stopped, he finally dropped completely to his side, holding her exhausted body close to his.   
She was already asleep, just mumbled his name and moved searchingly in his direction until he pulled her head with his hand against his chest, just under his chin. Her arms and legs remained wrapped around his body, even in her sleep, and Sidney stroked her with admiration and affection.

She was his wife, lying naked in his arms, and while her warm breath tickled his chest, he quietly whispered the words he hadn't uttered in more than a decade.   
Back then he had said them thoughtless and had been humiliated afterwards, which is why he never thought he would ever be able to say them to anyone again, but he knew that his feelings were much stronger and deeper now than they were then - and that Charlotte returned them.

Even if she was sleeping now he knew he had to tell her because it was all he felt for her.

"I love you, my dear ...,I truly love you, Charlotte."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always with these chapters, I'm very unsure and nervous about posting it, but I hope it was worth the wait.
> 
> Thank you all very much for reading my story and for your patience with me.  
> Stay healthy ...


	22. Growing together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all so much for your lovely and overwhelming comments on my last chapter 💕.  
> I thank you all with all my heart ❤️❤️

Sidney woke up startled and immediately felt that something was wrong.

She was gone - Charlotte seemed to have freed herself from his arms while he was sleeping and had left his bed.   
A sudden cold hit him at the thought and made him shiver, which is why he sat up tormented, rubbed his face with his hand and then pulled his hair almost painfully to dispel his beginning panic. It was completely dark in his bedroom, so it was the middle of the night as only the moon cast its soft light through the window.   
Where did she go and why had she left him?   
His heart started racing with uncertainty, so he closed his fist in the sheet covering him, but then he heard bare feet on the floor through the murmur in his head.

With a gasp, his head turned in the direction of the sound and he felt like his heart just stopped when his eyes found her.   
Apparently still naked and only wrapped in one of the white sheets from his bed, Charlotte approached him slowly, her curls wild from sleep. She came from the direction of the adjoining room and Sidney realized that she might have had a natural need.

Seeing her flooded him with sheer relief as he breathed out slowly and shakily. But now his heart began to race again, but for a completely different reason than just now.   
She looked at him shyly, while her steps slowed down until she finally stopped in front of the bed. Her cheeks were flushed again in that most delightful way, her lips slightly swollen from his kisses, and her eyes sleepy. With one hand she held the sheet together in front of her breasts, but as she walked Sidney could see her long, velvety and wonderfully bare legs.

In that moment, Sidney knew that he was completely lost in her and that she had the full power over him, because he couldn't even think about what he would have done if she had really left him.   
It would probably have killed him on the spot.

The look in his eyes had gone from frightened to relieved to aroused and Charlotte's breath caught.   
She had woken up because she had to relieve herself, but had hesitated for a long time before leaving his loving embrace. When she had noticed how he held her to himself in his sleep and pressed his face firmly against her head, it had flooded her with so much affection that she hadn't been able to resist and had pressed her lips softly against his chest.

But in the end her physical need had grown too strong, which is why, wrapped in one of the sheets, she had hurried to return to him as quickly as possible. She had hoped he wouldn't notice her absence and since he hadn't moved she had assumed he would sleep soundly.   
She wanted to slip back into his warm embrace, to feel his hot, wonderfully naked body against hers again and was therefore surprised and a little insecure because he had still woken up in such a short time without her.

The sight of him reminded her of all the things they'd done that night, which made her a little shy.   
She knew that it was she who had tousled his hair so much that it now curled up delightfully and stuck wildly from his head. His lips were an even darker color than usual, probably from the many kisses he had given her and the other things he had done on her body with his lips.   
He looked so incredibly seductive as he sat bare-chested and lit by the moonlight in his bed while he literally devoured her with his eyes.   
Charlotte stopped right in front of the mattress and wasn't sure what to do. Should she just climb back into bed with him?   
Should she drop the sheet or keep holding it around her body?

While she wondered how to act, Sidney slowly raised his hand and unconsciously gave her an answer to her last question.   
The moment his long fingers closed around the fabric that hid her shape from his eyes to gently pull on it, Charlotte breathed in with a shudder. 

His heart was racing with fear that she would refuse his silent request and not let go of the sheet, but he needn't have worried. Without taking her eyes off his, Charlotte loosened her grip on the protective fabric so that Sidney's pull caused it to fall to the floor.   
The slightly cool air of the room together with his dark gaze made goose bumps creep over her whole body and her legs softened as she stood completely naked in front of him.

The groan wich escaped him was rough and throaty, clear evidence of how much he liked her sight.   
Sidney's lips parted as he let his eyes slide over her curves and instantly felt his own body react. His cock stiffened completely and he began to tremble again.   
His own need for her - her closeness, her warmth ..., her tight, damp walls that enclosed him - surprised even him, as it consumed him completely.

Charlotte was completely fascinated to see how his eyes darkened even more the longer they slid over her bare body. It made her shiver, but she didn't say a word when she also reached for the sheet that hid his lower body from her eyes. She wanted to look at him just as he did at her, while she felt the exact same, burning and ever-present need to be close to him.   
Slowly she pulled the sheet from his body and followed the fabric with her eyes as first his lower abs, then his hip bones, and finally his cock were exposed.

Her breath caught at the sight, but bravely she continued to pull the fabric over his thighs and finally freed him completely.The dark curls that covered his most intimate area drew her eyes inexorably, causing the strange pull inside her.   
After he hadn't given her much time the night before, she now let her gaze slowly glide over his already hard and thick length with admiration. She felt how this warm wetness formed between her own legs, which apparently only he could produce in her, and groaned softly while she bit her lower lip.   
The arousal she felt at the sight of him made her stagger, but she couldn't close her eyes. He was way too beautiful ...

Completely spellbound, Sidney watched her body react to him.   
Goosebumps covered her skin again and her sweet nipples hardened and stretched out, searching for his touch. As his gaze slid deeper, he saw her slim stomach twitch, but when his eyes reached her center he could feel himself stiffen even more.   
Her juices glittered in her soft curls, which made him growl deeply. Shivering slightly, he held out his hand to her, his palm up, and managed to let his gaze slide over her body up to her face.

"Come here ...," he whispered softly and a little hoarse from sleep, but he could see how the sound made her breath catch. "Come to me."

His gentle plea made Charlotte's heart beat faster. Without hesitation, she took his hand, was immediately relieved to feel his skin on hers and let him pull her closer to him.   
Carefully she climbed onto the mattress, placed her knees to the left and right of his thighs and crawled slowly closer and closer. The whole time they looked each other in the eye and could see how much they longed for one another.

She groaned deeply when she felt Sidney's other hand warm on her hip.   
His fingers slowly slid to her lower back, bringing her even closer to him. Again she sat on top of him, this time they both were completely naked and Charlotte immediately felt his hard cock exactly where it prickled almost painfully between her thights.

For a moment, Sidney had to close his eyes because his painfully throbbing length was pressing right against her wet slit. Feeling her moisture on him was insanely arousing, which is why he moved his hips slightly against hers.   
Their eyes were locked, and while Charlotte slowly ran her fingers over his sleepy face, she studied him closely.

"Why did you wake up?" Her voice was low and a little breathless."I hope it wasn't my fault ...".   
Slowly, she scratched his scalp with her fingernails before she let her hand slide over his spine. Her touch caused goose bumps on his whole body, and his strong reaction brought a shy smile to her face.   
Her expression was so enchanting, her rosy lips so close to his, and as Sidney growling arched his back, he slowly bowed his head closer to hers. He enjoyed her soft whimper as soon as he caressed her mouth with his and lost himself in the wonderful feeling for a moment.

"You were gone ..., I ..., well ... I was a little scared," he finally muttered without stopping to kiss her as light as a feather.   
He could feel her mouth moving with his, how she tried to increase the pressure to feel his lips closer to hers and gently released his fingers from hers. Tenderly, he briefly caressed the sensitive skin on her wrist before sliding up her arm and heard her breathing quicken.

"Why were you scared?"   
In order not to lose the touch of his lips, Charlotte followed his mouth as he tried to withdraw. Her longing for him made him giggle with delight, but only for a moment, because when her slender fingers touched his side, he groaned and hungrily deepened his kiss.   
He dipped his tongue gently into her mouth, where he immediately searched for hers and felt her hard nipples on his chest as Charlotte arched against his body.

She felt the exact path of his fingers like fire on her skin.   
Still holding her hips tight against his with one hand, he ran his free fingers over her shoulder, down her back, and then to her side. He gently searched for her navel, dipped his thumb in briefly, but then slowly slid upwards.   
The higher he slid over her ribs, the heavier her breathing became, until she broke away from his mouth, whimpering.

Also panting, Sidney opened his eyes and looked at her while he gently cupped her beautiful, heavy breast with his palm.   
Like last night, her cheeks were beautifully flushed, but the way she lifted her upper body towards him to meet his touch, he knew that she wasn't ashamed in front of him.

"I don't know ..., I was scared you had left me ...".   
Carefully and gently, he ran his thumb over her tiny, stiff bud, while his fingers firmly held her full swelling and her soft moan made his hard length twitch between her folds.

"I would never leave you ...," Charlotte moaned before her head fell back and she unconsciously began to rub her hips slowly against his.   
His hands on her body felt beautiful, she felt him so arousingly hard between her legs, so she just forgot her shyness. She wanted to feel him again like the night before and had the feeling of being completely safe in his arms - that she could just be herself without being able to do anything wrong.   
She trusted him - knew that he would hold her tight and therefore surrendered to him completely.

Seeing her like this took his breath away. Sidney's eyes hung on her beautiful face, but then slowly slide down to his hand to see how he caressed her velvety breast.   
With her head bent back, the shimmering skin of her neck lay completely open in front of him and attracted his touch. So he leaned forward with a shaky breath and made her whimper his name as his warm mouth pressed against her throat.

"Sidney ...".

He licked her neck gently, sipped the delicate skin over her collarbone and kissed her pulse point with his mouth open.   
Breathing heavily, Charlotte reached into his hair with her fingers to hold on to him. His touch made her body burn and all she felt was him. Impossible to hold back, she moaned loudly as Sidney cupped her breast from below to lift her nipple up to his searching lips.   
His mouth was hot as he sucked gently on her bud and the growl he made vibrated through her body.

He loved the feel of her hands in his hair, loved the way she pulled on his short curls and opened his mouth hungrily. With sheer desire, he licked gentle circles around her stiff nipple with his tongue and let it glisten with the moisture of his mouth.   
Only slowly, he pulled his tongue over her skin to her other nipple, but this time he sucked harder.

The rubbing of her hips against him had grown stronger and Sidney could feel her getting wetter and wetter.Slowly he ran his hand over her cute little bum to her thigh to seek her warmth.   
Her legs were spread wide around his body, her folds had opened and Charlotte whimpered choked as he pushed his fingertips through her damp, soft curls.

"Oh Charlotte ...," his dark voice sent a tingling sensation down her spine and she arched her back, pressing her breast against his open mouth. He kissed her nipple gently, but then sucked it hard into his mouth and at the same time slid two fingers into her slit.   
"You are so wonderfully wet, dear ..., and you are so damn beautiful."

Unable to answer, Charlotte pressed her mouth into his hair and moaned uncontrollably as his gentle fingers slid up and down her wet slit.   
He dipped only briefly into her opening before he spread her moisture from there onto her aching pearl. The more he stroked her and let his fingers circle, the stronger the tingling inside her became.   
But Sidney was also getting more desperate. His mouth engulfed her breasts, his body began to tremble, and his breath became harsh.

The moment he slowly entered her with two fingers and stroked her narrow walls, he looked up at her.   
Her mouth opened in a breathless, long-lasting moan and Sidney couldn't help but lick her lips with his tongue. She responded immediately, claiming his mouth with hers and rubbing her tongue against his demandingly.   
That she dared to kiss him like that, move her hips against his fingers and slide her hands over his neck to his shoulders filled him with pure joy and a deep desire to be inside her.

Charlotte was overwhelmed by her own passion, but the need to taste his mouth and explore him was far too strong.   
His long fingers inside her made her feel so incredibly close to him, and the way he kissed her back with his own passion left her completely weak.At the same time she wanted to explore his skin, so she slid her hands down his spine to his hips and then forward to his abdominal muscles.   
They were tense and twitched under her fingers, but when she pushed her fingertips lower, over the hairline that led down from his navel, his whole body shuddered.

Whimpering, Charlotte wanted to follow his hand when he let go of her breast and slowly stroked over her side to her hip. As he also slowly withdrew his hand from inside of her, her head fell against his shoulder and she began to tremble, so Sidney kissed her neck gently.   
He cupped her bum firmly in his hands and lifted her effortlessly so that the tip of his erect, hard cock slipped into her slippery folds.

Confused, Charlotte raised her head and looked for his eyes. She wouldn't know what to do if he didn't turn her over to lay her on her back.Did he want her to continue to sit on top of him?   
Their eyes met, Sidney saw the question in her face and leaned forward to place a tender kiss on her swollen lips.

"I would love to feel you on top of me ..., to look at you when you move.You don't have to be insecure, my dear. I will help you ... ,” he whispered softly as the tip of his cock found her warm entrance.   
Charlotte groaned, clutching his broad shoulders and could feel the movement of his muscles under his taut skin.

Without taking their eyes off each other, Charlotte slowly slid onto Sidney’s hard length.   
The more she took in of him in her moist warmth, the more they both trembled. His strong hands were warm on her hips, his fingers spread so that he could caress her bum.   
Very slowly and carefully he lowered her body onto him until he was completely buried inside of her.

Breathlessly, Charlotte kissed his mouth, pressed her forehead against his and searched his eyes again.The feeling of being filled and spread by him triggered an overwhelming tingling sensation in her, without her even moving.

"I could stay like this forever ... with your beautiful naked body in my lap, buried in your tight heat and with your lips on mine ...".   
The deep growl of his velvety voice rolled through her entire being. There was such tenderness in his gaze - it was pure love.   
He hadn't mentioned it directly, but still Charlotte felt she was loved by him. In any case, she knew that she loved him ...

With a soft sigh, she cupped his head in her hands and kissed him slowly and gently.The need to move made her instinctively roll her hips, which made Sidney shudder.   
Her little hesitant movements let him slide deeper and deeper into her and he had the feeling to become completely one with her.

Only when Charlotte began to whimper and pulled away from his mouth, panting because the desire inside her body was too strong, she felt his hands tightening his grip on her hips.   
Slowly and gently he lifted her up so that his cock slipped out of her before lowering her back down onto him. She took his hard length even more slowly back in and enjoyed the feeling that he was sliding as deep as possible into her narrow walls.

Trapped in the sight of her, the feeling of her riding him, he just gently helped her move. He surrendered himself completely to her and gave her the power over him.   
Sidney began to shiver more and more, his breathing became difficult and finally he had to close his eyes.Charlotte noticed how he leaned his head back on his neck and couldn't resist pressing her mouth against his stubbly Adam's apple.   
He groaned loudly, raised a hand to slide it into her hair and held her head while Charlotte caressed him with her lips. His skin tasted absolutely arousing, which is why she sipped at him with her mouth open. It was reallyexhilarating ...

As his hand slipped all the way from her hip to her bum to help her move further along his length, his fingers slipped out of her hair and cupped her breast. Her hard bud seemed to look for his touch, for it twitched against his palm.   
Sidney growled and arched her upper body backward before bending down to close his lips around her tiny nipple.

"Sidney ..., oh ... please ...," groaning, Charlotte rolled her hips further, the changed angle forming the ball inside her, which grew bigger as he sucked hard on her.

Sidney felt her fingers pull at his hair and lifted his head to be devoured by her mouth immediately.   
He returned her kiss passionately, grabbed her hips again and now returned her movements with his own slow, but hard thrusts.Soon he felt the twitch of her inner walls, felt her losing control and held her tight.   
She whimpered his name into his mouth, shaking uncontrollably and falling apart while Sidney looked at her.

The sight of her was his downfall, the tension in his body peaked and his cock began to pulsate in the grip of her narrow walls before he emptied himself into her.   
All strength left him, he could only growl her name softly and sank back on the mattress, shaking. Charlotte dropped exhausted on his chest, her face pressed into the crook of his neck and her lips against his hot skin.

Breathing heavily, she enjoyed his big hands on her back, felt every stroke of his fingers on her skin and heard him whisper her name over and over again.

"Charlotte ..., my dearest Charlotte ...".

Sidney felt completely exhausted, but absolutely happy, and while he kissed her forehead long and tender, he wrapped his arms tightly around her small body. Although he wanted to stay awake, since he wanted to say so many things to her, he was overwhelmed by sleep. The last thing he felt was her comfortably soothing weight on him and how her warmth still enveloped his now soft and sensitive cock.   
Sleepy herself, Charlotte listened to his rhythmic heartbeat and closed her eyes with a blissful smile.

~

"What are you going to do while I'm with Lady Susan?"

Sidney had insisted on accompanying her here because he was too worried about letting her ride through London alone with the driver.   
It was a new feeling for him, but the fear that something might happen to her - that he could lose her had made it difficult for him to breathe.So now he was sitting next to her in the carriage, holding her hand while Charlotte looked up at him with concern.

She knew that he had work to do instead of accompanying her across town to Lady Susan's house because several letters had arrived for him this morning.   
But he hadn't wanted to hear about it while they had breakfast together, just as they hadn't talked about the slight grin on Thomas's face or Sally's pacified expression.

After waking up in Sidney's arms that morning, she had looked at him without moving. The first rays of the sun had just streamed in through their bedroom window and bathed his bare chest in a golden light.   
She had known he was already awake because even though his eyes were closed, he had smiled as soon as he had felt her gaze on him. His arm had drawn her closer to him, while his hand, which had been between her shoulder blades, had slowly moved over her spine to her lower back.   
The sensation had made Charlotte press her face against his neck and inhale his scent with a shudder.Sidney's soft laugh had only made the tingling sensation in her body worse, and when he had turned her onto her back with a gentle movement to bend over her and kiss her tenderly, Charlotte hadn't been able to do anything but slide her fingers into his hair and moan softly.

Even after they had washed and dressed a while later, there had been nothing uncomfortable between them.   
They had looked at each other, helped each other, and laughed with giggles when Sidney had tried to fasten the little buttons on one of her white dresses.When he finally had made it, he had bent down and pressed his lips lovingly to the place where her shoulder merged into her neck.   
There had been something so special, something so intimate and connecting about this moment, and Charlotte had known that he had felt just like her.

"I'll wait for you," he mumbled now, pressing his mouth into her hair.She held her bonnet with the blue ribbons in her lap, as did he his hat and she leaned close to his body.   
“I have a few things to do in town and then I'll come back here and just wait. You can stay with Lady Susan as long as you like and then I will buy you a warm coat afterward."

When Charlotte looked up at him, she saw an unusual glint in his eyes, as if he was really looking forward to the day, even if he would certainly have to wait a while for her.She smiled amused, but also touched by his concern for her.

"That seems to really matter to you, doesn't it?"   
She giggled, looking down at her coat. The garment wasn't at all not warm enough for the winter, but she was still happy that he thought so much about her. Laughing, Sidney leaned down to give her a gentle, slow kiss before resting his forehead against hers. 

"Yes, it is important to me," he muttered, looking her in the eye. “You are all I have, Charlotte, all I want. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. I ... “, he frowned hesitantly, but then decided to continue.   
“I dreamed for weeks that I couldn't reach you in the collapsing entrance hall in time and that the chandelier would fall on you. The dreams didn't stop until I shared the room with you on Baber's estate. I may be overly protective, but I hope you will forgive me."

Charlotte stared at him speechless, feeling like she couldn't breathe properly. What he had just admitted warmed her heart and brought tears to her eyes at the same time.   
So he had dreamed of her?   
Those weren't pleasant dreams, of course, but knowing that he'd thought of her in the agonizing weeks she'd spent alone in Sanditon after their wedding made it easier for her to think back to that time. How stupid they both had been ...

Since she didn't answer anything to his confession, just looked at him with her big brown eyes, Sidney got nervous and blushed slightly.   
But before he could open his mouth or withdraw from her, Charlotte had raised her hands to his face and leaned over to rest her lips on his. She caressed his mouth gently and sighed softly when she felt his lips part. The tip of their tongues touched very slightly, but that little touch wasn't enough for either of them, so Charlotte slowly slipped her tongue into his mouth.   
It made him shiver, his arms closed around her waist and he pulled her body flat against his, but what took her breath away the most was the deep moan that escaped him.

They kissed until the carriage stopped, but they hardly noticed. Far too much lost in each other, both enjoyed the intimacy of their touching tongues and lips, and the warmth that surrounded their bodies.   
It took the driver's call to get Sidney to break away from his wife, and he did it more than reluctantly.   
Swallowing hard, he let his eyes slide over her flushed cheeks and smiled because her lips were seductively rosy. Gently, he ran his thumb over them, but then sighed deeply and straightened up.

"I really don't want to let you go, Charlotte," he whispered softly, making her heart leap. Chuckling quietly, she watched as he reluctantly opened the carriage door and stepped outside, but he immediately turned to her and offered her his hand.   
“But I want you to enjoy your time with Lady Susan. She would like to come to the regatta in Sanditon and I assured her that you would tell her about the town."

Without letting go of his hand after getting out of the carriage and looking up at the impressive building, Charlotte met his eyes.   
The loving look in them made her swallow, but she also beamed at his appreciation.

“Of course, I will be happy to do that, but I still can't quite believe that she's actually paying me her attention. Just look at this house, it's impressive. I don't really fit in there."   
A little uncertainly, Charlotte's eyes wandered back to the big house, but Sidney put his hand on her cheek and gently made her meet his gaze again.

"Please do not doubt yourself, Charlotte," he said urgently in a low voice."You are an impressive woman and more than capable of doing anything you want to do."   
His expression was serious and intense as he bent down to kiss her lips tenderly. He really didn't want to step back from her, but finally he had to and nodded woth a sighn.   
"Now go, I'll be here when you're done."

Grateful for his encouragement and a little amused that it was so difficult for him to leave her, Charlotte squeezed his fingers and then knocked on Lady Susan's front door.   
The house was even more impressive than Bedford Place or Trafalger House, which is why a short time later she was standing in a warm, bright drawing room with wide eyes and hardly knew how to behave.

"Charlotte, my dear girl," at the sound of Lady Susan's voice, she turned around with a smile."How nice it is to see you here, and I have to say, you literally glow."

Susan winked as she took her young friend's hand and squeezed it in greeting.   
Charlotte Parker looked very different than she had at the _Crossfield Manor_ ball - her cheeks were flushed instead of pale, her eyes were bright and completely lost their sad, uncertain expression, and she stood upright, her shoulders stightened. Most of all, it was her bright smile, even if she frowned a little by her words.   
"It seems that spending time with your husband alone was very good for you, was it not?"

Unsure of how to answer, Charlotte could feel her cheeks flush even more.Just the thought of what they'd done last night made her stomach tingle, but it really wasn't appropriate to talk about such things.

“It was very nice to visit my family, yes. We only got here in London two days ago and I'm surprised how beautiful the Parkers' house is here,” she said, ignoring the subject of her relationship with Sidney.   
Susan sensed her hesitation, but was curious to hear whether the two had gotten any closer, so she led Charlotte to one of the comfortable armchairs near the fireplace. Only when a servant had brought tea, poured it for them and quietly left the room again, Susan leaned closer, a gentle smile on her face.

"Tell me if you've already told your husband that you love him," she said, not very subtly, and laughed softly when she heard Charlotte's breath caught.   
“He seemed very impatient to return to your home yesterday.I don't think I've ever seen a man with more tense muscles than him in this room yesterday. The look in his eyes when he talked about you was definitely that of a lost man."

Charlotte swallowed.   
Knowing how badly Sidney had wanted to get back to her yesterday made her heart skip a beat, and to collect herself, she took a sip of her tea.

"I didn't use the exact words to say that I love him," she finally began to answer, even though she was terribly embarrassed.   
But since she could not talk to her mother about her relationship with Sidney and also could not tell her about the overwhelming closeness between the two of them, she decided to trust Lady Susan again and to confide in her.   
"But ... well, I think we said so much more than that without actually talking to each other."

At these words Susan smiled contentedly.She had wished very much that the two would find their way to recognize and admit their feelings for one another.   
"So he finally made you his wife in all senses of the words, Charlotte?"

Since she could see how uncomfortable such a conversation was for Charlotte, she spoke softly and quietly, but she wanted to make sure that her young friend was all right. At the slight nod and the glint in Charlotte's eyes, she leaned over and squeezed her hand to assure her that everything was fine.

“I hope you had time to talk to your mother about this when you were at home.I can see how embarrassed you are about this topic, but you really don't have to be. The marriage bed is a natural thing that goes with every marriage. How else should the couples have children? Of course, it's not openly discussed, but it's not something friends can not talk about."

Charlotte couldn't hide the brief sadness and disappointment that surely could be seen in her eyes.   
The memory of her mother's reaction to her marriage still hurt, especially since she would have liked to have had a conversation with her the way she was now having with Lady Susan.

“My mother doesn't approve of my wedding to Sidney. She ... well, she doesn't like him, finds him arrogant and not suitable for me and believes a man like him could never be loyal to his wife."   
Charlotte heard how angry she sounded, but she couldn't suppress her inner feelings.   
"And this although she assumes that we married out of love, since my father withheld the circumstances of our wedding from her. I think he fears that she would otherwise have insisted on an annulment. In any case, she was very rude to him when we were in Willingden and hardly talked to me, especially not about topics like ... like the closeness between a husband and his wife."   
It took Charlotte everything to hold back her tears. Repeating her mother's words and knowing how honest and gentle Sidney had actually been with her only made it clear again how wrong her mother had acted.

"Oh, Charlotte, I'm so sorry."   
Susan could tell how hard Charlotte was struggling and felt a sense of anger in her stomach. She didn't know her friend's mother, and she could understand that it might be difficult for a country woman to trust a man like Sidney, but that she hadn't talked to Charlotte about what was going on between two married people was wrong. She should have done it before Charlotte even went on her adventure to Sanditon, to prepare her for any potential trouble.   
“Do you then have any questions that you would like to have answered? I am not your mother, but I want to offer you my support - as your friend."

The gratitude that Charlotte felt made a bright, if a little tear-dampened smile appear on her face.But at the same time she shook her head, because Sidney had answered all the questions she had had.   
“Thank you very much, Susan, I hardly know how I deserve your kindness.But I think Sidney answered all of my questions, he was ... he was really very loving to me.”   
Again she blushed deeply, but smiled when Susan sighed in relief.

"Well, I'm very happy about that. I had the feeling that he could be a tender man, especially in the way he touched and looked at you, but it makes me feel relieved to hear that he was gentle with you.”   
A short shadow crossed her face, and when Susan looked at Charlotte again, she smiled sadly.   
“You know, my husband wasn't exactly a pleasant man, and I will never forget the fear and shame I experienced on my own wedding night. Your husband is special, especially if he was willing to be considerate of your insecurities.I am very happy that you were finally able to show each other your feelings, which, by the way, were more than visible to everyone on Lord Babington's estate."

For the next hour they talked about all sorts of things.   
Charlotte was grateful that Lady Susan told her about her own past as it made her feel less uncomfortable with this particular subject. They laughed, drank tea, and lost a tear or two, but they were both fine.   
When Charlotte finally spoke of Sanditon, Susan listened to her with a smile on her face because the young woman's enthusiasm for the town by the sea was really contagious. Susan knew she would help Charlotte and Sidney make the town a success, simply because she liked them ...

In the meantime, Sidney had taken the carriage to the bustling center of London, where most of the shops were.He stood nervously in a jewellery, but couldn't find what he was looking for.

He was looking for a ring for Charlotte.

It had bothered him for a long time that he hadn't bought one for their wedding day, just as it had bothered him that she wouldn't have a symbol of their marriage on her finger.   
At the time he had thought that she certainly didn't want to wear his ring and had ignored it with an unwanted pain in his heart, but now he knew how wrong that had been.

For days he had planned to finally make up for this mistake and buy her a wedding ring. However, he just couldn't find what he wanted for her.   
He had even looked through his mother's jewelry that was kept in Tom's study in Beford Place, but his father had a very flamboyant taste that made the family jewelry quite opulent.   
It didn't suit Charlotte, and he wanted to buy her something from himself anyway - something from him just for her.

"Can I help you, sir?" The goldsmith who showed him his pieces looked up at Sidney questioningly and frowned. "What exactly were you thinking of?"

Sidney only thought for a moment, remembering her sensual nightgown from the night before and the image of her standing among half faded flowers when he had asked her if she would marry him.   
He could still clearly remember that he had looked at her closely then and had to smile at the memory.

“I had thought of two intertwined flower tendrils that end in a blossom with a small stone. Maybe a lily, or a bluebell,” he spoke softly, imagining exactly what such a ring would look like on her finger.   
It would be perfect.

“I can make a ring like this for you, sir.But I will need a few days."

After discussing exactly what the tendrils and blossom should look like, Sidney paid and left the jewellery to go to a bookstore a few doors down.   
He knew exactly what he was looking for, which is why it didn't take long and after a short time he was back in front of Lady Susans house to wait for Charlotte.

When she finally left the impressive building shortly before noon with a happy laugh, he was standing with his back against the carriage and smoking.As soon as he saw her, he extinguished the cigar, went to meet her and immediately took her hand.   
"Did you have a good time, my dear?"

At first Charlotte could only nod because the sight of him made her heart beat faster and her body got hot.   
He was really handsome in his black coat, his hat and with the cigar held between his lips, but she had to admit that she preferred to see him as casual as he had been in Willingden. Just in a vest and shirt, with sleeves rolled up and no hat so she could see his beautiful curls.   
To clear her mind, she squeezed his fingers tightly while his thumb slid gently over the back of her hand and took a small step closer so that her body almost touched his.

"Yes, it was very nice," she replied finally and then smiled apologetically to him. "I'm sorry you had to wait so long, but we've talked about so many things that the time just flew by."   
Charlotte looked up at him, took a deep breath of his scent, and shuddered when his hand came to rest on her lower back.

"You don't have to apologize," Sidney assured her quietly as he led her back to the carriage.   
He wanted to get in there with her as soon as possible, to kiss her and pull her close, because there were a few people on the street at this time of day.   
“I don't mind waiting for you, Charlotte. Even though I'm glad to have you to myself again now.” 

The glow in his eyes and the way he almost hastily helped her into the carriage made Charlotte laugh, but she thought she knew what he was longing for.   
Because she could only think of one thing, too - to feel his lips on hers.

Sidney had barely closed the carriage door behind her and knocked on the ceiling to let the driver know to leave when he was pulling Charlotte close.   
As soon as his mouth found hers, they fell into a slow kiss that made them both shiver. 

They both would have loved to be far away, just the two of them alone, with no one around to take up their time and keep them apart.   
But despite these thoughts, they spent a wonderful day in the middle of London.   
They had lunch in a pleasant inn and then made their way to the seamstress, whom Sidney had once been to and who had a very good reputation among high society. Charlotte only knew the Sanditon seamstress and was amazed at all the fine fabrics that were available here in London.

Even when she was sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace in Sidney’s study in the early evening, she could still feel the soft, warm fabric of the coat that Sidney had chosen for her.   
It had been a deep red cloth that must have been very expensive, but he had insisted and said that this color would go beautifully with her dark eyes and wild curls.  
In addition to the warm winter coat, they had commissioned a new dress for Lord Babington and Esther's wedding, along with a Spencer and a matching bonnet. Charlotte was certainly not used to buying so many new things, but Sidney clearly enjoyed making her happy.

Now she was a little exhausted, which is why she had stopped reading and just watched Sidney sitting at his desk.   
When they got back to Bedford Place, still several letters had been waiting for him and, although he didn't want to, Charlotte had urged him to open and answer them. She enjoyed sitting in this room with him while he went about his work - it was exactly as she had imagined on her first night here.

At that moment, however, she saw his eyebrows furrow and his expression darken.   
He had just opened a letter he had pulled out of his coat pocket earlier, and the contents of it were obviously not pleasant.

"What is it?"   
She asked worriedly as he tossed the letter on the table in front of him and buried his hands in his hair.   
"Something happened?"

This person would drive him mad at some point, Sidney was sure of that.   
He had known that he would not like the contents of this letter, but had no intention of reacting to it in any way. Still with his hands in his hair, he looked up at Charlotte's worried question, infinitely relieved to have her here with him.

"Nothing has happened.The letter is from Tom in response to my note to him that I will bundle the income and expenses of Sanditon into one company and that he will not have access to the funds without first speaking to me.”   
He got up slowly, took the letter and walked over to her to sit next to her on the sofa.   
"He accuses me of taking everything away from him, what he himself has created and that I still leave him alone with all the work because I'd rather travel than support him."

Charlotte was surprised when Sidney held the letter out to her, but took it from his hand to read it anyway.   
The tone of his brother's letter was only reproachful and demanding, there was not a single friendly word.She felt a deep compassion for Sidney, who had probably been subjected to this treatment for years.

“Has he always put you under such pressure?”   
She asked softly, placing the insulting letter on the small table and then reached for Sidney’s hand to gently stroke his skin.   
"He behaves as if you would have to do everything he asked of you, without you being able to have your own life."

While he enjoyed her gentle fingers and let himself be soothed by their touch, he felt at the same time how his body shuddered with a tingling sensation that again caused heat in him.   
Slowly, he moved closer to her to feel her soft body against his.

“Well ... that was something that we were taught from an early age. He is the firstborn and the head of our family, while I am just the second born son and have to help him achieve his dreams. Our father told us that almost every day, which is why it becomes unbearable for Tom every time I go my own way."   
Sidney sighed deeply, but then felt Charlotte wrap her two hands around his as if she wanted to give him her support. He looked up, noticed the sad and worried expression on her face, but also the love in her eyes and raised his hand to stroke her hair gently.   
“Don't be concerned, my dear. I used to have the feeling that I owed him something because ... because he forced me onto this ship and paid my bills.But ...,“ with a guilty and very remorseful expression on his face he suddenly avoided her eyes and instead looked at their bandaged hands.   


“While I was alone, I didn't really care, but now I have you.How he has treated you since we got married, everything he said to you ... I will never forgive him for that - any more than I will forgive myself for not preventing it. The only person who can get whatever she need from me is you - the only person I am bound to is you. No one else."

With a deep breath, Sidney looked up again and met Charlotte's eyes.He was amazed to see that tears were running down her cheeks, so he raised his arm to gently wipe them with his fingers. The loving gesture only made Charlotte cry even more, which is why she leaned on his shoulder and pressed her cheek against his palm.   
What he said flowed through her with so much warmth and the feeling of such belonging to him that she just couldn't stop her tears.

"Sidney, I ...," she whispered, but even though she wanted to say it, she couldn't get the words out because at that moment his lips were on hers.   
So she tried to tell him through the kiss that she loved him, engulfed his mouth tenderly with hers and leaned her body more and more against his.Sidney groaned when the tip of her tongue found his own.   
Hungry, he allowed her to slide through his parted lips into his mouth and rubbed his tongue gently against hers as she explored him. He was aware that he was about to pull her onto his lap in order to feel her, but wanted to give her something first that he had bought for her today.

So he released himself from her mouth with small, sweet kisses and stood up, although Charlotte whimpered softly.

"Wait a moment ...," he whispered hoarsely, holding her hand until he stepped around the sofa and had to let go of it, and ran hastily to his desk to get a parcel wrapped in paper from one of the drawers.

Breathing hard and trembling, Charlotte watched him, curious about what he was up to.   
She had felt his hands grip her tighter and tighter and knew that he longed for the same thing as she did, but he seemed to want to give her something. Because when he brought parcel back to her and sat down on his knees in front of her, his eyes sparkled with anticipation and his mouth was twisted into such a sweet, slightly shy smile that everything inside her tingled.

"I have something for you," he said softly as he placed the package in her lap.   
"It's nothing big, but ... I hope you like it."

Charlotte's breath caught.   
After today she hadn't expected that he would give her another present.Her fingers trembled as she slowly began to loosen the paper, but shuddered when she felt Sidney’s hands slowly slide down the side of her thighs.   
She could feel his heat, though only above the fabric of her dress, and when she looked up she saw the satisfied smile on his face.

"If you want me to unwrap this, you should stop distracting me," she muttered, slightly breathless, then bit her lip because his soft laugh sounded so dark and beautiful.   
She loved to see him so lighthearted and playful, but when he rose to his knees to run his lips slowly over her collarbone, she moaned.

"But I like to distract you, especially when you blush so seductively and your beautiful breasts rise and fall with your quick breaths."   
The taste of her skin made him want more, which is why he couldn't stop his hands.He cupped her sides gently, sliding further up until his thumbs could draw circles on the swelling of her breasts.   
However, he pulled his head back because he wanted to see her face when she saw his present - and it was exactly as he had hoped it would be.

Her eyes began to glow and tears welled up again as she put one of her hands over her mouth, which was opened in amazement.But she soon dropped her hand again in order to grasp with both hands the object that she had unwrapped from the paper.

It was a beautiful, black leather-bound book that was not particularly large but rather thick.   
Silvery letters shone on the black leather: ' _Sense and Sensibility - by a lady'._

"Sidney ... what?"   
Charlotte couldn't believe what she was holding in her hand.She had heard of this book supposedly written by a women, but she had never read it.Her father had said it was too expensive to buy and it wasn't something he would want to read.   
Did Sidney really buy her a book just for her?   
When she looked up and met his eyes, she saw the joy on his face and placed a hand on his cheek.

“Your father mentioned that you would have liked to read this book, but he didn't buy it. I wanted you to have a book that was only yours, and I thought it would work well to make this library our common one.”   
Sidney nodded toward the large bookshelves, but didn't look away from her.To see her so happy was exactly what he wanted his gift to do.   
"I thought we could read it to each other."

Completely overwhelmed by emotions and feelings of happiness Charlotte began to cry again, let herself fall forward and wrapped her hands around his neck.   
"Thank you, Sidney," she whispered over and over against the warm skin of his neck as she felt his arms wrap around her waist.His large hands rubbed her back gently, probably to calm her, but it sparked a wild fire inside her.   
Gently she began to kiss his throat, spreading kisses on his stubbly cheek to his mouth, where she gently caressed his lips with hers.   
“Thank you for this wonderful present, Sidney.I've never owned a book of my own and I would love to read it with you."

Since Sidney refused to detach his lips from hers, she whispered the words into his mouth, but was then prevented by him from further speaking because he let his tongue slide over her lower lip.   
There was only one thought left in Sidney’s head - he wanted to undress her and feel her body beneath his in their bed.   
When she returned his kiss with sheer passion and slid her hands into his hair, he slipped an arm under her knees, held her tight and got up with her in his arms in one smooth movement.

He heard her gasp, pressed her slim body to his and carried her down the hall to their bedroom without releasing his mouth from hers.   
There he closed the door with his foot, while his whole being only focused on making love to his wife.


	23. unwanted parting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoy it ... 😊❤️

With her eyes closed, Charlotte lay in her favorite spot, the sofa in Sidney’s study, and listened to his dark, beautiful voice.   
At every possible opportunity they had read to each other in the past two days, and for that reason they were already on the last pages of the book Sidney had given her. But since they had both enjoyed this time very much, they had chosen a new book to read aloud together that morning.

During those days Sidney had refused to attend business meetings and had only opened and answered the most important letters - and only because Charlotte had urged him to do so.She hadn't wanted him to get into trouble, but she had absolutely enjoyed his attention and the time alone with him.   
The second floor of Bedford Place had been something like their fortress, because after Sally stumbled over them once, while Sidney was walking down the hall with Charlotte in his arms and his shirt half open, she had started calling from the stairwell as soon as she came upstairs.   
Charlotte had blushed terribly at the time and had later wanted to apologize to the cook, but Sally had only winked and whispered how pleased she was to see them both so happy.

The longing and need for the warmth and closeness of the other was overwhelmingly strong in both, but it wasn't just the physical attraction.   
They had also talked for hours about all sorts of things - the past, their dreams, Sidney’s experiences in Antigua and Charlotte’s life before she came to Sanditon. Either during long walks, on which Sidney showed his wife his favorite places in London, or in their bed in the middle of the night while the moon illuminated their naked bodies.

But no matter what they did, they just enjoyed being together in an open and unguarded way, in the same way like now.   
It was late afternoon and they had returned to Bedford Place about an hour ago after Sidney showed her another very nice park nearby. Now Charlotte was enjoying the warmth of the fire as she listened to his dark, sometimes almost hoarse voice that breathed real life into the story he was reading.

Sidney sat on the floor with his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles, while he leaned his back against one of the heavy armchairs. His fluent and calm reading showed nothing of his troubled feelings, because it was difficult for him to concentrate on the words.   
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Charlotte's bare feet on the sofa, which was quite a distraction.   
It got worse when she turned on her side because now Sidney could see that her dress had slipped a little over her stockingless legs and her bare skin made his fingertips tingle with longing. Holding the book in one hand, he slowly raised his arm to slide his fingers gently over the back of her foot.   
Just this little touch sent a shiver down his back and he even heard himself that his voice took on a deeper, rougher tone.

But he also heard his wife's faint sighing, and at the sound he couldn't help but smile slightly.

For Charlotte, it felt like her whole body caught fire the second he touched her.The darker timbre of his voice began to tingle in her body and the warmth of his gentle fingers spread over her foot and leg to her whole being.   
It was almost embarrassing how strongly she reacted to him, but there was nothing she could do about it.And most importantly, she knew he felt the same way and that he would hold her as soon as his touch began to consume her.

Full of affection for him and with a slight smile on her lips, Charlotte began to let her half-open eyes slide over his figure and take in every detail of him.   
She started with his bare feet, which were closest to her head and slid from there over his legs further up. He was wearing black breeches, but they were very tight, so she could see the exact shape of his shins and thighs. His center was obscured by the book and his hand, but her eyes were drawn to his bare forearms anyway.   
The fine dark hair there seemed to stand up with goose bumps, and since he had rolled up his sleeves, Charlotte's gaze lingered on his naked skin.She wanted to touch him, but had to close her eyes when his fingertips caressed the thin skin over her ankle.

Of course Sidney could feel her looking at him, which made it even harder for him to concentrate on the words in the book.So his fingers closed gently around her narrow ankle to pull only lightly, but Charlotte immediately understood what he was longing for.   
Smiling slightly, she sat up, pushed her bare feet over the edge of the sofa and slid onto the floor with him.Feeling his hand still on her foot, she slipped closer and hesitated only a brief moment before she straddled his thighs, her knees to his left and right. 

Sidney's breath caught and he stopped reading in the middle of a sentence, solely because he was unable to take his eyes off her.   
She looked so beautiful, her heavy breaths stretched her dress over her breasts and he was tempted to reach for her waist to pull her closer, but at the same time he was curious about what she would do. Still, she was way too far away, half on his knees, and not even anywhere near where he wanted to feel her satisfying weight.   
But then he quickly lost all further thoughts, because just at the moment when he wanted to slide his hand up from her ankle to find the soft and warm skin of her leg, Charlotte placed both of her palms flat on his thighs.

Immediately she felt his muscles twitch under the fabric of his breeches.Fascinated by the strength that his body so obviously possessed, she let her fingertips slide slowly over the thick muscle cords and laughed softly as Sidney breathed in with a shudder and the book fell from his fingers to the floor.   
Every time she touched him his strength seemed to leave him, and yet she knew that at that very moment he could have stood up with her in his arms and carried her down the hall if he wanted to.   
It was a complete contradiction, but she loved the reactions of his body.

The higher her fingers went up his thighs, the more he trembled.   
The touch made him want her, his blood got hot and Sidney closed his eyes with a sharp breath while he concentrated entirely on the way her hands slowly slid up and down his legs before Charlotte moved a little closer.Infinitely slowly she slid up the inside of his thighs, brushing her fingertips over his hipbones, whereby she could not remove her eyes from his center.   
She could already see him under the fabric, knew exactly what his breeches were hiding and just brushed her thumb very lightly over the contour of his cock, which was obviously becoming hard.

The deep, growling groan that escaped him made Charlotte look up at him, and she gasped at the sight of him.   
He had his lower lip pulled between his teeth, his brow furrowed, and his Adam's apple moved with his hard swallow. He looked incredibly sensual, and she couldn't help but lean forward and press her lips against the stubbly, warm skin of his throat.

"Charlotte ...," Sidney hissed her name softly, he felt how he grow even harder under her thumb, which was still sliding over his sensitive length.   
As if by itself, his own hand found her thigh, sliding slowly upwards until his fingers wrapped around her waist. Once more he felt her lips sipping the soft skin just below his ear before she pulled back to continue to look at him.

Now her fingers moved gently further up, along the waistband of his breeches, which made him take another deep breath and then up to his navel.He only wore a white shirt, no vest, no suspenders and no tie.   
He liked the intimacy of not being properly dressed that existed between them, because - like him, Charlotte was barefoot most of the time in the house.   
But for this reason he could feel exactly how she slowly traced the contours of his abdominal muscles and how the heat of her hands penetrated the thin fabric of his shirt down to his skin.

"How can it be that you are so muscular?" Charlotte's voice was just a whisper because her heart was racing so fast.   
Her fingers were still tingling from the feeling of the unbelievable hardness under the fabric of his breeches, she would have loved to undo the buttons to touch his soft, velvety skin there and look at him closely, but she didn't dare yet. She wanted to look at everything from him, to worship every part of his glorious, beautiful body and slipped a little more forward on his thighs.   
So now she sat almost in his lap, still too far away to feel the pleasantly hard bulge from him at the point between her legs which tingled almost painful. But instead of sliding even closer, she caressed his stomach attentively.   
"I can follow every single line with my fingers, everything about you seems to be just muscles and soft, warm skin."

Sidney chuckled and opened his eyes only to see Charlotte admiringly follow her fingers on his body to explore him. Her dark curls fell into her face, so he slowly raised his arm to brush the strands behind her ear with his fingers.

"I don't know ... I've always been like this," he replied softly and a little hoarsely, without taking his eyes off her.   
His fingers slowly slid up her calf under her dress, and the sight of her biting her lower lip at the feeling made him growl breathlessly.   
“I like to do physical work, even though I've rarely had the opportunity since returning from Antigua. But I occasionally take part in boxing matches, and I also really like to swim in the sea."

When Charlotte's cheeks blushed enchantingly at his words, a satisfied, crooked grin appeared on Sidney’s face. They both knew he liked to swim in the sea and Charlotte would never forget the sight of him emanating from the cold water.   
Her blush spread across her neck and collarbones as his fingers didn’t stop at the back of her knee this time to brush back to her ankle, but continued up the back of her thigh. While he only intensified her longing for his complete closeness with that, she concentrated on running her fingers over his ribs, enjoying the shudder of his body very much.

"If you like swimming in the sea that much - as we both know," she said playfully, lifting her eyes to his which made her breath catch when she saw the dark, intense expression in them.   
He looked at her like he was about to devour her, and part of her wished he would.But their conversation had taken a direction that had occupied her for a while, so she swallowed hard.   
"Then why don't you live permanently in Sanditon, where the sea could be right on your doorstep?"   
She could see his eyes narrowing a little and bit her lower lip again, nervous about what he would answer.

"I could never live right in Sanditon."   
Sidney saw the disappointment slide briefly over her face before she seemed to force herself to smile.

"Oh ...," was all she could say, but Charlotte nodded.Despite the shameful treatment of Sanditon's residents both before and after their wedding, she missed the town dearly.   
She missed the walks along the clifftops or on the beach, the refreshing salty air and the sounds of the workers.It wasn't that she didn't like being here in London - in this house.She loved it here, but she had hoped he wouldn't want to stay here permanently.

Sidney watched carefully the various emotions that could be seen in her eyes and tightened the grip of his fingers on her thigh.At the same time he let his other hand slide over her lower back, finally pulling her closer to him while he smiled lovingly at her.

"I like London very much ... and I love this house, at least the second floor," he began to explain softly and his smile widened briefly as he searched her eyes.   
“But I don't want to live here permanently either.After a few weeks, London always gets too stuffy, too crowded and too overflowing, which is why I always wish to be anywhere else. I always imagined that I would swim with you in my cove once, and I know that you like to take walks over the cliffs as much as I do, and I would love to do that with you too."

Charlotte frowned in confusion.She completely forgot to continue exploring his muscular chest, but instead closed her fingers into fists in his shirt.   
What exactly did he want to say?

"What ..., what do you mean by that?I don't understand, you ... you just said ...?"   
When she noticed the glint in his eyes and the amused grin on his face, she stopped speaking, also because his hand slipped further down from her lower back.

“I said I couldn't live _right in_ Sanditon, that would be way too close to Tom. I couldn't handle that.”   
The small crease between her eyebrows deepened, making it impossible for Sidney not to touch it.Her confusion was incredibly adorable and his heart stumbled in his chest when he heard her sigh softly as he sat up and pressed his lips to her forehead for a moment. It was tempting to grab her mouth with his, but instead he sank back against the armchair and looked into her eyes.   
“I would rather live with you all alone, in a house outside of Sanditon, which was built between the sea and the river in a light forest and has a large garden.A house that can only be reached by carriage and whose front door nobody can open except you or me, so that we don't have to let anyone in if we don't want to."

As he spoke he held her gaze the whole time and the honesty and the gentleness of his dark voice brought tears to Charlotte's eyes.   
It sounded like he had thought about this many times, and the fact that he didn't just say where _he_ would like to live but where he wanted to live _with her_ almost made her heart stop.

"I would love to live with you in a house that we can make our home, with enough rooms and space for ... for our children, if ... if you want to have children."   
Charlotte's lips, pressed against his, stopped any further word from him, but Sidney was more than willing to surrender to her mouth.   
He felt her body shudder with sobs and the tears falling from her face onto his cheeks, but she kissed him with pure passion and sensuality. To hold her and reassure her, he pulled his hand out from under her dress to wrap his arms around her waist and finally press her body flat against his.   
Without restraint, Charlotte sank onto his upper body, pressed her breasts against his chest and put her hands on his cheeks. His beard was thicker than usual, but she liked the tingling of the stubble in her palms and moaned softly as she slowly ran her tongue over the inside of his lower lip.

Children ... had he really just asked if she wanted to have children with him?   
Just the thought that his child would grow in her belly made her feel even closer to him.She knew that he felt the same way, could feel it in his movements, because his hands, which slid over her spine, were just as gentle and tender as his tongue, which rubbed against hers and lured her into his mouth.

Though her weight made the edge of the armchair press into his back almost painfully, Sidney would for no reason allow her to move away from him. The sensuality of her kiss took his breath away, her hands on his cheeks and her tears running down his face - it all triggered so much emotion in him that he felt he was bursting with love for her.   
He had to finally tell her, had to tell her what she meant to him.

Until now he had always hoped that her ring would finally be finished so that he could slide it onto her finger when he told her he loved her, but the goldsmith was still working on it. He had imagined this moment so often, wanted to seal the three words, which pulsed through his body with every heartbeat, with the marriage bond around her finger and thus immortalize the depth and seriousness of his love for her.   
But it was taking too long, every day he was impatient for the daily mail and was disappointed every time because the ring had not yet been delivered, but he had not yet given up hope.   
Even so, he was now slowly releasing himself from her soft mouth, breathing heavily, but couldn't resist touching her upper lip with the tip of his tongue again.

"Charlotte ...".  
Unable to fully detach herself from him, she pressed her mouth against his stubbly cheek as his deep, hoarse voice vibrated through her body. The need to get closer and become one with him overwhelmed her, so Charlotte pressed her hips tightly against his.   
The movement made Sidney groan roughly and she felt the twitch of his hard length as well as the heat of his hand, which lay firmly on her bum to increase the pressure even more. But he wasn't close enough, Charlotte wanted to feel his bare skin against hers, which is why she straightened up a little to pull the fabric of his shirt out of his waistband. His eyes found hers as her warm fingers slipped under his shirt and she laid her palms flat on his twitching stomach muscles.   
Without saying anything, he just looked at her, his gaze warming her whole being.

"Did you really just talked about our children?" she breathed softly.   
His skin was hot and velvety and Charlotte slowly ran her splayed fingers over his muscles and ribs to his chest, where the fine hair tickled her palms. The hard beating of his heart could be clearly felt, but what was most fascinating was how his eyes darkened even more at her touch.

"Yes, I did."   
Without any effort, Sidney sat up, took her body with him and held her tightly.With both hands he pushed the fabric of her dress up over her legs to help her wrap them tightly around his hips. The warm, sensually bare skin of her thighs fluttered under his fingertips as he gently slid up from her knees.   
Her whimpering was so seductive that he longed to feel her wetness on him, but he willingly raised his arms over his head when he felt her tugging on the fabric of his shirt to take it off.

The garment hadn't quite touched the floor by the time Charlotte's eyes were completely fixed on his upper body.The bare skin of his chest shimmered in the light of the late afternoon sun that shone into his study, making it impossible not to touch him.Slowly, she placed her two hands flat on his shoulders, slipped from there over his well-defined chest to his ribs and enjoyed the shuddering breath from him.   
His whole upper body was covered with goose bumps, Sidney slowly let himself sink back until his back hit the armchair again and with closed eyes concentrated on her caressing fingers. She made him burn, his lips parted with his heavy, groaning breaths, but he gasped in surprise when he heard her whispered voice.

"You are so beautiful, Sidney ...".   
Her admiration was clearly audible as her gaze wandered over him, and she bit her lip as she dipped her fingertips into his navel.The twitching of his abs grew stronger with each touch, so Charlotte smiled and looked up at him briefly.   
Sidney watched her, absolutely spellbound, but with eyes shining with affection and love.He gave her time to caress him and explore him, following every movement of her eyes over him with his intense gaze, but he hissed through his clenched teeth as she slid lightly over his sides and tickled the velvety skin over his ribs.   
Only when her fingertips wandered from his navel further down over the fine, dark hairline to the waistband of his breeches and dipped slightly underneath, did his own desire seem to overwhelm him, which is why he sat up again with a jerk.

Chuckling softly, Charlotte clutched his broad shoulders, but couldn't stop teasing him and gently traced his spine so that she could slide her hand into the back of his waistband. Sidney shuddered and a growl escaped him, while at the same time he closed his hands demandingly around her sides with spread fingers.   
Tenderly, but full of suppressed hunger, he brushed the swelling of her breasts and drew gentle circles to reach her nipples, whereupon her eyes closed. 

Sidney saw the goosebumps his touch caused on her and heard the low moaning from her mouth before Charlotte leaned forward and pressed her parted lips against the crook of his neck. However, in the fog of lust for his wife, he remembered the subject they had just been discussing.   
There were so many things he wanted to say to her that he held back for a moment, resting one of his hands flat on her throat to grab her chin with his fingers to get her to look at him.

“I never expected to ever have someone like you in my life, Charlotte. Not only are you beautiful and utterly seductive, but you are everything I've ever wished for in a woman. You are smart and headstrong, ... you are strong and yet so tender ..., your entire personality is fascinating and impressive, and I find myself completely under your power.I have the feeling ...“.   
Sidney had to swallow, let his hand slide slowly onto her cheek and brushed the tears from the corner of her eye with his thumb.   
"I have the feeling of finally being myself again, my truest self, and it seems that I can only be like this when I'm with you."

The intensity of the moment, the meaning of his words - all of this made Charlotte cry uncontrollably and at the same time she smiled brightly. Gently, she pushed the tips of her fingers into his dark curls to hold on to him, saw how he swallowed and felt pure love inside her.   
Before he could speak further, she placed her lips gently on his to kiss him tenderly.Sidney immediately returned the movement, but after a moment pulled back an inch to whisper his next words into her mouth.

"I want a family with you ..., I want children with you and a home ... our home."

Sobbing, Charlotte kissed him again, but felt the need to answer him.   
“Sidney ..., I ..., I wanted so badly to be the person you could be at home with, and I want so much to have a family with you, too ... your children growing inside my belly.”   
The suppressed gasp from his mouth, which almost sounded like a sob, filled Charlotte with a deep tenderness, which is why she cupped the back of his head with both hands and pressed her forehead firmly against his. She felt his big hand warm over her navel, as if his child was already under her abdominal wall and as if he wanted to protect it, and the thought made tears glisten in her eyes.   
“Nothing could be more perfect than a home for just you and me, like this floor here in this house. All I want is to be with you."

Unable to speak, Sidney took her mouth in a passionate, slow, and all consuming kiss.   
He gently parted her soft lips with the tip of his tongue, searching for her sweet taste and the touch of hers, and when they met they both moaned deeply.It wasn't just lust or desire that kept them both pressed together, but it was the deep sense of belonging. This kiss said so much, had so much meaning, which is why it took a while before they could part and their eyes met again.   
They didn’t hear any of the noises outside on the street or in the rest of the house, but focused completely on each other.

"Charlotte, I ...".   
Just as Sidney started to say the words he had already wanted to say so often, the world around them caught up with them again and they were both deeply shocked, as children's voices and running steps sounded from the stairwell.

"Uncle Sidney ...," that was Henry, and he sounded like he was only one floor below them.

"Aunt Charlotte." Alicia's voice sounded a little further away, but the trampling of the footsteps made it clear that the children were quickly approaching the second floor.

"Damn it ..., _damn it,_ " cursing and obviously more than frustrated, Sidney got up from the floor in one flowing motion and lifted Charlotte with him to her feet in an impressive display of his strength. He held her gently until she stopped swaying due to the sudden interruption of the intimate moment between them and the unfulfilled desire in her body.   
Confused and close to tears, she looked up at him, saw that his eyes were dark with concern, disappointment but also panic and knew that her gaze was expressing exactly the same things.   


Nevertheless, she immediately understood what state he was in, because the sight of his bare chest, his disheveled hair and the bulge which was still visible in his breeches was enough to send another shiver down her spine.

At the moment when Mary's warning voice rang out from the bottom floor, begging her children not to be so stormy and at the same time Jenny called out to have her siblings wait for her, Charlotte jumped into action.   
Hastily, she pushed Sidney behind her, smoothed her dress and hair with her hands, and then ran out of the study. Just in time she stormed into the hallway, closed the door behind her with a bang and met Henry, who had just reached the last step of the stairs.   
  
The boy beamed when he saw her, threw himself against her and buried his little hands in the fabric of her skirt, while shortly afterwards the girls appeared and greeted her in the same stormy way while they giggled happily.   
Despite the unexpected situation, Charlotte had to laugh, hugged all three children and hoped Sidney would hurry to get dressed.

"Hey you three, it's good to see you," she smiled, holding Henry a little away from her to look at him."Are you all right?"

"Well ..., Mom is a little sad, I don't know why, and the long carriage ride was very boring, but we're here now," Jenny replied while Henry was about to free himself from Charlotte's grip.

"Where's Uncle Sidney?" asked the boy just as the man himself opened the door of the study and also stepped into the hallway.   
Immediately Henry ran up to him and, laughing, Sidney lifted him into his arms, giving Charlotte a long look. He was neatly dressed in his shirt and a black leather vest, but she saw that he had tied his tie a little too hastily.Still, he looked decent and had straightened his hair too, so that there was nothing to suggest what almost happened in the room behind him.

"Hey lad.Are you all right?”   
Smiling, Sidney looked from Henry to Alicia and Jenny, who had also run to him and hugged his legs, and all three children nodded with a laugh.   
“Let's go downstairs so we can greet your mother.Is your father here too?"

"No, he has no time for us because he has to work so much."   
Alicia looked up at her uncle, her eyes round and big and the expression on her face indicated that she found the question absurd.The children were so used to Tom being too busy that they just took it for granted.

Once again, Charlotte and Sidney shared a worried look before walking downstairs with the children.The two girls each held Charlotte's hands while Henry let his uncle carry him down the stairs to the first floor. No sooner had they reached the lower hallway than Henry wiggled until his uncle set him down and the three of them ran, laughing, to Sally, who was standing in the kitchen door and winked at the children. They knew that the cook would surely have something sweet for them and for that they left their uncle and aunt alone.   
So Sidney and Charlotte went to the drawing room together to look for Mary, and they both had the same ominous feeling in their stomachs.

"Mary," Sidney greeted his sister-in-law and walked over to give her a quick hug, as always."Is everything all right? I didn't know you would come to London with the children.”   
Mary returned his hug, but when she pulled away there was no smile on her face, just exhaustion.

"Sidney ..., Charlotte. I'm so sorry, I didn't have time to send a message. I didn't want to disturb your time together here, I just didn't know what to do anymore.”   
Her eyes widened slightly as she noticed Charlotte's bare feet, and Charlotte also blushed, but stepped forward anyway to hug her sister-in-law as well.

"Hello Mary, you don't have to apologize, it is nice to see you," she said, feeling uncomfortable because this was Mary's home after all, as was Trafalger House."What happened? I hope nobody is sick?"

Grateful for the loving greeting, Mary smiled while at the same time shaking her head to answer Charlotte's last question. However, she then sighed deeply and sank into one of the deep armchairs.

"Tom ...," she began slowly, as if that single word explained everything.Sidney sat down in a second chair across from her while Charlotte took the tray of tea from Thomas's hands, who had appeared in the doorway. Only when she also sat down and handed her visibly agitated sister-in-law a cup of warm tea did Mary finally continue.   
“He has become unbearable ... I hardly recognize the man.He only speaks disparagingly about you ...,” at these words she looked at Sidney, and her eyes clearly showed that she didn't share her husband's anger."... because of your wedding and your intention to start a company for Sanditon which will aggregate the income and expenses. I tried to speak to him about this matter because I think - as well as Lady Denham, by the way - that it is a very good and very sensible decision, but he only sees that you are tying his hands with it, like he calls it."

Totaly annoyed, Sidney got up and ran his hands through his hair.   
To calm himself a bit, he began to pace up and down in front of the fireplace, but the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach got worse and worse, especially as Mary continued to speak.

“He is deeply hurt because you accompanied Charlotte to Willingden and then traveled here to London with her instead of doing your duty and helping him. Since ..., since we came back from Lord Babingtons estate we have only argued, I'm so, so mad at him.”   
Mary turned to Charlotte with a pained expression, who immediately took her hand and squeezed it gently.   
"I'm so angry and disappointed about his treatment of you, Charlotte and what he said about Sidney within earshot of you back then. I threatened to leave him if he didn't finally acknowledge the marriage between you and Sidney and stop trying to separate the two of you, but he just laughed. He thought I wouldn't do it, but when I saw that he had received a letter from Eliza this morning, I couldn't take it anymore."

Sidney hissed loudly and hit the mantelpiece with his fist, making both women flinch.   
That Tom would go so far as to risk his own marriage just because he disagreed with his decision made his blood boil with anger and he was glad not to face his brother at that moment.He knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself from knocking him down.

“I'm sorry my marriage to Charlotte and my decisions have brought so much turmoil to your relationship with Tom, Mary. That was never my intention, but he will have to accept that Charlotte comes first for me.”   
He pressed the words through his clenched teeth in a dark and rough voice without looking at anyone. He felt ashamed, but at the same time was so incredibly angry that he didn't know exactly how to react.   
"I will put an end to this, once and for all."

For a long moment his gaze lingered on Charlotte, who looked at him with big and very worried eyes, before he took a deep breath and left the room with quick steps.   
As he reached the stairs, he heard Mary tearfully speak about how dismissive Tom had been towards the children and her and how bad things were for their marriage, and was relieved to hear how lovingly Charlotte tried to comfort her.

All of a sudden, all his dreams for the next few days, which he wanted to spend alone with Charlotte, were destroyed. He had had so many plans to show her London and enjoy the intimate solitude with her before they had to return to Babington's wedding to Sanditon, but now everything had changed.   
Over and over again Tom caused anger, disappointment and tears and Sidney knew that he had to stop this.

It wasn't until much later that day, after dinner she had had alone with Mary and the children in the lower dining room, and after helping her sister-in-law to put her children to bed, that Charlotte slowly climbed the stairs to the second floor and hesitated just before the door to Sidney's study.   
He hadn't come back downstairs, but the door was ajar and she saw the shimmering light from the candles through the crack, which is why she knew he was in there. Very slowly she pushed the door open with her hand, being careful not to make any noise and stepped just as quietly over the threshold.   
Unsure of what to do or say, Charlotte paused when she saw him.

Sidney was sitting in his chair behind his desk, staring at the wooden panel in front of him and twisting his cigar holder in his fingers. He made no move to acknowledge her presence and looked completely closed in himself - as cold and dismissive as when they had first met.   
The whole situation unsettled Charlotte and she was about to leave the study when Sidney apparently heard the rustle of her dress and looked up.

As soon as his eyes found her, his expression changed completely and the pure warmth of his gaze flooded Charlotte's whole being, causing her to shudder.   
Apparently his cold demeanor only applied to the rest of the world, not her, for she could see all of his troubled emotions and overwhelming feelings on his face.He said nothing, just looked at her, which made her walk slowly towards him.

"You have to go, don't you?"

She knew he would be leaving for Sanditon in the morning, she didn't need his answer.   
Still, she had the feeling that she had to hear the words from him in order to be able to really accept that their wonderful time here alone was over.

" _We_ , Charlotte ... _we_ have to go," Sidney replied in a low, strained voice.   
He had spent the past few hours writing several letters to seal the registration and establishment of the company for sanditons development and to open accounts that would handle the payment for the affairs of the town. He was still seething with anger and grappling with his obligations to his older brother, but not once during this time had it occurred to him that he would have to part with Charlotte.   
"I'm definitely not going anywhere without you, under any circumstances."

He sounded so sincere and his words warmed her heart, yet she knew that it was not possible for her to accompany him.   
So Charlotte swallowed hard, knowing he wouldn't like what she was about to say next, but still walked around his desk with her bare feet.

"I can't leave Mary alone with the children here in London, Sidney." He had turned in his chair to face her, so she saw exactly what her words and their meaning caused in him.   
His shoulders sagged, his upper body slumped forward, and in order not to fall, he put his elbows on his knees. At the same time she saw the sheer disappointment and sadness in his face before his head sank into his palms as well.   
“You have to understand, please.She ... she was the only person who stood by my side before and after our wedding.I would like nothing more than to accompany you, but I cannot leave Mary in her condition now."

Sidney nodded dejectedly, unable to look at her.   
Not only the realization that Charlotte would not go with him, but also her unconscious memory of his complete failure to offer her his support before and after their wedding hit him hard, which is why he reached out his hands to her. He had to touch her, grabbed her waist and slowly pulled her closer until he could press his head against her stomach.

"I don't want to be separated from you, Charlotte," he whispered, rough and quietly against the fabric of her dress, so that his warm breath hit her skin.   
It was really hard for him to think about leaving her here and riding to Sanditon alone. There were eight days to Babington and Esther's wedding, and that was way too long because only then would she probably follow him.

Though the weight of his head on her stomach made her insides tremble, her heart ached at the hoarse tone of his voice. It surprised her in a very pleasant way that he obviously found it so difficult to be without her because she felt exactly the same.

"Neither do I, Sidney, and I know it will be unbearable not to be around you, but you have to talk to your brother.And I ... I have to stay here with Mary."

Sidney heard her voice quiver at her own words, but she sounded confident nonetheless.   
Her strength impressed him again, finally he lifted his head and looked at her with deep admiration and sighed softly as her hands repeatedly slid gently through his hair.

"This will be the last time ..., I swear - it will be the last time my brother interferes in our lives and causes sadness and separation, Charlotte."   
Sidney swore it to himself too. Inside, he knew that he would rather break all ties with his brother than continue to be used for his purposes. He truly wanted to help him build his town, but not by sacrificing his own life and happiness - and that of Charlotte.   
Either Tom would accept his support on his terms or he would be done with it.

Seeing how hard it was all for him, Charlotte gently placed her hands on his cheeks and leaned down to kiss his lips tenderly.   
It was just a soft, caressing touch, but it still made them both sigh.

"That house you mentioned earlier ... do you think we can find anything like that somewhere?" She whispered softly, without removing her mouth from his, and felt him smile."It sounds really perfect ...".

She had intended with her words to lighten his mood, which she had obviously succeeded in doing.As their eyes met the happy glint in his eyes was back and Charlotte giggled when he suddenly moved.   
In one gentle, smooth movement, Sidney got up and lifted his wife into his arms.He carried her down the hall to their bedroom, and on the way they heard little James crying from downstairs. The noise and the knowledge of the many people in the house made them both put aside any thought of intimacy. But still, once they closed the door behind them, they didn't talk much, they just held each other.   
Sidney undressed them both slowly, laid Charlotte naked in their bed, and then pressed his bare chest against her back from behind. Their arms and legs became tangled, they wrapped themselves in each other's warmth and closeness, trying to ignore the fact that they would have to sleep separately for the next few days.

~

Tense, in a bad mood and slightly freezing, Sidney reached Sanditon the next day shortly before noon and already knew that he hated being separated from his wife.   
It just felt wrong and made him strangely restless. 

Almost without speaking, but with long, lingering kisses, he had said goodbye to Charlotte early that morning, who had tried desperately not to show him her tears. She had asked him to be careful and he had done the same, absolutely unwilling to leave her here, but finally she had broken away from him and said goodbye in a tearful voice.

On the bottom floor, Mary had been waiting for him in front of the stairs to also say goodbye to him. She had tried to apologize again, but Sidney hadn't accepted that, but had hugged her and asked her to take care of Charlotte.   
His sister-in-law was probably the closest person to him after his wife, and he didn’t like seeing her so sad and depressed.  
To distract himself from his anger and the nagging feeling inside him that he had let Charlotte down again, Sidney had ridden quickly, but it hadn't worked.   
He felt miserable and that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

While he was riding along the main street of the town he felt the curious glances of the residents, which annoyed him even more.   
The only positive thing was that the terraces looked really good, the building shone in the midday sun and had changed a lot since Sidney was last here.But he didn't take the time to stop there and rode straight to Trafalger House.   
He wanted to speak to Tom immediately, but felt the tension in his body and wasn't entirely sure whether he could hold back his temper.

He didn't bother to knock or wait for the door to be opened, but entered the house without delay. The footmen informed him that Mr. Parker was in his study, but the house was unsettlingly quiet.   
While he tried to loosen his tense muscles at least a bit, Sidney walked down the hall and was surprised at the sight that awaited him in the study.

Tom sat slumped behind his desk, an opened bottle of whiskey in his hand.He didn't look like he had slept or dressed fresh and decent this morning, which was rather unusual.   
He didn't look up when Sidney entered the room either, but continued to stare straight ahead.

"Tom."   
Sighing, Sidney stepped closer, not really in the mood to handle the situation. But at his voice Tom's head jerked in his direction, his eyes focused and his expression turned condescending.

" _You_ ... how do we deserve the honor of your visit? Have you actually sacrificed some of your precious time with your wife to grace your hometown and family with your presence?”   
It was clear in Tom's voice that he - either already measured by the hour of the day or still - was drunk. Either way, the mention of Charlotte was enough to get Sidney to clench his hands in fists and he stopped a safe distance from the desk.

"My wife and I would have arrived here towards the end of the week anyway, after all my best friend is getting married soon," he tried to explain calmly and not react to his brother's insults, even if it was very difficult for him.   
"But after Mary unexpectedly arrived in London yesterday with your children, I had no choice but to come here earlier than planned."

"Mary ...?" Tom stood up swaying at his wife's name and his expression softened.“Did you see Mary?What about the children? Are they all right?"

It was a glimpse of the man, of the husband and father Tom had been before he began so fanatically to develop Sanditon into a sea-side resort for London's high society.But when Sidney didn't answer immediately, he leaned on his hands on his desk and his mood changed again.   
“This is all your fault. Yours and ..., and your wife's," accused Tom with dull and angry eyes and did not notice how dark and threatening the expression on his brother's face became.   
“That stupid, ridiculous marriage ... if you had just done your duty - your duty to your family, as our father always told you, everything would be different now.We would have Mrs. Campion's money and Sanditon would already be established among the London high society by next summer, but no. You are not only marrying a woman without any fortune and without any influence, but you are also taking away what I have achieved by demanding control over how much money I can or cannot spend."

Tom's voice had grown louder with every word, and the longer he spoke, the harder it was for Sidney to hold back. Who was this man?   
Certainly not his brother, and every single word he said cut deep into Sidney's heart.   
Burning with anger, however, he waited, at least for the moment, to hear once and for all what his brother had to say.

"I still can't understand how you dare put your own desires above those of all of us, above the needs of the Parker family, and just for this girl."   
Tom shook his head in disbelief, still leaning on his desk, although he now grabbed a piece of pink notepaper that was lying there and held it out to his brother.   
"Charlotte may be a sweet, pretty girl, but she will never be able to give you what the lovely Eliza could have given you."

Blankness.   
Sidney’s head was absolutely blank, all he felt was raging, scalding anger.   
Without a conscious decision he just snapped, took a big step forward and reached out his arm to catch Tom's collar, but despite his slightly drunk state he was surprisingly quick and backed away.But Sidney got hold of the letter, which was clearly from Mrs. Campion, and crumpled it up in his hand before throwing it to the floor behind him.   
Moving backward, Tom overlooked his chair, stumbled and threw his arms up helplessly to find support, but Sidney didn't thought of helping him. He was strangely pleased to see his brother fall to the floor behind his desk, bang his head against the wall, and moan painfully, but that didn't bother him either.   
  
With quick, long steps he circled the desk himself until he was directly above Tom and grabbed his crumpled shirt while he clenched his other hand into a fist.

" _I swear to God_ , Tom, one more wrong word about my wife and I'll lose my composure."   
His voice was darker with anger than Tom had ever heard before, as were his eyes and he was really scared of his brother for the first time. Also because the grip of his hand in his shirt was painful, because he pressed him half on the floor and half against the wall with his full weight, while he loomed over him like a tense animal just before biting.   
“Charlotte is the woman I love and I will in no way accept your utterly shameful behavior towards her.From now on you will treat her with kindness and respect, and if I hear the slightest remark from anyone that you have spoken badly of her, you will regret it."

Sidney's arm had unconsciously raised in a dangerous way and only when his fist was very close and was already floating in front of Tom's face to hit could he stop himself. He would so much like to let off all his anger, but he couldn't beat his own brother, that was ... that would be a step too far.   
What he couldn't stop himself from was pulling Tom closer to him by his collar so that his face was right in front of his and he could look into his fearful eyes.

"Have I made myself clear, _brother_?"

Tom had to admit that there had always been something dangerous and frightening about Sidney, even though he himself was a little taller than he. But even as a young man, Sidney had been broader-shouldered and more muscular, and his eyes had that dark, piercing expression, just as his voice could take on that deep, almost hoarse tone.   
He had probably never been so scared in his life as he was at this moment, which is why he nodded, but could not find his voice.

“I want to hear it, Tom, I want to hear from you that you will leave Charlotte and me in peace in the future and that you will not mention the name Eliza Campion ever again in my or her presence. I want to hear that you accept the fact that my wife is the most precious, the most important thing in my life and that she will always come first for me.”   
Sidney swallowed hard, but at the same time tightened his grip on Tom's shirt.His muscles trembled with tension, and only with sheer will he managed not to hurt his brother.

"Yes, I ... I understood you and ... I will accept it," Tom finally stuttered quietly, knowing how close he was to getting his younger brother's fist in the face. "You have my word."

With a hiss and clenched teeth, Sidney relentlessly let go of Tom's shirt and heard with satisfaction the sound of his brother's head hitting the wall for the second time.   
Again he groaned painfully, because his back and shoulders hit the floor too, but Sidney had no pity.With a disgusted expression on his face he stepped back, breathing heavily, put his hands on his hips and tried to calm his boiling blood.

"Get up," he growled quietly, but didn't offer a hand to help.   
So Tom got up heavily by himself and sank panting into the chair behind his desk. Since Sidney was still tense, he took a few steps towards the fireplace to put enough distance between himself and his brother before continuing.

“It's my bloody money you're spending on your town right now, mine, Lady Denham's and Lord Babington's. Without our help, you would have been ruined a long time ago. You have no knowledge and no sensible use of money, so the only right thing to do is to put a limit on your spending, and therefore your ideas, before you ruin your own family and all of us.”   
Of course his words were harsh, but it had to be done, otherwise the whole thing would never end.   
"Maybe it is time you turn your main attention to your wife and children again an try to make amends, or you will lose your family, Tom."

Tom didn't answer, just stared at the model of his beloved town, but Sidney could see he was thinking of Mary - of Mary and his children, who had once been most important to him.

"You should go upstairs and freshen up, just like you should dress properly."   
Due to the tight grip of his fist, the fabric of Tom's shirt across his chest was torn and a button was missing, but Sidney didn't feel remorseful.   
“I will go swimming and then get a room at the hotel, but I'll come back here this afternoon. There are things that we need to discuss and you have to sign a few contracts."

Nodding, Tom got up but he still swayed slightly, whether because of the alcohol or the fear of his brother he couldn't tell. How could it all have come this far?   
Only now did he fully understand that Mary had left him and he decided to do everything possible to get her back. But what could he do to avoid losing his younger brother completely?

Sidney was already at the door when he turned around and looked back at Tom.There was one more thing he needed to clarify with him, but he wasn't going to phrase it as a please.

“I want our grandparents' house, outside of Sanditon. I know you inherited it, but you have no use for it, and I want to start a home there with Charlotte.”   
At first he saw the surprise and the rejection on Tom's face, but he didn't give him the opportunity to reply.   
"I will buy it from you so think about the price you want for it. But I won't accept a no."

With that, Sidney turned and left his brother's house.He didn't know how their relationship would look like in the future and felt a certain sadness that there would be a break between them forever, but nevertheless he knew he had done the right thing.

Out on the street, he immediately searched in his pockets for a smoke, lit it and inhaled deeply.   
The prospect of having to spend several days here without Charlotte was more than excruciating, because already now he missed her company, her voice and her closeness. Also, his body craved for her warmth and her embrace, but the only thing he had was the cold sea to numb the burning desire and the deep longing for his wife.

How was he going to endure being apart from her for so long?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the gaps between the chapters keep getting longer and I'm really sorry for that. I would prefer it to be faster, but I hope you will still read the last chapters. I definitely enjoy writing them ... 😊😉  
> Stay healthy and thank you  
> Betty


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